A ES "MOWMMAN DA,
SUNDAY- AUGUST I& Hal
_ _._. IE- wAN DaN.W LT ZTp. V aT~lTuvw I io i--. 1p,* * Y-N * *P, ..
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less true observation we will put
the cover on our long-suffering
typewriter and wish you all a pleas-
ant and successful fiscal year. 1
_ 1 1#I
!MoANmegiaed urn eI andluhivly oatIU
"Aw te t e notatearwse.moditd
ad thi e ad a ed
toet "ra uas. sec
2Oni4 at lb. An tArber, Mishia.s po.
oldes as iseed elsas matter.
saepttrea 1w carr, $1.50; by mafl.
921"1seBuilding, Maynard Street,
SdItMa, 4f ; B401 usiness
EDITORIAL STAFF
MANAQINO EDITOR
HAROLD 0. WARREIN JR.
.uewdae reete .......... Gurney wili.am
A SOCIATE EDITORS
Eleanor Rardo
amekw Marion Thornton
P. Cuter Showers
BUSINESSSTAFF
WILLIAM R. WORBOYS
A "a" uetl. ManAer .. Vernon Bishp
Manager ............ Car Marty
4dvertisins Manaer......... Jack Butain
oan..Circulation. . ..Thomas Muir
Night Editor-Sher M. Quraishi
Night Editor-GURNEY WILLMS
Night Editor-C. W. CARPENTER
Night Editor-POWERS MOULTON
Night Editor-DENTON KUNZE
SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 1931
What Others Say
THE END
OF THE TRAIL
THE eight weeks are drawing to
a close, and a few moments
spent in retrospection cannot be
amiss. The time has been so short
that we must do something of the
kind to create a feeling of summa-
tion and achievement in ourselves.
Without being statistical, let us
glance back over the activities that
have been carried on on campus
this summer.
The most noteworthy fact of all
is that the University of Michigan
is located in Ann Arbor, 97 miles
from Detroit as the crow flies. The
crow we experimented with, we
hasten to add, was not great shakes
at direction and mad the trip by
way of Jackson and Flat Rock.
Moreover, unless you have a fair-
ly highly developed sense of humor,
this final edition of The Summer
Michigan Daily will be a total loss
for you. It has become a recent
custom to issue at least one bur-
lesque number of the paper each
summer, and we who have earnest-
ly endeavored to present Daily
readers with an interesting paper
each morning since the Summer
Session began have at last broken
down under the strain and let our
inhibited inspirations run amuck.
There will be many readers who
will fail to see anything humorous
in the garbling of a daily news-
paper; there will be scores of sub-
scribers who will read stories all
the way through and then will be-
come highly incensed by the hum-
orous twist that reveals the bur-
lesque; but there will be hundreds
who wil llaugh with us in the one
big spree toward which we have
labored through the hottest weeks
we have ever experienced.
We hope you will read this edi-
torial in order that the peculiar
appearance of these pages will be
explained to you; we hope you have
formed the habit of reading all
our editorials this summer (which
we doubt very much). At any rate,
that's the way matters stand, and
we hope your sense of humor is of
such a calibre that you will for-
give this typographical revolution.
All stories credited to the Associat-
ed Press, we might add, are authen-
tic.
But to return to a serious vein
for pust a moment -- and we prom-
ise you this is really serious - the
past few weeks have proved sin-
gularly successful for mist of us de-
spite more or less chaotic world
conditions. The most noteworthy
fact is that the University attained
a record in attendance for the ses-
sion. This is of importance not
simply because it is a record but
because it evidences the value and
interesting nature of the activities
offered the students.
A succesful program is a program
to be analyzed so that its essential
qualities may be retained when the
scope of the work is expanded. The
attendance record indicates that
the Summer Session is taking its
place as one of the major functions
of the University, and we may safe-
ly predict that next year's Session
will show a further increase in the
number of students of all ages who
will come to Ann Arbor to enjoy
its multiplicity of cultural and rec-
reational facilities.
With this bromidic but neverthe-
F'
UNSATISFACTORY
GOLF BALL
(Michigan Daily)
The present agitation in favor of
repealing the new golf ball comes
out of something more than the
disgruntled murmurings of habit-
bound sportsmen unwilling to make
a change. From every nook and
cranny of the country, wherever
golfers waggle clubs over the "bal-
loon" ball, the increasingly insis-
tent demand for a change back to
the old ball is remarkably consis-
tent in its objections.
The new ball, decreed by the Uni-
ted-States Golf Association, has
proved to be a nuisance from tee to
green; it is short on the drive, er-
ratic in any sort of wind, scarcely
ever straight on short pitch shots,
and a devilishly maddening, frog-
hopping pest on the putting green.
Perhaps the U.S.G.A. was justified
in forcing the general adoption of
the new ball on the grounds that
game was "too easy" but in the
light of the current storm of dis-
approval it is difficult to under-
stand why the Asociation does not
admit its error and give up the bal-
loon ball as a bad job.
>CORN ON
THE COB
(Daily Illini)
After all, perhaps the supreme
test of true love is to watch her
eating corn on the cob.
PENCIL
DOT
(Ann Arbor Daily News
The weight of a pencil dot on a
piece of paper can be accurately
weighed at a United States bureau
of standards.
THREE MEALS
A DAY
(Chicago Tribune)
Tomorrow's Menu.-
MORNING
Chilled Cantaloupe
French Toast Strawberry Jam
Coffee
NOON
Crabflake Salad Cheese Sticks
Sunshine Cake
Black Tea
NIGHT
Salmon Loaf
German Fried Potatoes
Combination Salad
Prune Whip
Demi-tasse
BOOST
ANN ARBOR!
(Ann Arbor Tribune)
DROR
(The New Yorker)
The night of the Walker-Sharkey
fight a man tried to call a news-
paper and find out who won. For
some reason or other, Central
couldn't put his call through. He
hung up and tried again, with the
same result. Finally, hot and an-
noyed, he saked Central if SH;E
could tell him who won. "We aren't
alolwed to give out that informa-
tion," she said, after a pause, this
apparently being a weighty prob-
lem for her. The gentleman
wheedled her. He said to take a
chance and tell him, what harm
could it do?, etc. There was an-
other pause. Then: "Nobody win.
It was a dror," said the accommo-
dating young lady.
50 YEARS AGO
tYESTERDAY
(Detroit Free Press)
The free reading room of the De-
troit public library was opened yes-
terday. * * * * News has reached
Las Vegas, N. M., of an Apache In-
dian raid on a smal Mexican vil-
lage, in which 27 of the 29 inhibi-
tants were killed. * * * * President
Garfield has thus far failed to ral-
ly from the relapse suffered several
days ago.
RUDY VALLEE'S
LOVE LIFE
(Detroit Times)
(Continued on Page Six)
- -- 7BELLIGERBN2J
BABIES
Detroit Times)
THIS IS A The mother with a child of from
UMOR two to three years usually suffers
COLUM a shock some bright day to see her
Whoops, my dear; and here, in heretofore docile baby suddenly
case you are interested, in case you (Continued on Page Five)
are interested, in case you're in- UNIVERSITY OF SHRDLU-
terested, are pictures of all our Women students here recently, Ivy
cousins: day recently, that is to say, Class
* * Day recently, graduates, enrolled
' Dept. Whoafle. some impossible number in the
Advt. Whoofle. Summer Session, or a gain of 326,
Expt. & Impt. Whoofle. or annual Cane day.
Cont'd Whoofle.
Max. & Min. Whoofle.
Bldg. Whoofle.
Grge & Rprng Srvce Whoofle
* * A
OOKY-WOOKY WHOOFLE.
. . (Note to Linotyper: Insert any
old cuts above the names).
Campus Opinion
Contributors are asked to be brief, SIR ARTHUR
confining themselves to less than 300 COANDYLE
words if possible. Anonymous cor-COADYL
munications will be disregarded. The
names of communicants will, however,
be regarded .as confidential, upon re-
quest. Letters publshed should not be
construed as expressing the editorial
opinion of The Daily.
Editor,
Sir,
At the opening of summer school,
I bought a subscription to the
Summer Daily and paid for it with
good hard-earned cash. At the time
of the purchase I was informed I
would receive my paper every
morning (except Monday) deliver-
ed at my door.'
The paper was never delivered
after the first three mornings. I THE SAME PEN
have written nine letters to your TWo WAYS
business staff, appeared four times -Conerted for Desk
in person at your offices, telephoned
seven times. I think your paper ?H
is terrible.
Yours truly Author of
Orton Wulsh
To the Editor,
What about that $10 you owe me?
Mervin Tzzyck Holmes
To the Editor: used this
Well, sir, it has certainly done my
old heart good, yes, sir, to see the Pressureless -Writing Pen
way your newspaper has backed GUARANTEED FOR LIFE
up the townspeople in our fight for 31% more Parkers in college too
a good, clean decent water supply. as nation -wide pen poll shows
The fellow who wrote that story The late Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
on the McKetchney Dam proposi- wrote reams of manuscript-tried
tion certainly does know how to all sorts of pens. Came the day, as
write. it has to 26 million others, when
If rcreainga thng o tht a he discovered the Pressureless-
If recreating a thing so that a Writing Parker Duofold. "I have
plain man like me can understand at last met my affinity in pens," he
every word and syllable of it is art, said. You, too, can gain great aid
then wour reporter who wrote that from this Pen that lets you write
without strain, and think without
story is an artist. Tell him I said irritation. Go to the nearest pen
so. counter and look for the name-
The McKetchney Dam, by the "Geo. S. Parker-DUOFOLD"-
way, is about the most worth while on the barrel. That Guarantees the
project this city has taken up in The Parker Pen Company
a good many years, and the fact Janesville, Wisconsin
that our renowned (oh, yes, it is,
Mr. Editor) Citizens Clarion con-
tinues to back it so powerfully prac-
tically insures the city of securing
it in the near future. It will not
only benefit the town, but, in the D u t~
near future, the whole of our beau-
tiful Wishywishywishy valley-the
fruit, jotato, and brake-linig cen- PENGUARANTEEDFORLIFE-5-7-S10
ter of the whole gosh-darned world. Pencils to match them all: $2.50 to S5
I sincerely hope that the Mc- Other Parker Pens, $2.75 and $3.50
Ketchney dam project will be put _ _--
through in the near future.
James B. Mfwyp "Let's wak"
To the Editor, Lii I
W atch your wife. .og w ell . . ."
A FRIEND
To the Editor,
THINGUMY DRY CLEANING CO.
1 pr. white trousers .75
1 pr. golf knickers .75
1 business suit .75
1 business suit, spots on .25
2.50 A
THE Neolithic men were un-
questionably a smart people.
Iusic Drama Inthe heart of the Umbrella
Age they figured out that
strolling in the rain would be
fun if you only didn't get wet.
Nn hina r w d bn" ant
ON THE
STAGE
AT THE
MICHIGAN
TODAY ONLY
30 Beautiful Girls
MISS EASTERN
MICHIGAN
AND THE
BATHING GIRLS
OF 1031
A Snappy-Peppy Revue
MAJESTIC
Now Playing
higher living -o7:00
highest hilarityloo
Wit
Rooe qjgrs
Enjoy A Splendid
Luncheon or Dinner
QUIETLY SERVED
in the
MAIN DINING ROOM
MICHIGAN
LEAGUE
Luncheons 75c
Dinners $1.00
Phone 23251
1 *
= ; i
s 1
. .. f
i
-r
SAS
Dainty, Charm ing30i
30 B:igBeauties II
ClsyDances I_7YOU FI
Special Song Hits
ON THE SCREEN
MARION DAVIES
in
"Five and Ten"
And Bobby Jones in
"Trouble Shots"
MONDAY OWL SHOW
"CRIMINAL CODE"
with Walter Huston
Philip Holmes
with
Fifi
Dorsay
Lucien
Littlefield
I ex
EELX
GICT U AE
Added
"DEVILS CABARET"
HEARST NEWS
HOLMES SCENIC
TAKE A RIDE ON
STR. TASHI0
U .
TO,
HOR
a
,~ '
The trenchant burlesque--if you'
would distinguish the maudlin (sol
the erotic Mr. Woolcott terms the
last production of East Lynne -
which is, in the light of the contag-
ious folly of that evening, a very
adquate though somewhat trite ex-
pression of sympathetic ardor for
the dramatic sensibilities of Dumas,
fitls, the French exponent ("A bird
in the hand is a horse of another
color,") M. Jules Mfwyp is said to
have remarked - the occasion be-
ing deliciously adapted to try the
insensitive robustness of Director
Windt Stevens Mercier dam per-
tinacity antiphonal harmony, anti-
phonal harmony, BLAAAHBwx shr
dlu shrdlu shrdlu.
Antiphonal harmony.
not W.J.G.
L 1oti ng more was aone a ou
it, though, until 1836, when
Tower started making slick-
ers. We're - good at it
now, if we do say it.
Fish Brand Slickers, roomy,
well-cut, long-wearing, are
sold everywhere, in a wide
range of models, weights and
colors, for men and others.
Your slicker will soon pay for
itself in reduced taxi and
pressing bills. Look for the
fish on the label. A. J. Tower
Company, 24 Simmons Street,
Boston, Massachusetts.
COME TO DETROIT
any day this Summer, park your car on the dock, and enjoy this all-day
sail over the great International Highway of Lakes and Rivers. Free
Dancing on the boat. Splendid Cafeteria and Lunch Service. See Detroit
river front, Belle Isle, Lake St. Clair, the Flats and the celebrated "Venice
of America." This cruise of 61 miles each way takes you through a con-
stantly changing panorama of rare land and water views.
Port Huron, Sarnia, St. Clair Flats, Algonac
Starting this trip from Port Huron passengers leave at 3:10 p. m., arriving
in Detroit at 7:45 p. m. Returning, leave Detroit at 9 the next morning,
arriving in Port Huron at 2:10 p. m.
Str. Tashmoo leaves Griswold St. Dock at 9 a. m., Daily and Sunday; arrive
Port Huron 2:10 p. mt Returning, leave PORT HURON, 3:10 p. m., arrive
Detroit 7:45 p. m. FAKES: Tashmoo Park or St. Clair Flats, week days 75c;
Sundays, $1.00, R. T. Port Huron or Sarnia, Ont., one way, $1.10, R.T. $2.
TASHMOO PARK '
half-way between -Detroit and Port Huron is Detroit's favorite pleasure park
where you may spend six hours and return on Str. Tashmoo in the
evening. Free dancing in the pavilion; picnic in the grove, baseball, golf
and all outdoor sports and amusements.
* reading G. T. Ry., between Detroit and Port
RalIroad Tickets Huron, are good on Str. Tashmooeither direction
Dancing Moonlights to Sugar Island
psi" to Detroit and enjoy an evening of music and dancing on Str.
Tashmoo and in the pavilion at Sugar Island. Tickets 75c. Park on the
dock. Leave at 8:45 every evening.
ADOH POPULAR SR. TASHMOO Footf Grswld St.
r