The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 - 7
The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom Wednesday, November 24, 2010 - 7
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DUELING
COLUMNS
In the week leading up to the Michigan-Ohio State football game
each year, football writers from the Daily and the student news-
paper at Ohio State exchange columns. As both teams prepare for
The Game on Saturday, here's this year's installment:
The Michigan Daily's Joe Stapleton:
The Ohio State Lantern's Zack Meisel:
Columbus smells like piss.
And I don't mean it smells
like some of its honorable
residents decided to relieve them-
selves one too many times behind
a secluded pine
tree or in an
abandoned alley.
I'm saying that
upon entering
Columbus you
are immediately
hit with such a
strong stench
of piss that it's
best described
JOE
STAPLETON
as an aura, hang-
ing over the city like the dark, grey
clouds that give it its depressing,
hopeless charm. The stink is so
strong it seems possible that those
clouds, when let loose, release not
rainwater but that foul, acid-yellow
expulsion; God's very own personal
urinal.
Unfortunately, the intense,
almost attacking smell that hits you
at the city limits is not enough to
base a column on. Still more unfor-
tunate is the fact that the Buckeyes
have beaten the Wolverines in "The
Game" for six straight seasons,
leaving little on-field inspiration to
draw upon for material.
But in an extremely lucky twist
of fate, I have fell into the posses-
sion of something that couldn't be
4 more timely or essential: a series
of entries from Ohio State quar-
terback Terrelle Pryor's personal
diary. Without further ado, the
inspired writings of Mr. Pryor:
Jan. 25th, 2009
Dear Diary,
WTF, Diary? Just lost the Fiesta
Bowl against Texas. It was the third
straight loss for us ina bowl game!
Why can't we win when it counts???
Nov. 2nd, 2009:
Dear Diary,
I saw on the news today everyone
hating on Mike Vick just for killinga
few dogs. WTF is everyone making
such a big deal out of it? Don't they
know everyone murders?
Nov. 21st, 2010:
Dear Diary,
There are so many haters out
there! I'm gonna go get some food-
gotta find 10 pairs of socks in order
tofit into my own shoes.
Man I was watching College
Gameday today and saw Kirk Herb-
streit talking shit. He a fake Buckeye.
Wait, that's too good not to tweet.
Alas, that's all I have. Well, it's
all I could make out - the rest was
a jumbled mix of poorly-drawn pic-
tures of his house labeled "home-
work" and simple algebra written
in crayon. ButI think what we
have, though meager, still gives us
a glimpse into the amazing mind of
Ohio State's starting quarterback.
The piercing scent of urine that
seeps into clothing and pores so
you can't get the smell out for a
week after leaving that depressing
troth of a city? That aura of human
waste that hangs over the center
of Ohio like an atmosphere? It's
merely a physical manifestation of
the attitude of Columbus. The city's
citizens, and indeed Ohio State's
students most of all, wallow in this
hopeless mediocrity which is made
all the more saddening by their lack
of understanding of it. They exist
in a sort of bliss, willfully ignorant
of the futility of their attempts at
being "better" than Michigan. Yes,
the Ohio State football team has
dominated Michigan's for six years.
But to compare the University of
Michigan to Ohio State University
is to compare a filet mignon to a
steaming pile of human feces.
The sad part? They still try.
But when you are so steeped in
a tradition that demands willful
ignorance, medieval values and
sub-par results, how can you expect
to compete with a school that con-
sistently churns out the leaders
and best? Even Terrelle Pryor, who
by most measures has been a very
good quarterback, seems unable to
fit into his own shoes - Buckeyes
just aren't used to exceedingly high
expectations.
One of the most applicable
quotes I could find on the existence
of Ohio State students comes from
Bill Watterson, an Ohio native who
understand the plight of Ohio State
University better than anyone and
the author of the timeless comic
strip Calvin and Hobbes. In one
comic, Calvin explains what he
believes to be the existence of girls
by comparing them to insects. In
my paraphrasing, I'm replacing
"girls" with "Ohio State students":
I imagine bugs and Ohio State
students have a dim perception that
nature played a cruel trick on them,
but they lack the intelligence to really
comprehend the magnitude of it.
So Michigan fans, hate Ohio
State all you want, just remember
how sad and pitiful the "institu-
tion's" existence really is.
And for all the students attend-
ing this poor excuse for a Univer-
sity, don't hate them - feel sorry
for them. They just don't know any
better.
M aybe we would have
been better off if the
"Game of the Cen-
tury" never took place.
There couldn't have been a
bigger stage
for the 2006
meeting
between
Ohio State
and Michi-
gan: No.1I vs.
No. 2, fight-
ing for the ZACK
right to the MEISEL
BCS Champi-
onship Game.
Bo Schembechler's death the
night before even provided an
emotional undertone.
Then, the game exceeded
expectations, as the Buckeyes
escaped with a 42-39 victory in
a contest marked by big plays,
costly penalties and an uneasy
audience.
Four years later, we still
clutch onto memories of that
epic affair. It spoiled us.
OSU takes pride in beating
Michigan, and vice versa. But
the Buckeyes' recent dominance
in the series - OSU has won six
in a row and eight of nine against
its nemesis - has tamed the
rivalry a bit.
The more at stake, the big-
ger the reward. When OSU and
Michigan are the cream of the
Big Ten crop, the game has more
meaning.
In 2006, the Buckeyes
knocked the Wolverines out
of contention for a trip to the
national title game: On Satur-
day, an OSU win could redirect
r4_
. ' '
'
. , :'
An Ohio State fan holds up a sign at last year's Michigan-Ohio State game.
Michigan from the TicketCity
Bowl to the Little Caesars Pizza
Bowl. I'm not sure how much
motivation that provides.
Of course, players and coaches
will say the right things and
play up the significance of the
matchup. It still means a lot
- there would be no sweeter
culmination to an up-and-down
Michigan season than an upset
at the Horseshoe.
However, the rivalry is at its
best when both teams are at
their best.
The Boston Celtics and Los
Angeles Lakers maintain a
rivalry because of their history
of games with NBA title implica-
tions on the line, not because of
a few April meetings in which
they jostled for draft position-
ing.
"The Game" will probably
never reach the pinnacle of
importance it hit in 2006.
But it serves the rivalry and
its fans better when there's more
on the line. Until both teams
return to their typical perch atop
the Big Ten, we'll keep reminisc-
ing about the game that epito-
mizes what Ohio State-Michigan
is all about.
Legends Classic Preview
By Zak Pyzik |1 Daily Sports Writer
The Michigan men's basketball team will spend its Thanksgiving break in Atlantic City, NJ for
the Legends Classic tournament.
The Wolverines (3-0), who have so far breezed through opponents, take on Syracuse on Fri-
day night. Michigan has looked good in its wins over South Carolina Upstate, Bowling Green and
Gardner-Webb - beating each by at least 19 points.
If Michigan beats Syracuse it will advance to play the winner of the Georgia Tech and UTEP
game in the final round. If the Wolverines lose, they play the loser of that game in a third-place
contest.
Here's a look at Michigan's potential opponents in Atlantic City.
Michigan coach Red Berenson will coach in his final College Hockey Showcase this weekend.
Mich an to face off in 18th and
final College Hockey Showcase
By MARK BURNS
Daily Sports Editor
For the last 17 years, the
Michigan hockey team has
squared off against Minnesota
and Wisconsin - both premiere
Division I programs - in the
College Hockey Showcase over
Thanksgiving weekend.
Michigan coach Red Beren-
son described the event after
Tuesday's practice as a "big test
for our team every year, and it's
a test for their teams as well."
Among the three schools,
there have been five national
championships in those two
decades along with a slew of
famous alumni, like Brendan
Morrison (Mich., 97), Jordan
Leopold (Minn., 02), and Dany
Heatley (Wisc., 01), who have
cemented themselves as solid
NHL players.
But following the 18th install-
ment of the College Hockey
Showcase this weekend, the tra-
dition will cease.
Both the Wolverines and
Michigan State - the fourth
team included in the showcase
- will head on the road this
weekend to face the Badgers
(6-6-2) and 15th-ranked Golden
Gophers (7-4-1).
"I think all of the programs
involved have a strong tradition
and history of being - you could
say elite level or borderline elite
level programs," Berenson said.
"They're not just building or
emerging schools. The fact that
they're Big Ten schools gives
them some added credibility
and just seems to add something
extra.
"I know our fans love to see
a Big Ten matchup, and I think
our players do too."
Berenson said that there's "no
specific agreement" to face both
Wisconsin and Minnesota in the
future, but that "there's a sen-
timent among three of the four
coaches that we should continue
playing."
According to Berenson, Wis-
consin is indifferent to continu-
ing the tradition.
As these are the Wolverines'
only contests against Western
College Hockey Association
teams, Michigan hopes to grab
two wins to improve its position
in the Pairwise Rankings - a
formula used to determine the
field of 16 in the NCAA Tourna-
ment.
For the eighth-ranked Wol-
verines (7-2-1-0 CCHA, 8-3-3
overall), Berenson sees these
games as early benchmark con-
tests.
Berenson also cited a prefer-
ence for being on the road for
these Thanksgiving-weekend
matchups, saying his team is
generally "more focused" away
from Ann Arbor.
"Sometimes when we're
home, we're kind of half full of
turkey and half ready to play,"
Berenson joked.
Michigan's nine seniors hold
a 3-0 record against the Golden
Gophers and 2-1 mark against
the Badgers in the showcase.
The Wolverines grabbed a
home-series sweep in the show-
case last year in what Berenson
called "the team's best weekend
in the first half" of the season.
And regardless of where the
team currently stands in the
CCHA - the Wolverines sit in
second place, one point behind
Notre Dame - senior forward
Matt Rust knows that two games
against two "powerhouses"
could springboard a team that is
trying to secure its first national
title since 1998.
"It was definitely big for us
last year with the way the sea-
son was going and everything,"
Rust said. "This year, it still car-
ries the same importance. It's
big at the end of the year, and it's
big to keep our winning streak
going."
Syracuse
The ninth-ranked orange have
an unblemished record in 2010
and are expected to do great
things this season. But the sto-
ried team may not be as good as its
hype suggests.
In fact, Syracuse coach Jim
Boeheim said this year's squad is
the most overrated Syracuse team
he has coached in his 34 years
with the orange.
The team struggled against
a William and Mary team that
hasn't won any of its three games
this season. The Orange snuck
out of that game by making free
throws at the end after shooting a
miserable 22 percent from three-
point range and 37 percent from
the field.
The Orange (4-0) beat Detroit
Mercy 66-55, but the Titans kept
it within two points until the final
minutes of the game.
Against Detroit, Syracuse shot
23 percent from three-point range
and 36 percent from the field.
Distance shooting is clearly not
Syracuse's forte. In the post, how-
ever, 275-pound, seven-foot fresh-
man center Fab Melo is expected
to have a big impact this season,
though he has averaged just two
points per game.
Michigan coach John Beilein
has a 0-8 record against Boe-
heim. But considering Syracuse's
struggles, the Wolverines might
be able to pull off an upset. This
season, the orange's shots simply
aren't falling and their games have
been too close for Boeheim to con-
fidently say that he has a national
championship-caliber team.
Georgia Tech
Georgia Tech obliterated the
Wolverines 99-68 the last time
they met in the 2004 ACC/Big Ten
Challenge. The Yellow Jackets
(3-1) hold a 4-3 all-time edge over
Michigan.
Junior guard Imam Shumpert,
the Yellow Jackets' top scorer,
averages 15 points per game this
year.
The 6-foot-5 guard plays big-
ger than his size and resembles
Michigan sophomore guard Dari-
us Morris in the way that he takes
advantage of smaller guards who
defend him. In Georgia Tech's
four games this year, Shumpert
has had 10 steals, good for second
in the ACC.
Daniel Miller complements
Shumpert in the post. Michigan
may have trouble matching up
with the 6-foot-11 redshirt fresh-
man, who had a season-high 10
points in the Yellow Jackets' 78-51
win over Albany in the regional
round of the Legends Classic last
weekend.
Georgia Tech's lone loss came
courtesy of Kennesaw State when
the Yellow Jackets shot just 35
percent from the field and allowed
the owls to spread the ball very
effectively - five players tallied
double digits in that contest.
If Michigan redshirt freshman
forward Jordan Morgan has as big
a presence in the post as he did in
the Wolverines' first three games,
Georgia Tech may struggle to
defend him.
That would open things up
around the perimeter for Michi-
gan.
UTEP
If Michigan plays the Miners
(4-1) in the second round, there
may be some conflict in the Hard-
away family.
Freshman guard Tim Hardaway
Jr.'s father and ex-NBA pro Tim
Hardaway Sr. will have to choose
between his son's school and his
own alma mater.
"He's going be rooting for me,"
HardawayJr. said. "No question. I'm
going to be excited if we play them.
"That's one of the reasons my
dad is coming out there, to see his
old college play."
UTEP's one loss came against
Pacific, 66-61, after the Tigers col-
lected 11 offensive rebounds lead-
ing to a lot of second-chance points.
Senior guard Randy Culpepper
- 2009-10 Conference USA MVP
- has scored more than 13 points
in every game this season. The
Miners floor general has a nose for
the open man.
UTEP's starting lineup can
score from almost anywhere on
the court.
At least four players have scored
in double digits in three of the
Miners' five games this year.
The keys to winning this
game for the Wolverines will
be to play aggressive defense
and prevent UTEP from
spreadingthe ball with Culpepper.
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