4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, November 17, 1995
I
BRENT MCINTOSH
MCINTOSH CLASSICS
420 Maynard Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Edited and managed by
students at the
MICHAEL ROSENBERG
Editor in Chief
JU LIE BECKER
JAMES M. NAsH
Mastering the geat art ofSmall
Talk: s~orts, psych and weather
University of Michigan " Editorial Page Editors
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion ofa majority of the Dail 's editorial board. All
other articles, letters, and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
LSA-SG leader's plan will fuel bureaucracy
fLSA Student Government President Rick
Bernstein's recent LSA reform plan were
to come to fruition, the University's College
of Literature, Science and the Arts would be
no more. Existing in its place would be the
'College of Humanities, the College of Arts
and Letters, the College of Communication
Arts, and the Academy of Sciences. This
simply doesn't have the same ring to it as
"LSA" -for more reasons than one.
Bernstein's proposal defines the central
LSA administration as the problem and the
faculty as benefactors of a flawed system. He
concludes that issues of salary and tenure
could be more easily resolved in smaller
subcommittees. His ideas demonstrate noble
concern for members of the faculty, but a
flagrant disregard for the students who would
have to eke out a liberal arts education amid
the confusion. The LSA Student Govern-
ment has a responsibility to represent the
student population and act in the students'
best interest. For the most part, Bernstein has
done so in his presidency: Relevant propos-
als such as teaching assistant quality im-
provement and reform of drop/add conse-
quences mark Bernstein as a responsible and
concerned leader. With this new proposal,
however, he jeopardizes the credibility of
both his leadership and his agenda. The dan-
ger of losing credibility with administration
and faculty is serious enough; losing student
trust may doom future LSA-SG efforts.
The proposal is based on Bernstein's ob-
servation that the LSA curriculum is not as
specific or delineated as the University's
professional schools. To split the college,
however, would undermine the very nature
ofthe liberal arts education as defined by the
University. LSA, by design, is a diverse
college that embraces a variety of disciplines
- or, as Bernstein states on page 1 of his
proposal, "an academic potpourri." The fact
that the curriculum is varied is not in itself an
invitation to reform. LSA students earn de-
grees in concentrated disciplines - but they
also have access to supplementary options,
available to them within the college.
One of the primary selling points of
Bernstein's proposal is that it would serve to
reduce bureaucracy within the college. Simple
arithmetic demonstrates that dividing one by
four is contrary to the concept ofbureaucracy
reduction. In the current college, students
attempting to coordinate requirements deal
only with interdepartmental communication
and negotiation - a significantly challeng-
ing task and, more often than not, a frustrat-
ing hassle. Under Bernstein's proposal, stu-
dents - in order to obtain a true liberal arts
education - will have to cross not only
departmental lines, but collegiate lines as
well. The plan offers no preliminary indica-
tion of bureaucracy reduction. If anything,
communication would become much more
tedious and confusing. This reveals the ma-
jor flaw of the plan - ultimately, the stu-
dents will suffer.
If LSA-SG wishes to call for administra-
tive reform, it must find a feasible way of
doing so. Specifically, future proposals must
not force students to shoulder the burdens
that would accompany a delineated College
of LSA. Bernstein's proposal, by complicat-
ing students' pursuit of a liberal arts educa-
tion, has forgotten the real objective - un-
tangling the bureaucracy that stands in the
way of an education.
Small Talk is an art.
Most people do not possess the skills to
Small Talk: with sadness and a sense of
woeful inadequacy, I admit that I am among
the vast majority who cannot Small Talk
properly.
Small Talk requires us to remember
names, something I absolutely cannot do.
It's not just remembering them in the
longterm. I forgetthem in minutesseconds.
Many times, the name never registers at all.
I'm introduced to the woman who could
be my wife, but when our common friend
does the "Romeo, meet Juliet; Juliet, meet
Romeo" thing, I'm too consumed with not
looking like a total dork to remember her
name. Which, of course, makes me look like
a total dork. It just prolongs the agony.
Many people I know have this problem
of forgetting names. My mother, for ex-
ample, saw me for the first time in months
the other day. Her response? "Oh, it's great
to see you again ... what was your name
again?"
This lack of nomenclatural memory has
spawned a unique vernacular at large col-
leges across the country. At small schools,
students can be expected to remember other
students' names.
At large research universities - for ex-
ample, this one - students cannot be re-
quired to remember all of their fellow stu-
dents' names.
I tried. I forgot 647 of the 35,000-plus
names at Michigan.
So we do this thing called "generic nam-
ing.'
You know: You met some kid at Orien-
tation, you're now a sixth-year junior, and
you see the guy in the library.
"Hey, what's up, dude?" you say.
Or "How's it going, chief?"
Or "big guy," "girlfriend." or "beauti-
fui''
When someone addresses you as one of'
these, you can take it as a compliment - or
you can realize that your "friend" just can't
summon your name from the depths of his or
her memory.
Such are the intrigues of Small Talk.
Well-executed Small Talk requires in-
depth knowledge ofjust about everything on
the planet - or else it requires the ability to
convince your fellow Small Talker that you
have such knowledge.
True story: I once sat at a wedding recep-
tion with the world's greatest Small Talker.
le managed to draw a University of Michi-
gan psychology professor into an involved
discussion of the nuances of operant condi-
tioning that would have made B.I. Skinner
jealous.
After the professor had left, I asked Mr.
Small Talk where he did his psychology
doctoral studies.
"I know nothing of psychology,." he con-
fided in me with a hushed voice, "except
what I learned from a half-hour PBS special
two years ago."
He later admitted that he only watched
part of the show; he just caught glimpses
while making lasagna for his girlfriend's
parents.
He then went on to talk about the weather.
The weather is the favorite topic of Small
Talkers everywhere, but in Michigan the
weather Small Talk takes on a deeper di-
mension.
People in 'my classes love to say, "Hey,
it's really cold out today, huh, dude'?"
To be polite, I reply, "Yeah, pretty cold
today, chief"
Inside, though, I'm thinking, "Yeah, of
course it's cold. It's mid-November in Michi-
gan." This really doesn't bother me as mind-
less chatter, but when people start to whine
about the weather, that's a different story.
It's Michigan - it's supposed to be
frigid for six months of the year. Did you
expect Acapulco?
Second only to weather on the Small
Talk Top 10 is sports. People who hate
sports - for example, artsy-fartsy types -
can't figure out why sports draws so much
idle chatter.
Let me clue you in: Many of us are sports
fans. Why be a fan of sports? Frankly, it's
better than being a fan of weather: "Well,
droughts are pretty good this year, but I was
always raised to be a torrential rain backer."
(The city of Miami has recognized the
fundamental divide between fans of sport
and fans of weather, and is attempting to
heal the rift by calling their teams the Heat
and the Hurricanes. Apparently, south Flo-
ridians suffer the delusion that a Dolphin is
an atmospheric event, some sort of cloud
formation.)
Whoa. A whole column about the inane
and decidedly tedious topic of Small Talk.
And you read to the bottom. Thanks.
Maybe I'm not so bad at this Small Talk
thing ... I'm sorry, what was your name
again'?
-Brent McIntosh loves to Small Talk
over e-mail at nctoshl(gumich.edu.
JIM LASSER
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'Your threats are
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- University Regent
Andrea Fischer Newman
(R-Ann Arbor), rebuking
George Brewer, faculty
government chair, for his
comments on the Code
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THET SMITHONIA
1THE SMITHSONIAN -
Photos under wraps
The Minnesota Daily takes a bold stand
I
O ne of the most difficult decisions jour-
nalists can face is whether to protect the
integrity of their profession and publication
or to obey court orders that may compro-
mise it. Students at the University of
Minnesota's Minnesota Daily are currently
embroiled in this dilemma. The paper's edi-
':tor in chief has decided to risk jail to protect
Jthe publication's credibility and First Amend-
ment rights.
The case revolves around a fight that
occurred at an anti-Nazi rally in 1993 on the
university's campus. The defendant claims
he was protecting himself from the other
individual, who may have been wearing brass
knuckles. A photographer from the paper
attended the rally and took pictures of the
fight--which, prosecutors say, may clear up
contradictory eyewitness accounts of the in-
cident.
Late last month, the Minnesota Court of
Appeals ruled that the student newspaper
must surrender these unpublished photo-
graphs to the court, which will decide whetter
prosecutors can use them for the case. This
decision capped off nearly two years of legal
battles to keep the photographs from the
prosecution.
The paper's editor in chief, Michele Aimes,
deserves commendation for her bold stand to
risk jail in order to hold onto the photos. The
integrity of journalism depends largely on
the public's trust in reporters to cover the
news fairly and objectively -to be indepen-
dent of the government. If papers begin serv-
ing courts with information,journalists would
have a more difficult time finding sources,
readers could try to physically harm mem-
bers of the news media and much of the
public would view their main source ofinfor-
mation as tainted and lacking integrity.
America's entire media would suffer.
If The Minnesota Daily turned over the
photographs, it would lose much of its
readership's trust and confidence. For this
reason, the Minnesota court's decision is
faulty. Courts must understand the impor-
tance of public trust. Any attempt to make the
journalist compromise or erode this trust will
undermine one of the fundamental purposes
of the press: its objectivity.
This situation rarely arises at college pa-
pers, so The Minnesota Daily's decision is
important. The court will soon decide whether
to hold Aimes in contempt for her refusal to
comply with the order. Much of the nation
has looked to Minnesota in recent weeks to
see what will happen, and this case could set
a precedent. Defying the court order would
help other college papers around the country
make similar decisions and bolster students'
confidence in their universities' papers.
Newspapers should never become the right
arm of law enforcement agents, and should
never be forced to aid them. The overall
outcome is bigger than the specific paper or
people involved and its effects may linger for
many years.
VIEWPOINT
Nation of Islam is a mispercelv
By Cynthia Manson
I'd like to clear up several
misperceptions about the Nation
of Islam that have appeared in
this paper since the Million Man
March. It is good so many have
recognized the importance of this
event. In discussing Minister
Louis Farrakhan's leadershipand
the role of the Nation of Islam in
black communities, however, we
need to avoid oversimplifications
common in the media.
The Nation of Islam is a sepa-
ratist organization, and has as its
theological basis the belief that
the black race is chosen by God
(Allah), and will one day be re-
stored to its original glory and
power by the power of Allah. At
this point, white people, who are
believed to be creations of an evil
force, will be judged by Allah as
part of the restoration of justice.
While this theology is not very
attractive to those of us who are
white, it is also not unique in
Western religion. Various Chris-
tian theologies include the idea of
the restoration of the Chosen at
Judgment Day, and many include
severe punishment for all others.
The Nation of Islam is only one of
many perfectly respectable reli-
gions that have condemned me,
Manson is a teaching assistant
for Religion in the African
American Experience.
and people should consider their
context before getting upset about
the Nation of Islam alone.
The Nation is similar to white
supremacist groups in its belief
that the Chosen are decided by
"race." The Ku Klux Klan also
believes that the destiny of the
white race is to rule in God's
Kingdom. The similarity ends
here, however. While the Nation
of Islam, like most other Western
theologies, believes that the ar-
rival of God (or Christ, the Mes-
siah, or Allah) begins the period
of restoration, the Klan believes
that humans must prepare the
Kingdom, and advocates terror-
ism in pursuit of this goal.
Nothing in the theology of the
Nation of Islam will result in a
member burning a cross on your
front lawn or engaging in vio-
lence in the name of Allah until
Allah Himself is here. In fact,
with a very few exceptions, Na-
tion of Islam members support
non-violence, and carry no weap-
ons. Malcolm X's phrase "by any
means necessary" pertains only
to protecting the hard-won right
to vote, and all of those who fought
the American Revolution did so
for the same principle.
Separatist theologies are frus-
trating forthose who are excluded,
but whites should not be too quick
to accuse the Nation of "accom-
plishing nothing." The Nation has
focused on protecting and serv-
ing the most invisible members
ofblack communities, and is more
successful at prison rehabilita-
tion than any public or Christian
group (black or white). Nation of
Islam schools are popular among
both members and non-members.
The respect that many have for
Minister Farrakhan is a response
not to his theology, which is lim-
ited in its appeal, but to his activi-
ties, which are widely known in
black communities but virtually
unreported in the national press.
Minister Farrakhan's remarks
about Jews and others are serious
and troubling to both whites and
blacks, but are often discussed as
though they are the only evidence
of anti-semitism in our society,
when Pat Robertson and others
with national political ambitions
are equally culpable. The situa-
tion is worsened by the mispercep-
tion among whites that blacks
universally accept Farrakhan's
views, when in fact, the Nation of
Islam is not large (it has roughly
20,000 to 50,000 members, while
orthodox Islam has more than 2
million African American adher-
ents), and is itself split into sev-
eral factions. Many remarks at-
tributed to Farrakhan's organiza-
tion are products of splinter
groups led by people such as
Khalid Muham-med. One need
only look as far as Headline News
ed group
to know that Farrakhan's theol-
ogy was not why so many at-
tendedthe Million Man March,
The men I know who went did so
to support the universal religious
ideas of peace and atonement,
and to respond to the negative
image of black men in this cul-
ture.
Finally, it is unfortunate that
white people compare modern
black leaders, including Minister
Farrakhan, unfavorably with Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr. It demon-
strates a fundamental misunder-
standing of Dr. King's philoso-
phy to apply words like "color-
less society" to his vision. He was
working for the repeal of legal
segregation, not necessarily for
complete integration. His
"legacy" has largely been defined
by whites, often under the same
misperception that there is one
preferable "black" viewpoint. In
fact, while he was not a separat-
ist, King's goals for black com-
munities were not really at odds
with those held by the Nation of
Islam. Minister Farrakhan's
speech on Oct. 16 was a testi-
mony to the common goals of
various religious groups in the
black community. Although he
would not agree with Nation of
Islam theology, Dr. King would
no doubt have been supported
Minister Farrakhan's message of
peace. We should all value that.
HOW TO CONTACT THEM
Michigan Student Assembly
Flint Wainess, President
3909 Union
7R A 9A1
LETTER
Clinton should
back down in
IUS. ijdget
Slick Willie had a cow, and said
that the plan had too short a time-
table, and came out with his own
plan to balance the budget in seven
years, which is the timetable of
not be allowed to spend more
than it takes in, except for situa-
tions such as wartime.
There are more than enough
outdated agencies and depart-
to rely on government to take
care of them in all aspects oftheir
life, instead of using the programs
as safety nets for the truly needy.
Well, we can no longer afford
i