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April 03, 2020 - Image 6

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The Michigan Daily

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Friday, April 3, 2020 — 6
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com

“Spenser Confidential” is a terrible movie.

Or, it’s perfect if you’re looking for a movie you

can have on in the background while you scroll

mindlessly through your phone. As much as

I tried to understand what was going on, the

entire film is a mess. Spenser (Mark Wahlberg,

“Daddy’s Home”) is an ex-convict and ex-cop

who is trying to track down the killer of the

man who Spenser had been sent to prison for

attacking. It sounds alright, if a little confusing,

but in reality, it’s so

convoluted and hard to

follow that you end up

on your phone instead.

As much as I love


scenes, I’ll go out on a

limb and say “Spenser

Confidential” is more

fighting than anything

else. There is so much

fighting that the plot

gets lost amid scenes of

Mark Wahlberg getting

beat up. Along with the

overabundance of fighting is an overabundance

of characters, too many to really understand any

one person’s role in the film.

The main character besides Wahlberg’s

Spenser is Hawk (Winston Duke, “Black

Panther”). If I could, I would tell you what

purpose his character serves. But I can’t,

because in all honesty, I’m not sure there is

one. Spenser lives with his friend Henry (Alan

Arkin, “Argo”) who took on Hawk, a boxer who

somehow can’t throw a punch, as a roommate

while Spenser was in prison. How does Hawk

get involved in Spenser’s investigation? I’m not

really sure. It doesn’t make any sense.

Frankly, I was counting down the minutes

until this movie finished. I spent the first

bit trying to pay attention, actually slightly

interested in the back-and-forth, present-and-

past scenes, but eventually, I got bored. There

isn’t enough that happens in the beginning to

grab your attention, and there’s nothing exciting

that happens later on to make you pay attention

then. There isn’t a single character in this

film that I actually liked. I didn’t hate anyone

either, though. I barely felt anything. If I’m

being honest, the only real emotion I felt while

watching this film was

astonishment because, for

some reason, Post Malone

was in it.


problem with “Spenser

Confidential” is that even

when it’s on, it doesn’t

feel like you’re watching

anything. It’s background

noise, something to have

on while you complete

a Canvas quiz (yes, I’m

speaking from experience).


emotionally attached to anyone or anything in

the film; so little happens that eventually you

forget you’re even watching it.

Unless you really don’t want to watch a

movie and just need something on to make

background noise while you’re doing something

else, I would without a doubt classify this movie

as a ‘skip.’

Unless you really don’t want to watch a movie

and just need something on to make background

noise while you’re doing something else, I would

without a doubt classify this movie as a ‘skip.’

Be sure to stay away from
‘Spenser Confidential’


Daily Arts Writer


‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ is not worth watching


Daily Arts Writer

Probably the most easily recognizable

title of the reality TV era, “Keeping Up With

The Kardashians” recently began its 18th

consecutive season. If you are a nonregular

to reality shows but are aware of its campy

tropes, you might already fully know what to

expect from the Kardashian family’s boring

and sometimes controversial livelihoods as

socialites of the celebrity world.

In the midst of crowded parties and

fashion shows of New York, Kim, the show’s

de-facto mascot of sorts, appears to feel at

home in such a fast-paced environment.

She’s mingling around and promoting the

launch of her new slimwear line, SKIMS.

As an audience, we’re given just enough

detail about the progressive, body-positive

message of the new clothing line to assume

that Kim is rebranding herself as a reformist


is given to the product after its singular

mention when Kim receives a call from NBA

player Tristan Thompson, her sister Khloe’s

“baby daddy.” Kim invites Tristan to dinner

and much to Khloe’s annoyance, and the

two reconcile their broken friendship. This

is a common trope throughout the series as

the ongoings of the Kardashian brands are

mentioned, but are overshadowed by the

petty drama that viewers prefer.

For example, Kylie Jenner, the world’s

youngest “self-made” billionaire, is shown

preparing to travel to Paris to promote her

cosmetics brand. The show then cuts to

Kourtney and her newly formed bad attitude,

which she adolescently uses to torment her

sisters through her own laziness and apathy.

Cut back to New York, where Kim and

Tristan are having dinner at a lavish five-

star restaurant. Amongst all this, the family’s

matriarch and publicist, Kris Jenner, checks

in on each of her daughters. I wish I could say

I’m merely summarizing these events in lieu

of explaining them in full detail, but I can’t.

There’s virtually no other information than

what’s shown on the surface. Amongst the

constant bopping of background music and

cuts between cameras, It’s aggravating to

stay tuned with regard to how little actually

happens amongst all the sisters’ individual


While Kourtney’s egocentrism builds

tension amongst the sisters, Kim eventually

takes it upon herself to physically assault

Kourtney in a less-than-convincing catfight.

Khloe, who is present, does little to break up

the altercation. The highest point of drama

occurs when Kylie, who has fallen ill, alerts

her mother that she can’t attend the fashion

show in Paris to promote her brand. The

audience might be eager to find out how this

problem will be resolved, but we are left to

“tune in next week” to find out.

Perhaps this is why people watch. To an

outsider, family quarrels existing at the

richest level of American society might

seem reassuring that life might not be so

perfect in the highest tax bracket. The

relationships among the main Kardashian

trio of daughters appear to be rooted in

their outright pettiness to each other. They

act childish despite the vast monochromatic

wardrobes and mansions they have at their

disposal. But even if that mode of thinking

was the case for viewership, would someone

even want to watch 18 consecutive seasons of

consistent feuding?

It’s because “Keeping Up” feels like junk

food for the eyes. It’s mindlessly entertaining.

It mainly continues to exist purely as the

central platform for the Kardashian brand,

whether it be SKIMS or Kylie Cosmetics or

for general clout when Kim needs to promote

a fashionable Judy crisis kit in the midst of

a global pandemic. Season 18 takes a shift to

look at each of Kris Jenner’s five daughters

as entrepreneurs and activists in their own

right. Just last month, Kim was being praised

for her endeavors in criminal justice reform,

for which she advocated in a visit to the

White House.

As long as “Keeping Up” endures, so too

will the Kardashian’s relevancy. In season

18, that relevancy will depend on how well

a new, enterprising slant is received by

audiences. And if seeing one reality TV

star behind the white house podium wasn’t

already enough for you, maybe try to keep up

with the Kardashians a little less.



Daily Arts Writer

Back home, on recreating
my freshman year dorm

In these uncertain and lonely times, I

find joy in my photos and string lights.

When I packed up my dorm room and

flew home to Seattle, I was aware that I

would not be returning to

freshman year as I knew

it. Waiting for me was

my childhood bedroom,


family instead of friends

and a three-hour time

difference. As I stared

at the blank pink walls

of my room on my first

night home, I attempted

to mentally prepare for my

first online class the next

day. Regaining a feeling of

normalcy might actually


decided the first step to

feeling motivated to finish

out the semester was to

make the place where I

grew up feel a little closer

to my room back in South Quad.

Aside from the fact that I definitely

have a little more closet space here and

no longer share my space with another

student, I figured my room at home didn’t

have to be all that different from my dorm.

I could hang some command hooks, find an

outlet for my Christmas lights, and put up

the obligatory freshman dorm tapestry; I

could even put my name tag on the outside

of my door.

My favorite part of the decorating process

was spending a considerable amount of

time picking my favorite photos from my

first year of college to print out. In my rush

to pack up everything and leave campus, it

was hard to make time to actually reflect

on my experiences and why I was so sad

to leave. Now that I’m back in my eerily

quiet house, though, that’s pretty much

all I think about. Looking

back at photos from the

fall and winter was such

a great way to remember

all of the fun adventures

from before the pandemic.

At school, I had taped

photos of my friends from

high school on my wall to

remind me of home. Now

these are mixed in with

new ones that remind me of

Ann Arbor. It makes me so

happy to sit at my desk and

glance up at photos of my

new friends smiling in the

Big House hanging next to

photos from high school

graduation and prom.


now it is to the sound of

rain on my roof instead of the music and

footsteps of the people in the room above

me. Every morning I slowly make my way

downstairs to a quiet breakfast with my

siblings instead of the laughter and gossip-

filled morning meals with friends in the big

orange booths of the dining hall that I had

grown so accustomed to. But when I walk

back up to my room and open my laptop to

listen to my 1 p.m. philosophy lecture, I am

comforted by the fact that at least my walls

look a little like how they did in Michigan.

“Spenser Confidential”


Streaming Now

When I fall asleep

now it is to the
sound of rain on
my roof instead
of the footsteps of
the people in the
room above me

“Keeping Up With the


Season 18 Premiere


Thursdays @ 8 p.m.

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