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THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GABE NELSON
A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one to10.
rule 81: After see-
ing someone slip
on ice, don't ask if
they're OK. They just
want you to pretend
that it didn't happen.
rule 82: If some-
one knows what you
filled out for "favorite
beverage" on your
directory.umich.edu
page, avoid them.
rule 83: Changing
details of your'life
history in your Span-
ish journals to fit
your limited vocabu-
lary is just as bad
as "A Million Little
Pieces."
- E-mail rule submissions to
Thestatement@umich edu
PIMP MY FAMILY
Hillary Clinton said she was offended last week
when an MSNBC correspondent described her
daughter Chelsea as being "pimped out in some
weird way" by the Clinton campaign. Though the
wording is offensive, it's hard to think of a better
way to describe Chelsea's responsibilities, which
include meeting with superdelegates to persuade
them (by any means necessary?) to vote for Hillary.
And it invites you to ask: how do you describe
the way Hillary is using Bill in the campaign?
A GREENWASHED HOAX
According to two studies released last week,
biofuels like ethanol are responsible for more total
greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels
when the process of producing them is taken into
account. These studies seemto show what most
of us knew all alone- biofuels are more about
making us feel good about ourselves than about
saving the environment. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to refuel my hybrid Cadillac Escalade.
3
A PRESIDENTIAL PROFESSOR
with all the hype over the upcoming American
presidential election, and the return of "American
Gladiators", and a new "American Pie" movie (the
uproarious "American Pie Presents: Beta House") it's
easy to forget that other countries exist. But after a
first round of voting over the weekend, in which the
Czech parliament failed to crown a winner, Czech
expatriate and Ross School of Business Prof. Jan
Svejnar is still fighting incumbent Vaclav Klaus to
become president of the Czech Republic. way to go,
Jan. Just remember: You're for Hope and Change.
AN OBSESSION UNLEASHED
This week's 132nd Annual westminster Kennel Club
Dog Show, held at Madison Square Garden, brought
together 2,500 dogs from169 breeds, as well as
thousands of people who should never, under any
circumstances, be allowed to have children. Harsh,
but if we let these people treat their children the
way they do these dogs, we'd have thousands of
impeccably dressed and groomed sociopaths on the
loose, and that's something we just don't need.
A DIAG GRADUATION
After about a month of vehement complaining
and Ypsilanti-bashing by students, the University
announced last week that this year's spring
commencement will be held on the Diag rather
than Elbel Field, Crisler Arena or Eastern Michigan's
Rynearson Stadium. It may not be Michigan
Stadium, but most students seem appeased by the
decision. After all, you don't get your real diploma
at graduation, and what better place than the
Diag to get handed a worthless piece of paper?
1
CRACKBERRY BREAKDOWN
A Blackberry outage caused by a server failure on
Monday afternoon left millions of mobile phone
users unable to check their e-mail while in class, at
business meetings, in the bathroom and so forth.
Didn't hear about this large-scale humanitarian
crisis? Maybe your Blackberry-addicted friends
didn't tell you because they don't know how to
communicate without their little cellular sidekicks
anymore.
Magazie Editor: Jssica Vosgerchian
EdftorbnChief vndreovirossman
ManagingEditor:Gabe Nelson
Photo Editor: Shay Spania
Junk Draeo~,r:ranTengel
Designe: AlsonGhaman
Cover iutatoio:lJohnSquint
PERSON OF THE WEEK
STEVEN SPIELBERG Steven Spielberg quit his job as an artistic adviser to this year's
Summer Olympics in Beijing yesterday, making him one of several
celebrities to criticize China for enabling the genocide in Darfur by
buying Sudanese oil and selling arms to the Sudanese government.
China has already made a public show of "cleaning up" Beijing
for the Olympics, so maybe it's possible that enough interna-
tional pressure could push China to rework its trade relation-
ship with Sudan. Then again, Spielberg could make a trade of
his own, promising an "Indiana Jones" cameo at the opening
ceremonies if China cuts ties with Sudan.
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LSA sophomore Kelly Bernero's summer
job required 14-hour workdays, paid nothing
and threatened to permanently damage her
eyesight.
But if Hillary Clinton wanted an e-mail by
a certain time that listed every article in New
Hampshire that mentioned her that day, Ber-
nero was going to make sure she got it.
"Every day in the morning and afternoon
we had to compile an e-mail that had any
article in the state of New Hampshire that
had Clinton in it. We had to put the link in
the e-mail," Bernero said. "That was in the
morning and then at night before we left,
every day. We worked from 8 a.m. until 10
p.m. It was ridiculous hours."
While Bernero was peddling the Clin-
ton line in New Hampshire, other Univer-
sity students spent the summer working for
their own preferred presidential candidates
- completing the menial daily tasks that
are the vital grease on the wheels of a full-
steam presidential campaign. But between
the stamp licking and media soliciting, many
interns come face to face with a side of Amer-
ican democracy that could shake the dedica-
tion of any young political idealist.
In addition to compiling articles, Bernero,
whose father is the mayor of Lansing, spent
the rest of her time alerting the press to Clin-
ton's many public appearances in the state
and canvassing neighborhoods to reiterate
her candidate's dedication to the people of
New Hampshire, who at the time of Berne-
ro's internship were favoring Clinton with an
about 25-point lead in the polls.
Going door to door in New Hampshire
for a presidential campaign is how Bernero
came to really understand the difference the
state's early primary date makes. For one
thing, she said, New Hampshirites tend to
feel entitled to special treatment.
"In New Hampshire, it's kind of like
Iowa: They're used to being first, and they
love all the attention," Bernero said. "When
you're going door to door they're like 'Well,
I haven't made my decision about who I'm
going to support because I never pick a can-_
didate before I meet them all. If I don't meet
them, then I just won't vote for them. And
if they don't come close to my house then I
won't vote for them.' They're really spoiled."
One SO-year-old resident was more inter-
ested in the issues than the attention, Ber-
nero said. He wanted to know, from the
perspective of an idealistic, 20-year-old col-
lege student, how Clinton would deal with
global warming.
"So I'm talking to him about alternative
resources, the SO-billion-dollar energy fund,
blah blah blah," Bernero said. "He was like,
'Actually, the only solution is if we curb the
population of the world. So we need to start
killing more people. We need more wars.' I
was like, 'If that's how you feel, I really don't
think Hilary is your candidate. She's not
going to start more wars.'
School of Music, Theatre and Dance senior
Andrew Kurland said he also encountered
confrontational voters when interning for
former Democratic presidential candidate
Dennis Kucinich in the U.S. representative's
congressional office.
Kurland said the biggest challenge in
answering phones for Kucinich was having
to keep up a friendly persona when talking
to callers who had called only to unload a
barrage of criticism of Kucinich on a faceless
intern. No matter what abuse spewed forth
from the phones, it was the responsibility of
office employees to always actas a represen-
tative of Kucinich, who would never want
to snub a potential swing voter with a sharp
retort.
"So when someone calls and tells me how
much they hate Kucinich, I can't defend the
guy," Kurland said.
Run-ins with interesting people didn't
stop at the phones, though. While working
the front desk, Kurland got to meet the Dalai
Lama's spiritual advisor, an "America's Next
Top Model" winner and a man who advo-
cated for better relations between the United
States and its extraterrestrial visitors.
"There was a gentleman who came in who
had reports on aliens," Kurland said. "He
seemed to be very in touch with the possi-
bility of life on other planets and that they
had contacted us and they wanted to help us
because they had technology that they might
use to help with global warming. He wanted
to bring this to the attention of Dennis."
Working in the congressional office, Kur-
land was able to develop a much more person-
al relationship with Kucinich than Bernero
did with Clinton. While Bernero only met
her candidate a few times in rushed, ceremo-
nial meet and greets, Kucinich took a per-
sonal interest in his interns. After Kucinich
found out about Kurland's love for music, he
made ita point to assign him memos relating
to the arts.
"I worked another internship with (Sen.
Carl Levin) who was very much compart-
mentalized, very separate," Kurland said.
"This wasn't the case; I had a lot of interac-
tion with him."
Throughout their relationship, there was
one issue regarding Kucinich's voting record
that caused Kurland to confront the con-
gressman about his politics. That happened
when Kucinich voted against a congressional
bill to remove troops from Iraq by April.
"I talked to him and said, 'What hap-
pened?' " Kurland said. "(Kucinich) said,
'The bill's a fake. The bill's a fake. I want the
troops home now.' Basically he saw this bill
as a stand-in. He wanted the troops home
now, and not April."
This incident sparked a series of discus-
sions between the two that gave Kurland a
keen admiration for the "stern, yet charis-
matic" candidate.
LSA senior Sarah Scully only encountered
her preferred candidate, Mitt Romney, once.
That was at a fundraiser she attended while
interning at his Michigan headquarters in
Farmington. But for Scully, who skipped a
semester at the University to promote Rom-
ney's nomination, the people on the grass-
roots level of the campaign were the most
telling representation of American politics.
Scully, who identifies as a Republican but
tends toward some more liberal social views,
said she sometimes felt like an outsider when
conversations about politics between cam-
paign workers seemed to read from a Repub-
lican rhetoric handbook.
She said her peers called her out when
they were talking about the arguments
against gay marriage and she had nothing to
contribute.
"That was one of the moments, that I was
like, 'Umm, I'm not so sure about that one,'
" she said. "(One person) asked me what my
deal was, why I wasn't saying anything. I
said, 'Well, I'm not sure I agree with you.'"
Scully said the group talking about gay
marriage was respectful of her different
views, but that political disagreement wasn't
the only reason she might have asked herself
what she was doing in her internship.
"I never knew what I was doing when I
walked in there, ever," she said. "Sometimes
that was a pleasant surprise, sometimes it
wasn't."
While she found her work to be stressfully
erratic at times, it was also often infuriat-
ingly simple.
"I don't feel like I was using the skills that
I have," Scully said. "You don't need to be a
brain trust to be doing the things that I was
doing. There were people that would come
in and were 16-years-old that were perfectly
capable of doing everything that I did."
Scully said her most challenging task came
in the form of impromptu party planning for
a shindig the office wanted to hold for high-
profile Romney supporters during a debate.
"On my first full day my office manager
came over and said, 'We're going to throw a
debate party now.' So I had to call big donors
in the area and started getting the projector
together," Scully said. "I really just remem-
ber sitting there saying 'Oh my gosh, what if
nobody comes?' because this was all on me."
Luckily for Scully, she made the right
phone calls and was able to put together a
successful soire. As was the case for other
interns who were made to shoulder similar
high-pressure duties for their campaigns,
Scully said organizing the event challenged
her dedication at first, but that ultimately
seeing an aspect of the campaign come
together under her own direction reaffirmed
her enthusiasm for Romney and the political
system.
"Eight o'clock rolls around and all these
people start to show up," she said. "We're all
sitting there watching this debate, and you
can just feel the energy in the room. Every-
one was just so supportive and it was such a
cohesive group. That was the moment that I
felt like I was a part of something."