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8A - Friday, September 9, 2011
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
IV 1 SKITS FOR SCHOOL
The art o orientation
"No worries, guys. I just killed Voldemort."
Guns and gals do
not a movie make
By DAVID TAO
DailyFilmEditor
Legendary French filmmaker Jean-
Luc Godard once said, "All you need for
a movie is a girl and
a gun." Twenty years
later, it seems his
fellow Frenchmen, Colombiana
director Olivier Mega-
ton ("Transporter At Quality16
3") and producer Luc and Rave
Besson ("From ParisT
with Love"), have ar
taken those words a
little too closely to heart. Their latest
film, "Colombiana," has a girl who has
a bunch of guns. What it lacks however,
are all the things Godard forgot to men-
tion - originality, believable dialogue
and consistency.
Our heroine, Cataleya (Zoe Saldana,
"Avatar"), had her parents violently
murdered in front of her at a young age,
and so she belongs to that overused
class of stock character. Since she's in
an action movie, this means she'll grow
up to be a trained killer lusting after
revenge. And sure enough, she hops off
to Chicago to take murder classes with
her uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis, "Live
Free or Die Hard"). Thd next time we
see her, she's a fully grown hit woman,
executing contract killings in a precise,
impeccably planned fashion and sign-
ing victims with her trademark orchid.
There're a few B-movie flaws right off
the bat. All the guys she turns into corps-
es happen to be scumbags who totally
deserve it because they had something
to do with killing her parents or harm-
ing a lot of people, so we can feel good
about cheering as Cataleya slaughters
them. Her eye-catching, guilty-pleasure
work clothes, which include hooker
outfits and formfitting sweat suits, hint
at some deep-seated daddy issues but
are nevertheless fun to stare at. And
there are thy French actors brought in,
ostensibly on a budget, to play Ameri-
cans - leading to a lot of half-European,
half-almost-Anierican accents that grate
annoyingly on the ears.
If that were all, it'd still be a fairly
entertainingmovie. Traditionally, mov-
ies from guys like Megaton and Besson
are cheap and gritty, hackneyed and
imitative. But, at the same time, their
combined filmography, which includes
part of "The Transporter" franchise,
is for the most part honest and enter-
taining. Audiences know exactly what
they're getting - sex, violence, explo-
sions, fights - and what they're not get-
ting - subtlety, realism and emotional
involvement.
"Colombiana," however, is also tone
deaf and schizophrenic. One minute,
it's got a callous, unintentionally funny
disregard for human life, imitating but
never quite achieving the crazy energy
that makes Jason Statham movies so
enjoyable. Emilio tries to teach a young
Cataleya the importance of a genuine
school education by killing a random
driver in broad daylight with an obnox-
iously large revolver. One of Cataleya's
targets winds up gruesomely fed to his
own pet sharks.
Colombiana' is a
roller-coaster ride
of action ... but
don't bother riding.
And then all of a sudden the movie
degenerates into an overly sensitive
sob-fest. Emilio, who we've now estab-
lished as some sort of lunatic (Curtis's
Al Pacino impression certainly helps),
is suddenly giving long archetypal
speeches about how his son was mur-
dered and all the murder and killing
he did in return still couldn't bring his
kid back to life. Cataleya cries rivers
over her dead parents. She keeps cry-
ing because her boyfriend/booty call,
who doesn't even know her real name,
wants to try a serious relationship, and
that obviously won't work because she
kills people for a living.
A little emotional investment is a
good thing in a movie, but it only works
when you genuinely care about the -
characters, whose dialogue isn't cloned
from every other gangster/crime movie
ever made. And in "Colombiana,"
Megaton's attempts at adding some
depth to his movie backfire tremen-
dously, turning a perfectly serviceable
low-budget thriller into a disorganized,
atonal mess.
UMETC adds solace
and laughter to the
freshman experience
By EMMA GASE
Daily Music Editor
Oh, the anxieties of freshman year.
From the sometimes-disastrous room-
mate match-ups to the arbitrary dorm
placement (anyone ever heard of Fletch-
er?) or the anonymity of beinga measly
one of 500 in of your first lecture, the
trials that freshmen in college have to
stumble through these days (and not
always drunkenly, either) could stress
out even the most level-headed of teens.
To a clueless and sheltered 18-year-
old, the transition from an insular high
school environment to the enigmatic
utopia that is the University might come
as a shock. It isn't always a breeze learn-
ing to live sans parents in a bustling
campus of over 25,000 of your peers
where (at least during the first couple of
weeks) your best friend is a tie between
MoJo's Panini maker and C-Tools.
But fear not young'uns, for the Uni-
versity of Michigan Educational The-
atre Company has been here for the past
six years to help freshmen avoid these
typicalbumps in the road. UMETC aims
to tackle a wide range of qualms that
permeate the minds of young under-
classmen.
Remember being bussed to North
Campus during freshman orientation?
It wasn't just to marvel at the beauti-
ful foliage, but to watch the UMETC
perform a series of comedic, SNL-like
sketches that - in a hilarious and edu-
cational way - address the situations
that freshmen are going to be exposed
to upon their arrival at the University.
Through these skits, students learn not
only the practical ways to navigate UHS,
the libraries and the dorms, but also
about the personal strains of college,
like maintaining relationships with
your friends from high school, meeting
new people and being homesick.
It's certainly no easy feat to command
the attention of an entire freshman class
while trying to educate them - and no
less, making them laugh while learn-
ting logistical mumbo-jumbo about the
bureaucracy of a large institution like
the University.
"We want it to be a fun and creative
way to present some of the content that
might have otherwise been in a folder
UMETC is a professional theater company that employs students.
or a lecture format or in a PowerPoint,"
said UMETC Education Director Cal-
lie McKee. "The goal is to get students
acquainted with the resources on cam-
pus, without putting them to sleep."
UMETC isn't just an extracurricu-
lar for students in the theatre depart-
ment like Basement Arts or MUSKET.
UMETC does introduce the frosh new-
bies to programs in the arts at Michigan,
but most of its members are drawn from
LS&A, the School of Engineering and
the Residential College. It's an opportu-
nity for students who maynot studythe-
ater but are still passionate about it, and
for those who are especially passionate
about the University.
"We look for people who are really
geeked about going to Michigan, and are
also fantastic performers," McKee said.
"It's a group of people that are ridicu-
lously talented and also want to give
back to the University."
"Givingback tothe University" reach-
es far beyond just freshman orientation.
Beside performing for the internation-
al and transfer students' orientation,
UMETC also performs throughout the
year in engineering classrooms, using
its sketch comedy to give students an
idea of how to successfully work in
diverse teams with their peers. Easing
students' minds is part of what makes
endless rehearsals and year-round per-
formances worth it for the members of
UMETC.
"We get really good feedback, stu-
dents saying stuff like, 'I didn't know, I
feel so much more welcome, now I can
be OK,"' McKee said.
What's more is that UMETC isn't
just a group of volunteers. Not only did
it perform over 34 times this summer
alone, but it also is technically a profes-
sional theater group - meaning it's a
paid job.
"A lot of people think that we just
throw it together ... but this is my full-
time job. I have the best job on campus,"
said McKee.
Though some of the lines in the skits
change from night to night, McKee
helps the students write agenerally per-
manent script. Many of the sketches are
developed through improvised games
played during rehearsal. These prac-
tices, when the actors let loose, are part
of the reason McKee feels so strongly
about her job because at the heart of it
all, the skits don't merely help clueless
freshmen get the lay of the land. The
entire process serves as an outlet for the
members to truly let loose and be silly.
"When else do we get permission
to just be ridiculous? It's like a mental
health break," McKee said. "We use all
of that ridiculousness to put something
together that's helping people..
"We're always trying to get back to
our eight-year-old roots, and be those
awesome people who played and just got
ridiculous."
4
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In Soviet Russia, "Office" watches you.
'Office' should o out of business
6
HOME
From Page 7A
world-class collection. These Michigan
gems were no longer just vague concep-
tions I associated with the state - they
were real, tangible places that I had
been to, convected with and became a
part of.
This summer made me think about
what - or where - exactly, is "home."
During this period of transition in my
life, is home Cincinnati, where my fam-
ily and childhood memories are based?
Is it in Michigan, where I came into my
own and currently spend most of my
time? Or have I yet to find the place that
I will ultimately call home? While each
individual will have a different answer
to this question, I like to think (along the
lines of the adage) that home is where
the heart is. Right now, my heart is split
between Ohio and Michigan, and those
are the places I consider as my home. I
don't think of "home" asa finite concept;
people can have many homes, geograph-
ical and otherwise.
And, while I can't technically consider
myself a Detroit native, like indie musi-
cian Sufjan Stevens, I can now under-
stand what the hell he's talking about on
his album Michigan when he sings about
Detroit, Romulus and running up to
the top of the Sleeping Bear Dunes and
being in awe of the breathtaking view.
MAKE US MASSIVE.
COME TO OUR MASS MEETINGS.
SEPTEMBER 12,13,18 AND 20
7:30 P.M.
420 MAYNARD
l n
E-mai join.arts umich.edu for information on applying.
By KELLY ETZ
Daily Arts Writer
I love the awkward pauses, the co-
workers ranging from uncomfortable to
obstinate to just plain awful and the con-
stant true-to-life tediousness. I love "The
Office." But it should have ended last sea-
son. It's had an outstanding seven-season
run, receiving multiple award nomina-
tions and earning several wins. It's one of
the signature comedy shows of our time.
But there is a point when a series
should naturally come to an end. Steve
Carell's decision to leave should have
been the logical conclusion of the show.
After seven seasons with Michael Scott
in the boss's seat, the series can't expect
to be the same without him.
I've got nothing against James Spader
("Boston Legal"), and I expect he'll do
an adequate job as Robert California,
the newest cast member. But he'll never
come close to Michael Scott, that's a
given. Michael was the heart of the show,
the blundering patriarch of the Scranton
branch family. Though "The Office" can
boast an exceptional ensemble cast, it
was Michael Scott's endearing foolish-
ness that made the series so successful in
the first place.
Granted, there have been a number
of lows in the series's history, even with
Carell on board. The series's success lies
in its ability to brilliantly express the
monotony of daily life in an office - the
trick is keeping the audience interested
while continually creating new wit and
humor. Season five fell into a bit of a
slump. Unfortunately, season six proved
more of the same, ultimately coming off
flat. It seemed "The Office" was on a per-
manent downward slope.
Season seven was a revelation, espe-
cially for longtime "Office" fans. The
send-off for Michael spawned some of
the best episodes yet (we'll forget about
Will Ferrell's completely lackluster guest
appearance). It seems knowing it was
the last season of Michael Scott shook up
the office and breathed new life into the
show.
The show
mustn't go on.
Yet there's simply a point where it
starts to get old. The ultimate success of
season seven arose from the uncertain
future - Michael leaving gave the show
a renewed focus. I miss the freshness of
previous seasons, especially the second
and third. Jim's (John Krasinski) pranks
on Dwight (Rainn Wilson), crazy Jan
Levenson (Melora Hardin), Michael's
utter lack of tact.
The original British version avoided
the slump by only airing 14 episodes. It's
one of the reasons the original was so
brilliant, exposing the tedium while still
bringing somethingnew to the table with
each episode. The American adaptation
just hasn't been able to remain as innova-
tive as it once was. True, the more recent
seasons have their high points, but it's
just not the same. I'd hate to watch the
series I've grown to love end up stuck in
a rut for its duration.
Though Carell's motivations for leav-
ing are questionable (considering the
success of "The Office" launched him
into A-list territory in the first place), his
departure still leaves the series without
its front-runner. And while the remain-
ing cast members are talented and
capable of continuing without Michael
Scott, it doesn't mean they should. The
series could have taken the opportunity
to bow out on a triumphant note, yet it
seems determined to forge ahead without
Carell.
And I'll be the first to admit, I'm prob-
ably still going to watch season eight. The
Michael Scott-less finale of season seven
was admittedly entertaining, though it
relied too heavily on the multitude of
guest stars. It's a toss up whether season
eight can maintain the quality that I've
come to expect from "The Office." Suffice
it to say, even if it succeeds, it won't ever
be the same.