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The Michigan Daily -- Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Wedneday, ebrury.6,20 :8 - e icign ai
THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with KATE PEABODY
A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one tol0.
rule 78: Refrain
from analyzing the
latest enigmatic
development on
"Lost" in front of
people who don't
watch the show.
rule 79: Ask
yourself why you
own a Mac but
always go for the
PC side of the
Fishbowl. rule 80:
Take every chance
you can to use
the presidential
primaries and
debates as reasons
to procrastinate.
- E-mail rule submissions to
TheStatement@umich.edu
SUPER BOWL SHAKE-UPS
After months of waiting, Sunday finally came,
delivering the best commercials of the year and, of
course the Super Bowl. The undefeated New England
Patriots held onto a small lead until the final minute
ofthe game when the New York Giants scored the
S winin touchdown. One of the bitgest surprises in
football history; it's too bad the halftime show didn't
follow suit. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers started
with "American Girl" - who would have guessed?
CALL THE LANDLORD
Last week, there was a massive Internet outage
across several countries. It came after damage to
multiple undersea cables, and experts say it could be
a week before the problem is completely corrected.
Compare this to the chaos that ensues when a single
6 house's internet gees downfor afew hours, let alone
the University's server. When CTools malfunctions,
you can hear the cries of students across campus.
It doesn't make us seem a bit fanatical, does it?
DR. CLEO, GENETICIST AND PSYCHIC
In a few short months, you will be able to purchase
online genetic screening for certain mental illnesses.
Simply send in a sample and you can learn if you
have certain gene variants that might cause illnesses
6 like bipolar disorder. Next up, you will be able to
purchase test results predicting your chances of being
a millionaire, having attractive children and finding
contentment at the end of your life. Just a bit of saliva
and your credit card is all it takes to reveal your future!
Scar ch
MsAdtn
Most AddiCti ng:w
theADVENT
oftFACEBOOK
APPLI CATI ONS
By PAUL TASSI AReview
3
2
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME...
Well, Hillary Clinton got a little emotional again.
During a visit to Yale University, Hillary became teary-
eyed when reminiscing about her days there. The
story showed upsoonafter on several news outlets.
If you kept track of every time someone shed a tear
while conjuring up those sentimental images of the
past, well you wouldn't have time to be reading this,
would you? Soon we'll be taking bets on how many
times Clinton will cry before the November election.
SPRING BREAK WARNING
Par those at you hitting the slopes inwutw weeks tar
Spring Break, take heed. Two skiers went wissing this
past weekend in Lake Tuhoe, hut were sutely foond
and picked up by a helicopter on Monday- and these
skiers were supposedly experts. Who knows, it could
be you next. Then you'll wish you had given into the
college masses and traveled to some warm paradise,
where the worst that can happen is a bad hangover.
t m pla for C Best Judge of Superiority
Try to play Jetman for less than five minutes. It's impossible. What
has quickly become the crack cocaine of Facebook applications, Jet-The New York Times s
man is possibly the simplest game of all time, which makes it all the i r
more infuriating. You fly alittle man (or banana or beer bottle) around
with a jet pack, avoiding crashing into the ceiling, floor or blue rectan- Ina handful of questions aboutthe Times's coverage for the day,
gular obstacles. Challenging your friends to see who can get the far- you can prove to your friends that you are, in fact, their intellectual
thest is the most rewarding part of the game and you'll be surprised superior. Just make sure you do it alone in the dark, because we all
how quickly time flies and your anger rises when attempting to beat know you cheat.
your own high score.
MICROSOFT TARGETS YAHOO
Lust week. ticrosoft made an agressive bid for
Yahoo!, which left Google scrambling to make a
cowpetitive ofer. If t Microsoft acquires the Internet
cowpany, it will control un even treater portion
of the Internet world, sending many into a panic
about the antitrust laws. The rest of the world,
however, knows that nothing can stop Microsoft
as they slowly take over. While we select a new
president, Bill Gates laughs at our naivete.
Most Creative: Best Way To Kill A Friendship:
kC:
= r
This application was originally created for the sole purpose of
allowing you to draw boobs or penises on your friend's wall. How-
ever, some very creative kids have gotten a hold of it with their tablet
notebooks and have created some of the most impressive MS Paint
works of art to be seen. Can you have the Mona Lisa on your wall?
Yes, if you have friends in the School of Art and Design with way too
much time on their hands.
No, I do not want to be a werewolf/zombie/ninja/pirate. No, I do
not want to recruit my friends to be werewolves/zombies/ninjas/
pirates. No, I do not care if I recruit enough people to be the were-
wolf/zombie/ninja/pirate King. Yes, I might cancel our Facebook
friendship if I see one more werewolf/zombie/ninja/pirate invita-
tion from you in my notifications.
MEazineEditor:Jes aVgen
Managing Editor:Gabe Nelson
PhotoEditor:Shay Spaniola
Junk Drawer: Brian Tengel
the -. Designer:Hllary Ruffe
Coverphoto: Max Collins and
ShaySpanioa
TELL US HOW TO LIVE.
E-mail your own submissions for new rules on campus to
TheStatement@umich.com
RANDOLPH CO
~ S2 Bedroom
Ground Fl
Priva
Spaci
Air Cc
Laund
24-Hour Emer
Pets
And mut
Call today to rese
734-4
PERSON OF THE WEEK
CARLA BRUNI
An Italian pop singer and supermodel, Bruni hit it big on Saturday by
tying the knot with twice-divorced French president Nicolas Sarkozy.
The couple met just three months ago, which makes their exorbi-
tant $125,000 Christmas gift exchange seem like a pathetic attempt
to legitimize the relationship. Given that Bruni's past flings include
Eric Clapton and Mick
Jagger, only a man with
Sarkozy's prodigious ego
IURT APARTMENTS would seem up to the task
Apartment Homes - of dating a woman who once
said monogamy was boring.
'oot Ranch Style! While the future of the two
te Entrance! lovebirds is uncertain, one
Patio! thing is for sure: Bruni cer-
ous Kitchen! tainly isn't helping Sarkozy's
onditioning! approval ratings. But how
Try Facilities! canyou blame the French?
gency Maintenance! When pictures surfaced of
Sarkozy and Bruni schmooz-
lcmhe! ing in public, it's hard to
~h, much more!imagine the French presi-
rve your new address! dent actually addressing any
971-2828 real problems - like France's
Equal Housing opportunity faltering economy.
Worst mport From Myspace:
.
When I first heard about the advent of Facebook applica-
tions, my immediate thought was, "God, it's turning into
MySpace." And when I finally saw the "Glitter Text" applica-
tion, I knew I was right. Why, why do you need to see your
name spelled out in flashing pink sparkles? Can'tyou just doo-
dle that on your notebook during biology and save all of our
eyes the strain?O Oh, and by the way, this is college, not sixth
grade.
r-f-
Least User Friendly:
The video application is emblematic of a larger problem with
applications as a whole. My friend posts a video. I click on it. Do I
want to add the video application to my profile? Do I want to give the
video application access to my personal info? Do I want to pledge a
donation of only 5 dollars to the "video application fund for needy
children"? No! I just want to watch the damn video. Perhaps there
wouldn't be such a divide between application havers and applica-
tion haters if they didn't ask so much of a person.
J
Most Self -concious:
"What do you really think of me?" That's the question every-
one wants know, but only some would actually solicit answers
for in an anonymous forum. There's really no better way to say,
"I'm insecure" than to add this application. Presumably, it's
anonymous when someone actually posts an answer, but I'm
sure as hell not going to risk my friend knowing it's me who
thinks he's "a loser with glaringly obvious self-esteem issues."
IMAGES COURTESY OF FACEBOOKC OM
SIMPIest.1
Give Ashley a hug? You have hugged Ashley. Aw, that
makes me:)