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Cheapening spring break
How to have a kick-ass break without breaking your wallet
By Allie White I Deputy Magazine Editor
Don't waste your money on bot-
tied water.*Sure, your parents told
you never to touch anything that
has come out of a faucet south of
the Mason Dixon line, but come
on now. You've been drinking alco-
hol and eating Backroom Pizza for
a while now - your stomach and
intestines should have toughened
up at this point. You can handle
whatever surprises the tap water
has to offer.
Buy your alcohol at the duty-
free store in the airport when you
land. You'll probably pay around
the same in Mexico for Patr6n as
you would for El Toro in Michigan.
Sadly, the higher-end liquor doesn't
come with an adorable plastic som-
brero like the cheap stuff does, but
you can probably look past it for a
smoother finish.
Save the fancy restaurants for
when your parents are footing the
bill - embrace the authenticity and
cheapness of beach-hut food. Who
cares if you don't know how to ask,
"Is this mysterious lump on a stick
chicken?" in Spanish. Think of it as
cultural immersion and go with the
flow, man - you're on spring break!
"Excursion" is really another
way for a hotel to say "We're going
to put you on a smelly bus, drive
nine hours into the jungle to look
at a stone that may or may not be
really old, serve you a stale roll
instead of the four-course lunch
we promised and charge you a lot
of money for it because we can." If
you really want to venture outside
of the comfortable all-inclusive
bubble you're staying in, try to
find cheaper alternatives to hotel-
sponsored trips. Don't be afraid to
ask the staff or guests for other, less
expensive ways to explore the area.
Just please remember tobe safe and
have decent judgment. And even if exchange for cash?
it's free, never.accept a tour run by If sitting on the beach isn't
a guy with a hook for a hand and enough for you and the water sports
what appears to be dried blood on enjoyed by those with money to
his clothes. burn look too good to pass up, go
the homemade route rather than
paying someone to do it for you.
po-it-yourself Step: Find a long rope, several
it-y u durable trash bags, a hot glue gun
and the closest hospital. Step 2:
" Fashion a harness and a parasail
out of the aforementioned materi-
als. Step 3: Strap in. Step 4: recruit
Is "Girls Gone Wild" paying per a few friends who are even drunker
appearance yet? If yes, get on that! than you to pull the other end of the
The probability that your parents rope as the run up the beach. Step
will see the video is slim to none, 5: If you do manage to get off the
so you really have nothing to worry ground, try not to die. Step 6: Rinse
about. Or better yet, enter as many and repeat.
hotel-hosted pool deck competi- Souvenirs were precious when
tions as you can: bingo, wet t-shirt you were younger. But you're in
contest, limbo, lap dance - they your twenties now - you don't need
all offer some sort of prize to the your hair braided on the beach or
winner. What's a little dignity in a shot glass that says "Acapulco."
Save your pesos and spring for sun-
screen instead. You won't be able
to enjoy the trip you've spent.your
money on if you're bed-ridden with
third degree burns, wallowing in
self-pity and aloe.
Completely avoid hotel costs by
simply pitching a tent or unrolling a
sleeping bag on the beach and com-
muning with nature. Beds, showers
and ceilings are overrated. You'll
get to wake up to the sun rising over
the ocean, fresh air in your face and
stray dogs peeing on your suitcases.
Another plus of the sleeping-on-
the-sand strategy is that you'll be
guaranteed a prime location for
lounging in the sun even if you're
not down to wake up at the crack
of dawn to compete with everyone
else for beach chairs. And most
importantly, there's no tipping the
chair boy when you need neither
the boy nor the chair.
Charles Darwin
Most intellectually frail
ful spring break ever.
Alexander
Graham Bell
Installed first phone is
Mexican prison. Also first
person to say "I want my
phone call" ina Mexican
prison.
John F. Kennedy Marilyn Monroe Jane Goodall Cyborg X4500
Spent spring break relax- See John F. Kennedy Spring break with the Spring break is inef-
ing in Cape Cod, basking chimps. Even under the ficient. Inefficiency must
iv the sun and soabint in '5 crcumstances record he deleted. Allhail your
the rays. Had a sony nice still not set for most feces robot overlords.
time. Surprisingly, there is thrown at spring break.
no documentation of this
trip ever occurring.
GOING TO THE WANT A FRE
The Custom Transit Spring Break Giveaway:
To enter, go to Custom Transit's Facebook Page and RSVP to the Spring
Break Giveaway Roadtrip. The Winner will be posted February 15th.
Elvis
Holds record for least
conversation over spring,
break. Also most action.
Neil Armstrong
First spring break cel-
ebrated on the moon.
One small step for man,
one giant leap for "Dude,
check out how far I can
jump! Woooooooo!"
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