ETCETERA
THE GINA MONOLOGUES
CULINARY QUICKSTEP
Top Ten Reasons You Should Fast on Yom Kippur
Stop making excuses, own up to these grievous sins and atone!
By Gina Volpe
hat's not to love about the High Holidays, other than having to see your weird Uncle Morty, who has
sweaty palms and smells like mothballs? The shofar's heralding a new year and, of course, fasting.
Who doesn't giddily crave going 25 long, delirious hours without delicious, delicious food? Can't we
just send God an Edible Arrangement, and call it good?
Think you can skip this year since you didn't transgress? Think again, friends. Gina has compiled a list of
sins you might have forgotten about. If any of the following apply to you, which surely one does, perhaps
you should consider doing that fast after all.
W
10. You were so distracted fixing your hair driving to temple during your"Must Look Good So I Can Snag a
Mate" phase that you ran over a squirrel.
9. You totally had a dollar bill in your hand while heading for the tip jar; then you noticed no one was even
watching so you put it back into your pocket.
8. You watched the caterer get fired after feigning food poisoning and barfing on the dance floor at your
cousin's bar mitzvah, but you really were just wasted after doing multiple shots at the open bar.
7. Your J-Date profile says you earn $100k a year, but fail to specify it's in Monopoly money and not actual
dollars.
6. You can name the last two winners of Dancing with the Stars but not your two U.S.
senators.
5. You sneezed, didn't wash your hands and then shook someone else's.
4. You failed to clean up a deposit after walking Fido and then laughed
when your sister came home livid after "stepping in dog poop that some
jerk didn't pick up."
3. You told Mrs. Goldberg you couldn't date her son because you're celi-
bate, but really it's because he's bald.
2. You told your wife you would be working late — while really planning
on working late at the gym.
1. You've never laughed at anything in The Gina Monologues.
I hate to be the one to break the news: Any of the above sins are worthy of a fast.
Let's atone together, wipe the slate clean and start fresh, for we've got a whole new
year of mistakes ahead of us! L'shanah tovah, my darlings. RT
Red Bell Pepper Soup
hen the winds of fall blow through your sukkah, there's nothing
better to keep your body warm than a hearty bowl of home-
made soup. This vibrantly colored dish, thickened with potato
and sweetened with pears, tastes as good as it looks.The recipe is
pareve and freezes great. Plus, since it's homemade, your guests will
surely be impressed with your culinary prowess. So go ahead and
brag, it's not everyone who takes the time to make soup from scratch
— much to Campbell's delight.
W
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Yield: 6-8 servings (double the recipe for 12-16 servings)
Ingredients
2-3 Tbsp. olive oil
2 large onions
2-3 cloves garlic
4 carrots, peeled and cut into 3 -4
pieces
4 red peppers, seeded and cut
into large pieces
1 sweet potato, peeled and cut
into large pieces
2 fresh pears with skin, cored and
cut into pieces
5-6 cups of pareve chicken stock
from powder, such as Streit's
brand
1 Tbsp. fresh parsley
salt and white pepper to taste
Directions
1. In large stockpot, heat oil and
saute all vegetables, plus pears,
for 10-15 minutes.
2. Add stock and simmer for 45
minutes.
3. To puree the soup, either put
the soup in a blender in batches
(careful with hot soup), or use an
immersion stick blender right in
the pot.
4. Serve hot with a garnish, like
sour cream (sour cream will make
the soup dairy), small garlic and
onion croutons, sunflower or
pumpkin seeds, or chives.
— By Red Thread Staff
Subscribe To
RED THRE
magazine
Get the lastest edition of Red Thread with
it's edgy content. Enjoy a mix of
provocative features and first-person
essays; as well as relevant life-skill
information and family-oriented material.
Losing your hair due to
Chemotherapy? Afraid you are
not going to look like yourself?
Our "Exact Duplication Wig", is
your solution!!
With our individual craftsmanship
everything is hand selected with
only the finest materials to
• 'is
Match Ottr h
GO ONLINE TO SUBSCRIBE.
GO TO
REDTHREADMAGAZINE.COM/SUBSCRIBE/
AND SIGN UP NOW!!
RED THREAD IS WHAT IS
a
TYING US TOGETHER
OW. Maple, Suite 167
est Bloomfield
48-855-884 ri
7 W. Main
ghton
10220-8888
24
October 2011 I RED 11E111)
www.redth read magazi ne.co m