THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Saturday, February 10, 1940
Masculine Word Won't Mean A Thing
The Boys Ha
Better Be Nic
(Ed. Note: Boys,Don't Take
Too Seriously. I Knew Her
Away Back When . . .)
In the land of the Ultimate T
the land of nickel beers and be
ful women and a car in every ga
men will be properly relegated
certain place and what's more,
will keep that place or people
us will want to know the reason
To begin with, in the deli
delightful country of Jayhopm
all is supposedly peace and quie
of a certain sort, for the inhabi
are the kind of people who are a
howling that what they want i
is a little peace and quietude
now, by the great gods Bacchu
Freud, they're going to get it.
In order to achieve that hI
state, men should be abolishe
d what's more, their presents will tuce and nothing else. No little snap- has even heard of the brittle, suc- number, attired in an old sweat shirt
magically cease to look like some- shots of all the goon girls they used rint phrase with which they are wont and a pair of baggy pants because
o go with back home with one pic- to deposit you at your door in this they have decided at the last moment
e hn y wnin t ab bag ture of a minor movie actress whom mortal vase, "Well, I'll be seeing you to go bicycle riding. And when they
a n hthey don't know but would like to around sometime," let alone using it. do go bicycle riding, they go riding
They will all dance marvelously know. No pictures at all. Men who sit down at radios and and we don't mean any monkey
and meltingly but that will not be There will be no lemon colored do nothing but twiddle the dials from business either.
all that they can do marvelously and shirts, no violet colored shorts, no one station to another for hours up- When they go off on a business
meltingly. They will not clutch the raspberry pajamas with green stripes. on end will be boiled in oil, or maybe trip for two weeks in the country
Her back of your dress with a damp paw There will be no brown pants worn if it is a first offense, they will be they do not write you letters that
so that the nether parts of your vith blue coats, there will be no strung up by their garters. could go through the wringer twice
knees show, nor will they hold your shiny yellow shoes with neatly point- They will not wear their spurs to and still come up dripping. Nor do
right hand up so high that it look sd toes, there will be no peg-top a military ball so that they can rip they scrawl over four pages the exact
as though you were asking permis- trousers, in fact, all men will come and rent your nicest formal with temperature in the shade that day.
sion to leave the room, nor will they straight from the Esquire presses, greater efficiency. They will not Nor do they simply not write you
hule, treat it as though it were a coal simply glowing with health. appear for a date when you are sit- at all, which IS perhaps the simplest
. shovel. And they most certainly will There will be not a single male who ting around in a slinky little black way out but scarcely most satisfactory.
auti- not leave you to dance with friends
rage, of their's whose dandruffy locks "::y
to a nestle cosily under your chin, while
they they go off for a chat with some of
like the fellows. They will not sing, hum,
why. whistle, or explain how to play court
cious, whist with two packs of cards while ::.
tude, They will not treat you as though,
tants you were Queen of the B's nor will
,lways they behave as though you were re- <Yg
n life dolent of lavendar and terribly old
and lace. That means they will not
s and smack you playfully as you are about
to leave a roomful of chaperons or
issful aged aunts, nor will they tenderly
d en- tuck an arm under your elbow and
oj ils /Id
Marian For President, Fellows
tirely; but chiefly for economic rea- essay you up and down curbs so that
sons and because most women will you look like a drunk friend whom
never learn to lead a partner through they are taking home to save taxi
the intricacies of the Conga or even fare.
a game of Drop-the-Handkerchief, They will not go to movies and
we will permit men to be present, but howl and roll in the aisles with
only the very best of them. You and laughter and then come out and tell
you and you will have to stay home ;veryone how it was a simply stink-
and don't think you aren't lucky! ing picture and only a fool would
Anyway, we have to have someone ro to see it. And no one will say that
to light our cigarettes for us and hey think Ginger Rogers is a pretty
open doors and other simple little cute dish.
courtesies. However, we will be very There will be no dogs allowed, ab-
nice to our men; we will even give solutely no dogs at all, which will
them a nickle for a cup of coffee or vanish the thousands of collective
maybe even a dime for a hamburger hours wasted by the hundreds of
if they are ever in need. After we noncollective women in listening to
have cleaned them out of all their sad tales of good old Brownie whc
ready cash, in this land where we was quite a dog and who lived to be
can play spit-in-the-ocean in OUR 17 years old only who was tragically
own way, that is. run over by a fire-truck one day.
In Jayhopmania, the men we have There will be a state law that pro-
known for years and years and found vides that every man over 16 must
quite harmless, will never suddenly get a haircut twice a month unless
turn and spring on us like a bear they are throwbacks and then they
from out behind a closet door. must get one each week. And what
They will stop spreading propa- will be nicest of all, they will all have
ganda about what utterly wretched .heir hair, lots of it.
Christmas presents we buy them, and Their bill folds will be full of let-
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