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March 21, 2013 - Image 10

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The Michigan Daily, 2013-03-21

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2B - Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com

2B - Thursday, March 21, 2013 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom


Technology keeps

E veryyear, ne
dozen of my
bers gather a
Nanna's living room
to unleash the spiritc
from vibrant-
ly packaged
boxes. To
maximize the
ment factor
of this spec-
tator sport,
and prevent CA
temper tan- KE
trums, we let -
the little ones
go at it first. I sit on t
and watch on, somes
ous, as the "next gen
cousins rolls around
and struggles to tear
ping paper with their
mouths and teeny ha
But this past Chris
despite the dazzling
cuteness, a conversal
my attention hostage
discussing her daugh
Maybe it was one oft
under their tree at h
to be drooled on, but
know because for a s
blacked out from dis,
Her daughter is 21
Or maybe she's 3? Ei
don't know if there's
as an appropriate tin
swamping childrenv
ogy, butI do know th
dler-aged second cou
too young for her ow
As not to dampen1
day cheer, I kept myt
to myself that day, bu
getting real, and "Sat
listen up: Give a todd
and you might aswel
cocaine on her cerea
nology continues tog
enmesh into our dail
it's forging a bond no
ken, an unhealthy at

exercise at bay
arlytwo that materializes earlier and ear- Luckily for me, my tomboy
family mem- lier these days. nature never let me sit still as I
round my And what's the price of gifting grew up. one weekend, when I
on Dec. 24 technology? It also sucks away was 10 years old, Ihad an AAU
of the season our souls. Technology gave us the basketball tournament, a swim
Internet, but the obsession with meet and two soccer games, and
Internet porn has been destroy- whether for their sake or mine
ing lives and relationships for (probably both) my parents
decades. Technology gave us finally made me choose. These
social media so we can stay con- days, more often than not, the
nected with loved ones across the big dilemma for a 10 year old is
world, but currently, there are whether to watch YouTube or
therapists trained to treat clients Netflix on his tablet. But thank-
ARLY who suffer from Facebook addic- fully, he can just pop open anoth-
EYES tion. er window in his browser and do
Not only does introducing both at the same time.
youngsters to technology detach Getting off the couch won't
he couch them from reality and compro- solve the childhood obesity
what jeal- mise their emotional health as crisis - nutrition is key - but
eration" of they develop, it discourages exer- if I'm slacking on my exercise
on the floor cise. Go ahead and argue, but I've plan, chances are I'm not stick-
away wrap- got "Childhood obesity is out of ingto my diet either. It's about
r toothless fucking control," ready to whip discipline. I'll bet anythingthat
nds. out in my defense, plus some ugly parents who don't encourage
stmas, stats. The number of overweight physical activity and let their kids
display of and obese children (aged 6-11) live sedentary lives also feed their
tion held has more than doubled over the kids crap.
: My cousin past 30 years in the United States When I used to babysit these
iter's iPad. and tripled in adolescents (aged two lovely, little girls down my
many gifts 12-19). As of 2010, more than one street, their mother limited their
ome waiting third of children and adolescents "TV time" to one hour a night
I'll never because "they'd jump into the
pan of time, I screen if they could," and every
approval. Parents need to time I reported for duty, she'd
years old. prepared a healthy meal for her
ther way, I set an eXan le daughters (and me), rather than
such a thing s a m leaving 20 bucks for pizza on the
ne to begin counter.
with technol- We need more moms like
at my tod- were overweight or obese. that. We need parents to step
isin is way But why would akid want to go in and set a good example for
n iPad. outside and play a game of pick- their children. So, if you do give
the holi- up soccer with his friends when your toddler an iPad or an Xbox,
opinions they all can sit on the couch, click explain that virtual exercise is no
it now I'm some controllers and make the substitute for the real deal. And
nta" better players in "FIFA 13" do all the there's one upside to children
ler an iPad, work on the flat screen instead? I with a technological addiction:
11 sprinkle wonder how many calories "rig- It's something to take away when
1. As tech- orous button pressing" or "vigor- they don't eat their vegetables.

in this new series, three daily arts writers
in varying states of mind visit the same
place and write about their experiences.
this week's destination:
"Dumb and Dumber"

grow and
y routines,
t easily bro-

ous joystick fidgeting" burns?
Next thing you know, Wii Fit is
going to be our only hope for get-
ting kids to "exercise."

Keyes is burning all the
iPads. To feed the flame, e-mail


This was without a doubt one of the films that has made me laugh the
most in my life. This was my first time seeing "Dumb and Dumber" in its
entirety. And when Harold and Lloyd popped my cherry for this film, ohboy
did they do it with exuberance and hilarity.
There were an incredible amountcof quotable moments, and asa frequent
movie-quoter, I appreciated that - I just wish I could remember more of
them. Hmm, what stuck out most?
"My parakeet Petey, he's dead." "What happened?" "His head fell off."
"His head fell off?" "Yeah, he was pretty old." That scene spoke to me - and
not just because my pet parakeet had his head fall off when I was a child -
but because it was hilarious while touching on real-world issues, like spon-
taneous decapitation of house pets.
And Harry's ski date set a new standard for romance in my eyes. If you're
a girl and enjoy being tackled into the snow and whitewashed, then we're
goingto have an incredible time together (will you marry me?).
I had a great time at this screening (and not just because I got to go on a
date with Akshay). Gettingbaked and watching this is something everyone
who loves to laugh should experience - and really, if you don't love to laugh,
what are you doing with your life, Noah?
I will never be drunk enough for Jim Carrey. I expected "Dumb and
Dumber" to play up some clever twists on social characterizations of stu-
pidity, maybe highlight the hidden intelligence in all of us. Nope. It was just
Halfway through a bottle of hundred-proof schnapps, and dumb is still
dumb. I'm at home now and I'm racking my brains for some redeeming
quality that separated "Dumb and Dumber" from the cartoon drivel that
pollutes pop comedy, and I can think of nada. Bathroom humor, awkward
sexual advances and crass objectification, worship of material wealth, guns
as comic props, animal cruelty, slapstick skits and a passionate commitment
to nonsense. This movie is the caviar of low-brow, gross-out bullshit.
I'm not saying I didn't giggle once or thrice, but there was shame and
embarrassment. No level of alcohol poisoning could make this guilty plea-
sure of a movie actually pleasurable. I'm sorry to hang a classic out to dry
like this, but I cannot vouch. But I met a few guys who would!
The three gentlemen in front of me in the theater were aboutcon my level,
trunk-wise, and they were loving every minute. David Golightly, Brian
Thorpe and Jason Albosta. All three of them knew every word of the movie
by heart and they weren't too shy to prove it. They were so fantastically
invested that I grabbed ahold of them after the showing; they were ecstatic
aboutcendorsing it. They called me a "Dumb and Dumber"-virgin for having
never seen it before, and insisted that I quote them. They even wrote their
names downfor me on a coupon.
David Golightly said, "I have spent over 400 dollars renting this movie
before I bought it." He went on to saythat he owns it in both VHS and DVD.
Brian Thorpe called the film "The Best Ever!" (he insisted that I under-
line the "ever") and Jason Albosta proudly declared, "I quote this movie
on a daily basis." Golightly hastened to note that they were all successfully
employed college graduates around the age of 30. They were dressed well
enough that I believed them. Albosta was wearing a State cap.
So, there are apparently good people who like this movie. But God help
them, because I have no idea what I just watched. It was, in all seriousness,
a measure too dumb to qualify as entertainment.
There's no getting around it: "Dumb and Dumber" is dumb. The jokes
are easy, slapstick is glorified and everything is objectified. But does that
mean it's a bad movie? Of course not.
The crucial difference between mistaking this classic for any run-of-
the-mill idiot comedy is who you go see it with. If it's with people who've
seen the movie literally 10 or more times before, to the point where they
can quote random lines in varying states of intoxication, you're going to
have a great time. If you go with an angry drunk who doesn't appreciate
Jim Carrey's comedic genius, you won't.
Even though I was completely sober in my recent 12th viewing of the
film, I had the good fortune of sitting behind a group of three extremely
inebriated individuals who screamed lines word for word at the screen
and laughed raucously every time Carrey opened his mouth. There was
also a pretty stoned dude sitting next to me who'seemed to be getting a
kick out of the film, but he looked distant, laughing quietly at random
moments with a dazed look in his eyes. These four were enlightened.
They saw that the key to having a worthwhile time is accepting the film
to be the epitome of stupidity and findingthe little kid in your heart who
wants nothing more than to revel in embracing that idiocy.






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