:;.:3111111111111 ■ 1111111WEVW Now Also In West Bloomfield! OPENING FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8TH AT 3:00 P.M. JN: Are today's teens different from teens of the past? NB: Today's kids probably have more [materially] and take more for granted. They are less oriented toward family because the extended family structure is weakened, and they are more psy- chologically sophisticated. In the old days, guilt used to work. Today, it's ,, "don't t lay that guilt on me. JN: Did you involve your teenage children with the writing of the book? NB: I ran a lot of ideas by them in terms of what they thought, what they thought was reasonable and my exam- ples. They got a kick out of it. They had a little bit of input in terms of issues and how they would deal with things. JN: How does religious observance affect teen behavior? NB: I think religion plays a very important part in several ways. It can help with a sense of belonging and lend meaning to life because of values and culture handed down from gener- ation to generation. Religion is one of many ingredients that make kids decent people who will turn out OK and stay out of trouble. JN: Do you think preparation for b'nai mitzvah helps make teens more respon- sible? NB: My own experience with Reform, Conservative and Orthodox [practices] has suggested to me that the preparation can be so different that its hard to gen- eralize. If it's a good, well-run program that's exposing young people to Jewish education and the world at large, then yes. If it's limited to just Hebrew tutori- als and things along that line, not no — but probably less so. The more connec- tion is made between religion and the broader world, the more valuable it is. JN: What can parents do to raise teens affirmatively in mixed religious households? NB: Parents are models for their chil- dren. We want to teach by example, not by words. It's one thing when par- ents stay in their own religions, and it's another when one parent converts. If a child is raised in two religions, the child needs to respect both and ulti- mately make a decision about what direction to take. It's hard to impose religion on kids. Good religious teach- ing is about exposing kids to religion and letting them embrace it on their own. JN: What can parents do to help young people deal with the threat of terrorism? NB: Parents can remind kids that there are evil people in this world — that there have been historically and that there will continue to be. We can fight the good fight on a daily basis by not allying ourselves with evil and not behaving in hateful, malevolent ways toward other people. We can reassure kids that we are a peaceful but powerful nation that values freedom and is pre- pared to stand up for freedom — reli- gious and otherwise — at all costs. JN: What do you cover about single parenting and divorce? NB: Each teen needs a network, relying more heavily on family and friends and having a circle [of support]. It's even more important for single parents to keep abreast of what's going on with their kids and keep communication channels open. In divorce, it's necessary to try to carve out some kind of work- able relationship for co-parenting that's caring, helpful and meaningful for the kids. It's destructive to continue old bat- tles after a divorce. JN: What about home schooling? NB: I don't think home schooling is a good idea for most kids. They totally miss out on the social aspects of the world. Socialization is an absolute essen- tial during the adolescent years. To raise kids in exclusion is not a good way except in extenuating circumstances, which are generally medical or psychi- atric. JN: Did your parents help you with any problems during your teen years? NB: I wasn't a kid who was in a lot of trouble although I was a little bit of a wise guy. I think the gift that my parents gave me was the gift of self-esteem. They helped me feel that I was a decent, lov- able person who was worthwhile. They set some limits, but they weren't overly controlling. They allowed me to be independent and go out on my own. I think all that was very helpful to me, and I look back on my childhood fondly. JN: Do you think teens can benefit from reading your book? NB: It would probably be helpful to call their attention to things they need to do although it's not written for teens. It's written for parents and those who work with teenagers, but this isn't about parents having secrets from kids. It's about parents being on the same team as kids. 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