. . r As IL k V 0 26TeStaemnt//Weneda, S a 0 Wednesday, February 17, 2010 The Statement 7B ABOUTCAMPUS statement Magazine Editor: Trevor Calero Editor in Chieft Jacob Smilovitz Managing Editor: Matt Aaronson Deputy Editor. Allie White Designers: Sara Boboltz Corey DeFever Photo Editor: Jed Moch Copy Editors: Erin Flannery Danqing Tang Cover photo:- Jed Moch The Statement is The Michigan Daily news magazine, distributed every Wednesday during the academic year. To contact The State- met e-mail calero@michigandaily. com THEJUNKDRAWER random.student interview Yo. Is this Nicholas? Yep. Nicholas, this is Trevor Calero. I'm calling from The Mich- igan Daily for the Random Student Interview. Yep. You mind if I ask you a few ques- tions? It'll just take a couple of minutes. No. That's fine. So how are you doing Nicholas? Pretty good. Where are you right now? In my dorm room. Uh ... what are you doing in your dorm room on Valentines Day? Right now, I'm actually studying for an Econ test. You don't have a hot date later? [Laughs] I do not. Oh. You and me both Nicholas. I wish I did 'cause they're serving Chinese in the cafeteria tonight. [Laughs] Do most of your friends have dates? Yeah, a few of them do. Does it bother you that you're dateless on Valentines Day? No. Not at all. Have you ever had a date on Valen- tines Day? Yeah Ihave. What was it like? Um ... it was pretty standard. What's standard? Dinner and a movie. OK. Is that standard or is that bor- ing? Uh ... I don't know. It can be boring if you make it boring. What movie did you see? I don't even remember. It was two or three years ago. Oh ... but she's no more? Nope. Sorry about that Nicholas. Ahh ... it's not a big deal. What are most of your friends doing that have dates today? Any- thing special, or just the standard dinner and a movie? Pretty much standard. Nothing spe- cial that I've heard of yet. I'll prob- ably know afterward though. You still have, like, I don't know, six hours left. You gonna try to find a date or just keep studying? I'll probably just keep studying. Keep the priorities straight. Right, good for you Nicholas. So have you ever heard of ChatRou- lette? Yeah. Sure. OK. Can we talk about that for a couple of minutes? Because it just blew my mind when I found out about it this weekend. Yeah, sure. How did you first hear about Cha- tRoulette? Uh ... my sister is all about it. Did it shock you, the overwhelm- ing amount of dick that is on that website? Yeah, it's ridiculous. Have you ever met anyone inter- esting? I've met a few people that know peo- ple from my hometown. And I met a few kids who knew a kid who lives on the floor below me. But that's about it. When did you first find out about it? Probably about a month ago. Do you still go on it at all? No. OK. You should try. It might be a good way to pick up a date for Val- entines Day. [Laughs] I might give ita shot. I was talking to this guy for about, I don't know, an hour the other day. He was from Chile and he was giving me advice on what I should do with my life. He was pretty nice. [Laughs] And then I met this other guy, he was from New York City. He was with his uncle. But after his uncle left he was, like, 'let me show you my rubber band ball.' And I thought that was code for 'I'm gonna whip my dick out.' But he actually pulled out this two- foot wide rubber band ball. I was shocked. Ahh, that's ridiculous. - Nicholas is an LSA freshman. Last we heard, he didn't find a date on ChatRoulette. THREE-MINUTE LOVE STORY BY J BY JASMINE ZH U temporarily-paralyzing identity cri- sis the forced match making had commenced. I mentally prepared myself for the encounters to begin, but as girls outnumbered boys about two to one, I was forced to sit out for the first round of "dates." Instead I observed the scene unfolding before me: a row of boys facinga row of girls, trying to connect with one another in three-minute spans. Instead of name tags, everyone wore numbers as a form of identification. Finally it was time for me, speed dater number five, to enter the scene. I found myself face-to-face with a relatively harmless looking gradu- Speed dating is one of those dis- tant, bewildering topics I had heard about vaguely through watching bad sitcoms and reality TV shows - I have never actually known anyone who has participated. It seemed like a very far-off and far- fetched thing to do, perhaps as a sort of sport for lonely thirty-somethings. But when a good friend timidly suggested a speed-dating event - billed as "Just in time for Valen- tines Speed-Dating" - being held at the Michigan League, I impulsively decided to check it out. It seemed like a novel thing for us to do. And who knows? Maybe my dreamboat, a dead ringer for Leon- ardo DiCaprio circa "Titanic," would saunter through those double doors in all his Members Only-jacketed glory and sweep me away to a bet- ter life filled with an endless assort- ment of Edible Arrangements and afternoon tea parties with our new BFFs and fellow power couple, David Bowie and Iman. If not, maybe the experience would at least be good for some laughs and serve as a funny dinner party anec- dote down the road. So with some trepidation, my friend and I made our way to the Henderson Room. Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" blared from someone's laptop as a few boys awkwardly stood together in a corner feasting on the complimentary Valentine-themed jellybeans. The male-to-female ratio was severely distorted, with the majority of attendees possessing XX chromosomes. And yet, the room seemed remarkably empty. As we had arrived before the offi- cial start of the event, there was nothing to do but stare aimlessly at my fellow daters. Suddenly, I was me - an impossible feat - made me extremely and painfully aware of paranoid and exceedingly self-aware. the run in my tights, and I was sure I could feel the beginnings of an anx- my hair was in disarray. Trying to iety attack setting in. picture how other people perceived By the time I had overcome my THE STATEMENT IS CURRENTLY TAKING SUBMISSIONS FOR ITS ANNUAL LITERATURE ISSUE. If you would like to submit original works of poetry or fiction, please e-mail calero@michigandaily.com. a " "" -: / Y . w . ., . ° ., r '" tr .- ate student clad in a short-sleeved polo shirt. I heard myself automati- cally try to make small talk. I learned he was a competitive member of the ballroom dance team. He learned that I hate sports and all forms of exercise. It. was a very civil, perfunctory exchange until I ran out of things to talk about. In a panic, I quickly filled the gaps in our conversation by giv- ing him a quick summary of every embarrassing thing I could possibly think of that had happened to me in the past 19 years. Needless to say, he has not contacted me since. I didn't fare much better in the other rounds. I asked for names and then promptly forgot them. I dazed off frequently and tried to discreet- ly check the time. I told bad jokes. I didn't connect with anyone. I felt like a misshapen part on an assembly line, spewing useless bits of trivia while I imagined the seasoned veterans ronj ing their eyes behind my back. But then I realized that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I didn't know how to conduct myself prop- erly in the sphere of speed dating. Speed dating, as I see it, is sup- posed to be somewhat of a one-time thing. There is a lot of cultural shame associated with speed dating - it's often seen as a mark of failure or viewed as an inability to relate to real people to the point that individuals are forced to seek out the company of total strangers instead of interacting with the people in their lives. Speed dating is not organic in the way that most friendships and rela- tionships are - there's a definite sense of artificiality in the process. I had positioned myself in a very open way, interacting candidly with strangers, and the whole experience had been incredibly surreal. To be honest, I thought the whole thipg was kind of sad. My feelings were especially com- pounded given that the event was positioned against Valentine's Day, the most synthetic holiday of all - the speed dating seemed twice as depressing as it might have had it not been advertised as a remedy for a lonely Valentine's Day. U T HE H ON OR S OC IE TY O F APHI KHIP BLITZ WEEK! FEBRUARY 15-19, 2010 PRINCETON REVIEW TEST PREPARATION HATCHER GRADUATE LIBRARY - GALLERY ROOM 100 Wednesday, February 17,2010 5:30p.m.-6:30p.m. LURIE ENGINEERING CENTER- JOHNSON ROOMS Thursday, February 18,2010 5:30p.m.-6:30p.m. WANT TO INTERVIEW A RANDOM STUDENT? Come write for The Statement. E-MAIL CALERO@ MICHIGANDAILY.COM ILLUSTRATION GRADUATING THIS YEAR? WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU'D LIKE TO DO WITH THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT? The Statement is taking suggestions for its first ever Bucket List issue. Tell us what you'd put on your bucket list. Send your suggestions to calero@michigandaily.com.