111111111111.114111111"."1.1111111.11111.1".111111",,,,,mmeimmummoumummounowim
Have you heard about?
"The Club"
An
The Rabbinic Scene
TNI ?LAM
Adult Day Program
RABBI DANIEL S. NEVINS SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
for seniors who need a structured environment
Maybe you should.. I
LALIOUE
U)
LU
Cn
LU
-
C
C C
-
LU
LU
58
Doing overtime again? Get a life.
FINE FURNITURE • ACCESSORIES • GIFTS
COMPLIMENTARY GIFT WRAPPING
6644 Orchard Lake Rd at Maple
West Bloomfield • 810 855-1600
Mon-Thur-Fri 10-9 Tue-Wed-Sat 10-6 Sun 12-5
gressive firms which give gen-
we get tired and switch top- erous family leave find that em-
ics, only to come back to ployees are reluctant to take
these benefits. And a New York
them again.
In my life, the issue that nev- Times Magazine article sug-
er gets resolved is the balancing gested that many people would
of family and career. What rather work overtime than come
arrangement is fair to both hus- home to the emotionally de-
band and wife? Can we have dif- manding and chaotic environ-
ferent roles but still be equal? ment of dinner, dirty dishes and
How much time on the job is too diapers.
We know such an intense fo-
much for the family to bear?
cus on our jobs can't
Each genera-
be entirely good,
tion has its mea-
and that our mar-
sure of painful
riages and children
adjustment to
may pay a steep
new realities. For
price for such ca-
those of us
reerism; yet, on we
dubbed "Genera-
go.
tion X," the prob-
If you think this
lem is how to
is a regressive
establish families
tirade to restore the
and career paths
"good old days,"
simultaneously
think again. I want
when they com-
progress to a much
pete for our at-
better situation. I
tention.
think men have
In the stormy
been imprisoned by
quarter century
the expectation
between the time
that they must pro-
my parents grad-
vide a certain stan-
uated from col-
dard of living, and
lege and I did, the Rabbi Daniel Nevins: Searching
thinking about for a balance between work and women by the ex-
family.
pectation that they
relationships, ca-
alone are responsi-
reers and family
has changed dramatically. Men ble for child rearing.
If we could all reap success
and women both are now ex-
pected to make career plans af- both in and out of the home, our
ter college, and family-building families would be far more sta-
often seems beyond the horizon. ble.
That Pew Foundation study in-
I remember one classmate being
taunted for saying that she dicated that women who work
planned to focus initially on rais- outside the home are generally
ing kids rather than have a ca- satisfied with their choices, and
even suffer less depression than
reer.
Dating and marriage are sel- stay-at-home moms. Yet, many
dom viewed as reasons to post- also reported feeling guilty that
they are not there for the children
pone or alter career plans.
This trend continues as my as much as their own mothers
generation bears children. The were for them.
Ours is a generation torn in-
men rarely slow down to make
time for family; and increasing- ternally, with no path to meet
ly, neither do the women. Some even the demands we place on
of my peers have infants in day ourselves.
What does Judaism have to
care from 7:30 a.m-6 p.m., five
say about all this?
days a week.
In Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fa-
And somewhere in our minds
lies the question: Is this all for the thers), Rabbi Judah ben Teima
said, "... at 18 one marries, at 20
good?
Perhaps our generation is sim- begins a career ..."
While these words reflect a
ply being squeezed, tragically, by
economic factors that necessitate pre-modern society, they also say
two careers per family. Many of something significant about the
us graduated from college and prioritization of family and work.
graduate programs with high Ultimately, the person you mar-
ry should come before the one
debts due to student loans.
But as a recent Pew Founda- who signs your paycheck.
For ancient rabbis, work was
tion study shows, quite a few
people simply find work more a means to an end of supporting
satisfying than family. Even pro- a family. It was parna,sah, or sus-
tenance — not a life's work.
Daniel Nevins is rabbi at Adat
Some days at the office, I work
Shalom Synagogue.
myself into a frenzy, caught up
S
ome discussions never end;