I SINGLE LIFE
IT'S THE
ONLY SPOT IN TOWN
Monday, December 24th
9:00 pm01,00 am
Jewish Community Center
Maple/Drake Building
**Dance The Night Away!
**Door Prizes!
Trial Membership
to the
JCC Health Club
**Premier of the
Jewish Singles
Video Dating Service!
'Refreshments!
Admission $7.00
Tickets can be purchased at the door or in advance.
For further information call 661.1000, ext. 347
Sponsored by:
Jewish Community Center of Metropolitan Detroit
Singles
and
THE JEWISH NEWS
tiiza
No ou€4,
110
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1990
tz4vt
Rabbi-Author Wonders
'Doesn't Anyone Blush?'
MARSHALL HOFFMAN
Special to The Jewish News
I
t seems unlikely that
Rabbi Marais Friedman's
childhood dream was to
get on the cover of Rolling
Stone magazine.
He's not there yet, but an
article in the magazine last
January got him awfully
close to it.
It may have been Bob
Dylan's endorsement of
Rabbi Friedman's new book,
Doesn't Anyone Blush
Anymore? Reclaiming In-
timacy, Modesty and Sex-
uality (Harper, San Francisco)
that sparked Rolling Stone's
attention. Or that the St.
Paul, Minn.-based rabbi sold
out an initial run of 10,000
copies one week before its of-
ficial release date.
But in a society that sees
lawyers advertise divorce
"specials" for $99 and finds
many singles looking to 900
numbers to start relation-
ships, Rabbi Friedman's
traditional Chasidic ap-
proach to human relation-
ships is now seen as cutting
edge philosophy.
Many of the chapters in his
book were taken from his
lectures on the "Torah
Forum" cable TV show, seen
in 40 cities — including Ann
Arbor — and to his students
at the Bais Chana Women's
Institute in St. Paul.
Listening to the experi-
ences of many women, Rabbi
Friedman saw a lack of bon-
ding in many marriages.
"After sharing a house and a
life together, people simply
remain strangers," he
observed.
The title for his book was a
response to the prevailing
attitude that if you can be
calm and nonchalant about
intimate subjects, then you
are a healthier human be-
ing. The attitude has become
prevalent in all human
interactions, he observed,
including times of death.
"If you can handle death
with composure, you're con-
sidered 'a real mentsh,' " the
rabbi said. "But that's
vulgar; you're supposed to
moan and groan and mourn.
If a subject is that intimate,
how come you're not
blushing? I hear conversa-
tions between men and wo-
men that is a violation of in-
timacy and privacy and
Marshall Hoffman is editor of
the American Jewish World of
St. Paul, Minn.
everyone accepts it. They
call it 'cute.' "
Much of Rabbi Friedman's
book is simply how to deal
with other people and
respect their privacy.
"In order to be intimate,
there has to be a place that is
intimate," he said. "When
that place that is intimate is
cautiously shared with an-
other human being, that
sharing is an intimacy. But
if I have no place that is in-
timate, then I have nothing
to share that can constitute
an intimacy.
"If men and women are go-
ing to share a kiss as a com-
mon greeting, then a kiss is
no longer a private, intimate
thing."
In order to become in-
timate with someone, he
said, one's ego has to step
aside enough to let someone
else in. More couples would
be happier if each partner
thought exclusively about
what they could do for the
other.
"I think marriage and
commitment to God are pret-
ty much the same instinct,"
said the rabbi. "One is a
commitment to a divine be-
ing, the other a commitment
to a divine spouse. The abil-
ity to selflessly devote
yourself to another's needs is
really the same ability."
The father of 14 children,
Rabbi Friedman does not see
a place for pre-marital sex-
ual relations. "Once the ex-
clusivity is gone, you start to
lose something. There is an
incredible sanctity to the
realization that this man
and this woman have never
experienced any of these
things with any other. What
that does to a relationship is
incredible."
Singles To Hear
Evening Of Jazz
The Jewish Community
Center's singles and cultural
arts departments are offering
"An Evening Of Jazz With
Candlelight," featuring
pianist Vladimir Karminsky
and vocalist Arina Bour-
mistrova, 7:30 p.m. Dec. 19 at
Maple-Drake.
The duo will perform
classical standards, jazz,
Jewish melodies and original
compositions.
There is a charge for
tickets, which can be purchas-
ed at the door. Reservations
deadline, however, is Dec. 18.
For information, call the
JCC, 661-1000, Exts. 351 or
347.