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January 27, 2006 - Image 1

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The Michigan Daily, 2006-01-27

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One-hundredffteen years of editorialfreedom

Friday,January 27, 2006

www.mw/ziandaily.com Ann Arbor, Michigan Vol. CXVI, No. 62 62006 The Michigan Daily

Students like sex

U Especially in the
graduate library
By Kan ShE Jieh
Ultimate News Editor
It was nearly 2:30 a.m. and Christophe couldn't
turn down the offer - sex in the graduate
And oddly enough he and his boyfriend had
protection on hand.
"The execution was quite rousing and zestful,"
said Christophe, a University alum who did not
wish to use his last name.
Yes, it's true. Students indeed get laid in the
Harlan Hatcher Graduate Library. From the
stairwell to the stacks, from intercourse to giv-
ing head, and from gay sex to just heterosexual
intercourse, to the elite few, the graduate library
is not just a haven for studying, but a sanctuary of
sexual passions.
Christophe, who had sex in the stairwell at the
graduate library in April 2004, said he and his
then boyfriend never planned to embark on the
intimate experience. But because he had only one
year left at the University, he thought why not.
"As for the caliber of the intercourse and
orgasm, initially I was tense and quite commoved
by paranoia, but it quickly shifted to good old car-
nal nature," he said.
Brenda Johnson, associate University librarian
said, she believes sex in the alleged erotic library
does not occur on a regular basis.
"Sure, it's probably happened in the past, but it
may be as much of an urban legend as a reality. So,
we don't believe it is a problem," she said.
But urban legend it is not. With study cubicles
lined across the walls and countless corridors
between bookshelves, students who have had sex
in the graduate library say it's ripe for the taking.
They add that it's their most memorable extra-
curricular activity at the University. Some even
said they had planned on doing it since they first
heard about the tradition, now fully satisfied with


Two students. Doing it.
their accomplishment.
But how good is it?
An LSA sophomore named Amanda, who
ended up having sex in the library with her boy-
friend, said they had nowhere else to be intimate
because both had roommates at tlb time.
"It wasn't that good because it's hard to find
a comfortable position and you have to be really

quiet. I think half the lure is the opportunity to get
caught," she said.
But former Daily Sports writer Josh Holmon
who had sex in the Vietnamese section of the
North Stacks said, "It was fantastic."
"Quiet, but good," said an LSA senior who
went by the alias Horatio.
And according to the students, it's not very

hard to do either.
"Just close the blinds of a little study room
and put a jacket on the window of the door or be
less discrete and do it in the isle, he said. "No
one cares, and no one is sitting there waiting for
someone to have sex."
A former University student who wished to go

Daily succumbs
to evil erms

wants Aggro-Crag

By Doug Womert
Daily Hot Stuff

*21 staffers
report stomach
flu-like symptoms
after party
By Jamaster
Anne VanderMey Lover
A seemingly innocuous visit to a typ-
ical college house party last Saturday
landed an Art and Design sophomore
in the emergency room and left an LSA
senior and aspiring medical student
clinging to life on an intravenous drip.
The culprit - not GHB, not Spanish
Fly, not even alcohol poisoning - but
something altogether more insidious:
an unidentified ailment that is behind
an epidemic threatening to create an
evolutionary bottleneck among jour-
nalists on campus, excluding those who
aspire to careers in broadcasting.
The toll of stricken Michigan Daily
staffers has climbed to a sobering 21
- an ironic commentary on the wages
of sin.
Departing Managing Editor Alison
Go created a Facebook group titled
"1355 Wilmot Court Got Me Sick" to
commiserate with each other over their
shared suffering.
Not even the Politburo of the Daily
was insulated from the ravages of one
of nature's cruelest and most ingenious
population control mechanisms: Edi-
tor in Chief-elect Donn M. Fresard,
departing Editorial Page Editor Suhael

of her condition, not a disorienting diz-
ziness but a strange identification with
the voluptuous Kim Novak's character
in the 1958 Hitchcock classic.
Even the University has recognized
the gravity of the situation, e-mail-
ing affected students and requesting
that they complete a six-page survey,
the "Michigan Gastrointestinal Illness
Complaint Interview Form"
The afflicted Daily employees (used
in a loose sense that includes persons
paid vastly under minimum wage) all
have one thing in common - they
all attended Go's party at her Wilmot
Court house.
Departing Managing News Editor
Farayha Arrine could not attend the
party because she had a prior commit-
ment - the Grauman's. Chinese The-
atre premiere of "Looking for Comedy
in the Muslim World," in which Arrine
stars as the coy and beautiful love
interest of neurotic funnyman Albert
Brooks, who sadly passed away one
week ago, according to Wikipedia.
Partygoers described the house that
night as squalid and hot.
Incoming ME Ashley Dinges
recalled, and Go confirmed, that the
floor of Go's bathroom was soiled with
(presumably) human feces, fueling
speculation that E. coli was the villain.
Go undermined these hypotheses
when she noted that she herself had
used the same facilities that night and
had not exhibited the afflicted individu-
als' symptoms, which seem to be asso-
ciated with the stomach flu - stomach
pains, high fever and vomiting.
This last manifestation was given poi-

Two "broz" prepare to contract bird flu over a friendly game of Beirut.

decided to treat his driver to a repeat
performance. The bag was selected by
departing EIC Jason Z. Pesick, who
overruled initial selections of first paper
grocery bags, then plastic ones.
"I think this is sturdier," he said.
"Plastic has the additional advantage
of lacking pores," commented an exotic
and handsome bystander, whose enig-
matic aura was augmented by his deci-
sion to remain anonymous, in reference
to the merits of plastic over paper.
Editorial reservist Pesick was called
to active duty after the sudden onset of
Fresard's illness. Pesick recalled that
on arriving at the Student Publications
Building, his successor as the most
widely reviled journalist on campus had
undergone a Kafkaesque metamorpho-
sis - not because Fresard genuinely

the plague," added Momin, who also
recovered within 24 hours.
"Dr." Momin was not the only mem-
ber of the editorial page staff to con-
tract the mysterious illness. The lovely
incoming Co-EPE Emily Beam also
fell ill after attending Go's bash.
"It felt like little animals were nib-
bling away at my stomach" Beam said.
As of press time, the Daily had not
yet determined whether Beam had
transmitted the disease to her boyfriend
and co-EPE Christopher Zbrozek.
Departing Statement Editor Doug
Wernert, every bit as reflective as his
picture in the weekly magazine would
seem to indicate, speculated that the
inclusion of Detroit backup center Dale
Davis on the Pistons' injury list during
their 106-102 overtime victory against

Not-So-Random: Hello?
The Michigan Daily: Hi, may I speak
with Pete Vanderkaay, please?
NSR: Yes, this is him
TMD: Hi, Pete, I'm calling from The
Michigan Daily and you've been selected
to do the Nor-So-Random Student Inter-
view. Are you up for it?
NSR: I think so.
TMD: Cool. Do you even know what
the Random Student Interview is?
NSR: Yes.
TMD: OK, good. See, the whole point
of us calling you Pete, is we wanted some-
body who everyone on campus knew and
who everyone liked.
NSR: Oh, thank you.
TMD: Unfortunately, Chad Henne
was not available, so you were our second
choice. I'm kidding of course.
NSR: Hahaha.
TMD: So how's it going?
NSR: It's going all right.
TMD: So where's the gold medal? I
gotta know.
NSR: It's in my room.
TMD: Did you like shine it up?
NSR: No, it's actually in a sock in my
TMD: You put it in a sock?
NSR: Yeah.
TMD: Why? Isn't that a little ... don't
you want to show that thing off?
NSR: No, I don't usually take it out much,
but the case I got for it kind of scratches it
up, so I went with the sock as a backup.
TMD: Does anybody compare you to
WWE wrestler Kurt Angle who won a gold
medal in 1996?
NSR: No, I can't say I've had that com-

NSR: Chuck Norris is a pretty sweet
actor. I'm a big fan of his TV show "Walk-
er, Texas Ranger."
TMD: We all are, Pete. Trust me. Do
you think you could take him in a fight?
NSR: Doubtful.
TMD: What does he have that makes
him so good?
NSR: The roundhouse kick.
TMD: And he works out on the Total
Gym. Have you seen that?
NSR: I wouldn't want to mess with that.
TMD: Definitely not. If you weren't
a swimmer, Pete, what do you think you
would be doing?
NSR: I probably wouldn't be doing any-
thing. I'm not that great at land sports.
TMD: What if we incorporate your
swimming and had you like wrestle an alli-
gator. Would you be good at that?
NSR: Haha, I'm also doubtful about
that. That might be more of a job for Chuck
- TMD: When you were young, did you
ever watch GUTS or Double Dare?
NSR: Yeah.
TMD: Did you ever want to be on those
NSR: Yeah, I always wanted a piece of
the Aggro-Crag.
TMD: Yes,the Aggro-Crag. What about
the Super Aggro-Crag or the Mega-Crag?
NSR: Yes, those too.
TMD: That would be a cool thing to
have. So say you had the Aggro-Crag and a
gold medal. Would you put the Aggro-Crag
in a really big sock or would you just put it
in a nicer place?
NSR: I think if I had the Aggro-Crag,
I'd probably flaunt it a lot more.
TMD: Were you a fan of Mo, the female

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