SINGLE LIFE Speakers at a recent singles conference tell how to have a successful relationship Dr. Emmaline Weidman conducted a session on commitment. A Winning Proposition HEIDI PRESS News Editor 13 oth partners in a rela- tionship have to be win- • ners in order for it to suc- ceed. In other words, ac- cording to psychotherapist Walt MacDonald, both have to subscribe to the "I count, you count" theory. If they don't, there is no future for the relationship. That is just a small piece of advice doled out at the recent Birmingham Temple singles weekend, whose theme was "Relationships: Commit- ment, Communication, Compromise." More than 250 singles turned out at the Friday night service and Oneg Shabbat to hear Rabbi Sherwin Wine expound on the theme, while nearly 80 sat in on the Saturday workshops which delved into the nitty gritty of relationships. Again this year, Rev. David Blake, pastor of the Fellowship Lutheran Church in Sterling Heights, kicked off the workshop sessions with humor and song telling singles "what it takes to be a wise and wonderful single person." Drawing on personal experiences and from his work as president of the Phoenix Center (a clinic for parent and teenage prob- lems), Blake talked about the dif- ferences between expectations and experiences. Our expectations, Blake said, are based on dreams, while experience, is 102 FRIDAY, MARCH 18, 1988 based on reality. For example, Blake said, a single expects that when he/she finds his/her true love, that that person will fulfill all his/her needs. Experience shows, however, that "no one can fill all of our needs. Our happiness is our job," Blake advised. Blake had other advice: Be flexi- ble in a relationship, finish the last relationship before starting a new one, and to keep passion alive, "give your heart to a life process. Don't give Relaxing at the party are from left: Rhea Rowe, Sharon Klein and Eleanor Metcoff. your heart to each other?' Referring to the singles scene, especially the bar scene, Blake advised women to be wary of married men who often in- vade singles hangouts. He cautioned singles not to rush into a relationship because often loneliness is better than being in a bad relationship. "It's better to be happily single than to hook up with someone because you're lonely. He recommended that taking risks in dating is healthy, and said that persistence pays off. Tb illustrate his point, he led the audience in a few refrains of Eeensy Weensy Spider. It takes courage to start dating after divorce or widowhood, Blake explain- ed, and suggested going out in groups before going on one-to-one dates. There is a strategy in risk taking in relationships, Blake said. "You must feel like you have a right to be here, you have to know what you have to offer, you have to be willing to risk commitment and you have to risk not Art and Rose Heman told singles how to communicate in a relationship.