I come from an Indian
family with lovingly obsessive
parents who will continue
to baby me even when I’m
living on my own. One day
over
Thanksgiving
Break,
my mom drove me to my
ophthalmologist’s office for
an annual check-up. She sat
with me before the doctor
walked in, and interestingly
enough, found that it was
the perfect time for my daily
career
counseling
session.
We sat there having a ten-
minute
tête-à-tête.
She
constantly prodded me about
how I would be spending my
summer, and I constantly
deflected her questions with
half-baked placations.
Our doctor walked into the
room soon after, saving me
from the interrogation. Dr.
Bhatia is a second generation
Punjabi – he went to college
in New Orleans, medical
school in Toledo, and now
lives in Dallas with his wife
and two kids. In pretty
much every respect, he was
just
as
Americanized
as
the
generation
of
Indian
Americans I grew up with. In
his slightly rolling accent, he
asked me to give him updates
on my life. I knew the ultimate
question was coming, and
it eventually did after a few
minutes of small talk. “So…
any special guy?”
My laugh was instinctual
and lasted slightly longer
than it should have. “Nope,
you’ll be the first one to know
if I ever do,” I joked. I heard
a small sound escape my
mother’s mouth, but I didn’t
expect her voice any of her
concerns. Luckily, my parents
have always understood my
career-focused
future.
Dr.
Bhatia, on the other hand,
seemed
more
concerned
about what he called my
“biological reality.” I was
shocked when I heard these
words come from a man who
has spent his entire life in the
States. I almost expected him
to align with my culturally
progressive mentality, but he
approached the topic from
what he described as a purely
scientific perspective, though
he
was
obviously
tinged
cultural bias. He proceeded
to discuss how Indian women
face a specific disadvantage
because they don’t typically
seek
arranged
marriages;
men usually approach women
first, and on the basis of their
own timelines. While he
accepted the generalization
that men usually mature and
want to settle down later
than in life that women do,
he claimed that men who
seek relationships and focus
on marriage prospects much
later than women interfere
with
women’s
biological
timelines, making it difficult
to have healthy children at a
“reasonable age.” Secondly,
he felt that if women waited
until they were ready to get
married (usually, once they
have settled in their careers),
there
would
realize
that
there was a dearth of eligible,
available men.
My response to these
claims: why should we women
worry about conforming to
the timelines of men? Dr.
Bhatia’s assertion came with
the expectation that we are
constantly
stressing
about
adhering
to
stereotypical
age ranges to fulfill certain
life goals, and that some
goals are always prioritized
over others. How are Indian
women supposed to carry
the onuses of studying well,
finding lucrative jobs, while
simultaneously finding a life
companion, having children,
and securing their futures as
well? Why do our overbearing
parents teach to focus on our
studies and avoid boys like
the plague, but then expect
us to effortlessly navigate our
relationships when we reach
the age for marriage? South
Asian elders seem to instill in
us a fear of disappointment
that causes us to act like our
lives are in pristine order;
in reality, however, we are
faced with this paradox that
hinders our ability to live
life on our own terms. As an
Indian American woman – I
told Dr. Bhatia –I shouldn’t
have to obligated to take
on societal commitments I
am not prepared for, and I
shouldn’t have to shoulder
the burden of measuring up
to such demanding biological
realities.
I realized for the first
time, a little dejectedly, that
concepts of love, dating, and
marriage don’t necessarily
progress through generations.
Traditional
family-based
values
are
perpetuated
regardless of whether we are
first
or
second-generation
individuals. While I grew
up learning the importance
of unity and family, I never
expected
that
the
idea
of
getting
married
and
having kids within a certain
timeframe would be imposed
upon me by other second-
generation adults. Hearing
Dr. Bhatia tell me “Don’t lose
sleep over it, but just keep
in in the back of your mind
because your responsibilities
will creep up on you” made
me question the extent to
which we pride ourselves
on progress. His comments
made
me
see
the
stark
disparity in the way South
Asian
communities
treat
females in comparison males
– it is a disparity that has
crossed continental borders
and embedded itself into the
roots of our society. Its ability
to permeate diverse cultures
is not restricted by the soil
we are on, and that should be
something we consider in our
feminist efforts!
Romance and the hidden paradox of second-generation dating
ARCHANA PRABHAKAR
MiC Columnist
We’ve seen her belt at the top of her lungs to Beyonce’s “Love On
Top”. We’ve witnessed her serve witty comebacks as Diane in the
popular hit series “Blackish.” Now we finally get to see this little
queen achieve greater feats. As if Black History Month couldn’t get
any better, Marsai Martin is shining a light and reminding us of the
power, fearlessness and ambition that Black Girl Magic was born
from.
Not too long ago, Marsai took the internet by storm when it was
revealed that she officially made history as the youngest Executive
Producer in Hollywood. For this young queen’s upcoming
film Little, fourteen years old isn’t looking too shabby.
As if this isn’t enough to give Marsai her well-deserved accolades,
the entire concept of the film was her idea. When she was only
11-years old, she pitched her idea to “Blackish” writer Kenya Barris,
which was all it took for the next door to open. Marsai reported
that Kenya Barris made the phone call to Will Packer, producer of
“Girls Trip”, and told him just how dope her idea was.
Tracy Y. Oliver revealed further details from behind the scenes
regarding the highly anticipated film and its Executive Producer
on her Instagram. She said, “I went in Universal to do a joint pitch
with a then 11-year old @marsaimartin for this movie that she
dreamt up. So young, but so confident. Way more than me. Thank
you for the honor of writing this movie. Proud of you, girl”. So, not
only is our beloved Marsai Martin an amazing actress, it seems like
she’s now a triple threat with more to add to her resume.
Marsai has also managed to successfully nab a production deal
with Universal Pictures. Her company Genius Productions just
recently signed a deal with Universal in which she’ll be developing
her own scripted projects for the company. Her first project with
Genius Productions is set to be a film called “StepMonster,” which
is a comedy film similar to her upcoming movie, “Little.” As if it
were any surprise, Genius Productions already has a few fans
excited and fellow celebs congratulating Marsai on her astonishing
accomplishments. Marsai is definitely giving Hollywood what it
needs as far as comedy, creativity and representation.
Overall, Marsai is not wasting time or even dabbling with the
idea of limitations. The triple-threat actress is making her mark
and letting it be known that, despite her age, her boundless spirit
and talent is a force to be reckoned with. More importantly, this
deal is not only significant to fellow young actresses or even
young girls, but it’s an eye-opener for the Black community. This
young queen represents that regardless of size, we’re capable of
extraordinary feats. In truth, her accomplishments show that as
a people, we naturally connect and we’re only scratching the very
surface of what lies beyond the sky, we have several infinities
to conquer before we even utter the word “done.” Marsai even
told Teen Vogue about her high hopes of what we can accomplish
by saying, “I hope that in 21 years, we won’t even have to be a first
anymore: First black woman to do this, or first black male, or first
woman to do that… I hope that we always have diversity, that we
have equality and representation every step of the way.”
YASMEEN LUDY
MiC Blogger
I think that student orgs offer an important
opportunity for students from different
backgrounds and perspectives to come together
to do work they are passionate about. As part of
my work for a student org, I have been helping to
organize social justice workshops for high school
students. These workshops are aimed not only
at helping the students learn about their own
identities, but teaching them how to accept people
with different identities. One of the workshops
focused on stereotypes and microaggressions.
This workshop was meant to portray the dangers
of making assumptions about people based
on stereotypes and the negative effect that
microaggressions can have on individuals that are
subjected to them. When asking the students
KHADEJA JOMAA
MiC Columnist
The importance
of acceptance
READ MORE AT MICHIGANDAILY.COM
Michigan in Color
Marsai Martin: The little queen with big dreams