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January 25, 2016 - Image 8

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2B — January 25, 2016
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
SportsMonday

I tried out for the Michigan football team

Y

ou’ve all heard it before.
The Michigan football
season ends, either in

victory or
defeat, and
the team’s
seniors, after
playing their
final game
in maize and
blue, talk
about what
a privilege
it is to wear
the uniform
of one of the
most storied programs in college
football.

Saturday, I found out it has

nothing to do with tradition
or a history of excellence. The
jerseys are just impossible to get
over a human head.

I put on my No. 6 Michigan

football jersey Saturday morning
at 9:15, right before I tried out
for the Michigan football team
in Al Glick Field House. Any
full-time student at Michigan
could try out, and I was one
of about 55 to take up the
opportunity.

I figured putting the jersey

on would be the easiest part
of the event. But it turns out
the bottom of the uniform is
actually some sort of elastic
contraption that is almost
impossible to stretch. My head
is enormous (physically, but
I’ve been told metaphorically as
well), and it took me a minute or
two to figure out how to actually
get the jersey
over my head
and onto my
body.

I tried to

look cool and
play it off
afterward,
and I don’t
think anyone
else noticed.
They were too
busy discussing their chances of
actually making the team. I was
just hoping to survive the tryout.

Playing football has never

really been on my radar. In
elementary school, I was
usually picked last in recess.
But now that I’m a second-
semester senior and have more
NCAA eligibility than college
newspaper eligibility, I thought
I’d give it a try.

In practicality, it probably

wasn’t a wise decision. I’m
5-foot-7 (and one quarter-
inch, according to the official
measurements at the tryout)
and 150 pounds. I’m basically
Dennis Norfleet without speed,
dance moves or any semblance
of hand-eye coordination. (For
full disclosure, I’m not even
exaggerating about the hand-eye
coordination issue: I recorded
a grand total of zero hits in my
final season of Little League
when I was in sixth grade.)

My last foray into organized

athletics came in eighth grade,
when my friend Zach and I
decided to join the middle
school track team. We thought
it would be a good way to stay
in shape and hang out with
our friends. We ran the mile at
every meet, and it was a rare
occasion when the two of us
didn’t finish last.

During the final race of the

season, our coach gave us a pep
talk for the ages as we finished
our third out of five times
around the track: “Don’t get
lapped!”

I figure the most practical

purpose I could serve on the

Michigan
football team
would be as a
third-string
long snapper.
Starter Scott
Sypniewski
got hurt last
season and
also had to
play through
a 103-degree

fever against Indiana. The
Wolverines only have one
true backup at the position in

Andrew Robinson. What if both
of them get hurt? Michigan
will have a new starting center
next season with Graham
Glasgow gone, and you can’t
have his replacement worrying
about snapping the football on
special teams.

However, I didn’t see long

snapper as an option on the
tryout list, so I opted to try out
as a fullback. With Joe Kerridge
and Sione Houma out of the
picture, maybe Harbaugh would
be so desperate for a sixth-string
fullback that I could make the
cut. With an offseason to get
ready, I could definitely turn 150
pounds into 210 pounds.

But first I had to make it

through the tryout.

We were informed early on

that we couldn’t use footballs,
per NCAA rules. Since I struggle
to catch a football and run at the
same time, it was welcome news.

We started the tryout by

warming up with strength coach
Kevin Tolbert. But warming up
like a Michigan football player
isn’t a casual hobby. If you’re
even so much as a few inches
out of position, you’re promptly
called out and told to even out
the lines. I, somehow, avoided
scolding.

It turned out that some

freshman and sophomore walk-
ons who were already on the
team participated in the tryout,
so I just looked at what they
were doing during stretching
and hoped I wouldn’t look like a
complete idiot. I only partially
looked like one.

That changed a few minutes

later. We started doing high
knees for 20 yards, and I
struggled to correctly keep the
pace. One second I’d be going
too slow, the next I’d be going
too fast. We were supposed to be
perfectly in sync, and I wasn’t.

Next, we had to run 20 yards

at 75 percent in large groups.
The problem was, I could tell
immediately that my 75 percent
would be nothing compared

to everyone else’s 75 percent,
so I ran at 100 percent. I still
finished last.

I was already panting, before

the actual drills had even
started. Just the fact that we
had to jog every time we moved
was enough cause for heavy
breathing.

At some point in the middle

of all of this, Jim Harbaugh
appeared, seemingly out of
nowhere. I mean, he probably
came from somewhere, but I was
too tired to notice.

Of course, the first thing

Harbaugh talked about was
a competition — the 40-yard
dash. He invited the guys
already on the team to run first.
Then he asked attendees who
thought they were fast enough
to keep up to step forward. I
stayed put.

Harbaugh personally

administered the 40-yard dash,
blowing the whistle and telling
his assistants to pick out the
fastest guys in each heat.

Mind you, some of the top

recruits in the country were in
town this weekend. And yes,
Jim Harbaugh was watching a
few of his players and a bunch
of random students run the
40-yard dash.

I believe I ran it twice, but

it could’ve been three times. It
doesn’t really matter. If worms
had machine guns, then birds
would be afraid of them, right?

Sadly, I performed poorly.

I’m pretty sure I finished last
in all of my races, but I was
too focused on not completely
embarrassing myself to take a
full look around.

Harbaugh gave the group

some advice, too. He said you
can play football by being one
of three things: fast, tough or
smart. I know I’m not fast or
particularly tough (I stood and
watched the last time I saw a
brawl at Rick’s), but I figured
there’s a slight chance I could
be smart.

That notion was quickly

dispelled when we broke into
position groups and took a
water break. I couldn’t figure
out how to spray the hose
contraption we were supposed
to drink out of, so I just went
without water until I could
figure out how to get the water
out of the hose (I ended up not
drinking until much later in the
tryout, so maybe I am tough
after all).

The next portion of the

morning wasn’t so torturous.

We went around to four stations
in our position groups. At the
first station, we completed
lateral high-step drills. I made
it through without major
incident, just like I did in the
second station, where we ran
around cones. I was slower than
everyone else, but I didn’t fall
flat on my face. Huge win, and
a little bit closer to becoming a
Michigan football player.

I really starred in the third

station, where we ran the
40-yard dash again. We got to
run it twice. The first time, I
ran a 5.7. I could hardly breathe
afterward, but I must’ve
recovered nicely. I didn’t even
hear them call out my time after
my second rep, so I assume
they must’ve been extremely
impressed and didn’t want to
embarrass everybody else. I
probably ran a 4.2.

Some problems arose in

the fourth and final station.
Running backs coach Tyrone
Wheatley stood in the middle of
two sets of cones. He motioned
for us to either run forward or
backward or to hit the ground
and pop back up. I tried it three
times, but messed up horribly on
each try. He motioned for me to
go off to the side, where another
staff member asked if I was
feeling OK.

I told him I was just bad at

football. I think he tried to
reassure me for a second that I
wasn’t bad, then realized there
was no point in lying.

I knew I’d have to impress

in the final stage of the on-field
portion of the tryout: position
drills. I was hoping that as a
fullback, I’d just get to smash my
head into things, but that wasn’t
the case.

We did a bunch of offense-

defense drills in which the
runner had to evade the
defender in a small area. I wasn’t
exactly Drake Johnson. I was
two-hand touched down every
single time. Once, the defender
decided to throw me to the
ground. I should’ve gotten up
and punched him in the jaw, but
I was just too worn out. He also
probably had 60 pounds on me
and would’ve destroyed me in
a fight.

My highlight of the day, for a

moment, came on the defensive
side of the drill. On one rep, late
in the drill, I two-hand touched
my opponent perfectly in the
shoulders. If I had been allowed
to tackle, I probably would’ve
bodyslammed him.

The glory only lasted for a

moment, though. Wheatley
immediately started coaching
the kid on how the running back
should always win one-on-one
every time when a defender
stops moving his feet, which I
apparently did. Whoops.

After the position drills,

Harbaugh gathered us as a
group. He had the walk-ons who
were already on the team stand
up, and said they probably stood
out throughout the tryout. He
then added they would likely
take a few other kids from the
tryout, too.

I’m pretty sure he wasn’t

talking about me.

Harbaugh rhetorically asked

us if we would be ready to jump
right into winter conditioning
if we were selected. I nodded
vigorously, figuring that could
definitely increase my chances.

Then, he had current players

stay out to evaluate the punters,
kickers and quarterbacks with
footballs since the coaches
weren’t allowed to. He sent the
rest of us to take more physical
tests, and we were told we
would likely hear if we made the
team by the end of the weekend.

I don’t think I helped my

chances in the long jump. I
failed to stick the landing on
my first two tries, so I went
conservative on the third try.
I didn’t hear the final number,
but I jumped 4-foot-something.
I didn’t hear any other results
under 6-feet.

Then they tested how high we

could jump. I jumped 14 inches,
which is why my friends call
me the Jewish Jordan (Editor’s
note: Nobody calls him that).

Finally, I could see the finish

line. For the final drill of the day,
we went into the weight room
to bench press. I figured I could
easily bench the bar, maybe a
little more.

Unfortunately, the only test

was to see how many reps you
could do of 225 pounds, so I sat
off to the side with another kid
who also couldn’t bench 225
pounds.

He commented that this

probably wasn’t good for our
chances. I don’t know about
him, but I still haven’t gotten a
call that I made the team.

I’ll probably stick to writing.

Cohen can be reached at

maxac@umich.edu or on Twitter @

MaxACohen. If he doesn’t respond to

your emails and tweets immediately,

it’s probably because he’s still sore.

SPORTSMONDAY COLUMN

ALLISON FARRAND/Daily

Max Cohen didn’t know he would be trying out for the Michigan football team when he took this picture in November.

MAX
COHEN

I was just
hoping to
survive the

tryout.

winning by double digits for the
eighth time this season. Though
the
Wolverines
came
away

victorious, they were not pleased.

“I’m
disappointed,”
said

sophomore Alec Pantaleo. “I look
at my guys, and they have the most
potential out of any guys I’ve ever
met. Sometimes you don’t see
that out on the mat. Don’t get me
wrong, we came out with a win,
but I was looking at it and that
should have been a shutout dual.
We made careless mistakes.”

“A few of those guys got beat

tonight in some close matches,
they let some guys off the hook
and it’s tough,” added McFarland.
“It’s frustrating to see. I mean, it’s
always nice to get a win. I thought
we did enough to win. I know I
wasn’t pleased.”

After
a
frustrating
win,

Michigan needed to turn the page
and refocus for Sunday’s match
against Indiana.

But the Wolverines did not start

the match the way they wanted,
and it looked as if Sunday’s meet
was going to be a continuation
of Friday night’s, when redshirt
junior Conor Youtsey lost his
match on a takedown with less
than 10 seconds remaining. Down
3-0, Michigan looked to senior
Rossi Bruno to get the match going.

Bruno looked strong Sunday

and beat his opponent handily,
15-2, earning four points for the
Wolverines. Michigan continued
to dominate the match, but the
highlight came in the 174-pound
match, when Mahomes defeated
his opponent on a hard-fought bout,
9-8. Mahomes’ victory crushed
any hopes of a Hoosier comeback,
building the lead to 16-6.

“174 was a huge match for us,”

McFarland said. “I knew that
was gonna be a tight one. We’ve
been talking to him a lot about
staying on his offense. When he
is offensive and scoring points,
he is hard to beat. He wore
that kid out at the end and took
advantage of that third period.
He had a strong third period, so
it was fun to see.”

Michigan could not have asked

to be in a better position with their
top three wrestlers yet to wrestle.
The so-called “Murderer’s Row”
of Abounader, sixth-year senior
Max Huntley and junior Adam
Coon outscored its opponents,
35-6, with two of the three
matches ending early by pin.

The Wolverines ended the

weekend with two wins, though
they weren’t completely satisfied.
Still, not being satisfied with
winning is a pretty good spot for
the Wolverines find themselves,
especially this late in the season.

WRESTLING
From Page 1B

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