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THE MICHIGAN DAILY
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2007
Oscars
for the
masses
thought about writ-
ing this column about
why you should watch
the Oscars, since they have a
great significance in society as
a social com-
mentary on
the public's
changing tastes
on different
issues. After
staring at a
blank screen
for three hours,
I threw in the
towel PAUL
The Acad- TASSI
emy Awards
are either
somethingyou watch every year
or would never watch even if paid.
It's hard to convince the latter
viewer otherwise, since I don't
really know what to say to some-
one who's upset that "Pirates of
the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"
didn't get nominated for best
picture or that Josh Hartnett was
slighted for his performance in
"Lucky Number Slevin." I've been
forced to transform into some-
what of a film snob since I started
working at the Daily, so I'm not
supposed to relate to you. But I do,
I really do. Ina perfect world, I'd
be crying when Sylvester Stallone
raised his golden statue and yelled
incoherently after winning best
actor for "Rocky Balboa."
Sadly, we don't live in that
world, and the Oscars are all
about that very kind of snobbery,
which alienates the show from
the public. As demonstrated by
the program's diminishing ratings
each year, there's an increasingly
large gap between the Academy
and the general moviegoing
audience. The sad part is that
the event's inclination toward
snobbery turns off many people
to great films that mainstream
America dismisses almost imme-
diately. People assume the only
reason a film about gay cowboys
would be nominated is because of
the bleeding-heart liberals who
run Hollywood - not based on its
actual merit.
Granted, sometimes the
public's tastes do align with the
Academy's. "Return of the King"
delighted fanboys everywhere
when it swept the show in 2005,
and who can forget when "Titan-
ic" confirmed its place as the
absolute-best-movie-of-all-time-
ever-made when it won an record
11 Oscars to complement its $600
million box-office run. Ask any
true film snob about this "unfor-
tunate" situation of a fan favorite
winning, however, and you'll meet
with responses like "Seriously,
'Gladiator' was so melodramatic"
or "Without a doubt, 'Braveheart'
is the most overrated film of the
'90s." But hey, if these critics
didn't take themselves seriously,
who would?
This year's Oscars seem even
less exciting than previous years
because all of the major awards
seem predetermined. A fat-suit-
less Eddie Murphy will take best
supporting actor, and she's-a-
singer-not-an-actress Jennifer
Hudson will claim the supporting
actress award in a category oth-
erwise populated by a chubby 10-
year-old and a Japanese girl who
didn't talk for most of her movie.
A very loud Forrest Whittaker
will get top acting honors shafting
Peter O'Toole for the 47th time,
and Vegas-odds favorite Helen
Mirren will win best actress or I
will run through the Daily offices
naked next week. Scorsese will
win his lifetime achiev...I mean
best director award at long last,
and best picture should go to
either "United 93" or "Children of
Men." Wait, they weren't nomi-
nated? Oh, then I don't give a shit.
See TASSI, page 6B
Are you ready
for Hollywood's
n case you haven't noticed, the Oscars are kind
of a big deal in Hollywood. How big, exactly?
Think of it as prom for celebrities. Stay with me
here. Everyone gets dressed up in their finest and
tries to bring the hottest date possible, unless you're
a loser and end up with a family member. The stars
have already sat through Homecoming (the Golden
Globes) and even Snowcoming (the
SAG Awards) and now are ready for the
final act. Bsatr
Someone gets up on stage early on
and tells us to thank all the technical actressand
people that made this year possible director
(sound mixing, visual effects, cinema- Page 3B
tography, etc.) but no one really cares
about those geeks. We want to see
the pretty people. Soon the supporting norary
court is announced, a group of people Oscar
nominated because they were voted Page4B
class clown (Eddie Murphy), best per-
sonality (Jennifer Hudson), cutest smile
(Abigail Breslin) or best abs (Mark
Wahlberg). Bestof
Everyone's favorite teacher is honored the rest
for their years of service (Prof. Scors-
ese most likely) and finally Prom King
(best actor) and Queen (best actress)
are crowned. All the other nominees
pretend not to be furious, and though everyone knew
who was going to win from the start, they start circulat-
ing rumors throughout the room ("That Helen Mirren is
such a slut!").
The analogy falls apart at best picture, but you get the
drift. Prom was long and pretty annoying attimes, but
when it's over you'll look back and remember you had
a good time. The Oscars are the same: The amount
of fun you have will probably be directly propor-
tional to how much you drink, and ultimately
it'll be a good night of shallow entertain-
ment. Tune in Sunday at 8 p.m. to see
for yourself.
'Babel' an unlikely leader
By JEFFREY BLOOMER
ManagingEditor
This isn't going to be easy.
At oh, say, 11:17 p.m. this Sunday,
the 79th Annual Academy Awards
will be in its closing moments.
Helen Mirren will be beaming.
Jack Nicholson will be hitting on
a seat-filler. Peter O'Toole, if he's
managed to shuffle down the red
carpet, will be totally wasted.
And we'll be about to hear the
decision in the most hotly con-
tested best-picture race in at least
a decade - though whoever is
slated to open that final envelope
this year can hardly consider it
an honor. No matter which title is
read, a sizable fraction of the room
(and of the moviegoing public) will
be stunned, since no one seems to
be in any kind of agreement about
the five films nominated.
I can tell you exactly what's
wrong with each of them. "The
Queen" is so aggressively small
in scale that honoring it feels too
easy. "The Departed" falls apart in
the last half hour and could simul-
taneously stand to be a half hour
shorter. "Babel" is all ambition,
no follow-through. "Letters From
Iwo Jima" is Clint Eastwood coast- VERDICT
ing with his heavy new directorial
shtick, and "Little Miss Sunshine" NOMINEES
is the typical dysfunctional-fam-
ily-goes-on-a-road-trip movie with "Babel"
an identity crisis. "The Departed"
But that is the easy part. The "Letters from Iwo Jima"
hard part is finding what it is in "Little Miss Sunshine"
any of these movies that the Acad- "The Queen"
emy will feel compelled enough to
honor over the rest (not to mention
trying to imagine what compelled Will Win: Babel
the Academy to pick these five in Should Win: Letters from Iwo Jima
the first place).
I just can't believe in "The even the best studio campaigns
Departed," even if the polls say can't mask.
otherwise. Yes, it's probably Mar- This same objection applies
ty's year, but so what? The film's to "Little Miss Sunshine," but
early-fall raves were very much a beyond that obvious point, does
product of mixed expectations and anyone really think this movie is
the fact that it was released at the good enough to go all the way? It's
height of2006's cinematic drought. possible the Academy will simply
It's a terrific thriller with a mar- throw up its hands in the process of
quee cast and filmmaker behind differentiating between this pool of
it, but it's more a prestige release strong but mostlyunworthy movies
in theory than in execution. What and go with the easy choice. Butas
we're essentially talking about impressive as the loyalists for the
here is very well-endowed popcorn film really have been, this has to
movie, a thriller as sexily well- be it. "Little Miss Sunshine" is no
made and exciting as it is frivolous. one's idea of best picture, and if it
This is not "important" filmmak- wins, it will go down as one of the
ing, at least not in the way Academy
thinks of it, and that's something See BEST PICTURE, page 3B
Courtesy of Paramount Vantage
"Babel" might not be anyone's favorite movie of last year, but among this strange
crop of contenders, it might be the only possible choice.
~LIST
Feb. 22 to 25
The Daily Arts
guide to the
best upcom-
* ing events - it's
everywhere you
should be this
week and why.
The Zell Visiting Writers Series
brings published authors to the East
Quad Auditorium for public readings
of their works. Today at Sp. m., novel-
ist Marshall Klimasewiski will read
fiction excerpts. Expect a crowd of
creative writing students and RC reg-
ulars. Recent readings included Mary
Gaitskill, author of the 2005 novel
"Veronica," who read from a work in
progress. Like all others in the series,
tonight's reading is free.
I
An exploration of relationships
between artistic expression and the
marketplace takes form in an art
exhibition at the School of Art and
Design's gallery space, Work, on State
Street. "eBay a Day/Hiding in Plain
View" features work based on the
popular auction site, where the eBay
website itself - including the object
being sold, the seller's description and
bidders - is displayed as artwork. The
exhibit will run through March 2.
ON STAGE
Fresh off his 2006 Grammy win for
best large jazz ensemble with his Big
Band, bandleader/jazz bassist Dave
Holland returns to Ann Arbor tonight
at 8 p.m. One of the jazz world's best-
knownbass players, Holland has been
touring and recording since he start-
ed playing with Miles Davis's band
in the 1960s. Here's your chance to
check out the Dave Holland Octet and
Big Band at The Michigan Theater.
Tickets are $18-44.
AT THE PIG
DJs Brad Hales and Robert Wells
return to The Blind Pig tonight for
another night of their Ann Arbor Soul
Club series. It's only $5 ($8 if you're
under 21), so if you're unfamiliar with
Northern soul, drop by after 9:30
p.m. to kick off your Winter Break
with some quality jams. If indie rock
is more your bag, local darlings Sat-
urday Looks Good to Me will play
tomorrow night. Local songsmith
Chris Bathgate is set to open.
f
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