Page Fourteen
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
0
Friday, March 3, i 944
F049y, March. 3, 1:944
THE :MICHIGAN DAILY
PQeForee H MCIGNDAL ria, ach3 94 ria, ac 3 94 HEMRIGMfi
j
I
Dear Diary: A Man, That's.
Bostula Ostenpheffer Reveals All
What
I
Need--Any Man!
The Sad Saga of a Blind Date;
Don't We All Know It Well!
1944 Edition
Details - Economics 51
-Murder
Three Weeks Before V-Ball
Dear Diary: Why doesn't he
call? The tickets will be gone by
tomorrow-he's got to call by to-
morrow. Honestly, diary, I don't
care who he is. Just let him be a
man, or at least an NRO. I just
can't come back to school next
semester f I don't have a date for
V-Ball--what did I come to col-
lege for-to study?
Two Weeks Before V-Ball
Dear Diary: Well at least he
wears long pants and smokes a,
pipe. What do I care if it takes a
few seconds to get over the shock
of repulsion when you first look atl
him? He has beautiful teeth, Who
cares if they stay in his sand-
wiches after he takes a bite? Why,
be even offered to go fifty-fifty
with me on the ticket.
What shall I wear? Nothing
sheer or strapless-a suit of armor
would be the wisest after what
I've heard about W.W.W. (Wild
Wolf Wilson). But armor would
be too noisy and heavy for climb-
ing up the sheet ladder I am going
to use to get back into the house.
We were going to spend the night,
at the St. James Hotel, but the
Marines and their Jackson, Ypsi
and Toledo lay-do~h (I mean
Weather To
Dress or No-
But You All Know by Now if
You Need Rubbers or Claws
She minced along at his side,
clinging to his muscular, fur-cov-
ered arm. He glanced down at her
tenderly, turning his, head to get
a better view through his parka.
Yes, they were going to the V-
Ball. The time,, nine o'clock; the
place, Ann Arbor; the weather,
well, your guess is as good as any-
body's. But they were prepared
for anything.
She was dressed in a soft blue
chiffon wisp that passed for a
dress. But just in case it should
suddenly turn cold, she carried
over her arm a frock of mink-
not particularly revealing but def-
initely on the sensible side. Her
silver-sandled feet were encased
in hob-nailed boots to help her
over the patches of ice, and for her
dainty fingers she wore a pair of
black-net elbow - length gloves.
(Glamor, of course.)
The upper half of her escort
was muffled in a sheep-skin lined
jacket. His parka, covered withI
Wolverine fur, made him sneeze
but he was comfortable. Beneath
the lower edge of his coat, his
black-tuxedo-clad legs marched
briskly along as his pre-war cuffs
flapped in the brisk breeze. From
his free hand dangled a gaily
colored umbrella, in case it should
4uddenly rain.
pick-up) girls have all the reser-
vations. They aren't even going
to bother to go to V-Ball.
Guess I'll wear my black taffeta
with the shiny steel sequins. It
looks mighty seductive but feels
like a handful of barbed-wire. My
name isn't 'Kautious Katy' for
nothing.
One Week Before V-Ball
Dear Diary: Just one more week
and the big night is here. Tomor-
row I will start laying out my
eyelash curler, my pancake make-
up, my eye shadow and mascara
and my new purple lipstick. I
want to create that sweet, natural
appearance.F
Oh, and diary, I can't forget my
"new front" (known as gay de-
ceivers at the Van Buren Lingerie
Shop, two dollars a pair.) W.W.W.
is so sweet. I don't haw to call for
him until 7 p. m. so I will have
plenty of time to get dressed. And
he simply insisted that we walk
instead of taking a cab. That is
what I like in a man-thought-
fulness. I have to go to bed now
diary. I'm= getting 10 hours of
sleep every night. Have to build
up my 'resistance' for V-Ball and
W.W.W.
V-Ball Night
Before-Dear Diary: I'm so ex-j
cited I can't sit down. Think of
it, music, soft lights, hard drinks-
After-DearDiary: He came. He
saw. I'm conquered.
Sad Saga o
.CalIIng Taxi
For V-Ball
We picked up the telephone.
Busy. We put down the telephone
long enough for somebody else to
hang up, we thought. We picked
up the telephone. Busy, Busy,
Brrup, Brrup. Busy. We put down
the telephone and the guy up-
stairs was yelling for somebody to
put his tie on for him. His mother
never told him about such things.
We picked up the telephone .. .
Ah! "Good evening, this is the
Furtzwoddle Diaper Laundry; you
mess 'em, we dress 'em." Damn!
We put down the telephone and
dialed another number . . . No,
we're not trying to call Prof. Pol-
lock, that busy man, or President
Roosevelt . . . all we wanted was
one taxi, one little taxi to get to
V-Ball.
No luck.. . it was already mid-
night and we hadn't gone any-
where in our soup and fish . .. we
met our date on the corner, hailed
a cab . . . refused to get in with
the other 14 people.
The sad ending-we sure hope
V-Ball was nice. Our roller skates
broke down near Leo Ping's and
we didn't make it.
---
We now present the sad tale of worked nerves, I attended a local
Bostula R. Ostenpheffer, former cinema.
follower of knowledge at the Uni- "And there," Bostula sighed, "it
S happened " ,
versity. This harrowing tale of hpened.
death and D-graduation was pain- "Cnewing my dubble bubble and
eating ppcorn, I took my seat in
fully confided to us over a small the balcony. The show was pretty
glass of vitriol, which Miss Osten- ------- --
pheffer immediately quaffed after l A
having recited her experience.
"I was shangaied into taking
that course of courses. ec 51," she
murmured hesitantly. "And . to
tell the truth, I was not doing so
well in it. Of course all the book
stores were out of the textbook
and the syllabus, and I just could-
n't go to that class every MWF
at 8 a.m. I naturally only woke
up in time to get to the lectures.
(Here Bostula was interrupted by
a No-Nod salesman who attempt-
ed a sale; after smacking him
down, she continued):
"Although I sat in the front
row and fixpd my garter at least
once during the lecture, I never
seemed to make an impression on
the professor. In fact he even
insinuated that I was in danger of
failing the course . . . so one eve-
ning, in order to calm my over-
gocd, in fact I didn't sleep at all
through it; 'Frankensteen' was
the title. But during the inter-
mission. having nothing to do, I
happened to make an airplane
out of my program. (This trick
was showed to me by a friend tak-
ing aeronautical navigation). And
so," she sighed, "I wafted it gent-
ly into the air. And what wasamy
terror when I saw it descend, with
accelerating speed, upon a middle
aged, male victim, who turned
around; and I sank back, stunned
th for this individual was none
other than that horrible insensi-
tive Economics Lecturer"
Miss Ostenpheffer wept copious-
ly after this frigtening admission,
but was finally persuaded to con-
tinue. "At the next lecture. I was
so scared that I forgot to fix my
garter . . . and my hand could
fashion nothing but airplanes
from my notebook paper. And
afterwards the worst occurred - . .
at a special board meeting I was
officially dropped from ec 51.
"I wouldn't care so much if it
didn't illustrate the fact that the
faculty is narrow, bigoted and
perjudiced. When I get to heaven
I shall institute a purge."
With these final words Bostula
R. Ostenpheffer drank her vitriol,
and succumbed. And upon her
marble sarcophagus was engraved
a garter, a cinema ticket, an ec 51
syllabus and a paper airplane.
We forthwith present the har-
rowing tale of a blind date at
Michigan, an experience ;which
you, gentle reader, have probably
been through even as the rest of
us.
Time: 10 p.m., Friday, March 3.
Place: V-Ball.
Cast: Susie Snuggle and Cuth-
bert Dwindlespein.
Lights, camera, action!
Susie: Where did you say you were
from?
Cuthbert: Podunk Junction. Why?
Susie: Oh, do you know the Jones-
es? They used to live thereI
about fifteen years ago, I think.
Cuthbert: Do you mean the Henry
Joneses?
Susie: I've forgotten their first
names.
(long, painful silence)
Susie: I used totknow some other
people there, too.
Cuthbert: No kidding.
(another long, painful silence)
Susie: What are your hobbies,
Cuthbert?
Cuthbert: Don't have any.
Susie: (giggles in a suppressed
manner) Oh, I think that's just
a riot.
(another long, painful silence)
Susie: (rallying bravely) Do you
like music?
Cuthbert: Used to play the French
harp.
Susie: (giggles) Oh, I think that's
just a riot.
(still another long painful silence)
Susie: What are you majoring in.
Cuthbert?
Cuthbert: Oh, I don't know.
Haven't decided yet.
Susie (in desperation): Well, what
do you think you'll major in?
Cuthbert (shuffling his feet un-
easily): Never thought much
about it.
Susie (giggles with hysterical
note): Oh, I think that's just a
riot.
(still another long painful si-
lence. Our hero leads Susie out to
dance. The lights are low, the
music soft.)
Susie (in muffled tones): Ouch,
my foot.
Cuthbert (mumbling): Excuse me.
(another silence, even more long,
even more painful.)
As you have probably guessed
by now, our little drama has no
point. It's just another one of
those things.
And three cheers for V-Ball!
V- Ball Dress
Easy Methos
By ROGER DANG
A-Prerequisites-a set of tails, coura
and an unlimited supply of time.
B-Take tails off of hanger. (Editor's
necessity but saves innumerable lac
C-Put on pants (for those who have I
tralian bushmen this step may be
it is a Michigan custom usually o
D--Apply shoes and stockings to lower
done in summertime but according
greatly to avoidance of athletes foot
E-Curse. (This may be done under ar
prime necessity for a good Michiga
F-Quickly sneak up behind shirt and
editor knows a man who tried to
last report such individual was still
progress will be announced as fast
G-Telephone Willow Run, and have H
(riveters, welders, tool and die tee
semble shirt and collar into a smoot
H-Above operation has recently been
lettantes under local rather than
Said Fudgemore Derp, well knowr
and startling innovation, "I find i
sea." (The editor would like to ca
too much faith in Fudgemore's st
accused of being paralyzed from the
I-Apply studs to shirt front. It is usua
holes provided for this purpose do
However, in answer to many quer
editor can see no reason for prey
initiative and applying studs where,
i
Seen Bzct Not Heard
Cabua' q4a70Eite4
Pat Cameron, above, a Holly-
wood model, shows her 1944
playsuit edition. Made of un-
shrinkable fabric, it will be ex-
tensively used for sun bathing.
A Crying Need
A crying need in the makeup
of newspapers is that each pa-
per doesn't cater to the needs
of every reader. The Daily
hereby sets a precedent and
does reverently dedicate the
space below to doodlers.
-
..
k
x.;
i
R ' A '
Something
to start the
A
new semester with . . . Just
right for dashing to classes
yet smart enough for those
evenings at the League.
Grey Flannels, Hounds-
tooth checks and gabar-
dines are only half of the
materials waiting for you
at Kessel's.
1 *. $4 5
SIZES
this purpose may most easily be 1
TION: Special care should be tak(
cardial region as organ contained
to ice pick punctures.
J-Attach tie to aforementioned item
worn with this outfit. Four-in-1
cently been regarded as passe.
startling innovation, Fauntleroy I
on cravates, has just come out wi
laundry situation, grayish, beer-sI
ties are not only to be allowed but
cars of the well dressed patriotic
hearing this statement a well-kno
ment sent back the above unlaun
mayed Ann Arbor cosmopolites.
If You'r Pressed foi
FOR
SERVED AT LEADING
DRUG STORES AND RESTAURANTS
ON CAMPUS
SCE CREAM
Almost overnight the striped jacket has reached the pinnacle of
fashion acceptance. The important consideration in a striped
jacket is the art of blending colors so that the stripe will be seen
but not heard. The fabric is loomed by Stroock of a special blend
of wools and finished by nature in the original crofter manner.
3 26 SOUTH STATE STR.EET
Misses & Jrs.
9 NICKELS ARCADE
I
BEATING I
Don't forget your friendsand relatives because you're busy with
At least remember them with a card on their birthdays and o
Servicemen especiall appreciate bright cards that say you're thinl
have a fine choice of humorous and sentimental cards to suit you
Devoping, Priniting and Enlarging your phoio,'iphs is
FRANCISCO-D2YCF PH4J
723 North University 221 Sout
I'
I
I
r p.
,4'
r !