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THE MICHIGAN DALLY
Monday, February 13, 1950
Monday, February 13, 1950
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
' MERRY GO ROUND:
The Truth About The PIGS
By SCHMOE McPHERSON
Has anyone wondered, besid
the members of the ticket com
mittee, why not a single membe
of Pi Iota Gamma sorority at
tended the J-Hop? Not one of th
charming creatures enhanced th
occasion with her presence. How
ever, my investigators, throug]
the use of wire taps and micro
phones hidden in powder rooms a
fraternity parties, have ferrete
out the truth.
IN THE COLD-It seems tha
since the beginning of the yea
every wire into most sororitie
was kept hotter than a pharmicis
mate's needle. Even men who hav
one date a year had sworn tha
they would makewthe supreme ef
fort on J-Hop weekend. But i
the Pi Iota Gaama house ther
was no sound of tinkling phon
bells-only silence.
RUDE AWAKENING - By th
beginning of exams, the pattern
of events was quite clear to- the
PIG'S. Only the married members
who had forced their husbands
to buy a ticket, were to have dates
It's true that most could cross the
country without changing stock
cars, but certainly the men on
campus had heard that "with a
three to one ratio, any girl can
have a date."
DEFENSIVE MEASURES -
Racked by the worry that they
might not even be in the girl ca-
tagory, positive action was plan-
ned by the officers of PIG. As any
fool could see the "dateless Joans"
were in the majority. A chapter
meeting loomed in the near fu-
ture. The neurotic minds of frus-
trated women had begun to churn.
TENSE SETTING - The beer
mugs and hickory paddles dripped
with anticipation as the presi-
dent's gavel rapped out an order
of silence. The meeting moved
swiftly through the usual order of
business. Everything seemed to
be quite routine-but the room
still contained 60 thwarted wo-
men.
WOMAN'S WRATH - Then as
the meeting was about to close,
cne of the more prominent (ugh)
women arose and calmly stated,
"I make a motion that the Pi Iota
Gamma chapter hold a work-week
during Feb. 10 and 11." The gasps
of breath created such a vacuum
CURRENT
MOVIES
At the Wolverine
UNDER MANHATTAN SKY-
SCRAPER - with Trigger, the
Marx Brothers, Maurice Cheva-
lier, Sidney Greenstreet and Hed-
da Hopper. HENRY V-with as-
sorted Englishman.
The main film on this lament-
able double-bill shows that even
the smart money boys at Republic
can make a mistake.
Of course Trigger is magni-
ficent. Even this soporific item
can't .hide this artist's innate
abilities and natural charm.
But unfortunately the rest of
the fim is a horse of a different
colec,
The basic plot is a good one,
springing right out at you from
the front page of your newspaper.
It deals with the attempts of Rus-
sian agents (played by the Marx
Brothers) in New York, working
under the guise 'of pencil sharpen-
ers at the United Nations, to con-
vert to communism Trigger, who
is in town with his rodeo.
As I said the story is good, but
the execution of it is putrid. Only
one scene-a macabre chase of
Trigger, with Greenstreet on him,
by the Red agents, who are on a
BMT subway train at the time--'
has a certain outre charm.
Unfortunately, the second pic-
ture does not redeem the program
as they sometimes do. It is 'mere-
ly a feebly acted, badly directed,
otr nimcly zo-mfn Wrc -n 'i
e
-'
r
e
e
h
b-
t
d
t
r
S
t
e
t
e
e
e
c,
-s
in that room that the speed of
light increased 2000 miles per sec-
ond. Then - bedlam! From the
n o i s e s heard, the neighbors
thought DKE was back on campus.
APHORISM-The outcome was
inevitable. How could four mar-
ried women and two queens, who
had stumbled into the house by
mistake during rushing, fend off
that mass of determined (ugh)
women. Through the democratic
system the PIG's have traded one
bucket of suds for another bucket
of suds.
Only one bit of wisdom can be
drawn from this sad tale-Long
Live Democracy!
Editorials published in The Michi-
gan Daily are written by members
of The Gargoyle staff and don't
represent anybody's views. They
are here to fill up shace.
TO THE EDITOR
Letters to the editor may be any
length and in good or bad taste. In
fact you can tell the editor where to
go. It doesn't matter because we have
to edit them anyway.
Fellow Student. .
To the Editor:
Knowing no other way, I take
the means of the public press to
express my deep thanks to one
whom I know only as John Slav-
ens.
If it had not been for your ex-
aminations, your blue-books, your
lecture notes, your class notes and
your crib notes, John Slavens,
which -somehow found their way
into my house's exam files, I
would never have been able to
achieve the solid D in Arithmetic
which it has been my good fortune
to receive.
Again, thank you very much.
-Runcible L. Rabble Rouser
Advice ...
To the J-Hon Editor:
Since leaving the Daily as a re-
sult of a nasty mix-up over the
J-Hop extra, I have taken much
time to reconsider my folly. Here-
with follows my advice:
Consider carefully the symbol-
ism of each article you print, as
well as the superficial meaning.
Consider carefully the superfi-
cial meaning.
Consider the whole paper care-
fully.
--Perry Logan
EDITOR'S NOTE: Thanks to former
staff member Logan for remembering
us in our time of need. See eJ-Hop
Story" on this page for proof that we
have remembered Logan.
T-Hop Noe.
To the Editors:
NAMES
0 0 "
(Continued from Page 22)
CHARLOTTE HAAG and James
Dilworth; Margie Hager and Neil
Marshall, III; Bernice Hardy and
William Baker; Marilyn Haley
and Cliff Kramer; Doris Hall and
James Hanes; Nancy Hall and
H. Fruehauf; Sara Ann Hall and
Douglass Kerby; Mr. and Mrs.
Jean Hanes; Mr. and Mrs. Wil-
liam C. Hamilton.
Barbara Hamlin and Ken Hen-
zie; Ann Hammond and J. Mar-
vin Keeny; Ginger Hammond and
Bill O'Keefe; Laura Hammond
and Henry Schmer; Mr. and Mrs.
Richard E. Hanna; Elaine Han-
nahs and Jack Wilson; Sally Han-
sen and Kir Karouna; Kathryn
Hanson and Robert E. Dieter.
Jane Hardin and Howard W.
Smith, Jr.; Marian Hardy and
Ernest Marshall; Norma - Jean
Harelick and John Gilmore; Mary
Harrington and John Buckley;
Alice Jean Harris and Morton
Gottesman; 3Barbara Hart and
Bob Buslepp; Myra Lou Hart and
Jack Wilcox; Joyce Hartung and
Otto F. Strobel.
EDNA HATH and Bob Erben;
Charlyn Hawkings and Harold
Orel; Ruth Hawley and Don Say-
les; Barbara Hayms and Roger
Salamon; Ann Healey and James
Charles; Joan Hebert ai}d James
Reagen; Agnes Heenan and
George Heenan; Joan Hegener
and Herbert J.'Boothroyd; Jean
Heidgen and Dan Tinkham.
Anderson; Mary Jane Jessup and
David McCluy.
Alice Jilik and Richard A. Wet-
zel; Judy Johannsen and Bob
Stansberry; Betty Johnson and
Nick Assimos; Gail Johnson and
Tom Mulligan; Jeanne Johnson
and Dave Leddick; Jody Johnson
and Bill Smith; Kathryn John-
son and Richard Walsh; Pat
Johnson and Roger Bell.
Violet Johnson and Richard
Noll; Barbara Johnston and
Douglas Sinn; Ann Jones and
Warren Williamson, III; Beverly
Jones and James Simonsen;
Blanche Jones and Charles O'Con-
nor; Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Jones;:
Klein and Philip McCallister;
Kleinert and Jack' Larson; 1
and Mrs. W. Klienent.
* * *
MARILYN KLINE and Geor
Stout; Gloria Knoob and Georf
Erb; Patty Knowlton and Rog
Crabb; Yvonne Know and Fr(
Zehnder; Inge Kohl and Geor
King; Doreen Kollenberg ar
Stanley Millman; Dr. and MY
Robert Kopecky; Minnie Kowacl
nik and Lewis Jaffe.
Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Kows
ski; Ruth Kowalski. and Richa
Knotts; Louise Kozeboorn and L
on Ostrander; Luella Kraffe ar
Alvin R. Garchow; Margmt Kram+
The
JHop
Story
FAREWELL-Some Daily Readers have wondered what the Alsop
Brothers, Joseph and Stewart, looked like. As a parting gesture,
since they are being replaced with Thomas L. Stokes this semes-
ter, we print the above picture.
UT ONALLIMB..
with BILL WILLIAMS
SHE'S LOVELY - The young
lady pictured above was de-
clared "most attractive" by the
Daily Staff, but it didn't get her
a date for J-Hop, as a perusal
of the names will show.
Fisher; Mary Jo Jadwin and Paul
Evans; Gloria James and Harold
Maude; Janice James and Robert
Drouillard; Winifred Janesheske
and Gordon Piotrowski.
* * * -
JEANINE JANING and Ray-
mond Hathaway; Violet Janich
and Richard Janich; Delores Jan-
usch and Charles Kelley; Shirley
Jaques and Joe Cameron; Chris-
tina Jaworowicz and Anthony
1 1 ,ffr. a1c1 .'r'Y . i l TcrV Alvi P vt h n' ".. }4 - atr v
Olga Jurich and Marvin Esch, and Richard Rosenthal; Barba
" * Krause and Jack Bunbury; MV
JANET KAIN and David H. and Mrs. Jerome Krause; Miria
Oestreich; Barbara Kamin and Krause and John Hess, Jr.
Paul Nielsen; Helen R. Karg and Marilyn Krauss and Norma
George R. King; Betty Karkeet Rivkees; Marjorie Krauss an
Richard Bey; Donna Kreager an
and Skip Beatty; Anne Karrish Carl Kreager; Helen Kreider an
and Leo Kazmerzak; Mr. and Mrs. Robert Gardner; Irmgard Kre
James E. Kaser; Phyllis Kaufman ging and Alan Schoerger; Dolor
and David Sohn; Margaret Kausch Krol and James Seitz; Helen Kro
and Chuck Van Deusen. and David Nicholas; Elsie Kro
Louise Kelley and Ronald S. and Richard Zylowski; Susan K
Louie KileyandRonad 1 ber and Bruce ,3oeker; Mr. an
Swarthout; Elizabeth and William
Kemp; Edward and Yvonne Ken-
dall; Nan Kennedy and Dick
Strauss; Mary Lou Kennedy and
Blair Moody; Joan Kerr and Paul
Anderson; Karol Kerr and Robert
Leake; Shirley Kiehler and Fre-
derick Kiehler; Eleanor Kilian and
George Schippin.
Ora Killmaster and Duane G.
Ellis; Elaine King and Robert W.
Beaudry; Mary Helen King and
Dick Hutchinson; Gleadis Kinsey
and Raffee Johns; Carol Kissane
N.
Any of you who happen to know
a Daily staffer have probably no-
ticed the gleam in his eye when
he mentions the J-Hop Extra.
This edition, which gets more
loving editorial care than any-
thing else wve put out, really has
a three-fold purpose.
Above all, it is a chance for the
staff, the J-Hop Committee and
the readers to aid the March of
Dimes Committee to go over the
top on the campus quota.
The extra also serves as aI
souvenir of the big dance of the
Michigan year. Let's admit it,f
we all like to see our names in
print, and the list of couples at-
tending the great event is as
well read and re-read as the ad-
vertisements on breakfast cer-
eal boxes.
But most significantly to the
Daily staff, the J-Hop Extra is a
chance to blow off pent-up steam
that has accumulated over a se-
mester of listening and reporting
the antics and events that pass in
review in Ann Arbor.
You will find take-offs on prac-
tically everything of note that has
happened during the fall of 1949
as well as some predictions of
things to come. Undoubtedly,
some members of the Administra-
tion and student organizations
will find that they hit close to
home. But the ability to laugh at
ourselves is something we should-
n't do without even in our most
serious moments.
Anyway, here you will find
commentary on athletics, the
lecturers from both inside and
out of the University, and the
satire of reporters who have had
to sit through meetings of stu-
dent government and political
clubs through the year,
J-Hop extras have a fabulous
history. Years back, a Daily edi-
tor was kicked off the staff be-
cause his edition became too hot
to handle.
Last year it was put out by a
witty young man with the human
slant on life who wanted to get a
column in the regular edition and
couldn't. He knocked himself out
for a week to do a job on the extra
and a job on his column.
Considered from every angle
then, the J-Hop Extra means
many things to many people. A
break for those hit with Polio,
a memory for those who took
part; and a chance to use up ex-
cess energy for the reporters who
write it.
In line wtih current Mid-Cen-
tury themes, we'd like to predict
that like dogs and women, the J-
Hop extra and the J-Hop weekend
will still be holding their own in
2000 A.D.
BUNSEN - the long fought
struggle to pick a new president
for Old Great Point University lo-
caed here is rapidly coming to a
head.
Central figures in this battle
which has been going on since the
school learned that the present
head will retire in a few months
are.
John Quincy, listed on the
school's pay roll as third assist-
f tant bookkeeper, but actually
key policy man in the adminis-
tration. Quincy, a balding ener-
getic fellow of about 55 years
eld (he won't tell his actual age)
has been making a lot of pub-
lie speeches lately, concentrat-
ing on telling various clubs
about the educational job this
school is doing. He is a sharp,
curtephrasemaker, whose brief
addresses are packed full of in-
tellectual meat that he some-
how succeeds in putting in lan-
guage that the citizens can un-
derstand.
Mavric-Lets, officially, an aid
to the presidential secretary, but
actually the paid lobbyist from this
school to the government. Lets,
a soft spoken earthy man about
45, gives the appearance of a hale
and hearty fellow who can drink
beer with the best of them. He
has succeeded in draining more
than 65 billion dollars out of the
treasury for the university since
he was appointed five years ago.
Goddard Fisher, also a presi-
dential secretary's aid, who
handles actual intra-university
financial arrangements. He is
a short, happy fellow who goes
around making a few speeches
to groups who know nothing
about the working of OGPU.
Noted chiefly for his arithmeti-
cal incompetency.
Philip Bentback, present head
of OGPU who will retire next
year. Outspokenly radical, Bent-
back has advocated the overthrow
of the government since he came
into office more than 20 years ago.
Since he is the only man who un-
derstands the working of a Mus-
kellunge's brain, he has been kept
on.
These four men will play the
biggest part in the election fight
when OGPU Officials Join to
pick their new chief.
No one will talk publicly, but.
unofficial reports have it that;
the wise money is on John
Quincy. In fact the boys in the
back room of the faculty club
here are laying 8 to 5 that he
gets the job.
friends in the capital and many
people axe jealous of Quincy's
brilliance. He rates 4 to 5 to get
the job.
Fisher is a hard one to figure
out. He has a ]ot of friends both
inside and outside of theadminis-
tration. But he has not yet made
his bid for the job.
A splinter group in OGPU is I am a local photographer. I
backing an outsider for president. take good pitchers. I like to take
So far, this group has mention- pitchers. I have my own darkroom.
ed two men. Tom Rainer, three 'I print pitchers good. I like to
times loser in the semi-centennial print pitchers. I would like to take
race for dictator, and Issac How- all the pitchers at next year's J-
itzer. brother of this nation's4 HOP. Since I like to take pitchers
greatest designer of clay pigeons, so much, I don't wont no money
Both of these men will deny for taking the pitchers. Would you
they want the job here, but don't tell the committee for me.
you believe them. -Wally Barth
Old Voice
In the Land
It was inevitable, in the second
half of the 20th Century that
arm-chair detectives would put
their minds to work tq find out
who pulled the million dollar
bank robbery in Boston and the
series of diamond thefts and rob-
beries which have, cropped up in
New York.
Some of these theorists, mostly
Republican, lay the whole thing
at the door of the Fair Deal.
Seems they've got proof that it is
another try at balancing the bud-
get without raising taxes. They
point to the fact that President
Truman said it was possible but
didn't explain how.
No doubt the bankers were
members of the "vested inter-
est" clique, and as the Republi-
cans put it, "their votes don't
count."
Anyway, they argue, after 18
years of the New Deal and Fair
Deal we should be accustomed to
million dollar raids-look at the
national debt.
The final result will probably
show some small time gangsters
were the culprits. If the Boston
police will follow my own the-
ory they'll throw a road block
around the Massachusetts coast
land and catch the thieves.
"The daring that braved a
stormy sea even unto Plymouth
and the courage which defied In-
dian arrows", an old voice in the
land known as "rugged individu-
alism", has returned again.
This time the opposition is us-
ing bullets.
Our Reader ...
To the Editor:
I have been on sabatical leave
for the last seven years, and have
just returned to Ann Arbor. In
spite of instructions to the con-
trary, I find that The Michigan
Daily has been delivered each day
over the whole period. Therefore
I have 1,449 Dailies on my front
lawn.
I am returning these by special
truck, since you must have more
use for them than I do.
-Renneth Koke
EDITOR'S NOTE: A check with our
triumphant circulation department
reveals that every Daily was delivered
to Prof. Kowe. There have been ex-
actly 1,449,Dailies in the last 7 years.
Shirley Heim and Bob Smith; Szczerba; Joan Jensen and John apd William Kirkpatrick; Pauline
Dorotheo A. Hess and Frederic Rogers; Gayle Jereau and Hira Kleckner and Ed Parker; Frances
Breidenbach; Marilyn Herman -
and Kamal Salim Sheena; Mary ( O> o ) o <c o o ) (
Helfrich and Richard E. Roush; U
Jeanne E. Hendel and Peter Lo-
gothetis; Norma Hendershot and
Haven Doane; Sally Henry and!."
Richard Helmrich. v
Hildegard Herrick and Hays!
Griffin; Lu gettula and John
Mack; Pamela Hicks and Alan
Fitch; Cary Higly and Garden
Smith; Joan Hildebrandt and
Chuck Walli; Evelyn Hillis and "
Robert Lynch; Alyce Hilmert and
Dick Gerstner; Rose' Himelhoch
and Richard Kusland.
MARION D. HINCHMAN and
Lee Teichthesen; Joanne Hinkle c
and John Sposito;kMr. and Mrs.
William C. Hiscock; Lois Hobbs L)
and Denny Booth; Polly Hodges
and Gil Schubert; Catherine
Hodgson and Dale Weill'; Jo Hoey
and Sam Shaegfer; Sandra Hoff-
meyer and George Roumell, Jr.:;i
Gayle Jean Hofstad and William
Ohlenroth.:..: .
Martha Hoke and Robert E. c
Dobbs; Nancy Holcomb and Wil-
liam Daimes; Marge Holland and
Len Battle; Elizabeth Holloway
and Harold Cunningham; Joyce 7MCN
Holzberger and Russell Smith; "r.t.'1-c.
Delores Hood and William Grady;
Mr. and Mrs. Richard F. Hooker;
Jackie Horning a n d Robert o Y
Crawford; Mary Horton and El- Headquarters for
wyn Turner. 0
Betty Houser and Jim Diffley; -
Carita Houser an d Meredith RECORDS
Shields; Mr. and Mrs. Howard K. _
Hover; Joyce Howard and Rich-
ard Frank; Jean Hoyt and Tho-
mas d'Arcambal; Jean Hubbard Popular
and William E. Cornell; Ila Hugh-
es and Ernest L. Waterhouse; Classica
Beverly Hunt and Mark Harris, S C
Jr. I
* * *
JANICE HUNT and Jack 'Gray; Childen'Qs
Marilyn Hunt and Paul Brent-
linger; Mr. and Mrs. George Hunt;
Betty Lou Hunter and George D.
TELEVISION and RADIO
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Patricia Isbell and David C. Spies;ap ar
Betty Jayne Ison and James Ro-
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Marlene Itter and Richard Buhle.S
Jean Jack and Carl A. Mahlig;
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or; Shirley Jacobson and Gerald C,
Hause; Gaye Jacobson and Stuart
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UO<G=OO <='>U O Q: OC0=0U ==OmOU
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by
SANDI
OF BOST
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joyous V
This appealing style con
up to size 10. Othei
VAN Bo
17 N~its
Editorial Staff
Editor..................Don McNeil
Photography Edor:..._-Waly Barth
Assistants' and Contribut6rs-Nan By-
lan, Wendy Owens, Eva Simons, Roma
Lipsky, Jeanne Johnson., Dorianne
Zipperstein,.Janet Watts, Donna Hen-
deiman, Paul Brentlinger, Jim Brown,
Al Blumrosen, Dave Leddick, Davis
Crippen, Jim Kemper, Pete Hotton,
Don Kotite, John Davies, Norm Miller,
Vernon Emerson, Ed Silberfarb, Bob
Keith, Chuck Elliott, Norm Gottleib.
Business Staff
Business Manager.....Roger Wellington
Assistants-Chuck Cuson, Bob Miller,
Helene Bogart, Jim Pittsley, Jim Dan-
gle, Lucy Goldstone, Harvey Gordon,
s places
In