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Wednesday, February 17, 2010 The Statement 7B
Editor in Chieft
The Statement is The Michigan
Daily news magazine, distributed
every Wednesday during the
academic year. To contact The State-
met e-mail calero@michigandaily.
Yo. Is this Nicholas?
Nicholas, this is Trevor
Calero. I'm calling from The Mich-
igan Daily for the Random Student
You mind if I ask you a few ques-
tions? It'll just take a couple of
No. That's fine.
So how are you doing Nicholas?
Where are you right now?
In my dorm room.
Uh ... what are you doing in your
dorm room on Valentines Day?
Right now, I'm actually studying for
an Econ test.
You don't have a hot date later?
[Laughs] I do not.
Oh. You and me both Nicholas.
I wish I did 'cause they're serving
Chinese in the cafeteria tonight.
[Laughs] Do most of your friends
Yeah, a few of them do.
Does it bother you that you're
dateless on Valentines Day?
No. Not at all.
Have you ever had a date on Valen-
What was it like?
Um ... it was pretty standard.
Dinner and a movie.
OK. Is that standard or is that bor-
Uh ... I don't know. It can be boring if
you make it boring.
What movie did you see?
I don't even remember. It was two or
three years ago.
Oh ... but she's no more?
Sorry about that Nicholas.
Ahh ... it's not a big deal.
What are most of your friends
doing that have dates today? Any-
thing special, or just the standard
dinner and a movie?
Pretty much standard. Nothing spe-
cial that I've heard of yet. I'll prob-
ably know afterward though.
You still have, like, I don't know,
six hours left. You gonna try to
find a date or just keep studying?
I'll probably just keep studying. Keep
the priorities straight.
Right, good for you Nicholas. So
have you ever heard of ChatRou-
OK. Can we talk about that for a
couple of minutes? Because it just
blew my mind when I found out
about it this weekend.
How did you first hear about Cha-
Uh ... my sister is all about it.
Did it shock you, the overwhelm-
ing amount of dick that is on that
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Have you ever met anyone inter-
I've met a few people that know peo-
ple from my hometown. And I met a
few kids who knew a kid who lives on
the floor below me. But that's about it.
When did you first find out about
Probably about a month ago.
Do you still go on it at all?
OK. You should try. It might be a
good way to pick up a date for Val-
[Laughs] I might give ita shot.
I was talking to this guy for about,
I don't know, an hour the other
day. He was from Chile and he was
giving me advice on what I should
do with my life. He was pretty nice.
And then I met this other guy,
he was from New York City. He
was with his uncle. But after his
uncle left he was, like, 'let me
show you my rubber band ball.'
And I thought that was code for
'I'm gonna whip my dick out.' But
he actually pulled out this two-
foot wide rubber band ball. I was
Ahh, that's ridiculous.
- Nicholas is an LSA freshman.
Last we heard, he didn't find
a date on ChatRoulette.
THREE-MINUTE LOVE STORY
BY JASMINE ZH U
temporarily-paralyzing identity cri-
sis the forced match making had
commenced. I mentally prepared
myself for the encounters to begin,
but as girls outnumbered boys about
two to one, I was forced to sit out for
the first round of "dates." Instead I
observed the scene unfolding before
me: a row of boys facinga row of girls,
trying to connect with one another in
three-minute spans. Instead of name
tags, everyone wore numbers as a
form of identification.
Finally it was time for me, speed
dater number five, to enter the scene.
I found myself face-to-face with
a relatively harmless looking gradu-
Speed dating is one of those dis-
tant, bewildering topics I had
heard about vaguely through
watching bad sitcoms and reality
TV shows - I have never actually
known anyone who has participated.
It seemed like a very far-off and far-
fetched thing to do, perhaps as a sort
of sport for lonely thirty-somethings.
But when a good friend timidly
suggested a speed-dating event -
billed as "Just in time for Valen-
tines Speed-Dating" - being held at
the Michigan League, I impulsively
decided to check it out. It seemed like
a novel thing for us to do.
And who knows? Maybe my
dreamboat, a dead ringer for Leon-
ardo DiCaprio circa "Titanic," would
saunter through those double doors
in all his Members Only-jacketed
glory and sweep me away to a bet-
ter life filled with an endless assort-
ment of Edible Arrangements and
afternoon tea parties with our new
BFFs and fellow power couple, David
Bowie and Iman.
If not, maybe the experience would
at least be good for some laughs and
serve as a funny dinner party anec-
dote down the road.
So with some trepidation, my
friend and I made our way to the
Henderson Room. Lady Gaga's "Bad
Romance" blared from someone's
laptop as a few boys awkwardly stood
together in a corner feasting on the
jellybeans. The male-to-female ratio
was severely distorted, with the
majority of attendees possessing XX
chromosomes. And yet, the room
seemed remarkably empty.
As we had arrived before the offi-
cial start of the event, there was
nothing to do but stare aimlessly at
my fellow daters. Suddenly, I was me - an impossible feat - made me
extremely and painfully aware of paranoid and exceedingly self-aware.
the run in my tights, and I was sure I could feel the beginnings of an anx-
my hair was in disarray. Trying to iety attack setting in.
picture how other people perceived By the time I had overcome my
THE STATEMENT IS CURRENTLY TAKING SUBMISSIONS FOR ITS ANNUAL LITERATURE ISSUE.
If you would like to submit original works of poetry or fiction, please e-mail email@example.com.
ate student clad in a short-sleeved
polo shirt. I heard myself automati-
cally try to make small talk. I learned
he was a competitive member of the
ballroom dance team. He learned
that I hate sports and all forms of
It. was a very civil, perfunctory
exchange until I ran out of things to
talk about. In a panic, I quickly filled
the gaps in our conversation by giv-
ing him a quick summary of every
embarrassing thing I could possibly
think of that had happened to me in
the past 19 years. Needless to say, he
has not contacted me since.
I didn't fare much better in the
other rounds. I asked for names and
then promptly forgot them. I dazed
off frequently and tried to discreet-
ly check the time. I told bad jokes. I
didn't connect with anyone. I felt like
a misshapen part on an assembly line,
spewing useless bits of trivia while I
imagined the seasoned veterans ronj
ing their eyes behind my back.
But then I realized that maybe it
wasn't such a bad thing that I didn't
know how to conduct myself prop-
erly in the sphere of speed dating.
Speed dating, as I see it, is sup-
posed to be somewhat of a one-time
thing. There is a lot of cultural shame
associated with speed dating - it's
often seen as a mark of failure or
viewed as an inability to relate to real
people to the point that individuals
are forced to seek out the company of
total strangers instead of interacting
with the people in their lives.
Speed dating is not organic in the
way that most friendships and rela-
tionships are - there's a definite
sense of artificiality in the process.
I had positioned myself in a very
open way, interacting candidly with
strangers, and the whole experience
had been incredibly surreal. To be
honest, I thought the whole thipg
was kind of sad.
My feelings were especially com-
pounded given that the event was
positioned against Valentine's Day,
the most synthetic holiday of all -
the speed dating seemed twice as
depressing as it might have had it
not been advertised as a remedy for
a lonely Valentine's Day. U
T HE H ON OR S OC IE TY O F
FEBRUARY 15-19, 2010
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HATCHER GRADUATE LIBRARY - GALLERY ROOM 100
Wednesday, February 17,2010 5:30p.m.-6:30p.m.
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Thursday, February 18,2010 5:30p.m.-6:30p.m.
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