Friday, April 3, 2020 — 6
Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
“Spenser Confidential” is a terrible movie.
Or, it’s perfect if you’re looking for a movie you
can have on in the background while you scroll
mindlessly through your phone. As much as
I tried to understand what was going on, the
entire film is a mess. Spenser (Mark Wahlberg,
“Daddy’s Home”) is an ex-convict and ex-cop
who is trying to track down the killer of the
man who Spenser had been sent to prison for
attacking. It sounds alright, if a little confusing,
but in reality, it’s so
convoluted and hard to
follow that you end up
on your phone instead.
As much as I love
action-packed
fight
scenes, I’ll go out on a
limb and say “Spenser
Confidential” is more
fighting than anything
else. There is so much
fighting that the plot
gets lost amid scenes of
Mark Wahlberg getting
beat up. Along with the
overabundance of fighting is an overabundance
of characters, too many to really understand any
one person’s role in the film.
The main character besides Wahlberg’s
Spenser is Hawk (Winston Duke, “Black
Panther”). If I could, I would tell you what
purpose his character serves. But I can’t,
because in all honesty, I’m not sure there is
one. Spenser lives with his friend Henry (Alan
Arkin, “Argo”) who took on Hawk, a boxer who
somehow can’t throw a punch, as a roommate
while Spenser was in prison. How does Hawk
get involved in Spenser’s investigation? I’m not
really sure. It doesn’t make any sense.
Frankly, I was counting down the minutes
until this movie finished. I spent the first
bit trying to pay attention, actually slightly
interested in the back-and-forth, present-and-
past scenes, but eventually, I got bored. There
isn’t enough that happens in the beginning to
grab your attention, and there’s nothing exciting
that happens later on to make you pay attention
then. There isn’t a single character in this
film that I actually liked. I didn’t hate anyone
either, though. I barely felt anything. If I’m
being honest, the only real emotion I felt while
watching this film was
astonishment because, for
some reason, Post Malone
was in it.
The
biggest
problem with “Spenser
Confidential” is that even
when it’s on, it doesn’t
feel like you’re watching
anything. It’s background
noise, something to have
on while you complete
a Canvas quiz (yes, I’m
speaking from experience).
You
don’t
grow
emotionally attached to anyone or anything in
the film; so little happens that eventually you
forget you’re even watching it.
Unless you really don’t want to watch a
movie and just need something on to make
background noise while you’re doing something
else, I would without a doubt classify this movie
as a ‘skip.’
Unless you really don’t want to watch a movie
and just need something on to make background
noise while you’re doing something else, I would
without a doubt classify this movie as a ‘skip.’
Be sure to stay away from
‘Spenser Confidential’
SABRIYA IMAMI
Daily Arts Writer
FILM REVIEW
TV REVIEW
‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ is not worth watching
MAXWELL BARNES
Daily Arts Writer
Probably the most easily recognizable
title of the reality TV era, “Keeping Up With
The Kardashians” recently began its 18th
consecutive season. If you are a nonregular
to reality shows but are aware of its campy
tropes, you might already fully know what to
expect from the Kardashian family’s boring
and sometimes controversial livelihoods as
socialites of the celebrity world.
In the midst of crowded parties and
fashion shows of New York, Kim, the show’s
de-facto mascot of sorts, appears to feel at
home in such a fast-paced environment.
She’s mingling around and promoting the
launch of her new slimwear line, SKIMS.
As an audience, we’re given just enough
detail about the progressive, body-positive
message of the new clothing line to assume
that Kim is rebranding herself as a reformist
entrepreneur.
However,
little
attention
is given to the product after its singular
mention when Kim receives a call from NBA
player Tristan Thompson, her sister Khloe’s
“baby daddy.” Kim invites Tristan to dinner
and much to Khloe’s annoyance, and the
two reconcile their broken friendship. This
is a common trope throughout the series as
the ongoings of the Kardashian brands are
mentioned, but are overshadowed by the
petty drama that viewers prefer.
For example, Kylie Jenner, the world’s
youngest “self-made” billionaire, is shown
preparing to travel to Paris to promote her
cosmetics brand. The show then cuts to
Kourtney and her newly formed bad attitude,
which she adolescently uses to torment her
sisters through her own laziness and apathy.
Cut back to New York, where Kim and
Tristan are having dinner at a lavish five-
star restaurant. Amongst all this, the family’s
matriarch and publicist, Kris Jenner, checks
in on each of her daughters. I wish I could say
I’m merely summarizing these events in lieu
of explaining them in full detail, but I can’t.
There’s virtually no other information than
what’s shown on the surface. Amongst the
constant bopping of background music and
cuts between cameras, It’s aggravating to
stay tuned with regard to how little actually
happens amongst all the sisters’ individual
plotlines.
While Kourtney’s egocentrism builds
tension amongst the sisters, Kim eventually
takes it upon herself to physically assault
Kourtney in a less-than-convincing catfight.
Khloe, who is present, does little to break up
the altercation. The highest point of drama
occurs when Kylie, who has fallen ill, alerts
her mother that she can’t attend the fashion
show in Paris to promote her brand. The
audience might be eager to find out how this
problem will be resolved, but we are left to
“tune in next week” to find out.
Perhaps this is why people watch. To an
outsider, family quarrels existing at the
richest level of American society might
seem reassuring that life might not be so
perfect in the highest tax bracket. The
relationships among the main Kardashian
trio of daughters appear to be rooted in
their outright pettiness to each other. They
act childish despite the vast monochromatic
wardrobes and mansions they have at their
disposal. But even if that mode of thinking
was the case for viewership, would someone
even want to watch 18 consecutive seasons of
consistent feuding?
It’s because “Keeping Up” feels like junk
food for the eyes. It’s mindlessly entertaining.
It mainly continues to exist purely as the
central platform for the Kardashian brand,
whether it be SKIMS or Kylie Cosmetics or
for general clout when Kim needs to promote
a fashionable Judy crisis kit in the midst of
a global pandemic. Season 18 takes a shift to
look at each of Kris Jenner’s five daughters
as entrepreneurs and activists in their own
right. Just last month, Kim was being praised
for her endeavors in criminal justice reform,
for which she advocated in a visit to the
White House.
As long as “Keeping Up” endures, so too
will the Kardashian’s relevancy. In season
18, that relevancy will depend on how well
a new, enterprising slant is received by
audiences. And if seeing one reality TV
star behind the white house podium wasn’t
already enough for you, maybe try to keep up
with the Kardashians a little less.
COMMUNITY CULTURE NOTEBOOK
CAROLINE ATKINSON
Daily Arts Writer
Back home, on recreating
my freshman year dorm
In these uncertain and lonely times, I
find joy in my photos and string lights.
When I packed up my dorm room and
flew home to Seattle, I was aware that I
would not be returning to
freshman year as I knew
it. Waiting for me was
my childhood bedroom,
nightly
dinners
with
family instead of friends
and a three-hour time
difference. As I stared
at the blank pink walls
of my room on my first
night home, I attempted
to mentally prepare for my
first online class the next
day. Regaining a feeling of
normalcy might actually
be
pretty
difficult.
I
decided the first step to
feeling motivated to finish
out the semester was to
make the place where I
grew up feel a little closer
to my room back in South Quad.
Aside from the fact that I definitely
have a little more closet space here and
no longer share my space with another
student, I figured my room at home didn’t
have to be all that different from my dorm.
I could hang some command hooks, find an
outlet for my Christmas lights, and put up
the obligatory freshman dorm tapestry; I
could even put my name tag on the outside
of my door.
My favorite part of the decorating process
was spending a considerable amount of
time picking my favorite photos from my
first year of college to print out. In my rush
to pack up everything and leave campus, it
was hard to make time to actually reflect
on my experiences and why I was so sad
to leave. Now that I’m back in my eerily
quiet house, though, that’s pretty much
all I think about. Looking
back at photos from the
fall and winter was such
a great way to remember
all of the fun adventures
from before the pandemic.
At school, I had taped
photos of my friends from
high school on my wall to
remind me of home. Now
these are mixed in with
new ones that remind me of
Ann Arbor. It makes me so
happy to sit at my desk and
glance up at photos of my
new friends smiling in the
Big House hanging next to
photos from high school
graduation and prom.
When
I
fall
asleep
now it is to the sound of
rain on my roof instead of the music and
footsteps of the people in the room above
me. Every morning I slowly make my way
downstairs to a quiet breakfast with my
siblings instead of the laughter and gossip-
filled morning meals with friends in the big
orange booths of the dining hall that I had
grown so accustomed to. But when I walk
back up to my room and open my laptop to
listen to my 1 p.m. philosophy lecture, I am
comforted by the fact that at least my walls
look a little like how they did in Michigan.
“Spenser Confidential”
Netflix
Streaming Now
When I fall asleep
now it is to the
sound of rain on
my roof instead
of the footsteps of
the people in the
room above me
“Keeping Up With the
Kardashians’’
Season 18 Premiere
E!
Thursdays @ 8 p.m.