T HE MI CH IGA N D A ILY
Monday, February 11, 1952
New 'U' Ban Squelches Social Life!
The academic world reeled precedent would be followed that the social ban would be the
in amazementyegreatest step forward in Univer-
yesterday as by colleges all over the coun- sity history since the develop-
President Hank Thatcher an- try. ment of social probation. "This
lversity reg. * * pan has been materializing
nounced a nsew Univriyeg since 18731 when the first women
ulation banning all social ac- THE NEW regulation will not go were admitted to the Universi-
into-effect until next Monday. The ty," he said.
tivities. President, however, suggested that
The President, standin on students get into the swing of Some of the activities which will
Tthings by abandoning plans to at- be banished forever from Ann Ar-
a grave marker in Geddes ce- tend this year's J-Hop. "At first bor include Union Mixer Dances,
we'll have to use the honor sy- fraternity parties, life drawing
metery as he denounced dates, stem," he said, "but effective en- classes, Daily picnics, the Union
beer and fraternization, ex- forcement methods will be in oper- Steam Room and Coed Night at
ation soon," the I-M Building.
pressed his hope that the president Thatcher promised "There must be absolutely no
parties and banquets and parties
and so on," said Dean Hoo Ray.
The Office of Student Affairs
will be converted into headquar-
ters for the Campus Thought
Police, he announced.
Work has already begun to con-
vert the Nickols Arboretum, tra-
ditional meeting place for co-edu-
cational botany classes, into a
weapons testing ground for the
THE BAN of all liquor sales to
studen scaused Ann Arbor phar-
macists t seek new sources of cc-
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venue. "Maybe we can make up
the difference by raising the price
of bluebooks and No-Nods," one
The de-socialization of the
University will be fully com-
pleted by 1957, said President
Thatcher. At that time com-
plete segregation of sexes in
classes will be a reality. Serious
consideration is being given the
suggestion of a prominent re-
gent to build a separate campus
for women north of Chelsea.
When the Five Year Plan is ful-
filled, women in the dorms will
see visitors only through screens
of semi-transparent, double
strengh, wire re-inforced plastic.
The Dean of Women has already
announced new curfew hours of
7:30 every night.
A COMMITTEE of eight profes-
sors from the business administra-
tion school have reportedly been
dickering to purchase land for a
new football stadium, for women
only. It has been rumored that
several fraternity houses in the
Hill and Oxford Streets vicinity
will be condemned to make way for
the proposed athletic plant.
According to President
Thatcher, the new regulation is
really not such a startling inno-
vation. "The anti-social trend
has been developing here for
several years, particularly in the
Quads," lie said.
Prof. Heinrich Schweinkopt of
the psychology department, an ex-
pert in Freudian tendencies, dis-
approved of the University's ac-
tion. He warned, "Mit der students
forgedink der socialities is makink
der supreshuns ob der ego, leadink
to der psychosomatic unbalan-
He clarified his diagnosis by ex-
plaining, "In odder vords, dey are
Student reaction to the new
regulation was, as usual, fiery.
Whe n asked if he would be bo-
thered by the ban on dates, one
student, Oswald "T" Square, '54E,
replied, "Who, me? Dates? Hmm .
yeah, I once had a date"
"Dere is nothing more annoyink,
nor more hinderink to success dan
er . .. ah . . . vot was it det I
vas taikink about?
Aah yes . . . absentmindedness,"
Prof. Klaus Earwig declared em-
phatically Thursday to a meeting
of Young Prognasticators which
"Vere vas I?" he stated decisive-
ly with a gesture which encom-
passed the entire closet. "Fritz,
bring my glasses so I can find my
place," he related. "Oh, dot's-
right! Fritz died last year. It
slipped mine mind," he said by
way of illustration.
"All mine friends seem to be
goink. My wife died several weeks
ago , .. or vas it my daughter. Oh
veil this is not important. On mit
"As I vas saying .. veil you
need . . . need I say more?", he
concludd as he realized that he
had forgotten his trousers.
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