THV MICHIGAN DAILY
THU AY, NIOV. .11, ,1137
~RE MTCHTfAN DAILY
I . I
_o., _,.,,.DA . ,Y . ,OV . .. ..3.7
Happy Birthday
Dear Democracy. . .
IT WAS just 19 years ago today that
an armistice was signed in a railroad
car in France, ending four years of war that had
involved practically every major power in the
World. Hosannas were great, and war was gone
frdm the world forever. The "war to end wars"
had been won, the Germans were successfully
crushed, the Kaiser was sent to exile in Holland,
and once again the world was "safe for democ-
racy."
That was 19 years ago. It is now November
11, 1937, and again the world finds war in two im-
portant countries, and preparations for war in at
least six others.
The war fever grips the earth once again, and
the fight to save democracy and to end wars
seems to have been utterly in vain.
Japan ruthlessly attacks the Chinese. Franco
carries on mass murder in Spain. Hitler and
Mussolini arm despite treaties that were signed
in 1919. The fear is spreading through the United
States, Great Britain, France, Russia, and nearly
every major power in the world. The menace of
fascism strives to envelope the world in general.
The United States does not know where to
turn, fearing that she might "put her foot
into it."
Yet something must be done on an organized
world basis.
Horace W. Gilmore.
THE CLOCK
with DISRAELI
EDITOR'S NOTE
The editorials published in Under the
Clock are written by Disraeli and they are
not really his at all, but just some things
he picked up on the back of old beer skim-
mers at the Bell. You know how he does
get around.
LITERARY SCHOOL BOARD
WILL INVESTIGATE RUMORS
OF TERRIBLE SUBSIDIZATION
350 Phi Beta KAppas
Hide Under The Sofa
In Hagen's Basement
That sloe-eyed wench, Dame Rumor, flounced
in today and plunking her round little buttocks
on our desk declared that "certain students" were
receiving scholastic subsidies from Hamtramck
and Ecorse alumni groups. The report will be
investigated by Dean Kraus and a flying squad-
ron of football coaches who want to know what
the hell it's all about too. They will be assisted
by a Ladies Auxiliary of the Ex-iwanis-Who-
Got-Tired Of-Pressed-Ham-On-Wednesdays-As-
sociation. Dr. William Brace and Miss Ethel
McCormick will chaperon.
When questioned, an influential member of the
board stated that he -was ambushed in the tele-
phone booth at the Parrot by a crowd of men
with circles under their eyes and brandishing
over-sized Phi Beta Kappa keys.
"What you tink!" one shouted. "What you
tink! We no get our pay checks thisa week. What
you tink, hey?"
Expressing surprise, the faculty man asked !
him what he meant. The fellow, apparently1
spokesman for the crowd, could hardly control
himself as he spoke.
"What you tink, hey? You think I disguise my-
self as a Superior girl t'ree hours a week and
I no get paid for it. You t'ink Joe, he polish
knobs ona da drink founting and he no get
paid? Huh? Looka what Joe do, hey! Didn't he
write da history of Bolivian rubber boots previous
to do Protestant Reformation? Didn't I, J. Aloy-
sious Widdlziniwicz, spend tha best days of my
career writing "The Cynicism of the Upper Sene-
chal Buffalo Tick?" Didn't 65,000 people refuse'
to reada my book? Ain't I a success? Ain't it?
Do I wasta time go around builda tha stadiooms
and the gymnaaz, huh?"
"I was nonplused," said the influential board-
member. "I was nonplussed. These people don't
seem to understand the ideals of the University.
As for the gymnaaz and the stadiooms. I thought
they just growed, you know, like Topsy. I was
impressed though when this fellow spoke to me
so pitifully.
"With tears in his eyes he said, 'Look, profes-
sor, alla my life I am used to pick my teeth with
my Phi Beta Kappa key. So what I do now? I
gotta key but nothing geta stuck in my teeth
anymore.' "
* * * *
Yesterday we received this letter which we
relay to you. What you T'ink, hey?
Dear Diz:
I am a senior, for many years I have been
a member of the football squad at the Uni-
versity of Michigan. In some way my last
pay check must have gotten lost in the mail.
Do you think you could help me locate it?
It should also cover my last month's expense
account which I give to you.
Three weeks pre-season practice ... . $49.00
20 tackles before the season opened
(half-price) ......................10.00
600 minutes on the bench at .50 an
hour..... .....................5.00
271/ tackles when I finally got in at .1
1.50 ea........................... 41.25
11 blocks at 2.00 (the premium price) . 22.00
Iifeeinr Ic Me
Heywood Broun
The doctor said, "Can you spare me an hour?"
You see, I'd asked him what was the matter with
me and my work and life in general. To make a
long story short, he found that I was suffering
from a common complaint, although he admitted
that this was one of the worst cases he had ever
encountered. It seems that
I am far too kindly, which
means that underneath a
smiling exterior molten lava
is churning around and dev-
astating my nervous system.
"Look at Vesuvius," said
the doctor dramatically. All
I could see on the wall was
a painting of two or three
deer, a nude lady, a sky-
scraper and a bunch of grapes. It was labeled,
for no particular reason, "Nocturne." It turned
out that the physician meant me to look at
Vesuvious in my mind's eye. "The thing that
keeps that mountain going," the doctor ex-
plained, "is the fact that every once and so
often it erupts. You should do the same. When
you sit down at your typewriter to do a column,
think of some person or things you're mad at,
and then let go. Turn on the heat; use a full
swing; don't pull your punches."
Inhibitions Frustrate Him
"But suppose I go to work some morning andj
I'm not mad at anybody in particular?" I ob-
jected. "I can't write about Bill Green every
day." "Don't talk nonsense," he answered. "Of
course, you're mad at lots of people. Everyone
of us is, twenty-four hours of the day. Without
good sustaining hate, life could not go on. That's
your trouble. You're inhibited."
I guess he's right, because sometimes I justj
can't remember anybody I'm sore at, or if I amI
I've forgotten his name. My hate may be fa-
miliar, but I can't seem to place it. And so at
the end the doctor and I compromised.
The present arrangement is that on three days
out of every six I must be indignant in my col-
umn. On the other three I can be my old sweet
self, and on Sundays all I have to do is to kick
the dog around. But there is one task added for
the days of benevolence. After dishing out some
treacle for the paper I am under orders to go
back to my painting. The doctor thinks this may
serve to release my inhibitions.
The column, for instance, could be something
very whimsical and charming about a dog or
autumn in the country, but the minute I'm done
with the attempt to impersonate Louisa May Al-
cott my instructions are to go straight to the
studio and paint myself a thunderstorm or a
couple of venomous trees.
Can't Work Up Grouch
So far the system is working out terribly.-
I still have sugar in my newspaper stint, and all
the landscapes are benign and smiling. Unless I
can pull myself together I'm going to end up by
being a kind of combination of Charles Dickens
and Maxfield Parrish. Almost any day now
somebody is going to be calling me "the good,
gray journalist," and I look out of the window
fearfully to see whether a delegation of kiddies
has come from the neighboring town to serenade
me with "Happy Birthday to You!'"
A man who pretends to be a friend has sent
my name to a contest which a young folks' mag-
-azine is carrying on to determine who has done
the most to further the ideals of American child-
hood. If I win the election I understand that I
get a gold watch'and that the magazine will print
my picture on the cover under the caption "Uncle
Heywood." In addition the lucky man in the elec-
tion will be offered a thirteen-week radio con-
tract to do a "Slumber Talk'' for the tots under
the sponsorship of a predigested food company.
.t n.o
Mistaken Diagnosis
It looks as if the doctor was all wrong. There
is no hope in my unconscious. Even if I get rid
of my inhibitions I won't be Dean Swift. The net
result will be much more like Eddie Guest. I'm 1
not Vesuvius; that's a couple of other moun-
tains. What the doctor diagnosed as molten lava
is really cold molasses and honey. Good night,
everybody. Sweet dreams. .
FORUM-
We Want Pete
To the Editor:
Since in your columns you
see" fit to"give niflrt fn
DAILY OFFICIAL BULLETIN
Publication in the Bulletin in constructive notice to al member..at the
WMtvrsity. Copy received at the ooma t the axtanest to the r A
UtAS 3:3- 11 :0 a... e. SatwdoW.
have
kcal 114 w oiVU i"1" C, iLo a very
grave controversy on campus, that
over the custody of Pete the Skeleton,
we suspect that perhaps there is some
public interest in the matter. Wei
wish to be heard in branding the
article on this subject in this morn-f
ing's Daily unfairly biased. In it
there are obvious signs of editorial'
favor toward the culprits in the case.
As the true guardians of Pete we1
believe it only fair that our side of
the case be made known.
We feel that since our acquaintance
with silent Pete far antedates thnf t
f
THURSDAY, NOV. 11, 1937
VOL. XLVIII. No. 40
I
Faculty, College of Engineering:
There will be a meeting of the fac-
ulty on Thursday, Nov. 11 at 4:151
p.m., in Room 348 West Engineeringl
Building. Changes in curricula for4
Municipal Engineering, Transporta-1
tion, Civil Engineering, and Mathe-
matics will be considered.I
National
Youth Administration:I
.ravaa . aaaaty L GUL 1011 CLII CUCI, Ca LISCS ;
of the girls of the Co-op House, we
are proportionately far more com-
petent as judges of what is desirable
for Pete and what is not. We are
certain that continuous contact witl
frivolous females such as these will
destroy Pete's high ideals, and lea
him to forget the greater things he
stands for in the trivial activity of
day-to-day social life. Thus a great
soul will be lost to the world, re-
duced to mere insignificance. These
people have even proposed that Pete
go into the movies-and everybody
'knows what happens to people wh(
go into the movies. The very thought
fills us with horror. No, the Co-or
House is no fit place for Pete.
Further, disregarding the issue of
the desirability or undesirability of a
change of Pete's affiliations, we are
sure that any court in the land
would support our right to retain the
custody of our adopted ward, who was
taken by us from oblivion and raised
to greatness. By every right, legal
and ethical, Pete is our ward and our
responsibility. We feel perfectly justi-
fied in demanding that he be returned
to us without further ado, and can-
le
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f Checks for the payroll ending Oct.
23, are now ready for distribution at
the Storehouse Bldg.
To The Householders: Effective
Monday, Nov. 15, the rate of pay-
ment for all odd jobs, such as house-
cleaning, yard and garden work, will
be 40 cents an hour.
J. A. Bursley,
Dean of Students.
The Bureau has received notice of
the following Civil Service Examina-
tions:
Senior veterinarian (animal dis-
ease research), $4,600 a year; Bureau
of Animal Industry, Department of
Agriculture.
For further information, please call
at the office, 201 Mason Hall.
University Bureau of Appoint-
ments and Occupational Infor-
mation.
not but believe that public opinion}
will support our argument.+
-Hal, Ted, Chuck and Dave.
--Proud Protectors of Pete.
By JAMES MUDGE
Air Lines: Kay Kyser seems to be
the only band that can rival the
popularity of Joe Sanders in Chi-
cago's Blackhawk. Will Osborn took
a terrific flop in the spot and the
stompin' band of Louie Prima dic
likewise-the patrons like their mu-
sic on the commercial side . . . The
former Casa Loma leader, Hank Bi-
agini, has changed his name foi
commercial purposes to Hank Henry.
Biagini had the now Casa Loma band
under his wing a long while back in
Detroit . . . Johnny the Call Boy,
midget m.c. of the Phil Morris ciggy
show, holds a life-time contract-a
mighty handy thing to have right
off hand . . . Dave Tough, drummer
man with Tommy Dorsey, comes from
a - well-to-do Chicago family. His
ability to use the English language
with deftness is exceeded only by his
ability to drum. . . Peter Van Steeden
did such a good job of being funny
on the O'Keefe show that some spon-
sors handed him offers to be funny
for their money-he's sticking to
baton wielding . . . Michigan State
College is the scene of this week's
"Varsity Show"-it's homecoming or
some kind of a shin-dig and NBC
brings its mikes to East Lansing to
air the various organizations that
represent the State campus . . . The
,coed's national anthem, "Star Dust"
spent 6 years on a dusty shelf wait-
ing until Isham Jones introduced it ..
Today being Armistic Day the big
'networks are giving plenty of air
space for memorial purposes. The
commercial shows tonight also have
an Armistice air-CBS presents army
notables in a huge memorial service
at 6:45 from Los Angeles and Chi-
cago . . . At 2 Friday morning, a host
of radio and film stars take part in an
Armistice Day program from the
Ambassador Hotel in Hollywood on
an NBC chain . . .
Bits: Raymond Scott has added a
new weird tune to his library. It
bears the handle "Mad Waffle Eater"
-his stuff sounds weedy . . . WOR-
Mutual has taken over the lease on
the New Amsterdam Theatre Roof
for future airings-the Mutual Sys-
tem continues to give NBC and CBS
something to worry about ...New
York will sport 25 name bands in
steady spots during the winter
months, and they will all be marking
time until they get a chance to go
Coastward . . Red Norvo and crew
have the Californians standing
around with mouths open. Stewie
Pletcher has returned to the Norvo
fold and the band seems to be in a
better groove with their old pal back
in the brass section.
State Street Takes
Junior Elections
(Continued from Page 1)
1 The University Bureau of Appoint-
ments and Occupational Information
is open for registration Thursday and
Friday of this week, Nov. 11 and 12.
Blanks may be obtained at the of-
fice, 201 Mason Hall, hours: 9-12 and
2-4. Both seniors and graduate stu-
dents, as well as staff members, are
eligible for the services of the Bu-
reau, and may register in the Teach-
ing Division or in the General Divi-
sion, which applies to those interested,
in other professons than teaching, as
well as in business and industry. Feb-
ruary, June and August graduates
'are urged to register now, as this is'
the only general registration to be
held during the year and positions
are already coming in for next year.
There is no charge for this service,
but after this week all students tak-
ing out blanks are subject to payment
of $1 late registration fee.
Fraternity and Sorority Presidents
are reminded that the monthly mem-
bership lists for October are due in
the office of the Dean of Students
on or before Nov. 15.
R.O.T.C. Uniforms will be issued
between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30
p.m. today. This is the last day the
tailor will be here and all uniforms
' must be called for.
Academic Notices
History 47: Midsemester, Nov. 11,
10 a.m., Sections I, I, III, in Room C,
Haven Hall. Sections IV, V, VI, in
Room 103 Romance Languages.
Economics 51: No lectures today.,
IA Selected List," Edith Thomas.
Address: Dr. Cameron Haight, as-
sistant professor of surgery, will give
an address on, "The Use of Surgery
in Pulmonary Tuberculosis," at the
Hospital Amphitheatre Thursday
evening, Nov. 11 at 8 p.m.
This will be the regular meeting
of the Ann Arbor District Nursing
Association.
A.S.M.ES. Meeting: Thursday, Nov.
11, at 7:30 p.m. in the Union. Mr.
James H. Herron, National Presi-
dent of A.S.M.E. and President of
J. N. Herron Co., Cleveland, will
sneak on "Some Engineering Exper-
iences."
Physical Education Majors: The
Physical Education Frolic will be
given from 7:30 to 10 p.m. Thursday,
Nov. 11 in the Women's Athletic
Bldg. for the men and women of
physical education classes.
Freshman Girl's Glee Club: There
will be a meeting tonight at the
League at 7:15 p.m. All members
please be prompt.
The Finance Committee of Soph.
Cabaret will meet at 5 p.m. today in
the Undergraduate Office of the
League. Please bring the money col-
lected so far.
Fireside Session: The "Associa-
tion" will hold its second Fireside
Session in Lane Hall at 8 p.m. to-
day. Dr. Mischa Titiev of the An-
thropology Department will be the
faculty guest. Come around if you
can.
Independent Men's Organization:
Meeting tonight at 7:30 p.m. in the
Union. All committee men will meet
with the heads of their committees
and the executive council. All men
interested in committee work are
invited to try out.
Coming Events
Faculty Luncheon: Prof. A. Eustace
Haydon will discuss Humanism at a
luncheon for members of the Faculty
at the Michigan Union, 12:30 Mon-
day, Nov. 15. Please call Lane Hall
for reservations.
Junior Mathematics Club will meet
Friday, Nov. 12, at 4:15 p.m., in Room
201 Angell Hall. Mr. L. J. Savage
vill discuss "Pathological Functions."
All interested are invited to attend.
Economics Club: Members of the
taffs in economics and business ad-
ninistration, and graduate students
n these departments, are invited to
ear Dr. William Haber speak on
he subject, "The Paradox of Unem-
>loyment and Recovery" at 7:45 in
~oom 302 of the Union on Monday,
Tov. 15.
Educational Tour: All reservations
:or the tour to the Saline Valley
arms, offered by the International
ouncil next Saturday, Nov. 13, must
e made by Friday noon. The Stour
s planned especially for foreign stu-
Lents, but a few places are regularly
'eserved' for American and Canadian
tudents interested.
American Institute of Chemical
ngineers: Mr. W. R. Collings of the
)ow Chemical Company will speak
t 7:30 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 12, in
he Chemistry Amphitheatre on "In-
eresting Properties of New Cellulose
)erivatives" with special reference to
he plastics which the Dow Company
s developing from cellulose ethers.
kll students interested are invited
,o attend. There will be a dinner
t the Union at 6 p.m. at which Mr.
dark E. Putnam of the Dow Chemical
3ompany will speak briefly of his
visits to chemical plants in Germany
uring the past summer. The price
>f the dinner will be 75 cents. Grad-
ate students and student members
f the A.I.Ch.E. are invited to at
end the dinner. Reservations should
je made in Room 2028 E. Eng. Bldg.,
Phone 454, by Thursday afternoon.
Freshman Round Table: All men
nd women of the freshman class
ire invited to the Freshman Round
'able to be held at the Union Sun-
Jay morning at 9:30 a.m. Prof. How-
ird Y. McClusky will speak on '"Per-
onality" followed by round-tabtle
.iscussions led by upperclassmen.
Seniors, School of Education: The
inance committee of the senior class
m the School of Education, consist-
ing of Clarence Metzger, chairman;
Dorothy Rupper, Margaret Morrow,
Ann Gordon, Arthur Weiner and
Edwin Knudson, will meetFriday,
gov. 12, at 4:15 p.m. in Room 2436,
U.E.S.
Alpha Kappa Delta: A special
meeting will be held in Room B, Ha-
'en Hall, Friday, Nov. 12, at 4 ;p.m.
:t is important that all members be
>resent.
The Outdoor Club will sponsor a
ii nrnl a I hir n CRa *iriIa a ffnprnnnn
Directed
in physical
today.
teaching class for men
education will not meet
R. W. Webster. !
OnThe Level
By WRAG
(Editor's Note: Yesterday's "On The Level"
was found in a waste-basket last night. It
was accidentally mislaid).
(Night Editor's Note: Dat wasn't no acci-
dent!).
Today is Armistice Day and all the R.O.T.C
boys will be dressed up in their best uniforms
so they can go to whatever Peace Meetings that
will be held.
- * * *
But the newspapers will be so full of happen-
ings along the battlefronts in China, Japan,
Russia, Spain, Italy, and Germany that they
won't have much space in which to remind read-
ers that The Armistice was signed 19 years ago.
The fact that the University will not dis-
Exhibitionsj
Exhibition, College of Architecture:
Competition drawings for the Ryer-
son Scholarship offered by the Lake,
Forest Foundation for Architecturel
and Landscape Architecture. Partici- 1
pating schools: Universities of Il-
linois, Ohio State, Cincinnati, Michi-1
gan, Armour Institute, Iowa Statel
College. Open daily except Sunday,
9 to 5, through Nov. 14, third floor.
exhibition room, Architectural Bldg.
The public is invited.
The Ann Arbor Art Association
presents an exhibition of modern
American and German water colors;
from the collection of the Detroit
Institute of Arts, in the North and
South Galleries of Alumni Memorial
Hall, Nov. 11 to 24, inclusive. OpenI
daily, incuding Sundays, from 2 to 5
p.m., always free to students.
r Lectures
Public Lecture: "Islamic Art inz
Spain'" illustrated lecture by Prof.1
Aga-Oglu. Sponsored by the ResearchI
' Seminary in Islamic Art. Monday,
Nov. 15, Alumni Memorial Hall, Room
D, 4:15 p.m. The lecture on "Modern
Egypt" by Mr. Enoch Peterson sched-
uled. for this date will be announced
later.
Lecture: Prof. A. Eustace Haydon,}
noted humanist from the University
of Chicago will speak at the Michigan
League Monday, Nov. 15, at 4:15
p.m. on the subject: "The Task of
Religion Today."
Fred Osberg, Fred Space. Edward EvToda
Lebeis and James Easterly.
Wes Warren was named to the Michigan Dames: The Book Group
Engineering Council, defeating Rob- will meet tonight, Nov. 11, at 8 p.m. at
ert Hartwell, and Chuck Evans was the League.
elected to the Honor Council over
Pater Thsan ' TTniiypr'itv BroaIdcast: 3-3:34 m.