MW ,w ,w The Michigan Daily -- Wednesday, February 6, 2008 Wedneday, ebrury.6,20 :8 - e icign ai THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with KATE PEABODY A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one tol0. rule 78: Refrain from analyzing the latest enigmatic development on "Lost" in front of people who don't watch the show. rule 79: Ask yourself why you own a Mac but always go for the PC side of the Fishbowl. rule 80: Take every chance you can to use the presidential primaries and debates as reasons to procrastinate. - E-mail rule submissions to TheStatement@umich.edu SUPER BOWL SHAKE-UPS After months of waiting, Sunday finally came, delivering the best commercials of the year and, of course the Super Bowl. The undefeated New England Patriots held onto a small lead until the final minute ofthe game when the New York Giants scored the S winin touchdown. One of the bitgest surprises in football history; it's too bad the halftime show didn't follow suit. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers started with "American Girl" - who would have guessed? CALL THE LANDLORD Last week, there was a massive Internet outage across several countries. It came after damage to multiple undersea cables, and experts say it could be a week before the problem is completely corrected. Compare this to the chaos that ensues when a single 6 house's internet gees downfor afew hours, let alone the University's server. When CTools malfunctions, you can hear the cries of students across campus. It doesn't make us seem a bit fanatical, does it? DR. CLEO, GENETICIST AND PSYCHIC In a few short months, you will be able to purchase online genetic screening for certain mental illnesses. Simply send in a sample and you can learn if you have certain gene variants that might cause illnesses 6 like bipolar disorder. Next up, you will be able to purchase test results predicting your chances of being a millionaire, having attractive children and finding contentment at the end of your life. Just a bit of saliva and your credit card is all it takes to reveal your future! Scar ch MsAdtn Most AddiCti ng:w theADVENT oftFACEBOOK APPLI CATI ONS By PAUL TASSI AReview 3 2 IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME... Well, Hillary Clinton got a little emotional again. During a visit to Yale University, Hillary became teary- eyed when reminiscing about her days there. The story showed upsoonafter on several news outlets. If you kept track of every time someone shed a tear while conjuring up those sentimental images of the past, well you wouldn't have time to be reading this, would you? Soon we'll be taking bets on how many times Clinton will cry before the November election. SPRING BREAK WARNING Par those at you hitting the slopes inwutw weeks tar Spring Break, take heed. Two skiers went wissing this past weekend in Lake Tuhoe, hut were sutely foond and picked up by a helicopter on Monday- and these skiers were supposedly experts. Who knows, it could be you next. Then you'll wish you had given into the college masses and traveled to some warm paradise, where the worst that can happen is a bad hangover. t m pla for C Best Judge of Superiority Try to play Jetman for less than five minutes. It's impossible. What has quickly become the crack cocaine of Facebook applications, Jet-The New York Times s man is possibly the simplest game of all time, which makes it all the i r more infuriating. You fly alittle man (or banana or beer bottle) around with a jet pack, avoiding crashing into the ceiling, floor or blue rectan- Ina handful of questions aboutthe Times's coverage for the day, gular obstacles. Challenging your friends to see who can get the far- you can prove to your friends that you are, in fact, their intellectual thest is the most rewarding part of the game and you'll be surprised superior. Just make sure you do it alone in the dark, because we all how quickly time flies and your anger rises when attempting to beat know you cheat. your own high score. MICROSOFT TARGETS YAHOO Lust week. ticrosoft made an agressive bid for Yahoo!, which left Google scrambling to make a cowpetitive ofer. If t Microsoft acquires the Internet cowpany, it will control un even treater portion of the Internet world, sending many into a panic about the antitrust laws. The rest of the world, however, knows that nothing can stop Microsoft as they slowly take over. While we select a new president, Bill Gates laughs at our naivete. Most Creative: Best Way To Kill A Friendship: kC: = r This application was originally created for the sole purpose of allowing you to draw boobs or penises on your friend's wall. How- ever, some very creative kids have gotten a hold of it with their tablet notebooks and have created some of the most impressive MS Paint works of art to be seen. Can you have the Mona Lisa on your wall? Yes, if you have friends in the School of Art and Design with way too much time on their hands. No, I do not want to be a werewolf/zombie/ninja/pirate. No, I do not want to recruit my friends to be werewolves/zombies/ninjas/ pirates. No, I do not care if I recruit enough people to be the were- wolf/zombie/ninja/pirate King. Yes, I might cancel our Facebook friendship if I see one more werewolf/zombie/ninja/pirate invita- tion from you in my notifications. MEazineEditor:Jes aVgen Managing Editor:Gabe Nelson PhotoEditor:Shay Spaniola Junk Drawer: Brian Tengel the -. Designer:Hllary Ruffe Coverphoto: Max Collins and ShaySpanioa TELL US HOW TO LIVE. E-mail your own submissions for new rules on campus to TheStatement@umich.com RANDOLPH CO ~ S2 Bedroom Ground Fl Priva Spaci Air Cc Laund 24-Hour Emer Pets And mut Call today to rese 734-4 PERSON OF THE WEEK CARLA BRUNI An Italian pop singer and supermodel, Bruni hit it big on Saturday by tying the knot with twice-divorced French president Nicolas Sarkozy. The couple met just three months ago, which makes their exorbi- tant $125,000 Christmas gift exchange seem like a pathetic attempt to legitimize the relationship. Given that Bruni's past flings include Eric Clapton and Mick Jagger, only a man with Sarkozy's prodigious ego IURT APARTMENTS would seem up to the task Apartment Homes - of dating a woman who once said monogamy was boring. 'oot Ranch Style! While the future of the two te Entrance! lovebirds is uncertain, one Patio! thing is for sure: Bruni cer- ous Kitchen! tainly isn't helping Sarkozy's onditioning! approval ratings. But how Try Facilities! canyou blame the French? gency Maintenance! When pictures surfaced of Sarkozy and Bruni schmooz- lcmhe! ing in public, it's hard to ~h, much more!imagine the French presi- rve your new address! dent actually addressing any 971-2828 real problems - like France's Equal Housing opportunity faltering economy. Worst mport From Myspace: . When I first heard about the advent of Facebook applica- tions, my immediate thought was, "God, it's turning into MySpace." And when I finally saw the "Glitter Text" applica- tion, I knew I was right. Why, why do you need to see your name spelled out in flashing pink sparkles? Can'tyou just doo- dle that on your notebook during biology and save all of our eyes the strain?O Oh, and by the way, this is college, not sixth grade. r-f- Least User Friendly: The video application is emblematic of a larger problem with applications as a whole. My friend posts a video. I click on it. Do I want to add the video application to my profile? Do I want to give the video application access to my personal info? Do I want to pledge a donation of only 5 dollars to the "video application fund for needy children"? No! I just want to watch the damn video. Perhaps there wouldn't be such a divide between application havers and applica- tion haters if they didn't ask so much of a person. J Most Self -concious: "What do you really think of me?" That's the question every- one wants know, but only some would actually solicit answers for in an anonymous forum. There's really no better way to say, "I'm insecure" than to add this application. Presumably, it's anonymous when someone actually posts an answer, but I'm sure as hell not going to risk my friend knowing it's me who thinks he's "a loser with glaringly obvious self-esteem issues." IMAGES COURTESY OF FACEBOOKC OM SIMPIest.1 Give Ashley a hug? You have hugged Ashley. Aw, that makes me:)