w w w w _t w w w s w w w SB heMihianDaly - eneda, ebrar O1, 00 Weneda, erury13 008-Oh* McignDal THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GABE NELSON A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one to10. rule 81: After see- ing someone slip on ice, don't ask if they're OK. They just want you to pretend that it didn't happen. rule 82: If some- one knows what you filled out for "favorite beverage" on your directory.umich.edu page, avoid them. rule 83: Changing details of your'life history in your Span- ish journals to fit your limited vocabu- lary is just as bad as "A Million Little Pieces." - E-mail rule submissions to Thestatement@umich edu PIMP MY FAMILY Hillary Clinton said she was offended last week when an MSNBC correspondent described her daughter Chelsea as being "pimped out in some weird way" by the Clinton campaign. Though the wording is offensive, it's hard to think of a better way to describe Chelsea's responsibilities, which include meeting with superdelegates to persuade them (by any means necessary?) to vote for Hillary. And it invites you to ask: how do you describe the way Hillary is using Bill in the campaign? A GREENWASHED HOAX According to two studies released last week, biofuels like ethanol are responsible for more total greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels when the process of producing them is taken into account. These studies seemto show what most of us knew all alone- biofuels are more about making us feel good about ourselves than about saving the environment. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to refuel my hybrid Cadillac Escalade. 3 A PRESIDENTIAL PROFESSOR with all the hype over the upcoming American presidential election, and the return of "American Gladiators", and a new "American Pie" movie (the uproarious "American Pie Presents: Beta House") it's easy to forget that other countries exist. But after a first round of voting over the weekend, in which the Czech parliament failed to crown a winner, Czech expatriate and Ross School of Business Prof. Jan Svejnar is still fighting incumbent Vaclav Klaus to become president of the Czech Republic. way to go, Jan. Just remember: You're for Hope and Change. AN OBSESSION UNLEASHED This week's 132nd Annual westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, held at Madison Square Garden, brought together 2,500 dogs from169 breeds, as well as thousands of people who should never, under any circumstances, be allowed to have children. Harsh, but if we let these people treat their children the way they do these dogs, we'd have thousands of impeccably dressed and groomed sociopaths on the loose, and that's something we just don't need. A DIAG GRADUATION After about a month of vehement complaining and Ypsilanti-bashing by students, the University announced last week that this year's spring commencement will be held on the Diag rather than Elbel Field, Crisler Arena or Eastern Michigan's Rynearson Stadium. It may not be Michigan Stadium, but most students seem appeased by the decision. After all, you don't get your real diploma at graduation, and what better place than the Diag to get handed a worthless piece of paper? 1 CRACKBERRY BREAKDOWN A Blackberry outage caused by a server failure on Monday afternoon left millions of mobile phone users unable to check their e-mail while in class, at business meetings, in the bathroom and so forth. Didn't hear about this large-scale humanitarian crisis? Maybe your Blackberry-addicted friends didn't tell you because they don't know how to communicate without their little cellular sidekicks anymore. Magazie Editor: Jssica Vosgerchian EdftorbnChief vndreovirossman ManagingEditor:Gabe Nelson Photo Editor: Shay Spania Junk Draeo~,r:ranTengel Designe: AlsonGhaman Cover iutatoio:lJohnSquint PERSON OF THE WEEK STEVEN SPIELBERG Steven Spielberg quit his job as an artistic adviser to this year's Summer Olympics in Beijing yesterday, making him one of several celebrities to criticize China for enabling the genocide in Darfur by buying Sudanese oil and selling arms to the Sudanese government. China has already made a public show of "cleaning up" Beijing for the Olympics, so maybe it's possible that enough interna- tional pressure could push China to rework its trade relation- ship with Sudan. Then again, Spielberg could make a trade of his own, promising an "Indiana Jones" cameo at the opening ceremonies if China cuts ties with Sudan. RANDOLPH COURT APARTMENTS ^6 2 Bedroom Apartment Homes N Ground Floor Ranch Style! Private Entrance! Patio! Spacious Kitchen! Air Conditioning! Laundry Facilities! 24-Hour Emergency Maintenance! Pets Welcome! And much, much more! Call today to reserve your new address! 734'971-2828 Equal Housing Opportunity LSA sophomore Kelly Bernero's summer job required 14-hour workdays, paid nothing and threatened to permanently damage her eyesight. But if Hillary Clinton wanted an e-mail by a certain time that listed every article in New Hampshire that mentioned her that day, Ber- nero was going to make sure she got it. "Every day in the morning and afternoon we had to compile an e-mail that had any article in the state of New Hampshire that had Clinton in it. We had to put the link in the e-mail," Bernero said. "That was in the morning and then at night before we left, every day. We worked from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m. It was ridiculous hours." While Bernero was peddling the Clin- ton line in New Hampshire, other Univer- sity students spent the summer working for their own preferred presidential candidates - completing the menial daily tasks that are the vital grease on the wheels of a full- steam presidential campaign. But between the stamp licking and media soliciting, many interns come face to face with a side of Amer- ican democracy that could shake the dedica- tion of any young political idealist. In addition to compiling articles, Bernero, whose father is the mayor of Lansing, spent the rest of her time alerting the press to Clin- ton's many public appearances in the state and canvassing neighborhoods to reiterate her candidate's dedication to the people of New Hampshire, who at the time of Berne- ro's internship were favoring Clinton with an about 25-point lead in the polls. Going door to door in New Hampshire for a presidential campaign is how Bernero came to really understand the difference the state's early primary date makes. For one thing, she said, New Hampshirites tend to feel entitled to special treatment. "In New Hampshire, it's kind of like Iowa: They're used to being first, and they love all the attention," Bernero said. "When you're going door to door they're like 'Well, I haven't made my decision about who I'm going to support because I never pick a can-_ didate before I meet them all. If I don't meet them, then I just won't vote for them. And if they don't come close to my house then I won't vote for them.' They're really spoiled." One SO-year-old resident was more inter- ested in the issues than the attention, Ber- nero said. He wanted to know, from the perspective of an idealistic, 20-year-old col- lege student, how Clinton would deal with global warming. "So I'm talking to him about alternative resources, the SO-billion-dollar energy fund, blah blah blah," Bernero said. "He was like, 'Actually, the only solution is if we curb the population of the world. So we need to start killing more people. We need more wars.' I was like, 'If that's how you feel, I really don't think Hilary is your candidate. She's not going to start more wars.' School of Music, Theatre and Dance senior Andrew Kurland said he also encountered confrontational voters when interning for former Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich in the U.S. representative's congressional office. Kurland said the biggest challenge in answering phones for Kucinich was having to keep up a friendly persona when talking to callers who had called only to unload a barrage of criticism of Kucinich on a faceless intern. No matter what abuse spewed forth from the phones, it was the responsibility of office employees to always actas a represen- tative of Kucinich, who would never want to snub a potential swing voter with a sharp retort. "So when someone calls and tells me how much they hate Kucinich, I can't defend the guy," Kurland said. Run-ins with interesting people didn't stop at the phones, though. While working the front desk, Kurland got to meet the Dalai Lama's spiritual advisor, an "America's Next Top Model" winner and a man who advo- cated for better relations between the United States and its extraterrestrial visitors. "There was a gentleman who came in who had reports on aliens," Kurland said. "He seemed to be very in touch with the possi- bility of life on other planets and that they had contacted us and they wanted to help us because they had technology that they might use to help with global warming. He wanted to bring this to the attention of Dennis." Working in the congressional office, Kur- land was able to develop a much more person- al relationship with Kucinich than Bernero did with Clinton. While Bernero only met her candidate a few times in rushed, ceremo- nial meet and greets, Kucinich took a per- sonal interest in his interns. After Kucinich found out about Kurland's love for music, he made ita point to assign him memos relating to the arts. "I worked another internship with (Sen. Carl Levin) who was very much compart- mentalized, very separate," Kurland said. "This wasn't the case; I had a lot of interac- tion with him." Throughout their relationship, there was one issue regarding Kucinich's voting record that caused Kurland to confront the con- gressman about his politics. That happened when Kucinich voted against a congressional bill to remove troops from Iraq by April. "I talked to him and said, 'What hap- pened?' " Kurland said. "(Kucinich) said, 'The bill's a fake. The bill's a fake. I want the troops home now.' Basically he saw this bill as a stand-in. He wanted the troops home now, and not April." This incident sparked a series of discus- sions between the two that gave Kurland a keen admiration for the "stern, yet charis- matic" candidate. LSA senior Sarah Scully only encountered her preferred candidate, Mitt Romney, once. That was at a fundraiser she attended while interning at his Michigan headquarters in Farmington. But for Scully, who skipped a semester at the University to promote Rom- ney's nomination, the people on the grass- roots level of the campaign were the most telling representation of American politics. Scully, who identifies as a Republican but tends toward some more liberal social views, said she sometimes felt like an outsider when conversations about politics between cam- paign workers seemed to read from a Repub- lican rhetoric handbook. She said her peers called her out when they were talking about the arguments against gay marriage and she had nothing to contribute. "That was one of the moments, that I was like, 'Umm, I'm not so sure about that one,' " she said. "(One person) asked me what my deal was, why I wasn't saying anything. I said, 'Well, I'm not sure I agree with you.'" Scully said the group talking about gay marriage was respectful of her different views, but that political disagreement wasn't the only reason she might have asked herself what she was doing in her internship. "I never knew what I was doing when I walked in there, ever," she said. "Sometimes that was a pleasant surprise, sometimes it wasn't." While she found her work to be stressfully erratic at times, it was also often infuriat- ingly simple. "I don't feel like I was using the skills that I have," Scully said. "You don't need to be a brain trust to be doing the things that I was doing. There were people that would come in and were 16-years-old that were perfectly capable of doing everything that I did." Scully said her most challenging task came in the form of impromptu party planning for a shindig the office wanted to hold for high- profile Romney supporters during a debate. "On my first full day my office manager came over and said, 'We're going to throw a debate party now.' So I had to call big donors in the area and started getting the projector together," Scully said. "I really just remem- ber sitting there saying 'Oh my gosh, what if nobody comes?' because this was all on me." Luckily for Scully, she made the right phone calls and was able to put together a successful soire. As was the case for other interns who were made to shoulder similar high-pressure duties for their campaigns, Scully said organizing the event challenged her dedication at first, but that ultimately seeing an aspect of the campaign come together under her own direction reaffirmed her enthusiasm for Romney and the political system. "Eight o'clock rolls around and all these people start to show up," she said. "We're all sitting there watching this debate, and you can just feel the energy in the room. Every- one was just so supportive and it was such a cohesive group. That was the moment that I felt like I was a part of something."