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DEAR Oth DAD...
Hewas the only person in theworldwho could acmally mak sense of the dreaded math homework. He was the
guy who never minded pitching you baseball after baseball after baseball, when you missed 90 percent of the
time. He was the kind of person who hugged you in the middle of the night after you woke from a nightmare.
THEIE wisH
lmn' NM 'S is looking for great and memories of you and
be mailed o upcoming
, yourdadforour
rfaxed Pte se
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limit to one page.
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if you would like your photo returned. Send to:
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_You can flirt, talk, avoid other singles in cyberspace
but watch out when your parents sign on.
I
t's a good thing my parents are choreography: the art of moving
married. Because if they were the elbow in the same direction
just now getting together, in that she wants the little arrow to
this age of making dates by e- travel on the big screen.
mail, my mom and dad would be
I can't be totally critical, how-
doomed.
ever, as she has used my four
Or at least, they would be ex- pages of painstakingly hand-
traordinarily challenged, and I written directions — starting with
would be extremely tormented. turn computer on — to log onto
Oh, wait, I guess I wouldn't ac- her Internet provider and send e-
tually be here ... But being that I mail.
am — here, that is — I can vouch
Of course, she sometimes for-
for the stress their recent discov- gets the part about sending her
ery of the computer is causing me. messages and then wonders why
Since my mother went online they are never received.
I tried an historic analogy: the
three weeks ago, she's been call-
ing me long distance about four U.S. Postal System. I told her it's
times a day. Odd, you
like a letter. You write
might say, since being
it and address it and
when you slip it into
online would allow her to
contact me for free. But
the blue mailbox, it's
as it turns out, each of
gone. She liked tha
t a
her electronic transmis-
lot.
sions involves at least
So amazed was my
mother when she fi-
two verbal explanations.
Like the time she
nally got to the point
called me, frantic be-
of sending e-mail, she
had to phone everyone
cause she couldn't get the
she wrote, just to
computer to go offline.
ALLISO N KAPLAN
"It's off Mom," I told her,
make sure they got
SPECI AL TO THE
only to receive a barrage
her messages. -
JEWIS H NEWS
of objections. "Mother," I
When I sent a note
exclaimed, "if the com-
to one of my mom's
puter was online, you wouldn't be friends, she actually called my
talking to me on the phone!"
mom to tell her how cute my note
Oh yeah, she says, giggle, gig- was and to have my mom pass
gle.
along her thanks. They haven't
Meanwhile, my dad, who is not quite grasped the whole aspect of
exactly in a position to help her, simply hitting reply.
just stands behind my mom, mut-
Personally, e-mail has done
tering, "She's obsessed, she's ob- wonders for my social life — par-
sessed."
ticularly in the area of avoidance.
It's hard to imagine that my Now, instead of calling those peo-
parents truly don't understand ple I don't really want to talk to
how to cut and paste. Or even and praying for their answering
move the arrow back three words machines, I can just send notes
to delete one, without erasing without any fear of interaction.
everything in its path.
And when I can't think of any-
And I'm not exactly a big com- thing to write, there are chain let-
puter expert. As one who attend- ters and jokes. Annoying and
ed high school in the days when corny as they are, those corre-
those archaic Apple computers spondences serve the very im-
with black screens and green type portant purpose of saying, "I'm
were fancy technology, I've man- thinking about you, even if we do
aged to learn only what I ab- have absolutely nothing worth-
solutely need to know. When I get while to exchange."
an error message, I call one of my
But, e-mail has completely rev-
computer analyst friends. (A olutionized flirting. Rather than
group of people I would definitely those uncomfortable first dates,
recommend getting to know.)
you spend a few weeks exchang-
But there's a difference. My ing cute e-mails several times a
dad, so proud that he uses inter- day and boom, you're old friends.
nal e-mail at work, was telling me
My mother doesn't get most of
how he accidentally gave himself this, but she really is trying. She
some type of password even he even e-mailed the financial office
can't crack, so he just hasn't col- at my brother's school, rather
lected his messages for the last than make the long-distance call.
several weeks.
Boy, was that a proud moment —
As for my mother, I spent an the first occasion she could attach
hour demonstrating computer purpose to her now-frequent e-
mailing.
Allison Kaplan is a columnist for
We discussed it by phone, dur-
the Chicago Jewish Star who
contributes on a regular basis to ing the higher afternoon rates, for
about an hour. E
The Scene.