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Uncle Hirams Cozy Corner for Tale Lovers
C h a rlie grandmother had handed down to quite exuberant with ioy. by point- Auntie Chalice and Flossie were
her, and although to be truthful ing out to him that, "after all, he at first puzzled as to vhat hap-
she enjoyed the praise, she didn't had completely missed the baby p ned but when the story came to
Chi m unk In try to act like a big-shot or any- carrige." light, it became quite evident that
thing. Oh That Gas!! Larry, per usual, had put his foot
At the time of our story, Charlie Somewhat chastened, Larry in it again.
Latest Thrills Chipmunk was entertaining two drove on, determined in his heart Kiddies, don't be a Larry, and
visitors, Little Larry Louse, and to do a better job next time, but always be putting your foot into
I Flossie Fire-bu. Larry was a pest, unfortunately the opportunity ne- something. Please, please don't be
Get Off the Wagon, Reader I'm ashamed to say, but Flossie rer pe sented itself. The car went a Larry and always be an awful
Father's Home with a Load Firebug was a real cute girl, and out past the city, until it was evi- !pest. Remember that your Uncle
as they say, "hot stuff". While dent to all that at last they were Hiram doesn't love pests, and you
By DR. JOSEPH GOEBBELS the three children were playing definitely cut in the country. On want your Uncle Hiram to love
here's your goad in the garbage heap (they were either side of the road, waving you, don't you?
old Uncle Hiram ready to bring playing a game of baseball with fields of poppies were blooming, What a Set-Up!
you another one of his own peachy old dried out orange rinds and casting their fragrant odors on all It seems that wh.e Larry and
stories that you love so well. He- meat bones), suddenly Charlie hit the breezes. Auntie Chalice was Charlie had gone into the farm-
fore I begin my story today (which on a famous idea. so despondent on the sight of the house to get some food, Larry had
omises to be a real hundinger) "Le's have a picnic, out in poppies, and the memories that purposely started to make a lot of
's wthey gave her of the good old days, noise. so that the farmer would
cst I want to make sure blast the country!" when she was hat-check girl in hear, and catch Charlie with the
your hands and faces are all wash- "A capital idea!" the other two an opium den, that she burst out food. Charlie had done the only
ed, and your teeth are sll care-
ed, an ou eehae -children shouted, so the three of erying. Charlie Chipmunk, who thing he could possibly have done,
fully brushed, so that you will be them immediately rushed inside knew his aunt well, with rare under the circumstances, and had
clean, when you hear your Uncle the cave to ask Auntie Chalice. presence of mind, remedied tae best up Larry to keep hin from
Hiram.c You kiddie knowie veryt aryt ke imfo
Hiram. You kiddies know very auntie Chalice thought it over a situation, by breaking out the jug making noise. Auntie Chalice and
well how Uncle Hiram hates the minute and then decided that it of corn whiskey. In no time at Flossie were quite proud and pleas-
dirty little boys and girlies, who would be great fun to have a pic- all, after everyone had taken a ed. with Charlie. and to reward
have dirty ears, and faces, and ni intecuty fw a vroeIa ae ,'~ hciadt a Ear
nit in the country. few slugs, they were all feeling him they let him have four extra
teeth. Well are you all clean now? "I have just finished making a happy again, and in this merry slugs from the rapidly-emptying
Good! I guess I can start now ten-gallon barrel of corn whis- manner they proceeded on their keg. Auntie Chalice was only dis-
with my latest episodes about key," she exclaimed, "and we could way, appointed that sha had not let
Charlie Chipmunk and His kill it off out in the country. Also, After another hour of driving, Charlie take along the sawed-off
Friends'-I could bring my sawed-off shot- Auntie Chalice, looking out the shotgun, so that he could havee
* gun, and if there are any revenu- car window, noticed that the pop- taught Larry "a real lesson".
Here We Start ers around, we could have our py fields had been succeeded by The happy picknickers, recon-
Charlie Chipmunk, as you well shooting practice," marijuana plantations, and being ciled with each other over some
know, lived in the hollowed out Where Did They Get Gas? an avid reader of the current news, more of Auntie Chalice's excellent
cave in the garbage heap at the Accordingly, all four of them, she immediately conjectured that brew, settled down to their sump-
other end of town. Charlie lived Auntie Chalice Chipmunk, Charlie they had at last reached the hon- tuous repast, which Nature and
with his Aunt Chalice Chipmunk, Chipmunk, Larry Louse, and Flos- - the innocent farmer had supplied
a merry widow, who had unfor- sie Firebug, jumped with glee, and them with. After the meal they
tunately been unable to check ac- piled into the old buggy (a reno- ' were all very drowsy, and soon
curately on her three husbands' vated hearse), putting the- ten- settled down to a quiet nlap under
arsenic capacity, In their happy gallon jug in the front seat, and the shade of several deserted oil
home in the garbage heap, visitors the sawed-off shotgun in the back wells, which, gaily adorned with
were always coming in from time seat. Immediately an argument Coca Cola signs, had the appear-
to time and spending a little time ensued as to- who would do the j ance of gigantic Christmas trees.
with the happy chipmunk family, driving. Each insisted that he Here Cones the Revenooer
Sammy Skunk from Brooklyn, was the best driver, while Flossie After about two bouts of sleep,
Slimy Snake from Chicago, Ossie Firebug, using her feminine wiles, interrupted only by Flossie's thun-
Otter from Alliance, and Bennie just cried and cried and cried. derous snores, the sleepers ware
the Boom-Boom from Boston were Finally Auntie Chalice decided awakened as though by some in-
always dropping in to sample some. that since Larry Louse was the nate instinctive twinge. Off in the
of Aunt Chalice Chipmunk's ex- youngest and the most pestiest, he ! distance, mounted on the latest
ellent corn whiskey, They always could do the driving. So, after style of Government jeeps, was-
said that no one could make corn bailing out the back seat where s could it be?-yes it was-a reve-
whiskey like Auntie Chalice. Boo- Flossie had cried, they started out nooer a real live revenooer, not
kie Bob Beetle, who fancied him- merrily on their way. Leaving the more than two miles away in the
self as a connoisseur of good corn city proper and chugging out past distance. The children almost
whiskey, said that he would leave the outskirts, the old hearse came sprang out of their skins, (in fact,
his rocky home off the coast of to an intersection at which an old t Auntie Chalice had to ,ld Flossie
San Francisco anytime, just to woman was crossing the street, by her ankle skin to keep jier from
get a couple of snorts of Chalice's pushing a baby carriage. With 1 doing just that), with happiness
home brew: the resounding cry of, "Geron- at the opportunity of seeing a real
At Last, Whiskey! imo," Larry stepped as hard as he UNCLE HIRAM live revenooer.
Auntie Chalice was not the kind could on the gas pedal, and bore _ - They all clamored for the first
who lets praise go to her head, down on the old woman. He crash- est to goodness country. So with shot at the man, and each felt
and Iscertainly hope that you chil- ed into her head-long, sending her a sigh, after clubbing Larry over that he for she) was tae one that
dren are also not the type who let fifteen feet in the air, and she the head several times with, the deserved it moat, Auntie Chalice
praise go to your heads. You can landed with a delightfully-crunch- window sash, the old car creaked had to decide in a .hurry because
all do well to take a lesson from ing thwack. The occupants of the to a halt, and the weary travelers the revenOoer was rapidly getting
Auntie Chalice on that score. She car all cheered, but Auntie Chal- piled out, bearing the still almost out of range, but with the wisdom
just went on making her own ice, always the cool one, admon- full jug, and the loaded sawed-off born of long experience, she de-
whiskey with the recipe that her ished Larry, who by this time was shotgun. cided tat since Flossie vas a girl,
Auntie Takes Over and hadn't had too much fun so
Auntie Chalice took immediate far on the trip, she ought to be the
control and rule over the little one to have the coveted honor.
party, assigning various duties for So, Flossie picked up the heavy
each of the young picknickers. gun, jammed the butt in her right
Charlie and Larry were delegated arm-pit, looked carefully down the
Slaited to O IP T ast~e to get the food from a nearby sights, breathed just as she had
farmhouse, while Flossie being a been taught to do, and pulled the
girl, and naturally the domestic trigger,
type, was to stay and help Auntie There was a tremendous explo-
Chalice get things ready, sion and cloud of smoke, as Flossie
Larry and Charlie disappeared was knocked twenty-three feet
C I® II and reappeared twenty minutes backwards. In the distance, the
FOR LUNCH, for that later, bearing a side of beef, three revenoser leaped up, grasped his
o, gallons of pineapple mixed with head, and toppled out of the jeep-
dead. How the childrenr )naed
as they ran to his body, itS a
beautiful shot. The sci 0' p of
his head had been bloc-a and
the revenooer was stca. a 'Unny
sight, lying on the gre:. The
joy of the children was ma core
amplified when Auntee CThedce,
who had just come paireu p to
the bleeding corpse, obis p.c tay-
fully:
"He'll never get ahets .at
way!"
The shooting of the scen ir
was celebrated, re-celees oand
re-re-celebrated, over t-e . t go-
ing ten gallon keg, 7"d lOssie
received, only the highe' . 50is
for her well-aimed shot,
By this time, the old cn was
beginning to sink below }-a hgn-i
zon, and Auntie Chalice, he ens-
es still intact from the al t s of
the soul-warming core, . ciIded
ruefully that it was t ,o e go
home to the garbage 6a, Ho
they all piled into the at lit jopy,
and as they went their =n='s: say
Homeward, so we least Caciha e
Chipmunk, Auntie Cha i_' ,lip-
munk, Flossy Firebug, Lary .oase,
and your good old Uncle HJJcam,
who says, "Keep your han-, face,
and teeth clean, and I sev- i dways
love you.
JIIc y
CLOUD SOFT
Inspired, these descgieesI,
A concealed inner It that
makes walking heaven a
makes your feed Ileci
divinely small.
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224 South State Street
"
orange juice, six rashers of bacon,
eight cartons of mentholated cig-
arettes, and two bottles of alka-
seltzer. Charlie was striding in
front while Larry, with a black
eye, bloody nose, and a tremen-
dous bruise on the side of his face,
straggled along in tlhe background,
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