PAGEJ FOUIn
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TE ICTIGAN
T5I Y
K'';L' A vM7~A 3 -
ADVICE
TO THE
LOVELORN
DOROTHY STICKS
-
EDITORIAL STAFF
Telephone 4925
MANAGING EDITOR
KENNETH G. PATRICK
ELditor, ................... .Nelson T. Smith
City Editor .............J.. . Stewart Hooker
News Editor ............ Rzcbard C. Kurvink
SportsEditor............W.rMorris Quinn
Women's Editor............Sylvia S. Stone
Telegraph Editor ............George Stauter
Music and Drama............R. L. Askren
Assistant City Editor.........Robert Silbar
Night Editors
Jjoseph E. Howell Charles S. Monroe
onald J. Kline pierce Rosenberg
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x Humphrey Marie Welstead
FRIDAY, MAY 3, 1929
ALL HAIL THE SENIORS
Each year the Seniors of the
Daily don their full dress suits,
taketheir oversize blue pencils and
step into the lower depths of the
OASTDRoLL
DISINFECTE1
LIMERICKS
LITERARY CRITICSM
Joan Lowell's "In the Cradle of
the Deep" seems to have plumbed
deeper depths of diction than crit-
ics care for. Persons acquainted
with the young lady assert that her
personality is just what you might
expect from the life she outlines
in her book. Now that it has been
proved that she was only on board
the "Minnie A. Caine" some sev-
enteen months, New York is all
agog wondering how the hell she
got that way in so short a time.
* * C
In all essentials a true story-
A certain young girl of high
station
Was found by a pious relation,
In a Methodist choir
Reading Joan Lowell's quire,
And eschewing al thoughts of
Salvation.
0
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Note-All communications to
this department will be kept
strictly in the confidence of the
Daily staff unless otherwise re-
quested.
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Dear Dorothy Sticks:
I am a young girl on the Michi-
gan campus, considered pretty by
my friends. I have never mixed in
politics-well, not very much-but
am desirous of becoming a B. W. O.1
C. before it is too late. Now, dear
Dorothy Sticks, I am writing to ask
if I should sacrifice my virtue to
my ambition. What would YOU
do in the case of.
. Mary Gold?
Dear Mary,
We thought you died last
Tuesday, but are happy to see
you are well enough to be wor-
ried. We think we have the in-
side dope on your case. We
have heard the brute in ques-
tion say that he never takes
out a giro who is nice. Let your
conscience be your guide!
Dorothy Sticks.
Dear Miss Sticks:
I am a member of a prominent
State Street fraternity, and am
perplexed by the questoin of
whether or not to date the co-
educational members of the Uni-
versity. My fraternity brothers
advise me to ignore them, but
where do THEY go on Friday
nights?
Yours in the bond,
Geta Bita Pie.
Dear Mr. Pie:
Hell, yes!
YOU.)
(If they'll date
Dorothy Sticks.
paper to give the lower-classmen a IDear Dorothy:
lesson in practical journalism. Thisj
is the star issue!
The departments, if this needs
explanation, are all jumbled. The
woman's editor wrote sports: the
sport's editor wrote the woman's
page. And so the whole paper
goes. It'sgreat fun for us. We
hope it gives you the same pleas-
pre!
TO THE LADIES--GOD BLESS
'EM1
It's not every day in the yearI
that a member of the women's staff
gets to write an editorial-so this
will be in thenature;of a battle
cry for freedom and other rights.
Co-education is an established
fact at Michigan and has been for.
79 years. So the men may just as
well wake up to accepting it. Even
allowing for the usual masculine
backwardness, 79 years seems long'
enough to us for almost any idea
to penetrate.:
And, anyway, what's wrong with
the co-eds? These half-wit fra-
ternities who bar their members,
and if not their members their
freshmen, from dating co-eds have
nothing to reply except that co-
eds are co-eds. Of course-and
pigs is pigs. They argue that a
given girl is good dating material
if she happens to live in Ypsilantl
-but let her come to Michigan to
school and she is way outside the
pale-pail-oh, hell, she's out.
New we'd like to make it clear that*
Ypsilanti girls have nothing on us.
On the other hand, and to
strengthen the argument, now thatE
the auto ban is keeping us back in1
our own back-yards, the co-ed has
become a necessity. You can't get
very far from home when you're
broke and haven't a car, and even
Ypsilanti is a long, cold walk. Sol
why not "give us little girls a
hand?"-or perhaps even a couple#
of arms? You don't know whatt
the home talent can do until you'veI
tried it!
I am in a terrible fix, Dorothy,
you just must help me. I am one
of the few gentlemen left who are
torn between love and honor. An
organization dear to my heart is
convening near THE GIRL this
week-end. My fraternity brothers
are urging me to go. On the other
hand, I have a date with THE
OTHER WOMAN for thetSenior
Ball tonight.
Yours,
P. A.T.
Dear Gilbert:
As the governor of North
Carolina once said to the gov-
ernor of South Carolina,
Wishing you all successs,
Dorothy.
Dear Dorothy Sticks:
I have just turned nineteen. On
this eventful occasion, I made a
very special trip to Muskegon to be
present at a birthday party which
I gave. I was remembered by
everyone but HER.
Yours avariciously,
Lark.
Dear Lark:
Did you have a big
cake? If so, we suggest you
cut yourself a piece, and ,make
yourself at home.
Dorothy Sticks.
P. & You might try a little home
talent.
Dearest Dorothy:
As a constant reader of your
column, I feel free to ask your
aid. I am an actress, and am
bothered by certain scintillating
love-scenes in the forthcoming pro-
duction of "Granite." I am affect-
ed (or afflicted, as you please) in
the neck The leading man has
such. molars! Of course, I realize
it's "all in the play" but I am
afraid of birth-marks. I fear that
if this is the price of dramatic,
popularity, I shall have to sacri- I
fice my fame to my better na-
ture How can I produce softening
of the teeth in the leading man?f
I am no Leatherneck!
Painfully,
Following Simon and Schuster's
announcement of the Lowell opus
as biography, Pontifex Maximus
of the Human Heart, Heywood
Broun, decreed that he felt he had
known Jojan ever since she was
eleven months old. When the crit-
ical storm broke, and the "Minnie
A. Caine" was discovered lying in
San Francisco harbor, not at all
burnt up, and much less sunk,
Broun pontificated thus: "It is
nevertheless a human document, a
great human document." To which
some limerickster-
There was an old critic named
Broun,
To Sadists sentimental a boon,
Said he-"This my Testament;
I find it a Document,
Of a girl, and the sea's racy
tune."
DRAMATIC CRITICSM
Comment on Comedy Club and
its activities under the Presidential
supervision of Thurston Thieme
comes, and goes (it may not come
off, but there's no question of the
going, off or on) thus-
There was a young fellow
named Thieme
Who managed a drama ma-
chine.
No "part" could perplex,
It would cast either sex,
The most facile machine ever
seen
Co-eds come in, at a time like,
this for their share of something
or other (see the editorial in neigh-
boring columns.)
There was a bright co-ed from
Exeter
Who made all the Profs crans
their necks at her.
But one was so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of an
X at her
The social, habits of students
find their counterpart (which
part?) in other social strata. To
wit, this disinfected comment-
There was a young plumber
named Lee
Who was walking his girl byf
the sea,
Said she: "Let's stop walking,1
I'd rather be talking." n
"My God!" cried the plumber,1
"help me."
If you recognize that old-timer1
perhaps you'll appreciate this one
on the Freshman class-
There was a young freshman
named Kent1
Whose head was so long that it
bent.
To save himself trouble,
He wore his "pots" double
And at once he both came and1
he went.
* * *
In the day's news there is a note
for foreign parts.
There was an old scientist
from Dossel
Who found a peculiar fossil.r
He could tell by the twist c
Of the fingers and wrist.1
That 'twas the forearm of Paul
the Apostle.e
Personally we're proud of thef
scansion of the last line. But ther
comment comes in the form of anc
epitaph on the Apostle:
"There is a Nature shapes our
ends,
Rough-hew them how we
may "
The ramifying reverberations ofc
that pun are too dizzying to de-1
Music And Drama
o 0i
THE SAD STORY OF THE
AMERICAN STAGE
Written After The Inimitable Style
Of Robert Lesi.ie Askren (With
Frequent Lapses Of Grammar
And Punctuation), Who
Twists Words In This
SpacehTo Make Mere
Snatches Of Knowl-
edge Appear To
Be Bushels Of
Intelligence.
I shall confess quite candidly at
the outset of this column that the
following will convey to the reader
nothing whatsoever in the manner
of constructive debate on one
phase or another of the drama of
I our Republic. I know nothing
whatever about my subjects ((This
last is not after the fashion of Mr.
Askren.)) My knowledge concern-
ing the American stage is not a
thimbleful, yet I am called to pull
from the blue of the heavens some
discourse on the matter. Hence
what I write can be or no more
than a verbal deluge ((this is true
of Mr. Askren, though not typi-
cally an Askrenian confession)) of
pretty phrases and vague refer-
ences from some obscure corner of
my experience. That is all I can
do ((or Mr. Askren either)) when,
time after time, I am called upon
to produce intelligent criticism of
subjects to which I am altogether
foreign.
The American drama is in the
doldrums, held fast in the dead
air of non-productivity. On the
one hand there is the George M.
Cohan, the boor, the pagan, the
unspeakably innocuous wholesale
manufacturer of farce comedies.
On the other hand is the in-
articulate O'Neill, gasping for
breath in the stifling vacuum of
odious channels long-since trav-
eled by Ilbsen.
That is the scene as it appears
to me ((this is quite like Mr. Ask-
ren)), from infinity on the left to
the ultimate on the right. O'Neill
who believes that sin is a whole-
some part of life, because-God
knows why; perhaps because there
is so much of it. Cohan, who be-
lieves that comedy is the best in
life, because-because you can get
such a splendid laugh from a show
that draws twenty thousand a week
for a year and a half.
We have O'Neill the crawling
caterpillar, peering here and there,
feeling and edging, seeking an
egress from his morbid thoughts,
I and failing there, burrowing deep I
in the dark ground of resignation'
and hiding his head under the
cover of darkness. We have Cohan
the busy bumble bee, sucking his
honey here and there, stinging
you, and buzzing on.
That is the sad case of the Amer-
ican drama. Ibsen and the Rus-
sians did what O'Neill is attempt- I
ing, and no artist cares to attempt)
what Cohan is doing. On the one
hand the field Chas been plowed and'
furrowed and sown; on the other
~there is no field.
Ahrfor the public, they do not
enter into the matter of art. The
public, "the public, sir, is a great
beast." The public, in short, be
damned.
To the artist and to the boys
and girls of America ((and to Mr.
Askren, who also aspires to be a
producer and author as well as a
critic and who at the present time
is in need of a mental truss more,
than anything else)) in view of
this sad situation, this knotted
entanglement of twisted view-
points, I give this advice: seek newI
worlds to conquer, prepare new
fields for culture. Just as a sug-
gestion, boys and girls and authors
and adolescent playwrights, at-
tempt a play that combines the
best features of both creeds. Bring
O'Neill and Cohan together in a
fraternal meeting on common
ground. Write a play of a man
who has a secret sin-like picking
his nose in the bathroom, or allow-)
ng black bits of dirt to creep in
between his toes.
NOTE TO THE SUBSCRIPTION
His royal highness, R. Leslie
Askren I, has requested me to an-
nounce in bold prominence in this
column that there would be what
he so ignobly and sneeringly term- f
ed a "serious" review of Thursday's
functions that have to do with the
music and the drama on the issue
of Saturday, May 4.
THE BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK
Play Production, the starving
child of mother drama on the cam-
pus, is going to stage a benefit pro-
duction for itself when it plays to)
its ever-growing subscription its
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WAGTERI&COMPANY
juor Ilen BTs npe 1&4t
feature WILSON BROTHERS Super Shorts
4 Days - MAY 22,23,24,25, 1929 - 6 Concerts
HILL AUDITORIUM - ANN ARBOR
EARL V. MOORE Musical Director
FREDERICK STOCK Orchestral Conductor
ERIC DELAMARTER Guest Conductor
JUVA HIGBEE Children's Conductor
Edith Mason Soprano
Chicago Civic Opera Company
Jeannette Vreeland Soprano
Distinguished American Artist
Sophie Braslau Contralto
Metropolitan Opera Company
Marion Telva Contralto
Metropolitan Opera Company
Richard Crooks Tenor
Premier American Concert Artist
Paul Althouse Tenor
Metropolitan Opera Company
Lawrence Tibbett Baritone
Metropolitan Opera Company
Richard Bonelli - Baritone
Chicago Civic Opera Company
Barre Hill Baritone
Chicago Civic Opera Company
William Gustafson Bass
Metropolitan Opera Company
Josef Hofmann Pianist
Polish Virtuoso
Efrem Zimlaist Violinist
Hungarian Master
The Chicago Symphony Orchestra
The University Choral Union
Children's Festival Chorus
Samson and Delilah Saint Saens
The New Life Wolf-Ferrari
The Requiem Brahms
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