Promise, a gentle story of a boy whose
father dies. (She also is the author of
several workbooks on helping a child
deal with cancer.) The book came about
not from Cindy's own need, but from
what she saw as a gap in the lives of
families'dealing with grief. They needed
a new resource. They needed hope.
Daddy's Promise is a story of hope, of
comfort, of knowing that a father who
died is not suffering, that he is doing
just fine.
That someone dead is not suffering
any longer may seem obvious, Cohen
says, but children do not approach
death with the same understanding as
adults.
"Children want to learn what the 'end
of life' means," Cohen says. "They want
to understand what it means when
somebody dies. So it's best to explain to
them that, in the case where someone
has a terminal disease, the body is not
working the way it should, and that
medicines are not helping make the
body get well."
Younger children usually want to
know if death will hurt. They want to
know where they will go after they die.
If a parent is sick, they will ask, "Who
will take care of me [after my mother/
father dies] ?"
Older children are more likely to
wonder, "When I die, will people
remember me?"
"If you're honest, children will have a
history of trusting you from the outset,
which means they'll be able to process
information and ask you questions
throughout the experience," Cohen
says. They'll also feel more comfortable
with the death process, understanding it
as part of life.
Not that children will ever completely
"get over" the death of an immediate
family member, but that's not the goal.
"The goal is to help the child grieve in a
healthy way."
There's another reason for speaking
honestly with children about a dying
loved one, Cohen says. "They are a
family member, and they have the right
to know the truth."

Now you can share the
incredible experience of
being in Israel with your
whole family.

*.,-4.14%4A42,1*1

•

To add your name to the list, call (248) 642-4260, ext. 153
or e-mail ffmm@jfmd.org

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CP317 /CIrl'

In The Clouds

Whenever David Techner takes children
on tours of the funeral home, he hears a
barrage of questions he can answer, like
"What happens to the body when you
die?" as well as one question that
remains a mystery
"Kids will ask me, 'What do Jews
believe happens to a person after he
dies?' They say, 'Do you know that
there's a heaven and how do you know

SAYING GOODBYE

wq

on page 30

This is Federation

Visit us online: www.thisisfederation.org

Jewish
Federation

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2004

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