,., .vi. - i.' i. ._... . Pu THE MICHIGAN DALLY Monday, February 13, 1950 Monday, February 13, 1950 THE MICHIGAN DAILY THE MICHIGAN DAILY ' MERRY GO ROUND: The Truth About The PIGS By SCHMOE McPHERSON Has anyone wondered, besid the members of the ticket com mittee, why not a single membe of Pi Iota Gamma sorority at tended the J-Hop? Not one of th charming creatures enhanced th occasion with her presence. How ever, my investigators, throug] the use of wire taps and micro phones hidden in powder rooms a fraternity parties, have ferrete out the truth. IN THE COLD-It seems tha since the beginning of the yea every wire into most sororitie was kept hotter than a pharmicis mate's needle. Even men who hav one date a year had sworn tha they would makewthe supreme ef fort on J-Hop weekend. But i the Pi Iota Gaama house ther was no sound of tinkling phon bells-only silence. RUDE AWAKENING - By th beginning of exams, the pattern of events was quite clear to- the PIG'S. Only the married members who had forced their husbands to buy a ticket, were to have dates It's true that most could cross the country without changing stock cars, but certainly the men on campus had heard that "with a three to one ratio, any girl can have a date." DEFENSIVE MEASURES - Racked by the worry that they might not even be in the girl ca- tagory, positive action was plan- ned by the officers of PIG. As any fool could see the "dateless Joans" were in the majority. A chapter meeting loomed in the near fu- ture. The neurotic minds of frus- trated women had begun to churn. TENSE SETTING - The beer mugs and hickory paddles dripped with anticipation as the presi- dent's gavel rapped out an order of silence. The meeting moved swiftly through the usual order of business. Everything seemed to be quite routine-but the room still contained 60 thwarted wo- men. WOMAN'S WRATH - Then as the meeting was about to close, cne of the more prominent (ugh) women arose and calmly stated, "I make a motion that the Pi Iota Gamma chapter hold a work-week during Feb. 10 and 11." The gasps of breath created such a vacuum CURRENT MOVIES At the Wolverine UNDER MANHATTAN SKY- SCRAPER - with Trigger, the Marx Brothers, Maurice Cheva- lier, Sidney Greenstreet and Hed- da Hopper. HENRY V-with as- sorted Englishman. The main film on this lament- able double-bill shows that even the smart money boys at Republic can make a mistake. Of course Trigger is magni- ficent. Even this soporific item can't .hide this artist's innate abilities and natural charm. But unfortunately the rest of the fim is a horse of a different colec, The basic plot is a good one, springing right out at you from the front page of your newspaper. It deals with the attempts of Rus- sian agents (played by the Marx Brothers) in New York, working under the guise 'of pencil sharpen- ers at the United Nations, to con- vert to communism Trigger, who is in town with his rodeo. As I said the story is good, but the execution of it is putrid. Only one scene-a macabre chase of Trigger, with Greenstreet on him, by the Red agents, who are on a BMT subway train at the time--' has a certain outre charm. Unfortunately, the second pic- ture does not redeem the program as they sometimes do. It is 'mere- ly a feebly acted, badly directed, otr nimcly zo-mfn Wrc -n 'i e -' r e e h b- t d t r S t e t e e e c, -s in that room that the speed of light increased 2000 miles per sec- ond. Then - bedlam! From the n o i s e s heard, the neighbors thought DKE was back on campus. APHORISM-The outcome was inevitable. How could four mar- ried women and two queens, who had stumbled into the house by mistake during rushing, fend off that mass of determined (ugh) women. Through the democratic system the PIG's have traded one bucket of suds for another bucket of suds. Only one bit of wisdom can be drawn from this sad tale-Long Live Democracy! Editorials published in The Michi- gan Daily are written by members of The Gargoyle staff and don't represent anybody's views. They are here to fill up shace. TO THE EDITOR Letters to the editor may be any length and in good or bad taste. In fact you can tell the editor where to go. It doesn't matter because we have to edit them anyway. Fellow Student. . To the Editor: Knowing no other way, I take the means of the public press to express my deep thanks to one whom I know only as John Slav- ens. If it had not been for your ex- aminations, your blue-books, your lecture notes, your class notes and your crib notes, John Slavens, which -somehow found their way into my house's exam files, I would never have been able to achieve the solid D in Arithmetic which it has been my good fortune to receive. Again, thank you very much. -Runcible L. Rabble Rouser Advice ... To the J-Hon Editor: Since leaving the Daily as a re- sult of a nasty mix-up over the J-Hop extra, I have taken much time to reconsider my folly. Here- with follows my advice: Consider carefully the symbol- ism of each article you print, as well as the superficial meaning. Consider carefully the superfi- cial meaning. Consider the whole paper care- fully. --Perry Logan EDITOR'S NOTE: Thanks to former staff member Logan for remembering us in our time of need. See eJ-Hop Story" on this page for proof that we have remembered Logan. T-Hop Noe. To the Editors: NAMES 0 0 " (Continued from Page 22) CHARLOTTE HAAG and James Dilworth; Margie Hager and Neil Marshall, III; Bernice Hardy and William Baker; Marilyn Haley and Cliff Kramer; Doris Hall and James Hanes; Nancy Hall and H. Fruehauf; Sara Ann Hall and Douglass Kerby; Mr. and Mrs. Jean Hanes; Mr. and Mrs. Wil- liam C. Hamilton. Barbara Hamlin and Ken Hen- zie; Ann Hammond and J. Mar- vin Keeny; Ginger Hammond and Bill O'Keefe; Laura Hammond and Henry Schmer; Mr. and Mrs. Richard E. Hanna; Elaine Han- nahs and Jack Wilson; Sally Han- sen and Kir Karouna; Kathryn Hanson and Robert E. Dieter. Jane Hardin and Howard W. Smith, Jr.; Marian Hardy and Ernest Marshall; Norma - Jean Harelick and John Gilmore; Mary Harrington and John Buckley; Alice Jean Harris and Morton Gottesman; 3Barbara Hart and Bob Buslepp; Myra Lou Hart and Jack Wilcox; Joyce Hartung and Otto F. Strobel. EDNA HATH and Bob Erben; Charlyn Hawkings and Harold Orel; Ruth Hawley and Don Say- les; Barbara Hayms and Roger Salamon; Ann Healey and James Charles; Joan Hebert ai}d James Reagen; Agnes Heenan and George Heenan; Joan Hegener and Herbert J.'Boothroyd; Jean Heidgen and Dan Tinkham. Anderson; Mary Jane Jessup and David McCluy. Alice Jilik and Richard A. Wet- zel; Judy Johannsen and Bob Stansberry; Betty Johnson and Nick Assimos; Gail Johnson and Tom Mulligan; Jeanne Johnson and Dave Leddick; Jody Johnson and Bill Smith; Kathryn John- son and Richard Walsh; Pat Johnson and Roger Bell. Violet Johnson and Richard Noll; Barbara Johnston and Douglas Sinn; Ann Jones and Warren Williamson, III; Beverly Jones and James Simonsen; Blanche Jones and Charles O'Con- nor; Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Jones;: Klein and Philip McCallister; Kleinert and Jack' Larson; 1 and Mrs. W. Klienent. * * * MARILYN KLINE and Geor Stout; Gloria Knoob and Georf Erb; Patty Knowlton and Rog Crabb; Yvonne Know and Fr( Zehnder; Inge Kohl and Geor King; Doreen Kollenberg ar Stanley Millman; Dr. and MY Robert Kopecky; Minnie Kowacl nik and Lewis Jaffe. Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Kows ski; Ruth Kowalski. and Richa Knotts; Louise Kozeboorn and L on Ostrander; Luella Kraffe ar Alvin R. Garchow; Margmt Kram+ The JHop Story FAREWELL-Some Daily Readers have wondered what the Alsop Brothers, Joseph and Stewart, looked like. As a parting gesture, since they are being replaced with Thomas L. Stokes this semes- ter, we print the above picture. UT ONALLIMB.. with BILL WILLIAMS SHE'S LOVELY - The young lady pictured above was de- clared "most attractive" by the Daily Staff, but it didn't get her a date for J-Hop, as a perusal of the names will show. Fisher; Mary Jo Jadwin and Paul Evans; Gloria James and Harold Maude; Janice James and Robert Drouillard; Winifred Janesheske and Gordon Piotrowski. * * * - JEANINE JANING and Ray- mond Hathaway; Violet Janich and Richard Janich; Delores Jan- usch and Charles Kelley; Shirley Jaques and Joe Cameron; Chris- tina Jaworowicz and Anthony 1 1 ,ffr. a1c1 .'r'Y . i l TcrV Alvi P vt h n' ".. }4 - atr v Olga Jurich and Marvin Esch, and Richard Rosenthal; Barba " * Krause and Jack Bunbury; MV JANET KAIN and David H. and Mrs. Jerome Krause; Miria Oestreich; Barbara Kamin and Krause and John Hess, Jr. Paul Nielsen; Helen R. Karg and Marilyn Krauss and Norma George R. King; Betty Karkeet Rivkees; Marjorie Krauss an Richard Bey; Donna Kreager an and Skip Beatty; Anne Karrish Carl Kreager; Helen Kreider an and Leo Kazmerzak; Mr. and Mrs. Robert Gardner; Irmgard Kre James E. Kaser; Phyllis Kaufman ging and Alan Schoerger; Dolor and David Sohn; Margaret Kausch Krol and James Seitz; Helen Kro and Chuck Van Deusen. and David Nicholas; Elsie Kro Louise Kelley and Ronald S. and Richard Zylowski; Susan K Louie KileyandRonad 1 ber and Bruce ,3oeker; Mr. an Swarthout; Elizabeth and William Kemp; Edward and Yvonne Ken- dall; Nan Kennedy and Dick Strauss; Mary Lou Kennedy and Blair Moody; Joan Kerr and Paul Anderson; Karol Kerr and Robert Leake; Shirley Kiehler and Fre- derick Kiehler; Eleanor Kilian and George Schippin. Ora Killmaster and Duane G. Ellis; Elaine King and Robert W. Beaudry; Mary Helen King and Dick Hutchinson; Gleadis Kinsey and Raffee Johns; Carol Kissane N. Any of you who happen to know a Daily staffer have probably no- ticed the gleam in his eye when he mentions the J-Hop Extra. This edition, which gets more loving editorial care than any- thing else wve put out, really has a three-fold purpose. Above all, it is a chance for the staff, the J-Hop Committee and the readers to aid the March of Dimes Committee to go over the top on the campus quota. The extra also serves as aI souvenir of the big dance of the Michigan year. Let's admit it,f we all like to see our names in print, and the list of couples at- tending the great event is as well read and re-read as the ad- vertisements on breakfast cer- eal boxes. But most significantly to the Daily staff, the J-Hop Extra is a chance to blow off pent-up steam that has accumulated over a se- mester of listening and reporting the antics and events that pass in review in Ann Arbor. You will find take-offs on prac- tically everything of note that has happened during the fall of 1949 as well as some predictions of things to come. Undoubtedly, some members of the Administra- tion and student organizations will find that they hit close to home. But the ability to laugh at ourselves is something we should- n't do without even in our most serious moments. Anyway, here you will find commentary on athletics, the lecturers from both inside and out of the University, and the satire of reporters who have had to sit through meetings of stu- dent government and political clubs through the year, J-Hop extras have a fabulous history. Years back, a Daily edi- tor was kicked off the staff be- cause his edition became too hot to handle. Last year it was put out by a witty young man with the human slant on life who wanted to get a column in the regular edition and couldn't. He knocked himself out for a week to do a job on the extra and a job on his column. Considered from every angle then, the J-Hop Extra means many things to many people. A break for those hit with Polio, a memory for those who took part; and a chance to use up ex- cess energy for the reporters who write it. In line wtih current Mid-Cen- tury themes, we'd like to predict that like dogs and women, the J- Hop extra and the J-Hop weekend will still be holding their own in 2000 A.D. BUNSEN - the long fought struggle to pick a new president for Old Great Point University lo- caed here is rapidly coming to a head. Central figures in this battle which has been going on since the school learned that the present head will retire in a few months are. John Quincy, listed on the school's pay roll as third assist- f tant bookkeeper, but actually key policy man in the adminis- tration. Quincy, a balding ener- getic fellow of about 55 years eld (he won't tell his actual age) has been making a lot of pub- lie speeches lately, concentrat- ing on telling various clubs about the educational job this school is doing. He is a sharp, curtephrasemaker, whose brief addresses are packed full of in- tellectual meat that he some- how succeeds in putting in lan- guage that the citizens can un- derstand. Mavric-Lets, officially, an aid to the presidential secretary, but actually the paid lobbyist from this school to the government. Lets, a soft spoken earthy man about 45, gives the appearance of a hale and hearty fellow who can drink beer with the best of them. He has succeeded in draining more than 65 billion dollars out of the treasury for the university since he was appointed five years ago. Goddard Fisher, also a presi- dential secretary's aid, who handles actual intra-university financial arrangements. He is a short, happy fellow who goes around making a few speeches to groups who know nothing about the working of OGPU. Noted chiefly for his arithmeti- cal incompetency. Philip Bentback, present head of OGPU who will retire next year. Outspokenly radical, Bent- back has advocated the overthrow of the government since he came into office more than 20 years ago. Since he is the only man who un- derstands the working of a Mus- kellunge's brain, he has been kept on. These four men will play the biggest part in the election fight when OGPU Officials Join to pick their new chief. No one will talk publicly, but. unofficial reports have it that; the wise money is on John Quincy. In fact the boys in the back room of the faculty club here are laying 8 to 5 that he gets the job. friends in the capital and many people axe jealous of Quincy's brilliance. He rates 4 to 5 to get the job. Fisher is a hard one to figure out. He has a ]ot of friends both inside and outside of theadminis- tration. But he has not yet made his bid for the job. A splinter group in OGPU is I am a local photographer. I backing an outsider for president. take good pitchers. I like to take So far, this group has mention- pitchers. I have my own darkroom. ed two men. Tom Rainer, three 'I print pitchers good. I like to times loser in the semi-centennial print pitchers. I would like to take race for dictator, and Issac How- all the pitchers at next year's J- itzer. brother of this nation's4 HOP. Since I like to take pitchers greatest designer of clay pigeons, so much, I don't wont no money Both of these men will deny for taking the pitchers. Would you they want the job here, but don't tell the committee for me. you believe them. -Wally Barth Old Voice In the Land It was inevitable, in the second half of the 20th Century that arm-chair detectives would put their minds to work tq find out who pulled the million dollar bank robbery in Boston and the series of diamond thefts and rob- beries which have, cropped up in New York. Some of these theorists, mostly Republican, lay the whole thing at the door of the Fair Deal. Seems they've got proof that it is another try at balancing the bud- get without raising taxes. They point to the fact that President Truman said it was possible but didn't explain how. No doubt the bankers were members of the "vested inter- est" clique, and as the Republi- cans put it, "their votes don't count." Anyway, they argue, after 18 years of the New Deal and Fair Deal we should be accustomed to million dollar raids-look at the national debt. The final result will probably show some small time gangsters were the culprits. If the Boston police will follow my own the- ory they'll throw a road block around the Massachusetts coast land and catch the thieves. "The daring that braved a stormy sea even unto Plymouth and the courage which defied In- dian arrows", an old voice in the land known as "rugged individu- alism", has returned again. This time the opposition is us- ing bullets. Our Reader ... To the Editor: I have been on sabatical leave for the last seven years, and have just returned to Ann Arbor. In spite of instructions to the con- trary, I find that The Michigan Daily has been delivered each day over the whole period. Therefore I have 1,449 Dailies on my front lawn. I am returning these by special truck, since you must have more use for them than I do. -Renneth Koke EDITOR'S NOTE: A check with our triumphant circulation department reveals that every Daily was delivered to Prof. Kowe. There have been ex- actly 1,449,Dailies in the last 7 years. Shirley Heim and Bob Smith; Szczerba; Joan Jensen and John apd William Kirkpatrick; Pauline Dorotheo A. Hess and Frederic Rogers; Gayle Jereau and Hira Kleckner and Ed Parker; Frances Breidenbach; Marilyn Herman - and Kamal Salim Sheena; Mary ( O> o ) o