Page Fourteen THE MICHIGAN DAILY 0 Friday, March 3, i 944 F049y, March. 3, 1:944 THE :MICHIGAN DAILY PQeForee H MCIGNDAL ria, ach3 94 ria, ac 3 94 HEMRIGMfi j I Dear Diary: A Man, That's. Bostula Ostenpheffer Reveals All What I Need--Any Man! The Sad Saga of a Blind Date; Don't We All Know It Well! 1944 Edition Details - Economics 51 -Murder Three Weeks Before V-Ball Dear Diary: Why doesn't he call? The tickets will be gone by tomorrow-he's got to call by to- morrow. Honestly, diary, I don't care who he is. Just let him be a man, or at least an NRO. I just can't come back to school next semester f I don't have a date for V-Ball--what did I come to col- lege for-to study? Two Weeks Before V-Ball Dear Diary: Well at least he wears long pants and smokes a, pipe. What do I care if it takes a few seconds to get over the shock of repulsion when you first look atl him? He has beautiful teeth, Who cares if they stay in his sand- wiches after he takes a bite? Why, be even offered to go fifty-fifty with me on the ticket. What shall I wear? Nothing sheer or strapless-a suit of armor would be the wisest after what I've heard about W.W.W. (Wild Wolf Wilson). But armor would be too noisy and heavy for climb- ing up the sheet ladder I am going to use to get back into the house. We were going to spend the night, at the St. James Hotel, but the Marines and their Jackson, Ypsi and Toledo lay-do~h (I mean Weather To Dress or No- But You All Know by Now if You Need Rubbers or Claws She minced along at his side, clinging to his muscular, fur-cov- ered arm. He glanced down at her tenderly, turning his, head to get a better view through his parka. Yes, they were going to the V- Ball. The time,, nine o'clock; the place, Ann Arbor; the weather, well, your guess is as good as any- body's. But they were prepared for anything. She was dressed in a soft blue chiffon wisp that passed for a dress. But just in case it should suddenly turn cold, she carried over her arm a frock of mink- not particularly revealing but def- initely on the sensible side. Her silver-sandled feet were encased in hob-nailed boots to help her over the patches of ice, and for her dainty fingers she wore a pair of black-net elbow - length gloves. (Glamor, of course.) The upper half of her escort was muffled in a sheep-skin lined jacket. His parka, covered withI Wolverine fur, made him sneeze but he was comfortable. Beneath the lower edge of his coat, his black-tuxedo-clad legs marched briskly along as his pre-war cuffs flapped in the brisk breeze. From his free hand dangled a gaily colored umbrella, in case it should 4uddenly rain. pick-up) girls have all the reser- vations. They aren't even going to bother to go to V-Ball. Guess I'll wear my black taffeta with the shiny steel sequins. It looks mighty seductive but feels like a handful of barbed-wire. My name isn't 'Kautious Katy' for nothing. One Week Before V-Ball Dear Diary: Just one more week and the big night is here. Tomor- row I will start laying out my eyelash curler, my pancake make- up, my eye shadow and mascara and my new purple lipstick. I want to create that sweet, natural appearance.F Oh, and diary, I can't forget my "new front" (known as gay de- ceivers at the Van Buren Lingerie Shop, two dollars a pair.) W.W.W. is so sweet. I don't haw to call for him until 7 p. m. so I will have plenty of time to get dressed. And he simply insisted that we walk instead of taking a cab. That is what I like in a man-thought- fulness. I have to go to bed now diary. I'm= getting 10 hours of sleep every night. Have to build up my 'resistance' for V-Ball and W.W.W. V-Ball Night Before-Dear Diary: I'm so ex-j cited I can't sit down. Think of it, music, soft lights, hard drinks- After-DearDiary: He came. He saw. I'm conquered. Sad Saga o .CalIIng Taxi For V-Ball We picked up the telephone. Busy. We put down the telephone long enough for somebody else to hang up, we thought. We picked up the telephone. Busy, Busy, Brrup, Brrup. Busy. We put down the telephone and the guy up- stairs was yelling for somebody to put his tie on for him. His mother never told him about such things. We picked up the telephone .. . Ah! "Good evening, this is the Furtzwoddle Diaper Laundry; you mess 'em, we dress 'em." Damn! We put down the telephone and dialed another number . . . No, we're not trying to call Prof. Pol- lock, that busy man, or President Roosevelt . . . all we wanted was one taxi, one little taxi to get to V-Ball. No luck.. . it was already mid- night and we hadn't gone any- where in our soup and fish . .. we met our date on the corner, hailed a cab . . . refused to get in with the other 14 people. The sad ending-we sure hope V-Ball was nice. Our roller skates broke down near Leo Ping's and we didn't make it. --- We now present the sad tale of worked nerves, I attended a local Bostula R. Ostenpheffer, former cinema. follower of knowledge at the Uni- "And there," Bostula sighed, "it S happened " , versity. This harrowing tale of hpened. death and D-graduation was pain- "Cnewing my dubble bubble and eating ppcorn, I took my seat in fully confided to us over a small the balcony. The show was pretty glass of vitriol, which Miss Osten- ------- -- pheffer immediately quaffed after l A having recited her experience. "I was shangaied into taking that course of courses. ec 51," she murmured hesitantly. "And . to tell the truth, I was not doing so well in it. Of course all the book stores were out of the textbook and the syllabus, and I just could- n't go to that class every MWF at 8 a.m. I naturally only woke up in time to get to the lectures. (Here Bostula was interrupted by a No-Nod salesman who attempt- ed a sale; after smacking him down, she continued): "Although I sat in the front row and fixpd my garter at least once during the lecture, I never seemed to make an impression on the professor. In fact he even insinuated that I was in danger of failing the course . . . so one eve- ning, in order to calm my over- gocd, in fact I didn't sleep at all through it; 'Frankensteen' was the title. But during the inter- mission. having nothing to do, I happened to make an airplane out of my program. (This trick was showed to me by a friend tak- ing aeronautical navigation). And so," she sighed, "I wafted it gent- ly into the air. And what wasamy terror when I saw it descend, with accelerating speed, upon a middle aged, male victim, who turned around; and I sank back, stunned th for this individual was none other than that horrible insensi- tive Economics Lecturer" Miss Ostenpheffer wept copious- ly after this frigtening admission, but was finally persuaded to con- tinue. "At the next lecture. I was so scared that I forgot to fix my garter . . . and my hand could fashion nothing but airplanes from my notebook paper. And afterwards the worst occurred - . . at a special board meeting I was officially dropped from ec 51. "I wouldn't care so much if it didn't illustrate the fact that the faculty is narrow, bigoted and perjudiced. When I get to heaven I shall institute a purge." With these final words Bostula R. Ostenpheffer drank her vitriol, and succumbed. And upon her marble sarcophagus was engraved a garter, a cinema ticket, an ec 51 syllabus and a paper airplane. We forthwith present the har- rowing tale of a blind date at Michigan, an experience ;which you, gentle reader, have probably been through even as the rest of us. Time: 10 p.m., Friday, March 3. Place: V-Ball. Cast: Susie Snuggle and Cuth- bert Dwindlespein. Lights, camera, action! Susie: Where did you say you were from? Cuthbert: Podunk Junction. Why? Susie: Oh, do you know the Jones- es? They used to live thereI about fifteen years ago, I think. Cuthbert: Do you mean the Henry Joneses? Susie: I've forgotten their first names. (long, painful silence) Susie: I used totknow some other people there, too. Cuthbert: No kidding. (another long, painful silence) Susie: What are your hobbies, Cuthbert? Cuthbert: Don't have any. Susie: (giggles in a suppressed manner) Oh, I think that's just a riot. (another long, painful silence) Susie: (rallying bravely) Do you like music? Cuthbert: Used to play the French harp. Susie: (giggles) Oh, I think that's just a riot. (still another long painful silence) Susie: What are you majoring in. Cuthbert? Cuthbert: Oh, I don't know. Haven't decided yet. Susie (in desperation): Well, what do you think you'll major in? Cuthbert (shuffling his feet un- easily): Never thought much about it. Susie (giggles with hysterical note): Oh, I think that's just a riot. (still another long painful si- lence. Our hero leads Susie out to dance. The lights are low, the music soft.) Susie (in muffled tones): Ouch, my foot. Cuthbert (mumbling): Excuse me. (another silence, even more long, even more painful.) As you have probably guessed by now, our little drama has no point. It's just another one of those things. And three cheers for V-Ball! V- Ball Dress Easy Methos By ROGER DANG A-Prerequisites-a set of tails, coura and an unlimited supply of time. B-Take tails off of hanger. (Editor's necessity but saves innumerable lac C-Put on pants (for those who have I tralian bushmen this step may be it is a Michigan custom usually o D--Apply shoes and stockings to lower done in summertime but according greatly to avoidance of athletes foot E-Curse. (This may be done under ar prime necessity for a good Michiga F-Quickly sneak up behind shirt and editor knows a man who tried to last report such individual was still progress will be announced as fast G-Telephone Willow Run, and have H (riveters, welders, tool and die tee semble shirt and collar into a smoot H-Above operation has recently been lettantes under local rather than Said Fudgemore Derp, well knowr and startling innovation, "I find i sea." (The editor would like to ca too much faith in Fudgemore's st accused of being paralyzed from the I-Apply studs to shirt front. It is usua holes provided for this purpose do However, in answer to many quer editor can see no reason for prey initiative and applying studs where, i Seen Bzct Not Heard Cabua' q4a70Eite4 Pat Cameron, above, a Holly- wood model, shows her 1944 playsuit edition. Made of un- shrinkable fabric, it will be ex- tensively used for sun bathing. A Crying Need A crying need in the makeup of newspapers is that each pa- per doesn't cater to the needs of every reader. The Daily hereby sets a precedent and does reverently dedicate the space below to doodlers. - .. k x.; i R ' A ' Something to start the A new semester with . . . Just right for dashing to classes yet smart enough for those evenings at the League. Grey Flannels, Hounds- tooth checks and gabar- dines are only half of the materials waiting for you at Kessel's. 1 *. $4 5 SIZES this purpose may most easily be 1 TION: Special care should be tak( cardial region as organ contained to ice pick punctures. J-Attach tie to aforementioned item worn with this outfit. Four-in-1 cently been regarded as passe. startling innovation, Fauntleroy I on cravates, has just come out wi laundry situation, grayish, beer-sI ties are not only to be allowed but cars of the well dressed patriotic hearing this statement a well-kno ment sent back the above unlaun mayed Ann Arbor cosmopolites. If You'r Pressed foi FOR SERVED AT LEADING DRUG STORES AND RESTAURANTS ON CAMPUS SCE CREAM Almost overnight the striped jacket has reached the pinnacle of fashion acceptance. The important consideration in a striped jacket is the art of blending colors so that the stripe will be seen but not heard. The fabric is loomed by Stroock of a special blend of wools and finished by nature in the original crofter manner. 3 26 SOUTH STATE STR.EET Misses & Jrs. 9 NICKELS ARCADE I BEATING I Don't forget your friendsand relatives because you're busy with At least remember them with a card on their birthdays and o Servicemen especiall appreciate bright cards that say you're thinl have a fine choice of humorous and sentimental cards to suit you Devoping, Priniting and Enlarging your phoio,'iphs is FRANCISCO-D2YCF PH4J 723 North University 221 Sout I' I I r p. ,4' r !