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March 19, 1988 - Image 104

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1988-03-19

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

SINGLE LIFE

Speakers at a
recent singles
conference tell
how to have a
successful
relationship

Dr. Emmaline Weidman conducted a session on commitment.

A Winning
Proposition

HEIDI PRESS

News Editor

13

oth partners in a rela-
tionship have to be win-
• ners in order for it to suc-
ceed. In other words, ac-
cording to
psychotherapist Walt MacDonald,
both have to subscribe to the "I count,
you count" theory. If they don't, there
is no future for the relationship.
That is just a small piece of advice
doled out at the recent Birmingham
Temple singles weekend, whose
theme was "Relationships: Commit-
ment, Communication, Compromise."
More than 250 singles turned out at
the Friday night service and Oneg
Shabbat to hear Rabbi Sherwin Wine
expound on the theme, while nearly
80 sat in on the Saturday workshops
which delved into the nitty gritty of
relationships.
Again this year, Rev. David Blake,
pastor of the Fellowship Lutheran
Church in Sterling Heights, kicked
off the workshop sessions with humor
and song telling singles "what it
takes to be a wise and wonderful
single person." Drawing on personal
experiences and from his work as
president of the Phoenix Center (a
clinic for parent and teenage prob-
lems), Blake talked about the dif-
ferences between expectations and
experiences.
Our expectations, Blake said, are
based on dreams, while experience, is

102

FRIDAY, MARCH 18, 1988

based on reality. For example, Blake
said, a single expects that when
he/she finds his/her true love, that
that person will fulfill all his/her
needs. Experience shows, however,
that "no one can fill all of our needs.
Our happiness is our job," Blake
advised.
Blake had other advice: Be flexi-
ble in a relationship, finish the last
relationship before starting a new
one, and to keep passion alive, "give
your heart to a life process. Don't give Relaxing at the party are from left: Rhea Rowe, Sharon Klein and Eleanor Metcoff.
your heart to each other?' Referring
to the singles scene, especially the bar
scene, Blake advised women to be
wary of married men who often in-
vade singles hangouts. He cautioned
singles not to rush into a relationship
because often loneliness is better
than being in a bad relationship. "It's
better to be happily single than to
hook up with someone because you're
lonely.
He recommended that taking
risks in dating is healthy, and said
that persistence pays off. Tb illustrate
his point, he led the audience in a few
refrains of Eeensy Weensy Spider. It
takes courage to start dating after
divorce or widowhood, Blake explain-
ed, and suggested going out in groups
before going on one-to-one dates.
There is a strategy in risk taking
in relationships, Blake said. "You
must feel like you have a right to be
here, you have to know what you have
to offer, you have to be willing to risk
commitment and you have to risk not Art and Rose Heman told singles how to communicate in a relationship.

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