Continued from page 1 Despite
by the name of Nick used a simi- are also le
lar strategy to have sex in a library versity lar
cubicle. Disappointed with the turn- Univers
out of the Naked Mile in 2002, Nick coincident
and his girlfriend had sex on the ese sectio
sixth floor of the library, taping up before sh
a Michigan Daily newspaper on the the Big He
door window of the cubicle. By ent
"It was a little gross having my way" int
(girlfriend's) butt on the grimy desk, dropped t
but hey, sacrifices!" he said. line and n
Although the number of students endzone v
who have had sex in the library seems "I feel
to be few, a growing number of stu- lasting tot
dents hope to undertake the task. ence like
One Art and Design sophomore she said.'
said she wishes to one day have sex a home ga
in the library. "I have not had sex on TV an
in the library because, somehow, in the en
I don't really sleep with people at feel a fra
school, plus I think it takes a really knowing
the michigan daily
Dlvhi- Friday , Iniiarv 9'7. 9006 -7
lu IVII%,I nral1 vary -I I luay, iai iuary Z-1, Gvvu -
id of person to fuck in the
e the legendary status of
ate library, some students
ooking at other sacred Uni-
ndmarks to get laid.
sity alum Lindsay, who also
tly had sex in Vietnam-
n of the North stacks, said
e graduated she had sex in
ouse with her boyfriend.
tering through a "secret
o the stadium the two
heir pants on the 50-yard
nade their way to the North
where they "scored."
these experiences put a
uch on my college experi-
nothing else ever could,"
"Next time I am watching
ame of the Maize and Blue
d see our boys celebrating
dzone after scoring, I will
action of that excitement,
I had done the same."
Continued from page 1
NSR: Yeah, let's go with that, haha.
TMD: Do you ever talk trash to the
swimmers while your beating them?
NSR: No, not usually. Actually, hardly
TMD: Do they ever say anything to
NSR: Sometimes. If anything, it's more
TMD: Like "I can swim faster than
NSR: Yeah, like "I'll kick your butt."
TMD: Whoa! You should push him in
the pool. I was always a fan of winning
the race and then turning to them and
saying, "Tell your mom I said thanks."
What do you think of that one?
NSR: I don't think that would go over
too well. I'm probably a little more humble
TMD: Pete, did you ever play "Mike
Tyson's Punch Out!" when you were a
NSR: I played it a couple times. I was a
bigger fan of the Ninja Turtles game.
TMD: Who was your favorite Ninja
NSR: Probably Donatello.
TMD: Why's that?
NSR: He just seemed like ... I don't
know, haha. I liked his bow staff.
TMD: Haha, yes! His bow staff was
very cool. Why was Sensei a rat? Couldn't
he have been something better than that?
NSR: I was wondering that myself.
Sometimes I think about it before I go to
bed, but I just can't figure it out.
TMD: So that's what you do before you
go to bed? You don't like watch TV?
NSR: No, I just think about that.
TMD: Haha, cool. Do you think you
NSR: Probably not. I'd say I scare more
girls away than anything else.
TMD: Haha, all right. Well that's all
Continued from page 1
imperceptibly begun to shift the onus of
blame for the public health crisis to the
local party store where the questionable
- and cheap - alcohol was purchased.
As she counseled her stricken co-work-
ers to drink flat Sprite and ginger ale
Monday evening, she wondered out loud
if salmonella-tainted ale might be the
source of so much human anguish.
A news editor who wished to remain
anonymous because he is the author of
this article suggested that the kegs used
to hold the beer may have formerly
served as storage containers for chicken
meat and other poultry products.
Botulism was swiftly dismissed as
the possible cause of the outbreak, as
was an ailment that causes chronic,
often fatal, diarrhea - cholera.
"This isn't Oregon Trail," Pesick
asserted, referring to the popular com-
puter game of the early 1990's in which
God frequently died after contracting a
long-since eradicated scourge such as
yellow fever or typhus.
Pesick suggested his own hypothesis
- that the symptoms were malarial, the
lack of a tropical climate and the virtual
absence of the disease in wealthy indus-
trialized nations be damned. Further
tests need to be conducted to determine
whether Daily staffers who are carriers
of the sickle-cell gene felt the symptoms
Indeed, much of the efforts of Go,
Pesick and other concerned parties cen-
tered on diagnosis, with many insisting
stool samples be gathered from one or
more of the ill individuals.
Whatever the cause, roommates and
co-workers Michael Kan, news editor,
and Karl "Hot Karl" Stampfl, incoming
MNE, expressed relief at their decision
not to attend Go's party.
"I can't quit you," said Kan of Stamp-
fl, who decided to room with the saga-
cious editor of the science page after
spending a summer sheepherding with
Kan in Wyoming.
The epidemic has cast a formidable
shadow over tonight's celebrations, a
final hurrah for departing seniors and
an opportunity for the veteran college
journalists to use all their skills and
powers to create an enduring and pain-
fully brilliant document of their preco-
ciousness and utter professionalism in
The outbreak comes when the col-
lective wounds from recent trauma in
the community - Fresard's mugging,
news editor Anne Joling's stabbing,
the loss of former news editor Andrew
Kaplan's house in a fire, the harass-
ment of Go by a peeping tom and the
breakup of news editor Jameel Naq-
vi's relationship with his high school
sweetheart - were just beginning to
be obscured by the superficial growth
of scar tissue.
Go released a statement to the Daily
that appears to be calculated to avoid
legal entanglements: "Beginning on
the evening of Saturday, Jan. 21, 2006,
a series of unfortunate events unfolded.
To the dozens who were infected at my
house, I sincerely apologize for any suf-
fering I may have caused. Please don't
- Cairo Bureau Chief Jonathan
Stichowski contributed to this report.
THESIS EDITING. LANGUAGE, organiza-
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WRITING TUTOR/EDITOR, RETIRED
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SUMMER COUNSELORS WANTED
Counselors needed for our student travel and
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Now hiring students for summer Positions
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by 5:00pm, February 10th and are available
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WOMEN NEEDED FOR research study:
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derweight due to dieting, missing menstrual
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IN THEATERS FEBRUARY 3RD
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Celebration of UM Composers
Albright, Bassett, Bolcom, Chambers, Daugherty, & Wilson
TREE CITY PROPERTIES
Houses Available 2006
1102Prospect $4000 May'06
407 Hamilton $3200 Fall'06
1219 Packard $1650 Fall'06
506 S.Fifth ave $1250 Fall'06
Check website for more houses & apartments!
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SPEND THE SUMMER ON THE LAKE!
Camp Robindel is looking for mature, high
energy, fun loving staff to teach & supervise
children for the summer (June 14-Aug. 13)
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We will pay for your transportation, stipend,
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SPEND YOUR SUMMER IN A
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If you're looking to spend this summer out-
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For Friday, Jan. 27, 2006
(March 21 to April 19)
You can definitely promote your good
name today. Bosses, parents and author-
ity figures will give you support. Accept
what is offered. Others can help you
(April 20 to May 20)
Make plans with someone to travel
somewhere for pleasure. Something
exciting awaits you. Publishing and edu-
cational adventures are also promising.
(May 21 to June 20)
This is a great day at work. The
resources and help or assistance that you
need from others will be there for you -
supplies, staff, permission, approval, the
(June 21 to July 22)
This is a marvelous day to talk to part-
ners, close friends and members of the
general public. Unexpected flirtations
could take place. You're in a party
(July 23 to Aug. 22)
You feel playful, friendly and yet
ready to work. Co-workers are coopera-
tive. This is also a good day to make
where you work look more attractive.
(Aug 2' to Sent .22)
be cozier. This is also a good day for real
(Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
You're a real smooth talker today! You
can charm the birds off the trees.
Diplomacy and tact come naturally now.
Relations with siblings are warm.
(Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
This is an excellent day for business
and commerce. It's also a good day for
shopping. All financial transactions can
bring you profit or value.
(Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Fair Venus is in your sign now, and
today it makes a lovely aspect to lucky
Jupiter. This makes you feel joyful, pop-
ular and appreciated by others.
(Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
Your reputation with important people
looks good today. Go after what you
want. Don't be afraid to speak up. It's
easy to earn respect.
(Feb. 19 to March 20)
What a popular day for you! Travel
opportunities and chances to talk to peo-
ple from different backgrounds are pos-
sible. What is certain is that you'll enjoy
relating to others today. Put on your best
YOU BORN TODAY You're bright
and intellisent- this makes von a fast
Campus 2 and 3 bedroom apartments
Furnished and reasonably priced
Call 734.668.1100 or stop
in at 625 Church St.