SATVRDAY, OCTOBER 15,1949
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
SATTJIU3AY, OCTOBER 15, 1949
At the Orpheum...
A NIGHT AT THE OPERA: The Brothers
AFTER HAVING been sentenced to ten
years of Abbott and Costello, Olsen and
Johnson, and Jack Carson, a night with the
Marx Brothers comes as a reprieve. And I'll
go. out on a limb by notifying you "lifers"
that you'd be saps to pass it up.
Nothing in this ridiculous farce matters
but Graucho, Chico and Harpo. They are
insane.; but they create some of the most
sophisticated slap-stick since Shakespeare.
By comparison, Abbott and Costello look like
tramps. I personally find this gratifying.
No matter how well-known or how inev-
itable the Marx trademarks are, they have
lost none of their fresh appeal. Clutching
his cigar, Groucho outmaneuvers and out-
wisecracks every one present for ninety mirt-
utes, never once failing to get an audience
response. I discovered people still laughing
at his giving his date the check; and that's
no mean accomplishment.
Chico is a contributing factor; but he
pales to insignificance beside the psycho-
pathic Harpo. The curly blond mop intact,
Harpo pantomimes his mute way through
every scene looking pathologically insane
one moment, pathetic the next. His appeal
I would contend that there aren't any
scenes as ridiculously funny as the state-
room and opera scenes in this one. And
no one will ever sabotage an opera as effec-
tively as this trio. Sure, it's slap-stick. But
it's done on such a grand scale that you
won't take time out to realize that some
pretty cheap humor is being put over on
you. As long as Harpo is snatching the wig
off the tenor lead, you won't care.
Somewhere in the proceedings Chico and
Harpo take time out to exhibit their musical
talents. It's a must. Chico drums out a ditty,
on the piano with a technique that Myra
Hess would find difficult to resist. In accord-
ance with his name, Harpo combines facial
expressions and harp in a duet that will be
remembered long after an Olsen and John-
son firecracker has burned out.
For pure escapism, don't miss the antics
at the Orpheum this week-end.
Editorials published in The Michigan Daily
are written by members of The Daily staff
and represent the views of the writers only.
NIGHT EDITOR: PETER HOTTON
"You Interested In A Non-Secret Weapon?"
WITH DREW PEARSON
WASHINGTON - In view of the B-36
probe, a lot of people are asking ques-
tions about Secretary of Defense Louis John-
son-what kind of man he is, how does he
operate, what makes him tick.
A thumbnail answer is that Johnson
fancies himself a great politician, but is
one of the world's worst. He considers him-
self a smoothie when it comes to personal
relations, though actually he's a bungler.
It was Johnson who neglected his personal
relations with chairman Carl Vinson of the
House Armed Services Committee, while the
admirals were buttering him up.
But, as secretary of defense, Johnson
has one quality absolutely essential to
running the armed services of the United
States. He can make decisions. He isn't
always tactful about them, but when the
brass hats have finished talking to John-
son they at least know where they stand.
Prior to Johnson's assumption of office,
the joint chiefs of staff never came to de-
cisions: Now they do.
* * *
THE JOINT chiefs of staff consist of Adm.
Louis Denfeld, chief of naval operations;
Gen. Hoyt Vandenberg, chief of staff for air,
and Gen. Omar Bradley, chief of staff fc'
the Army. The three secretaries-Symington
for air, Francis Matthews for the Navy and
Gordon Grey for the Army-sit with John-
son and the joint chiefs every Tuesday.
When they leave the conference table
there is nearly always either a definite,
decision on policy or a command to get
more information in order to make the
decision. In the latter case, Johnson will
always set a date when the information
must be on his desk. Sometimes-if told
the information will take three months
to collect-he replies: "Make it three."
In addition to the Tuesday meetings of
the joint chiefs of staff, Johnson meets on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with the
joint chiefs and his own staff. This consists
of undersecretary Steve Early, the assistant
secretaries for defense, the joint chiefs and
the research and development branch.
Johnson goes the rounds of the services,
calls on the Army, Navy and Air Force; and,
if any conflicts develop, they are decidedly
on the tpot. The Secretary of Defense listens
carefully to both sides, then zyT:
"We'll do it this way, gentlemen."
ADMIRAL HALSEY IN REVERSE
IN MAKING HIS DECISIONS, Johnson
shows a tremendous knowledge of the
three services. Part of this was gained when
he was assistant Secretary of the Army in
the Roosevelt administration, but part ob-
viously was gained from a great deal of
Johnson's decisions in favor of economy
are now what have got him in so much
trouble with the Navy, which had found
a more sympathetic listener in James
Forrestal, its former boss. However, For-
restal, harassed, tired, and anxious to
please, frequently postponed making de-
cisions in his latter years.
This may have been what promoted Adm.
"Bull" Halsey to testify at the secret hear-
ings of the Richardson board on unifica-
"I am probably one of the lone naval
officers in favor of a single department
(of national defense.) In other words, I
believe in unity. I want a department
headed up by someone who could tell them
(the brass hats) to do this, do that."
However, when Admiral Halsey got a sec-
retary of defense who told the brass hat
to do this, do that, he squawked to high
SENATORS "OLSEN AND JOHNSON"
A NEGRO MESSENGER took the wind out
of three senators who were expounding
the other day over an NBC television broad-
The messenger dropped in just as sen-
ators Ed Johnson of Colorado, Bill Know-
land of California and Bourke Hicken-
looper of Iowa were exchanging some pro-
Cocking an intent ear he picked up Sen-
ator Johnson's name, then solemnly com-
"I've heard this Olsen and Johnson show
* * *
TIELESS KENTUCKY SENATOR
HOMESPUN, easygoing Garrett Lee With-
ers is probably the most unaffected man
in the U.S. Senate. The Kentucky Demo-
crat takes his job, but not himself, seriously.
If it's more comfortable to work in his
office without a tie-off comes the tie.
The same applies to his shoes-if he
isn't talking to visitors.
Withers was sitting thus comfortably
ing a quorum call. Quickly, the Senator
dressed when the Senate bell rang, announc-
pulled on his shoes, but forgot his tie. And
with his neck thus unadorned he rushed
onto the floor of the dignified Senate.
Finally, Senate special officer Bill Bren-
nan, who also hails from the Blue Grass
country, beckoned Withers into an ante-
"Senator, do you know that you aren't
wearing a tie?" he asked.
"My goodness!" exclaimed Withers, feel-
ing his neck, "you're right. What am I
going to do?".
Brennan solved the "crisis" by slipping off
his own necktie, a snappy, multitoned job,
and looped it on the Senator, who then
answered his name on the quorum roll
* * *
F THE STEEL STRIKE ended tonight, the
nation would still lose more than 8,000,-
000 tons production-equal to one-third of
all the steel Russia produces in a single
year . . . Dictator Peron of Argentina has
proclaimed himself the great friend of labor,
but last week he issued secret instructions
that Argentine judges should decide on labor
disputes in favor of management ... Adm.
Leland Lovett, ace public -relations office
for the Navy, has been picked by Com-
mander Clyde Lewis of the Veterans of
Foreign Wars to 'handle VFW public rela-
The State Department is losing one of its
best young executives, Assistant Secretary
Ernest Gross. He will now assist Sen. War-.
ren Austin as deputy ambassador to the
United Nations . . . The State Department
has been smart in picking a man who
served 12 years as secretary of the House
Appropriations Committee to handle its rela-
tions with Congress. He is newly appointed
Assistant Secretary Jack McFall.
(Copyright, 1949, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
ONLY THE DISMAL fact that the Hearst
press goes on giving Westbrook Pegler
a wide audience makes his ranting worth
even a passing comment. But since his col-
umn is read by thousands, it is perhaps
worth noting that he has reached a new
milestone in his intellectual development.
A few weeks ago Pegler wrote that if he
were a Southerner he would join the Ku
Klux Klan. In other words, Hearst is
employing one who but for an accident of
Geography would belong to an organiza-
tion which the Attorney General consid-
ers as subversive as the Communist Party.
Having established his position thus clear-
ly and without loss of employment, Pegler
turned his attention to Americans for Demo-
cratic Action, an organization so opposed
to Communisti nhilnnnhv a nd *a+-+fn,.,.
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0 .449, Vt. ' T.-
DAILY OFFICIAL BULLETIN
-by b. s. brown
I'VE HEARD of presumptuous people and fast workers, but the
following protagonist-I'll call him John-is in a class by his
lonesome. John had a blind date last week-a very attractive and a
very popular girl.
. Evidently John had heard of or experienced the woman
shortage in Ann Arbor, because two hours after his date began,
he spoke these words to the lovely miss: "Darling, will you
With the inevitable answer of nay, John said seriously, "Well,
don't feel bad about your reply. I don't want to put you on the spot.
You can go out with other fellows if you wish."
* * * *
BACK TO THE LIBRARY steps. In the shadows of the book parish
portals, life continues to be a source of wonderment. Two lasses-
I think, they were Alpha Gam's--were discussing their favorite pets.
The first one--a strikingly beautiful brunette-claimed that her
favorite pet was an intelligent angora cat.
The second girl sneered. "I' can't understand what you see in a
In defiance, the brunette answered, "My cat has a soul.
She is intelligent. Do you know that Philistina can hum 'Silent
Night' in Latin?"
I was about to give up when I heard the brunette continue, in
a belligerent manner, "what kind of pet do YOU like?"
AWAY FROM the ridiculous for the moment. The Department of
Speech is in the midst of rehearsals for "Servant of Two Masters,"
an 18th century Italian farce. The play, which will be presented in
the Commedia dell' Arte manner, opens on the Lydia Mendelssohn
boards October 26.
If the production is anything like the past presentations of the
speech department, it would be folly to neglect one of the four
The play will have Stan Challis in the comic lead as Truffuldino
and Dick Rifenburg, of gridiron fame, playing the romantic lead,
* * * *
I UNDERSTAND .the sophomore class is collectively wearing a red
countenance, after the beating administered by the frosh on the
banks of the Huron the other day. But there's one soph miss who '
has them all beat. An instructor in psych 31 gave his pupils an
association test recently, issuing the following instructions:
"When I mention a word, you immediately put down the
word that comes into your mind. Do not be surprised at the results.
An experience you have had-perhaps last night-will determine
Everything went along smoothly as word after word was called
out and the students wrote feverishly. Then the professor barked,
"The word is DARK."
Our aforementioned sophomore burst into laughter, capturing
the attention of the entire class and forcing the advent of
"As I said," remarked the instructor, "it's all in your past experi-
ence-experience you might have had last night."
That covers everything for today.
Letters to the Editor ]
MATTER OF FACT
by STEWART ALSOP
WASHINGTON-In the current shocking
outburst of the feud between the Armed
Services, not the least shocking feature is
the display of bland contempt for plain facts.
For example, more than half of the naval
aviators' angry testimony has been aimed
to prove the worthlessness of strategic avia-
tion by proving the worthlessness of the
B-36. Yet this is obvious nonsense.
Moreover, the nonsense must be well"
understood by Admiral A. W. Radford,
who has organized and is leading the naval
aviators' attack on service unification.
For Admiral Radford must at least be
familiar with the broad outlines of our
war plans. And if Admiral Radford has
this much knowledge, he must also know
that the B-36 groups are merely the most
4 publicized element in the American stra-
tegic air arm.
In the originally projected seventy-group
Air Force, twenty groups were assigned to
the strategic air arm, of which no more
than six would have been B-36 groups. In
the reduced Air Force resulting from Pres-
ident Truman's peculiar decision to halt
the American defense build-up, fourteen
groups are assigned to the strategic air
arm, of which only four are B-36 groups.
T PRESENT, the other groups composing
the strategic air arm are equipped with
modernized B-29s and B-50s. But as soon as
the Boeing Company can get the plane into
full production, all the B-29s and B-50.s
will be replaced with B-47s. This new six-
jet bomber has been specifically exempted
by the naval aviators from the criticism
of the B-36. And so it must be, for the
B-47 will combine truly remarkable speed
and altitude characteristics which are still
classified, with range equivalent to the
This balance between longer and shorter
range aircraft within the strategic air
arm, represents a reasoned decision by
Generals Hoyt Vandenberg, Joseph T.
McNarney and the other Air Force lead-
ers, which was in turn confirmed by Gen-
ously taken, to press forward with produc-
tion of the B-47 with all speed. If the ad-
mirals were logical, they ought to attack the
whole decision, and not a part.
* * *
UNFORTUNATELY, logic has been less
conspicuous in the recent testimony
than courage and intensity of feeling. And
this is perhaps the case because the whole
trouble started with Secretary of Defense
Louis Johnson's cancellation of the Navy's
In brief, the admirals have successively
said that atomic bombs could not be de-
livered to strategic targets; because the
destruction of such targets would not be
decisive; and because the whole business
was immoral and irreligious. Yet the giant
carrier was intended to gain for the Navy
a share of the Air Force's strategic air
mission. And the carrier was therefore to
do all the things the admirals have doubt-.
ed or denounced.
The carrier could not be justified in any
other way, and its role as a strategic air
weapon was in fact admitted by its pro-
ponents, to the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Fur-
thermore, there are unavoidable limitations
on the performance of aircraft that must
take off from and land on carriers, however
gigantic. All the criticisms of strategic avia-
tion by Captain Trapnell, Admiral Ofstie
and their colleagues apply to the bombers
that would have operated from the giant
carrier. In almost every way, the perform-
ance of these bombers would have been in-
ferior to the performance of the B-47.
* * *
W HAT THEN is all the shouting about?
The answer is simple. The shouting is
about Secretary Johnson's attempt to con-
fine the Navy to its primary mission of main-
taining control of the seas, allotted to it by
General Dwight D. Eisenhower and the Joint
Chiefs of Staff.
This does not mean that Secretary John-
son is beyond criticism. The plain truth is
that the showdown in our defense prepara-
Publication in The Daily Official
Bulletin is constructive notice to all
members of the University. Notices
for the Bulletin should be sent in
typewritten form to the Office of the
Assistant to the President, Room 2552
Administration Building, by 3:00 p.m.
on the day preceding publication
(11:00 a.m. Saturdays).
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1949
VOL. LX, No. 18
Placement Registration: Univer-
sity Bureau of Appointments and
Occupational Information will
hold its annual registration (see
schedule below) for February,
June and August graduates as well
as graduate students or staff mem-
bers who wish to register.
It is most important to register
NOW because the Bureau contin-
ues to serve its registrants after
graduation by helping them secure
better positions. There will be
only one registration period dur-
ing the academic year.vRegistra-
tion material will be given out at
the meeting. No material will be
distributed before the meetings.
The Bureau has two placement
divisions: TEACHING and GEN-
ERAL. The TEACHING division
covers all types of teaching posi-
tions as well as other positions in
the educational field. The GEN-
ERAL division includes service to
people seeking positions in busi-
ness, industry and positions other
than teaching. It is important to
register NOW because employers
are already asking for February
and June graduates. There is no
fee for registering at this time.
After the regular enrollment, a
late registration fee of $1.00 is
charged by the University.
On Mon., Oct. 17, at 4:10 p.m. a
meeting will be held in the Rack-
ham Lecture Hall for those inter-
ested in GENERAL placement.
On Tues., Oct. 18, at 4:10 p.m. a
meeting will be held in Rackham
Lecture Hall for those interested
Those interested in registering
in both divisions are invited to at-
tend both meetings as different
material will be covered in the two
Bureau of Appointments:
A representative of the Board of
National Missions of the Presbyte-
rian Church will be at the Bureau
of Appointments on Mon., Oct. 17
at 3 p.m. to interview students in-
terested in teaching and working
in mission schools. Teachers of
elementary and secondary grades;
nurses; doctors; social workers;
'ffice workers; dietitians; and
IT NOW SEEMS likely that a
general election will be held in
Great Britain this fall. A test at
the polls is compulsory not later
than next July, the end of five
years of the Labor Government,
and can also take place at any time
if the government loses a vote of
confidence in the House of Com-
mons or asks the King for the dis-
solution of Parliament.
* * *
THE THIRD of these courses is
the one expected. The Labor Party
will certainly call the election at
the moment considered most ad-
vantageous to itself, which is
likely to be now rather than later.
-From the New Republic
housemothers are needed. For
further information, call at the
Bureau of Appointments.
Bureau of Appointments: This
office has received a call for a
part-time Speech Correctionist in
this area. For further information,
call at the Bureau of Appoint-
Clare E. Griffin will speak on
"Free Enterprise: American and
European Style," Tues., Oct. 18,
8 p.m., Architecture Auditorium.
Mathematics Orientation Semi-
nar: Mon., Oct. 17, 3 p.m., 3001
Angell Hall. Mr. Dihm will pre-
sent the "Sum of Four Squares."
Organic Seminar: 7:30 p.m.,
Mon., Oct. 17, 1300 Chemistry
Bldg., Speaker: Samuel Kaufman.
Topic: "Problems in the Partial
Synthesis of 11-Oxygenated Ste-
Mathematical Logic Seminar:
Mon., Oct. 17, 7:30 p.., 3217 An-
gell Hall. Prof. Burk's will speak
on the application of primitive re-
cursive functions in Godel's in-
SRA Saturday Luncheon group:
Meet at 12:15, Lane Hall. Reser-
vations must be made by 10 a.m.
Westminster Guild: Listening
party, 3rd floor lounge, Presbyte-
rian Church at game time.
I.Z.F.A. Dance Group: Re-
hearsal, 1:30 p.m., League.
Phi Iota Alpha presents the
third day of the Spanish Ameri-
can Book display, and a discussion
about the CARIBBEAN AND CEN-
TRAL AMERICAN LITERATURE
by Mr. Francisco Villegas and Mr.
Jose R. Ortiz, 7:30 p.m., West Gal-
lery, Rackham Bldg. Everybody
welcome. The display is open
from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.
U. of M. Hostel Club Square
Dance: Jones School, 8 to 11 p.m.
U. of M. Hostel Club: Photo and
work trip, leave Michigan League
at 7 p.m., for overnite at Pinebrook
Hostel. Call Margaret Thompson
(8803) for transportation reserva-
Sphinx: 10 p.m., Mon., Oct. 17,
Rm., 3G, Union. Plans for a social
function and a project will be dis-
IZFA, Hebrew Circle: Sun., Oct.
16, Union, 10:45 a.m. Everybody
Graduate Outing Club will meet
Sun., Oct. 15, 2:15 p.m., Northwest
Entrance, Rackham Building, for
hiking and canoeing. Election of
officers. All graduate students in-
La p'tite causettes: 3:30 p.m.,
Grill Room, League.
League Dancing Class Exhibi-
tion Group: Meeting, Mon., 8 p.m.,
The Daily accords its readers the
privilege of submitting letters for
publication in this column. Subject
to space limitations, the general pol-
icy is to publish in the order in which
they are received all letters bearing
tihe riter's signature and address.
LetteR exceeding 300 words, repeti-
tious letters and letters of a defama-
tory character or such letters which
for any" other reason are not in good
taste will not be published. The
editors reserve the privilege of con-
'Not Wanted' .. .
To the Editor:
I THINK YOUR reviewer was un-
fair to "Not Wanted." The hero
was "too nice" only during the
first part of the film; he later be-
came More human. The girls
seemed vivacious enough except
when portraying emotional shock.
The "villain" did an excellent job
as a tragic neurotic who was try-
ing to be decent.
Thanks . .
To the Editor:
WOULD like to take this op-
portunity to thank you and the
boys who so generously gave nu
League Ballroom, for all those who
were members of the League
Dancing class exhibition group
Sociedad Hispanica: Social
hour, Mon., International Center,
4 to 6 p.m. Refreshments.
U. of M. Hot Record Society: A
program featuring Lu Watters and
other small label jazz groups, Sun.,
8 p.m. Everyone invited.
UWF: Seminar Study Group:
Sun., Oct. 16, 8 p.m., 318 E. Madi-
son St. Subject: "Road to World
Republic; Present, Political
Pi Lambda Theta campus mem-
bers and transfer members are
urged to attend a meeting, fol-
lowed by a social hour, honoring
Mrs. Florence Hazzard, winner of
the national Pi Lambda Theta
award, Mon., Oct. 17, 7:30 p.m.,
East conference room, Rackham
their tickets to the Army-Michi-
gan game on Saturday, October 8,
to the veterans of Wayne County
The veterans enjoyed this out-
ing tremendously just because they
were thought of.
-Mrs. Burt J. Friedman,
Chairman Entertainment &
Instruction Service Detroit
Chapter The American Red
I. t u W
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