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The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, October 24, 2007
WenedyOcoer24 007 h *Mcign5al
A TIP FOR DEVELOPING YOUR Terroir (tehr-wahr): The set of characteristics in
COCKTAIL PARTY VERNACULAR wine or coffee engendered by geographical origins.
THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GARY GRACA
A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one to10.
new neruies
rule 54:
Febreze is for
making sure
your parents
don't catch you
smoking pot. It
isn't a substi-
tute for laun-
dry. rule 55:
Double-sided
printing isn't
environmental
activism. rule
56: "Michigan
Beer Pong"
shirts are not
witty and never
have been.
- E-mail rule submissions to
TheStatement@umichedu
SEX ED
After seven students in its middle schools became
pregnant last year, a Maine school district voted to start
offering contraceptives to its middle school students.
This way, when pre-pubescent teenage boys pick their
dates up on their bikes, they can have a condom in their
Pokemon wallet. You know, just in case.
DISEASE IN AMERICA'S SCHOOLS
Whenseveral high schools across the country discovered
some of their students, particularly male athletes, were
infected with MRSA, ormethicillin-resistant"Staphylococcus
5 ~ aureus, manybegan introducing a new concept to theirmake
students: hygiene. Being on thelfootball team is pretty cool,
but not if you havea penicillin-resistant, flesh-eating infection.
ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE OF WINNING
Entered as a write-in candidate, 19-year-old Taras Nyko-
riak is running for mayor of Warren, Mich. Although he
is young, his list of accomplishments is short and he is
running against two veteran candidates, people say Ron
4 Paul has a chance at the presidency, so this kid must
have a chance at becoming Warren's mayor too - Hell
just has to freeze over first.
LONG-LOST COUSINS
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Presi-
dent Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have more
in common than anyone had ever guessed. It turns out,
they are all cousins. Having Bush as an 11th cousin and
Cheney as a ninth cousin once removed may be bad for
Obama's campaign, but it might be worse for Bush, who
can no longer hate black people.
EARMARKING WOODSTOCK
Democratic New York senators Hillary Clinton and
Charles Schumer failed last week to attach a $1 mil-
lion earmark toa health and education spending bill in
support of a Woodstock museum commemorating the
famous concert in1969.
Republicans just
weren't digging it,
man. E :,.
AN ENDLESS DEBATE
Although this may be news tojust about everyone, any
Republican debate was held Sunday. Just a guess, but all
of them want a bigger military funded with fewer taxes
by a smaller government that stays out of private lives
except for gay people, immigrants and anybody who
might be a terrorist.
PERSON OF THE WEEK
Magazine Edior: nne VandrdMey
Vosgercin
Editor in Chief: KcvlStampfl
Managing Editor: lrrnBloinn
Phnoo ditor:Emm
Cover Photo: ZacharyMeir
Designers:Brdgeti'Dnnerl, ie
venyelAlinGhamni
CLARENCE THOMAS
It is hard to put a price on something as prestigious as a degree from Yale Law
School, but the nation's first black Supreme Court justice reckons it's about 15
cents - because the school's affirmative action policies cheapened the
achievement, according to Thomas's new book. But he doesn't
stop with his alma mater. In a book that reads a little bit
like a hit list, Thomas settles scores with everyone
who he feels has wronged him. And the list is long. Of
course, Anita Hill aside, the arch conservative's real
nemesis is any law or social program passed after
1789. Watch out affirmative action, you're next.
MMM Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis?
I so, We Need Your Help at the Next
IBD Student Group Meeting.
Many students on and off campus manage
a full time student life and their Crohn's /
Colitis. We need STUDENTS to share their
experiences and ideas, as well as to
engage even more STUDENTS. Be a part
of someone's life or make a difference in
your own on Thursday, October 25th at
the next roup meeting!
Date: Thursday,
October 25th,
2007
time: 7-9 P.M.
Location:
MASON HALL
RM 3356
'etusknow youare
coming {& any qujestions)
RANDOLPH COURT APARTMENTS
~ 2 Bedroom Apartment Homes
Ground Floor Ranch Style!
Private Entrance!
Patio!
Spacious Kitchen!
Air conditioning!
Laundry Facilities!
24-Hour Emergency Maintenance!
Pets Welcome!
And much, much more!
Call today to reserve your new addressl
734-971"2828
Equal Housing Opportunity
Organized by Dr. Ellen Zimmermann, Email Alex:
Director of the University of aaubrey@umich.edu
Michigan's IBD ProgramOr
Free Food will be Provided for All!!! Just Show Up!
oz. of pre-sliced
Swiss cheese
oz. of pre-sliced
provolone cheese
Put this dish with some
canned Campbell's Tomato
Soup and call it a day.
Canada U1'
www.alberta-canada.com/ jobs