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May 09, 1997 - Image 55

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1997-05-09

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

ii I N

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Stop stressing about being single — worry about
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MATT MOSSMAN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

M

yself, my friends, my
generation — we're not
so thrilled with life,
and we can't figure out
why. What's worse, we know we
have no right to be whining.
We're young, intelligent and,
for the. most part, doing well
since we left college. We're
teachers, writers, lawyers, can-
didates for middle management.
We're making some real money
for the first time, we're driving
nice cars and we're buying nicer
clothes. .
Why are we whining?
We spend a lot of time won-
dering if we'll move up that ca-
reer ladder, and if the one we're
on is the right one: We need to
know we're not part of that ugly
statistic that says we'll be the
first generation worse off than
our parents.
We're also getting a little con-
cerned about how hard we're
working: Isn't there going to be
any time for fun? Can we still
road trip on weekends? We know
we're getting closer to married
life, when all that fun stops.
Speaking of marriage, we've
all got a few friends who are
there already. A good friend of
mine is going in August, and,
frankly, I'm shaken. I still go by
that late '80s wisdom of waiting
until you're at least 30.
So there's a lot to think about
for us twentysomethings. Home
for the holidays recently, I sat
down for coffee with a close
friend, Marc, to figure out why
we're not satisfied.
Our careers are going smooth-
ly so far, although it would be
nice to get rid of those pesky stu-
dent loans we're burdened with.
We're healthy, and so are our
families. We've done a good job
not growing up too fast — or as
Wayne and Garth would say,
"We still know how to party." We
agreed that we have no right to
be so skeptical about life's long-
term prospects.
Then it hit us: The idea of
marriage, girlfriends and women
in general is making us crazy.
It's not their fault, we know
women aren't trying to bring us
misery (we hope). We just think
they're naturally good at it, even
when they're not trying. We're
also willing to consider the pos-
sibility that we might be driving
them crazy, too.
We thought some more. After
a quick check, we discovered that

Matt Mossman, a Windsor, Ont.,
native, will be contributing a
column on a regular basis.

most of our friends agonize about
either getting married or getting
sex. And even when they're get-
ting sex, they're still not happy
about it.
So here's what we think we
non-slacker Generation X types
need to do: Stop thinking about
relationships. Don't give hook-
ing up any thought whatsoever.
We think there's more to think
about. Our theory is that if you
let relationships dominate your
life — and your life's goals —
you'll go from single and anxious
to married and restless.
Our friend Mike's found his
girl. Before he found her, he was
all wound up about it. Now he's
got nothing left to worry about.
He spent so much time finding
a wife he's got nothing left to do.
In fact, he's ready to retire.
I'm going to stop thinking so
much about women and rela-
tionships. As a matter of fact, I'm
going to think about everything
else there is to think about. I'm
going to start mentally planning
all the things I need to do before
I'm 30.
I need to make the Super
Bowl, Mardi Gras and I must
cover a war before I have kids.
I'll also need to spend some time
out West, skiing until I break my
legs; and I'm sure there's a band
out there that could use a road-
ie for a while. I'm going to drive
until I hit the Arctic Ocean, then
turn around until I hit the Pana-
ma Canal.
I'm going to eat a hot dog in
every major league ballpark, and
get paid to write a story about it.
If I can do that, life can't possi-
bly suck.
So Marc and I sat that Sun-
day afternoon, drinking refill af-
ter refill, figuring things out.
(The waiter charged us for each
cup, ruining that peaceful con-
tentment you feel when think
you've accomplished something.)
And Marc forgot about his
nutty girlfriend, and I forgot
about how being single really can
be awful. I remembered that I
think being single is a blessing
— when I'm not.
The lesson we taught our-
selves, not matter how cliche, is
this: The grass really is always
greener on the other side — it's
not an illusion — so there's no
point in getting anxious about
hooking up. Spend your mental
energy thinking big. Sometimes
you follow through, sometimes
you don't. But at least you'll be
worrying about something you
can fix. LI

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