2A - Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com 4
2A - Tuesday. September 2, 2008 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom I
I was on the Diag when I stum-
bled upon a 10-foot unicycle lying
on the ground. My friend was
unsuccessfully imploring me to
mount it when a man next to us
started yelling that he was starting
a show that would end with him
juggling machetes on the unicycle.
A volunteer from the audience
was asked to lie on the ground,
around which the showman
sprayed lighter fluid in a circle.
"Ladies and gentleman, this is
water!" he said, awaiting laugh-
ter from the audience. Nobody
laughed, probably because they all
wanted to see a guy set on fire just
as much as I did.
The show went on until the uni-
cyclist fumbled the machete that,
after first slicing his hand, fell inch-
es to the volunteer who tossed it up
to him. After nursing the cut on
his hand without dismounting the
unicycle, the showman managed
to juggle the knives gracefully. So I
gave him a dollar anyway.
SARA LYNNE THELEN
es + unicycles= ouch
Woman vs. beast Clown face, please
A CATHOLIC COOK-OUT
Post-game relaxation was shat-
from my housemate: a bat was
swooping around our living room.
All my housemates, including the
men, fled to their rooms. The task
was up to me,
As my housemates shouted
reminders from behind the safety
of their doors to avoid contract-
ing rabies, I battled the beast with
proper attire for such a feat: oven
mitts, a hoodie tied so that only my
eyes were visible, and a broom.
I crouched, screamed, and
coaxed the bat into a room with an
openwindow. With amakeshiftnet
(a garbage bag, packagingtape, and
the broom handle) I finally cap-
tured and freed the animal. Once
confident that the bat was gone, my
housemates emerged from their
rooms, thanking me for being the
man of the house.
I was nearing a house party a few
days ago, but saw an empty lawn,
vacant patio and silent exterior.
Concerned, I was soon directed
by pseudo-bouncers and shuttled
to the back of the house. A bustling
party was waiting.
When my friend tossed me a
bag of customized M&M's say-
ing "EECS House," - confectioned
proof that the party was hosted by
Electrical Engineering and Com-
puter Science students - I knew the
night had limitless potential.
Outside on the back lawn, I sawa
lot of activity around a picnic table
on the lawn. Not beer pong. Not
flip cup. It was a face painting sta-
tion. One person was attempting a
rendering of Heath Ledger's joker
make-up on a guy's face and some-
one else was boasting a Harry Pot-
ter lightning bolt. My inklings of a
successful party were confirmed.
Biology freshman Lindsay Brentin enjoys a barbecue at
the St. Mary Student Parish courtyard yesterday. The
outdoor cook-out was aimed at introducing people and
welcoming new students to the University.
t lt Midi Xan Dail
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1327
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TheMichigan Daily tsIN0745-967)is publisheduondaythrough Friday duringthefalland winter
terms by students at theUniversity of Michigan.Onecopy is avaiable free of tharge tollreaders.
Additional copies may be picked up at the Daily's office for $2. Subscriptions for fall term, starting in
through Apr)is $195. University affiliates are subject to a reduced subscription rate.On-campus
sscripton dltar .subitiyonmuterepaid.TheMichigan Daiyisamemberof
nTe Asoatdres and he oiatdCllegat ressn.
CAMPUS EVENTS & NOTES
MIP issued to
her room, PS reported. She
was taken to the emergency
Mixer hosted Jazz drummer's
by Sigma frat masterclass
girl being toted room fr treatment.
down a street Thief nabs goods
WHERE: 600 Block of E. Uni- from duffel bag
ira Cy acne.
WHEN: Sunday at about 11:40
WHAT: A student from New
York was being carried along
the street by her friends when
an officer bicycling by noticed
and issued a minor of posses-
sion of alcohol, the Department
of Public Safety reported.
WHERE: Mitclpell Field
WHEN: Sunday at about 12:25
WHAT: A student left a gym
bag on the field's sideline dur-
ing his rugby practice and later
WHAT: A welcome week
event and mixer featuring
slushies and other barbecue
WHO: Black Welcome Week,
Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity
WHEN: Today at 5:30 p.m.
WHERE: Mary Markley
WHAT: Gerald Cleaver, a
jazz drummer from Detroit,
will perform in a free concert
WHO: Gerald Cleaver
WHEN: Today at 2:40 p.m.
WHERE: E.V. Moore Build-
ing, Rehearsal Hall
found the bag unzipped, DPS
reported. His wallet and cell prayer Imeetin
phone were gone. Open house
WHAT: The first in a series
n at Spectrum of weekly prayer meetings.
mear found on Students of all backgrounds
The Michigan Football
Team will hold open try-
outs tomorrow morning at
6 a.m. in Schembechler Hall.
Make sure to bring a signed
copy of a physical form.
Sen. John McCain only
met once with Alaskan gover-
nor Sarah Palmn before choos-
ing her as his running mate.
"FOR MORE, SEE PAGE 4A
3A man who was arrest-
ed for drunk driving in
Iowa City, Iowa, was also
charged with bribery after he
offered the police officer free
Jimmy Johns sandwiches if
he let him go, The Press-Citi-
zen reported. After the officer
declined, the man allegedly
going to know"
Housing oficer dry erase board Center
injures foot WHAT: On
n house to meet
WHERE: Alice Llyod
WHEN: Sunday at about 10:30
WHAT: A housing security
officer injurfd her foot while
helping a student move into
WHERE: Mary Markley
WHEN: Sunday at about 1p.m.
WHAT: A resident found the
word "gay" written on a door's
dry erase board, DPS reported.
The board was erased.
the center's staff and other
new community members
WHO: The Spectrum Center
WHEN: Today from 4:30
p.m. to 6:30 p.m.
WHERE: Michigan Union,
WHO: University Christian
WHEN: Tonight at 8 p.m.
WHERE: Campus Chapel,
1236 Washtenaw Ct.
Please report any error in
the Daily to corrections@
Gonzales mishandled classified notes, memo says
E.U. leaders: Talks with Russia halted until troops leave Georgia
WASHINGTON (AP) - Former
Attorney General Alberto Gonza-
les mishandled highly classified
notes about a secret counterter-
ror program, but not on purpose,
according to a memo by his legal
The memo, obtained by The
Associated Press, acknowledges
that Gonzales improperly stored
notes about the program and
might have taken them home at
Removing secret documents
from specially secured rooms vio-
lates government policy.
Gonzales'lawyers wrote intheir
memo that there is no evidence the
security breach resulted in secret
information being viewed or oth-
erwise exposed to anyone who
was not authorized.
The classified notes focus on a
March 2004 meeting with con-
gressional leaders about a national
security program that was about
to expire. Efforts to renew the
program sparked an intense Bush
administration debate that played
out at the hospital bedside of then-
Attorney General John Ashcroft.
The memo was prepared by
Gonzales' legal team as a response
BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) -
Europeany Union leaders warned
Russia yesterday that talks on a
wide-ranging political and eco-
nomic agreement would be post-"
poned unless Russian troops pull
back from positions in Georgia.
The threat to delay talks set for
this month on the "partnership
and cooperation agreement" with
Russia came after Britain and east-
ern European nations held out for
atougherline. ButEurope's depen-
dence on Russian oil and natural
gas deterred stronger sanctions.
"I think we found an excellent
compromise (by) not going back
to business as usual, but still mak-
ing clear that we want to maintain
contact with Russia," said German
Chancellor Angela Merkel.
At a four-hour meeting, the
leaders ordered EU bureaucrats to
study alternative energy sources 4
to reverse growing dependence on
Russia, which supplies a third of
the EU's oil and 40 percent of its
The Bush administration wel-
comed the EU's move. 4
"This extraordinary EU sum-
mit demonstrates that Europe
and the United States are united
p um market-
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