I SINGLE LIFE IT'S THE ONLY SPOT IN TOWN Monday, December 24th 9:00 pm01,00 am Jewish Community Center Maple/Drake Building **Dance The Night Away! **Door Prizes! Trial Membership to the JCC Health Club **Premier of the Jewish Singles Video Dating Service! 'Refreshments! Admission $7.00 Tickets can be purchased at the door or in advance. For further information call 661.1000, ext. 347 Sponsored by: Jewish Community Center of Metropolitan Detroit Singles and THE JEWISH NEWS tiiza No ou€4, 110 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1990 tz4vt Rabbi-Author Wonders 'Doesn't Anyone Blush?' MARSHALL HOFFMAN Special to The Jewish News I t seems unlikely that Rabbi Marais Friedman's childhood dream was to get on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. He's not there yet, but an article in the magazine last January got him awfully close to it. It may have been Bob Dylan's endorsement of Rabbi Friedman's new book, Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore? Reclaiming In- timacy, Modesty and Sex- uality (Harper, San Francisco) that sparked Rolling Stone's attention. Or that the St. Paul, Minn.-based rabbi sold out an initial run of 10,000 copies one week before its of- ficial release date. But in a society that sees lawyers advertise divorce "specials" for $99 and finds many singles looking to 900 numbers to start relation- ships, Rabbi Friedman's traditional Chasidic ap- proach to human relation- ships is now seen as cutting edge philosophy. Many of the chapters in his book were taken from his lectures on the "Torah Forum" cable TV show, seen in 40 cities — including Ann Arbor — and to his students at the Bais Chana Women's Institute in St. Paul. Listening to the experi- ences of many women, Rabbi Friedman saw a lack of bon- ding in many marriages. "After sharing a house and a life together, people simply remain strangers," he observed. The title for his book was a response to the prevailing attitude that if you can be calm and nonchalant about intimate subjects, then you are a healthier human be- ing. The attitude has become prevalent in all human interactions, he observed, including times of death. "If you can handle death with composure, you're con- sidered 'a real mentsh,' " the rabbi said. "But that's vulgar; you're supposed to moan and groan and mourn. If a subject is that intimate, how come you're not blushing? I hear conversa- tions between men and wo- men that is a violation of in- timacy and privacy and Marshall Hoffman is editor of the American Jewish World of St. Paul, Minn. everyone accepts it. They call it 'cute.' " Much of Rabbi Friedman's book is simply how to deal with other people and respect their privacy. "In order to be intimate, there has to be a place that is intimate," he said. "When that place that is intimate is cautiously shared with an- other human being, that sharing is an intimacy. But if I have no place that is in- timate, then I have nothing to share that can constitute an intimacy. "If men and women are go- ing to share a kiss as a com- mon greeting, then a kiss is no longer a private, intimate thing." In order to become in- timate with someone, he said, one's ego has to step aside enough to let someone else in. More couples would be happier if each partner thought exclusively about what they could do for the other. "I think marriage and commitment to God are pret- ty much the same instinct," said the rabbi. "One is a commitment to a divine be- ing, the other a commitment to a divine spouse. The abil- ity to selflessly devote yourself to another's needs is really the same ability." The father of 14 children, Rabbi Friedman does not see a place for pre-marital sex- ual relations. "Once the ex- clusivity is gone, you start to lose something. There is an incredible sanctity to the realization that this man and this woman have never experienced any of these things with any other. What that does to a relationship is incredible." Singles To Hear Evening Of Jazz The Jewish Community Center's singles and cultural arts departments are offering "An Evening Of Jazz With Candlelight," featuring pianist Vladimir Karminsky and vocalist Arina Bour- mistrova, 7:30 p.m. Dec. 19 at Maple-Drake. The duo will perform classical standards, jazz, Jewish melodies and original compositions. There is a charge for tickets, which can be purchas- ed at the door. Reservations deadline, however, is Dec. 18. For information, call the JCC, 661-1000, Exts. 351 or 347.