2B - Thursday, March 21, 2013 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com 2B - Thursday, March 21, 2013 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom I Technology keeps E veryyear, ne dozen of my bers gather a Nanna's living room to unleash the spiritc from vibrant- ly packaged boxes. To maximize the entertain- ment factor of this spec- tator sport, and prevent CA temper tan- KE trums, we let - the little ones go at it first. I sit on t and watch on, somes ous, as the "next gen cousins rolls around and struggles to tear ping paper with their mouths and teeny ha But this past Chris despite the dazzling cuteness, a conversal my attention hostage discussing her daugh Maybe it was one oft under their tree at h to be drooled on, but know because for a s blacked out from dis, Her daughter is 21 Or maybe she's 3? Ei don't know if there's as an appropriate tin swamping childrenv ogy, butI do know th dler-aged second cou too young for her ow As not to dampen1 day cheer, I kept myt to myself that day, bu getting real, and "Sat listen up: Give a todd and you might aswel cocaine on her cerea nology continues tog enmesh into our dail it's forging a bond no ken, an unhealthy at exercise at bay arlytwo that materializes earlier and ear- Luckily for me, my tomboy family mem- lier these days. nature never let me sit still as I round my And what's the price of gifting grew up. one weekend, when I on Dec. 24 technology? It also sucks away was 10 years old, Ihad an AAU of the season our souls. Technology gave us the basketball tournament, a swim Internet, but the obsession with meet and two soccer games, and Internet porn has been destroy- whether for their sake or mine ing lives and relationships for (probably both) my parents decades. Technology gave us finally made me choose. These social media so we can stay con- days, more often than not, the nected with loved ones across the big dilemma for a 10 year old is world, but currently, there are whether to watch YouTube or therapists trained to treat clients Netflix on his tablet. But thank- ARLY who suffer from Facebook addic- fully, he can just pop open anoth- EYES tion. er window in his browser and do Not only does introducing both at the same time. youngsters to technology detach Getting off the couch won't he couch them from reality and compro- solve the childhood obesity what jeal- mise their emotional health as crisis - nutrition is key - but eration" of they develop, it discourages exer- if I'm slacking on my exercise on the floor cise. Go ahead and argue, but I've plan, chances are I'm not stick- away wrap- got "Childhood obesity is out of ingto my diet either. It's about r toothless fucking control," ready to whip discipline. I'll bet anythingthat nds. out in my defense, plus some ugly parents who don't encourage stmas, stats. The number of overweight physical activity and let their kids display of and obese children (aged 6-11) live sedentary lives also feed their tion held has more than doubled over the kids crap. : My cousin past 30 years in the United States When I used to babysit these iter's iPad. and tripled in adolescents (aged two lovely, little girls down my many gifts 12-19). As of 2010, more than one street, their mother limited their ome waiting third of children and adolescents "TV time" to one hour a night I'll never because "they'd jump into the pan of time, I screen if they could," and every approval. Parents need to time I reported for duty, she'd years old. prepared a healthy meal for her ther way, I set an eXan le daughters (and me), rather than such a thing s a m leaving 20 bucks for pizza on the ne to begin counter. with technol- We need more moms like at my tod- were overweight or obese. that. We need parents to step isin is way But why would akid want to go in and set a good example for n iPad. outside and play a game of pick- their children. So, if you do give the holi- up soccer with his friends when your toddler an iPad or an Xbox, opinions they all can sit on the couch, click explain that virtual exercise is no it now I'm some controllers and make the substitute for the real deal. And nta" better players in "FIFA 13" do all the there's one upside to children ler an iPad, work on the flat screen instead? I with a technological addiction: 11 sprinkle wonder how many calories "rig- It's something to take away when 1. As tech- orous button pressing" or "vigor- they don't eat their vegetables. baked.buzzed.bored. in this new series, three daily arts writers in varying states of mind visit the same place and write about their experiences. this week's destination: "Dumb and Dumber" grow and y routines, t easily bro- tachment ous joystick fidgeting" burns? Next thing you know, Wii Fit is going to be our only hope for get- ting kids to "exercise." Keyes is burning all the iPads. To feed the flame, e-mail cekmusic@umich.edu. 0 This was without a doubt one of the films that has made me laugh the most in my life. This was my first time seeing "Dumb and Dumber" in its entirety. And when Harold and Lloyd popped my cherry for this film, ohboy did they do it with exuberance and hilarity. There were an incredible amountcof quotable moments, and asa frequent movie-quoter, I appreciated that - I just wish I could remember more of them. Hmm, what stuck out most? "My parakeet Petey, he's dead." "What happened?" "His head fell off." "His head fell off?" "Yeah, he was pretty old." That scene spoke to me - and not just because my pet parakeet had his head fall off when I was a child - but because it was hilarious while touching on real-world issues, like spon- taneous decapitation of house pets. And Harry's ski date set a new standard for romance in my eyes. If you're a girl and enjoy being tackled into the snow and whitewashed, then we're goingto have an incredible time together (will you marry me?). I had a great time at this screening (and not just because I got to go on a date with Akshay). Gettingbaked and watching this is something everyone who loves to laugh should experience - and really, if you don't love to laugh, what are you doing with your life, Noah? - DAILY ARTS WRITER I will never be drunk enough for Jim Carrey. I expected "Dumb and Dumber" to play up some clever twists on social characterizations of stu- pidity, maybe highlight the hidden intelligence in all of us. Nope. It was just dumb. Halfway through a bottle of hundred-proof schnapps, and dumb is still dumb. I'm at home now and I'm racking my brains for some redeeming quality that separated "Dumb and Dumber" from the cartoon drivel that pollutes pop comedy, and I can think of nada. Bathroom humor, awkward sexual advances and crass objectification, worship of material wealth, guns as comic props, animal cruelty, slapstick skits and a passionate commitment to nonsense. This movie is the caviar of low-brow, gross-out bullshit. I'm not saying I didn't giggle once or thrice, but there was shame and embarrassment. No level of alcohol poisoning could make this guilty plea- sure of a movie actually pleasurable. I'm sorry to hang a classic out to dry like this, but I cannot vouch. But I met a few guys who would! The three gentlemen in front of me in the theater were aboutcon my level, trunk-wise, and they were loving every minute. David Golightly, Brian Thorpe and Jason Albosta. All three of them knew every word of the movie by heart and they weren't too shy to prove it. They were so fantastically invested that I grabbed ahold of them after the showing; they were ecstatic aboutcendorsing it. They called me a "Dumb and Dumber"-virgin for having never seen it before, and insisted that I quote them. They even wrote their names downfor me on a coupon. David Golightly said, "I have spent over 400 dollars renting this movie before I bought it." He went on to saythat he owns it in both VHS and DVD. Brian Thorpe called the film "The Best Ever!" (he insisted that I under- line the "ever") and Jason Albosta proudly declared, "I quote this movie on a daily basis." Golightly hastened to note that they were all successfully employed college graduates around the age of 30. They were dressed well enough that I believed them. Albosta was wearing a State cap. So, there are apparently good people who like this movie. But God help them, because I have no idea what I just watched. It was, in all seriousness, a measure too dumb to qualify as entertainment. -NOAH COHEN There's no getting around it: "Dumb and Dumber" is dumb. The jokes are easy, slapstick is glorified and everything is objectified. But does that mean it's a bad movie? Of course not. The crucial difference between mistaking this classic for any run-of- the-mill idiot comedy is who you go see it with. If it's with people who've seen the movie literally 10 or more times before, to the point where they can quote random lines in varying states of intoxication, you're going to have a great time. If you go with an angry drunk who doesn't appreciate Jim Carrey's comedic genius, you won't. Even though I was completely sober in my recent 12th viewing of the film, I had the good fortune of sitting behind a group of three extremely inebriated individuals who screamed lines word for word at the screen and laughed raucously every time Carrey opened his mouth. There was also a pretty stoned dude sitting next to me who'seemed to be getting a kick out of the film, but he looked distant, laughing quietly at random moments with a dazed look in his eyes. These four were enlightened. They saw that the key to having a worthwhile time is accepting the film to be the epitome of stupidity and findingthe little kid in your heart who wants nothing more than to revel in embracing that idiocy. -AKSHAYSETH E O GAME TRAILER REVIEW a 6 I