0 8A - Friday, September 9, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com IV 1 SKITS FOR SCHOOL The art o orientation "No worries, guys. I just killed Voldemort." Guns and gals do not a movie make By DAVID TAO DailyFilmEditor Legendary French filmmaker Jean- Luc Godard once said, "All you need for a movie is a girl and a gun." Twenty years later, it seems his fellow Frenchmen, Colombiana director Olivier Mega- ton ("Transporter At Quality16 3") and producer Luc and Rave Besson ("From ParisT with Love"), have ar taken those words a little too closely to heart. Their latest film, "Colombiana," has a girl who has a bunch of guns. What it lacks however, are all the things Godard forgot to men- tion - originality, believable dialogue and consistency. Our heroine, Cataleya (Zoe Saldana, "Avatar"), had her parents violently murdered in front of her at a young age, and so she belongs to that overused class of stock character. Since she's in an action movie, this means she'll grow up to be a trained killer lusting after revenge. And sure enough, she hops off to Chicago to take murder classes with her uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis, "Live Free or Die Hard"). Thd next time we see her, she's a fully grown hit woman, executing contract killings in a precise, impeccably planned fashion and sign- ing victims with her trademark orchid. There're a few B-movie flaws right off the bat. All the guys she turns into corps- es happen to be scumbags who totally deserve it because they had something to do with killing her parents or harm- ing a lot of people, so we can feel good about cheering as Cataleya slaughters them. Her eye-catching, guilty-pleasure work clothes, which include hooker outfits and formfitting sweat suits, hint at some deep-seated daddy issues but are nevertheless fun to stare at. And there are thy French actors brought in, ostensibly on a budget, to play Ameri- cans - leading to a lot of half-European, half-almost-Anierican accents that grate annoyingly on the ears. If that were all, it'd still be a fairly entertainingmovie. Traditionally, mov- ies from guys like Megaton and Besson are cheap and gritty, hackneyed and imitative. But, at the same time, their combined filmography, which includes part of "The Transporter" franchise, is for the most part honest and enter- taining. Audiences know exactly what they're getting - sex, violence, explo- sions, fights - and what they're not get- ting - subtlety, realism and emotional involvement. "Colombiana," however, is also tone deaf and schizophrenic. One minute, it's got a callous, unintentionally funny disregard for human life, imitating but never quite achieving the crazy energy that makes Jason Statham movies so enjoyable. Emilio tries to teach a young Cataleya the importance of a genuine school education by killing a random driver in broad daylight with an obnox- iously large revolver. One of Cataleya's targets winds up gruesomely fed to his own pet sharks. Colombiana' is a roller-coaster ride of action ... but don't bother riding. And then all of a sudden the movie degenerates into an overly sensitive sob-fest. Emilio, who we've now estab- lished as some sort of lunatic (Curtis's Al Pacino impression certainly helps), is suddenly giving long archetypal speeches about how his son was mur- dered and all the murder and killing he did in return still couldn't bring his kid back to life. Cataleya cries rivers over her dead parents. She keeps cry- ing because her boyfriend/booty call, who doesn't even know her real name, wants to try a serious relationship, and that obviously won't work because she kills people for a living. A little emotional investment is a good thing in a movie, but it only works when you genuinely care about the - characters, whose dialogue isn't cloned from every other gangster/crime movie ever made. And in "Colombiana," Megaton's attempts at adding some depth to his movie backfire tremen- dously, turning a perfectly serviceable low-budget thriller into a disorganized, atonal mess. UMETC adds solace and laughter to the freshman experience By EMMA GASE Daily Music Editor Oh, the anxieties of freshman year. From the sometimes-disastrous room- mate match-ups to the arbitrary dorm placement (anyone ever heard of Fletch- er?) or the anonymity of beinga measly one of 500 in of your first lecture, the trials that freshmen in college have to stumble through these days (and not always drunkenly, either) could stress out even the most level-headed of teens. To a clueless and sheltered 18-year- old, the transition from an insular high school environment to the enigmatic utopia that is the University might come as a shock. It isn't always a breeze learn- ing to live sans parents in a bustling campus of over 25,000 of your peers where (at least during the first couple of weeks) your best friend is a tie between MoJo's Panini maker and C-Tools. But fear not young'uns, for the Uni- versity of Michigan Educational The- atre Company has been here for the past six years to help freshmen avoid these typicalbumps in the road. UMETC aims to tackle a wide range of qualms that permeate the minds of young under- classmen. Remember being bussed to North Campus during freshman orientation? It wasn't just to marvel at the beauti- ful foliage, but to watch the UMETC perform a series of comedic, SNL-like sketches that - in a hilarious and edu- cational way - address the situations that freshmen are going to be exposed to upon their arrival at the University. Through these skits, students learn not only the practical ways to navigate UHS, the libraries and the dorms, but also about the personal strains of college, like maintaining relationships with your friends from high school, meeting new people and being homesick. It's certainly no easy feat to command the attention of an entire freshman class while trying to educate them - and no less, making them laugh while learn- ting logistical mumbo-jumbo about the bureaucracy of a large institution like the University. "We want it to be a fun and creative way to present some of the content that might have otherwise been in a folder UMETC is a professional theater company that employs students. or a lecture format or in a PowerPoint," said UMETC Education Director Cal- lie McKee. "The goal is to get students acquainted with the resources on cam- pus, without putting them to sleep." UMETC isn't just an extracurricu- lar for students in the theatre depart- ment like Basement Arts or MUSKET. UMETC does introduce the frosh new- bies to programs in the arts at Michigan, but most of its members are drawn from LS&A, the School of Engineering and the Residential College. It's an opportu- nity for students who maynot studythe- ater but are still passionate about it, and for those who are especially passionate about the University. "We look for people who are really geeked about going to Michigan, and are also fantastic performers," McKee said. "It's a group of people that are ridicu- lously talented and also want to give back to the University." "Givingback tothe University" reach- es far beyond just freshman orientation. Beside performing for the internation- al and transfer students' orientation, UMETC also performs throughout the year in engineering classrooms, using its sketch comedy to give students an idea of how to successfully work in diverse teams with their peers. Easing students' minds is part of what makes endless rehearsals and year-round per- formances worth it for the members of UMETC. "We get really good feedback, stu- dents saying stuff like, 'I didn't know, I feel so much more welcome, now I can be OK,"' McKee said. What's more is that UMETC isn't just a group of volunteers. Not only did it perform over 34 times this summer alone, but it also is technically a profes- sional theater group - meaning it's a paid job. "A lot of people think that we just throw it together ... but this is my full- time job. I have the best job on campus," said McKee. Though some of the lines in the skits change from night to night, McKee helps the students write agenerally per- manent script. Many of the sketches are developed through improvised games played during rehearsal. These prac- tices, when the actors let loose, are part of the reason McKee feels so strongly about her job because at the heart of it all, the skits don't merely help clueless freshmen get the lay of the land. The entire process serves as an outlet for the members to truly let loose and be silly. "When else do we get permission to just be ridiculous? It's like a mental health break," McKee said. "We use all of that ridiculousness to put something together that's helping people.. "We're always trying to get back to our eight-year-old roots, and be those awesome people who played and just got ridiculous." 4 4 0 In Soviet Russia, "Office" watches you. 'Office' should o out of business 6 HOME From Page 7A world-class collection. These Michigan gems were no longer just vague concep- tions I associated with the state - they were real, tangible places that I had been to, convected with and became a part of. This summer made me think about what - or where - exactly, is "home." During this period of transition in my life, is home Cincinnati, where my fam- ily and childhood memories are based? Is it in Michigan, where I came into my own and currently spend most of my time? Or have I yet to find the place that I will ultimately call home? While each individual will have a different answer to this question, I like to think (along the lines of the adage) that home is where the heart is. Right now, my heart is split between Ohio and Michigan, and those are the places I consider as my home. I don't think of "home" asa finite concept; people can have many homes, geograph- ical and otherwise. And, while I can't technically consider myself a Detroit native, like indie musi- cian Sufjan Stevens, I can now under- stand what the hell he's talking about on his album Michigan when he sings about Detroit, Romulus and running up to the top of the Sleeping Bear Dunes and being in awe of the breathtaking view. MAKE US MASSIVE. COME TO OUR MASS MEETINGS. SEPTEMBER 12,13,18 AND 20 7:30 P.M. 420 MAYNARD l n E-mai join.arts umich.edu for information on applying. By KELLY ETZ Daily Arts Writer I love the awkward pauses, the co- workers ranging from uncomfortable to obstinate to just plain awful and the con- stant true-to-life tediousness. I love "The Office." But it should have ended last sea- son. It's had an outstanding seven-season run, receiving multiple award nomina- tions and earning several wins. It's one of the signature comedy shows of our time. But there is a point when a series should naturally come to an end. Steve Carell's decision to leave should have been the logical conclusion of the show. After seven seasons with Michael Scott in the boss's seat, the series can't expect to be the same without him. I've got nothing against James Spader ("Boston Legal"), and I expect he'll do an adequate job as Robert California, the newest cast member. But he'll never come close to Michael Scott, that's a given. Michael was the heart of the show, the blundering patriarch of the Scranton branch family. Though "The Office" can boast an exceptional ensemble cast, it was Michael Scott's endearing foolish- ness that made the series so successful in the first place. Granted, there have been a number of lows in the series's history, even with Carell on board. The series's success lies in its ability to brilliantly express the monotony of daily life in an office - the trick is keeping the audience interested while continually creating new wit and humor. Season five fell into a bit of a slump. Unfortunately, season six proved more of the same, ultimately coming off flat. It seemed "The Office" was on a per- manent downward slope. Season seven was a revelation, espe- cially for longtime "Office" fans. The send-off for Michael spawned some of the best episodes yet (we'll forget about Will Ferrell's completely lackluster guest appearance). It seems knowing it was the last season of Michael Scott shook up the office and breathed new life into the show. The show mustn't go on. Yet there's simply a point where it starts to get old. The ultimate success of season seven arose from the uncertain future - Michael leaving gave the show a renewed focus. I miss the freshness of previous seasons, especially the second and third. Jim's (John Krasinski) pranks on Dwight (Rainn Wilson), crazy Jan Levenson (Melora Hardin), Michael's utter lack of tact. The original British version avoided the slump by only airing 14 episodes. It's one of the reasons the original was so brilliant, exposing the tedium while still bringing somethingnew to the table with each episode. The American adaptation just hasn't been able to remain as innova- tive as it once was. True, the more recent seasons have their high points, but it's just not the same. I'd hate to watch the series I've grown to love end up stuck in a rut for its duration. Though Carell's motivations for leav- ing are questionable (considering the success of "The Office" launched him into A-list territory in the first place), his departure still leaves the series without its front-runner. And while the remain- ing cast members are talented and capable of continuing without Michael Scott, it doesn't mean they should. The series could have taken the opportunity to bow out on a triumphant note, yet it seems determined to forge ahead without Carell. And I'll be the first to admit, I'm prob- ably still going to watch season eight. The Michael Scott-less finale of season seven was admittedly entertaining, though it relied too heavily on the multitude of guest stars. It's a toss up whether season eight can maintain the quality that I've come to expect from "The Office." Suffice it to say, even if it succeeds, it won't ever be the same.