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February 09, 1953 - Image 30

Resource type:
Michigan Daily, 1953-02-09

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Page Twelve THE MICHIGAN DA I LY Monday, February 9, 195
(Editor's Note: The following re-
R Fl ky Jo- iport of the inauguration festivities kansas and the territories-Alt.
K waso withheld till now for security ka, Hawaii, the Virgin Island
reasons. The Daily observers, cracked swarming into Waohington for 5
Flunky's.J~ correspondents with our Washington 2 arg1it9as1910, 1
Bureau, somehow got caught up in first Republican inauguration
Fluf'Cthe parade, were carried along into 24 years-(1929, 1938, 1931, a
i 2 + ... a White House cabinet session, and oo on).
were appointed by a grinning, toothy Short, tall, fat, thin, bald, ma
^chap to recreational jobs with the
Depants Department. Sterling char- female, young, old, Republican
acter has precipitated quick promo- in a never ending kaleidoscope
l p w t B u l. tion; dear old Botcher is now an as- color-brown, yellow, green, a
sistant secretary. Sweet little "Upie" ange, grey, black, red, white an
AN ADMIRER tuscontributing to the seriyo dis blue-they strolled the tree-l:
"Just call, me flunkie," the new (hickory, elm, oak, maple, spru,
henchman in the Office of Stu- By BOTCHER KYES and pine, Hopper's beech, cherry
dent Paroles, Bull Boorman chor- OVETA ULP! WACKY streets (First St., Second I
tIed in an under-the-table inter- WASHINGTON - Inauguration Third St., A St., B St., C F'
view yesterday. Eve-Planes, trains, buses, cars, Connecticut Avenue, Delaw
Boorman, a heavy-set (90 lbs) taxi cabs, horses (steamers, freigh- Avenue, Pennsylvania Aves
ex-con who used to play ball with ters, ferries, row boats) brought and others.)
Murder Inc., likes his job which figuratively thousands of people Despite this mass exodus fr
involves "doing the administra- from all the 48 states -Maine, the 48 states (see above) Ann
tion's dirty work." New Hampshire, Vermont, Massa- bor fraternities, sororities and r
It's the sort of stuff I've been chusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Is- idence halls reported they wo
doing ever since I wuz a kid," land, New York, Pennsylvania, continue to serve meals.
the former goon squad leader New Jersey, Maryland, Delaware,
added as he whirled in his Virginia, West Virginia, North Drrrot's 'Ensian
swivel chair. Carolina, South Carolina; also 7
Boorman's day begins at 2 p.m. Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louis- Cops Fluke Priz
with a visit to Health Service for "h iana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Ken-
the day's death totals. "It always tucky, Ohio, Indiana.
makes me a little sad to see all CLISTINGLEFTISTS___TheseThe list continued with: Wis- The Michiganensian, winner
that draft bait go" he sobbed.i6 LISTING LEFTISTS - These ,9 prizes and gold medal awa
, N h oStwo Daily-liners held fast tocniinnsotaDMota, Illy at 96 world fairs, for proving t
AFTER THE Health Service their bias despite nearly a week Dakota, Idaho, Missouri, Mon- th tas won anote
trip Boorman arranges transpor- of submersion in darkest Re- tans, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Informhthas won another.
tation for students who have publicanism. Then, even they Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, No- Informed that hes rag-paper
flunked out and cleans the Ad- succumbed; when they finish up brs, Colorado, Utah, Califor- copped another fluke'E
ministration Bldg. toilets. L 1"' 1o their cabinet jobs both plan to ni, Oregon, Washington, Wyom- plagiarist Bob Dryrot was so
He then returns to his twelve sell their memoirs to the SEP, ing; - prised that he could only say,
room suite in the Sour HotelG and go into the nepotism busi- ' sure and get your subscription
where he attends parties with S t tics ness in Ann Arbor. THE LIST concluded with: Ar- The Daily."
different sororities every night.... . .... .
"My most important job, how-
ever, is to handle the problems of This is an epitaph.
fraternity men," Boorman said. The University, which for years
"To do this I try to keep them has dropped leaflets over Eastig
stocked with Quad meal tickets. Lansing, Smith and Vassar ad-
Boorman also issues a daily vertising the huge male-female l
Fraternity Fly with maps of the ratio here, is caught with its ratio
current safe drinking spots on way down.
campus. The present 1:1 man-woman
"This is sent to all fraternity ratio stands in ghastly contrast to
men and is responsible for their the 99.44:1 ratio women enjoyed Open every evening until I1:00
declining scholastic averages," he in the University's post-war hey-
added triumphantly, day when enrollment soared a bit Sunday untilM idnight
When asked to name his biggest to 2 billion. According to an
thrill since he took on his new infamous University historian,_
job, Bull whispered without hesi- however, this situation did little
tation-The Union Opera-boy, to make campus women 99.44 % ENTERTAINING NEEDS
did I get smashed." pure.
Editor Forbids rprtsNUG Friday's enrollment
ports had given women a whop-
ping advantage (3333.1417 men to BEER * WINE * CHAMPAGNE LIQ UOR
Typo Bloomers 3133.1416 women) the picture was
adulterated Ayatdramatic move MEATS and GROCERIES
by Susan B. Anthony XII at 2ME T an GR C IS
Typographical errors will no a.m. Saturday.
longer appear onbThe Daily, City According to a janitor's report, W ashington
Editor Barnes Connable said in a Miss Anthony whipped into 123i East ajrapliy-dciionlangtghton
major policy decision last night. aebyGma htuerh
"And from here on in, absolutely Waterboy Gym at that unearth-
no nmeswil bespeledwrog," ly hour whooping "Damn, damn,_
o names will be spelled wrong, damn to Michigamna" and sign-
Constable pointe ddout that ed up for a few unearthly cours-
"Our goal is to make this paper es.
RED and to develop the manure Reports from Denmark this
minds of the prudent body. morning indicated that Christine
The Waily will also have no was flying in to mess up the situa- _
mistaken dates, he said, hurriedly- tion even more.
tearinghis1492calendarfromthe- * * i
wall. UNTIL HE-SHE-IT does how-
"Gluub ableep uggg borrk," he ever, the equally-mixed campus
corncluded, refuting visshious offered an equally-mixed reaction
rumers that thhe linothpyers wer to the man-woman stalemate.
insan. Confronted with the 1:1 ratio,
"Theiyre raelye drunk," Comi- Dean of Women Deborah Ham-
cal explained. hock chuckled "This I Believe."


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