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0
04
1 26th UMS Season
Last Call
All Beethoven Concert!
Chamber Orchestra
of Philadelphia
`You Can't Get
There From Here'
I
flew to Florida
for a family
matter for a
few days last week.
Here's some sug-
gestions:
• To Detroit
Metropolitan
HARRY
Airport: Thanks for
KI RS BAUM
the signs that claim
Columnist
we have a choice in
parking at the "Big
Blue" lot, adjacent to the old termi-
nal buildings.
Thanks for letting us know that
the $6/day section is full when it's
too late to turn back, and forcing us
to park in the $10/day section.
Thanks for saving some money by
not putting up signs to tell us that
some of the walking bridges are
closed to traffic. Thanks for allowing
me to meet entire families with small
children who joined me in the hunt
to find a bridge. We also met two
European women wondering how to
get to the international terminal,
located a few miles away.
It allowed me to use my favorite
phrase: "You can't get there from
here."
• To the person sitting behind me
on the plane: I know you're pretty
important because you're on the
phone even though they've
announced that we should shut off
all electronic devices.
You're special, and the rest of us
bow down to your magnificence.
Your voice is clear, and loud, and it
carries, and I'm sure you know that.
I'm not so sure that you would
want the rest of us to derive your
position as an insurance agent
because you're trying to help a client
who has just been diagnosed with
cancer.
We commend you on making sure
someone will contact him with the
information he needs. And we're
happy that you are so concerned
with work details even though you
are vacation bound. We just don't
Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is
hkirsbaum@thejewishnews.com
400
The protégé of cellist Mstislav
Rostropovich, pianist and conductor
lgnat Solzhenitsyn has been hailed by
the Washington Post as "an interpreter
of probing intellect, as well as
an avid risk taker."
need to hear his diagnosis, his name
or his phone number from five rows
away. I don't remember this cancer
patient's phone number, but I still
remember his name, because you
spelled it so slowly and clearly for all
of us.
• To the guy waiting for his lug-
gage in Fort Lauderdale:
I know you think that the Ronco
"GLH Formula Number 9 Colored
Hair Thickener" you sprayed on your
head covers up your baldness.
What you have to understand is
when you're in humidity, your "hair"
melts and starts to drip down your
neck. You're fooling no one.
(gnat Solzhenitsyn, conductor and piano
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 8 PM
Hill Auditorium
PROGRAM
Beethoven Coriolanus Overture, Op. 62 (1807)
Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-flat Major ("Emperor") (1809)
Beethoven Symphony No. 4 in B-flat Major, Op. 60 (1806)
Sponsored by
1.010111. EMS,
,01119611017.911 CRP
Media Partners WGTE 91.3 FM and Observer & Eccentric Newspapers.
cl , „ urns
soc,„
734.764.2538 www.ums.org
Mt'
',skink. owned for
arts sad adrand affairs
outside the 734 area code, call toll-free 800.221.1229
961070
• To Spirit Airlines: Thanks for
getting me to Fort Lauderdale in
three hours. I just have a problem
with the seven-hour return flight that
takes me to a two-hour layover in my
nation's capital.
Thanks, too, for putting me in a
broken seat for the last leg of my
journey, and the way the seat tilted,
and that comfortable metal bar
across the middle of my back.
And thanks for losing my luggage.
I commend your luggage person
for punching up my luggage tag on
her computer screen and giving me
the bad news.
This is what she says: "We've had
problems there. I don't know what it
is. It must be something in the water
down there. Your luggage is still in
Fort Lauderdale."
This is what she means: "We've
had problems there. I know what it
is. They're sitting on your luggage
doing lines of cocaine."
Shop SUgar/OafStyle
n othi ng else •
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ugarloaf
Fair
April 15, 16, 17, 2005
NOVI EXPO CENTER • NOVI, MI
Daily Adult Admission $7°
• While on my trip, I read The
Elegant Universe: Superstrings, Hidden
Dimensions, and the Quest for the
Ultimate Theory, by Brian Greene.
It explains things like quantum
theory, time dilation, quarks and
muons in the universe and may have
gotten me closer to the meaning of
life, but it doesn't explain the morons
I encountered in the airport universe.
I guess I'll have to wait for the
sequel.
Children Under 12 FREE • Parking FREE - Compliments of Sugarloaf!
Friday & Saturday 10-6, Sunday 10-5
DIRECTIONS:
From I-96 East, take Exit 162 and turn right on Novi Rd.
From I-% West, take Exit 162 and turn left on Novi Rd. From Novi Rd.,
turn right onto Expo Center Drive. Follow signs to Expo Center.
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Craft Designers
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4/ 7
2005
91