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JN: Are today's teens different from
teens of the past?
NB: Today's kids probably have more
[materially] and take more for granted.
They are less oriented toward family
because the extended family structure
is weakened, and they are more psy-
chologically sophisticated. In the old
days, guilt used to work. Today, it's
,,
"don't t lay that guilt on me.
JN: Did you involve your teenage
children with the writing of the
book?
NB: I ran a lot of ideas by them in
terms of what they thought, what they
thought was reasonable and my exam-
ples. They got a kick out of it. They
had a little bit of input in terms of
issues and how they would deal with
things.
JN: How does religious observance
affect teen behavior?
NB: I think religion plays a very
important part in several ways. It can
help with a sense of belonging and
lend meaning to life because of values
and culture handed down from gener-
ation to generation. Religion is one of
many ingredients that make kids
decent people who will turn out OK
and stay out of trouble.
JN: Do you think preparation for b'nai
mitzvah helps make teens more respon-
sible?
NB: My own experience with Reform,
Conservative and Orthodox [practices]
has suggested to me that the preparation
can be so different that its hard to gen-
eralize. If it's a good, well-run program
that's exposing young people to Jewish
education and the world at large, then
yes. If it's limited to just Hebrew tutori-
als and things along that line, not no —
but probably less so. The more connec-
tion is made between religion and the
broader world, the more valuable it is.
JN: What can parents do to raise
teens affirmatively in mixed religious
households?
NB: Parents are models for their chil-
dren. We want to teach by example,
not by words. It's one thing when par-
ents stay in their own religions, and
it's another when one parent converts.
If a child is raised in two religions, the
child needs to respect both and ulti-
mately make a decision about what
direction to take. It's hard to impose
religion on kids. Good religious teach-
ing is about exposing kids to religion
and letting them embrace it on their
own.
JN: What can parents do to help
young people deal with the threat of
terrorism?
NB: Parents can remind kids that there
are evil people in this world — that
there have been historically and that
there will continue to be. We can fight
the good fight on a daily basis by not
allying ourselves with evil and not
behaving in hateful, malevolent ways
toward other people. We can reassure
kids that we are a peaceful but powerful
nation that values freedom and is pre-
pared to stand up for freedom — reli-
gious and otherwise — at all costs.
JN: What do you cover about single
parenting and divorce?
NB: Each teen needs a network, relying
more heavily on family and friends and
having a circle [of support]. It's even
more important for single parents to
keep abreast of what's going on with
their kids and keep communication
channels open. In divorce, it's necessary
to try to carve out some kind of work-
able relationship for co-parenting that's
caring, helpful and meaningful for the
kids. It's destructive to continue old bat-
tles after a divorce.
JN: What about home schooling?
NB: I don't think home schooling is a
good idea for most kids. They totally
miss out on the social aspects of the
world. Socialization is an absolute essen-
tial during the adolescent years. To raise
kids in exclusion is not a good way
except in extenuating circumstances,
which are generally medical or psychi-
atric.
JN: Did your parents help you with any
problems during your teen years?
NB: I wasn't a kid who was in a lot of
trouble although I was a little bit of a
wise guy. I think the gift that my parents
gave me was the gift of self-esteem. They
helped me feel that I was a decent, lov-
able person who was worthwhile. They
set some limits, but they weren't overly
controlling. They allowed me to be
independent and go out on my own. I
think all that was very helpful to me, and
I look back on my childhood fondly.
JN: Do you think teens can benefit
from reading your book?
NB: It would probably be helpful to
call their attention to things they need
to do although it's not written for
teens. It's written for parents and those
who work with teenagers, but this isn't
about parents having secrets from kids.
It's about parents being on the same
team as kids.
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2002
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