111111111111.114111111"."1.1111111.11111.1".111111",,,,,mmeimmummoumummounowim Have you heard about? "The Club" An The Rabbinic Scene TNI ?LAM Adult Day Program RABBI DANIEL S. NEVINS SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS for seniors who need a structured environment Maybe you should.. I LALIOUE U) LU Cn LU - C C C - LU LU 58 Doing overtime again? Get a life. FINE FURNITURE • ACCESSORIES • GIFTS COMPLIMENTARY GIFT WRAPPING 6644 Orchard Lake Rd at Maple West Bloomfield • 810 855-1600 Mon-Thur-Fri 10-9 Tue-Wed-Sat 10-6 Sun 12-5 gressive firms which give gen- we get tired and switch top- erous family leave find that em- ics, only to come back to ployees are reluctant to take these benefits. And a New York them again. In my life, the issue that nev- Times Magazine article sug- er gets resolved is the balancing gested that many people would of family and career. What rather work overtime than come arrangement is fair to both hus- home to the emotionally de- band and wife? Can we have dif- manding and chaotic environ- ferent roles but still be equal? ment of dinner, dirty dishes and How much time on the job is too diapers. We know such an intense fo- much for the family to bear? cus on our jobs can't Each genera- be entirely good, tion has its mea- and that our mar- sure of painful riages and children adjustment to may pay a steep new realities. For price for such ca- those of us reerism; yet, on we dubbed "Genera- go. tion X," the prob- If you think this lem is how to is a regressive establish families tirade to restore the and career paths "good old days," simultaneously think again. I want when they com- progress to a much pete for our at- better situation. I tention. think men have In the stormy been imprisoned by quarter century the expectation between the time that they must pro- my parents grad- vide a certain stan- uated from col- dard of living, and lege and I did, the Rabbi Daniel Nevins: Searching thinking about for a balance between work and women by the ex- family. pectation that they relationships, ca- alone are responsi- reers and family has changed dramatically. Men ble for child rearing. If we could all reap success and women both are now ex- pected to make career plans af- both in and out of the home, our ter college, and family-building families would be far more sta- often seems beyond the horizon. ble. That Pew Foundation study in- I remember one classmate being taunted for saying that she dicated that women who work planned to focus initially on rais- outside the home are generally ing kids rather than have a ca- satisfied with their choices, and even suffer less depression than reer. Dating and marriage are sel- stay-at-home moms. Yet, many dom viewed as reasons to post- also reported feeling guilty that they are not there for the children pone or alter career plans. This trend continues as my as much as their own mothers generation bears children. The were for them. Ours is a generation torn in- men rarely slow down to make time for family; and increasing- ternally, with no path to meet ly, neither do the women. Some even the demands we place on of my peers have infants in day ourselves. What does Judaism have to care from 7:30 a.m-6 p.m., five say about all this? days a week. In Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fa- And somewhere in our minds lies the question: Is this all for the thers), Rabbi Judah ben Teima said, "... at 18 one marries, at 20 good? Perhaps our generation is sim- begins a career ..." While these words reflect a ply being squeezed, tragically, by economic factors that necessitate pre-modern society, they also say two careers per family. Many of something significant about the us graduated from college and prioritization of family and work. graduate programs with high Ultimately, the person you mar- ry should come before the one debts due to student loans. But as a recent Pew Founda- who signs your paycheck. For ancient rabbis, work was tion study shows, quite a few people simply find work more a means to an end of supporting satisfying than family. Even pro- a family. It was parna,sah, or sus- tenance — not a life's work. Daniel Nevins is rabbi at Adat Some days at the office, I work Shalom Synagogue. myself into a frenzy, caught up S ome discussions never end;