DAILY ARTS PUTS OUT ONE LAST TIME ... ARTS, PAGE 2 HALFTIME COVERAGE AT WOMEN'S HOOPS ... SPORTS, PAGE 3 FROM THE DAILY: Ex-LEFTISTS FIND GOD, MOVE RIGHT ... OPINION, PAGE 4 WE'RE FINISHED, AND WE'RE GETTING MUSHY ABOUT IT ... SENIOR GOODBYES, PAGE 5 ..S4" "{. V "-:, "1 One-hundredffteen years of editorialfreedom Friday,January 27, 2006 www.mw/ziandaily.com Ann Arbor, Michigan Vol. CXVI, No. 62 62006 The Michigan Daily Students like sex U Especially in the graduate library By Kan ShE Jieh Ultimate News Editor It was nearly 2:30 a.m. and Christophe couldn't turn down the offer - sex in the graduate library. And oddly enough he and his boyfriend had protection on hand. "The execution was quite rousing and zestful," said Christophe, a University alum who did not wish to use his last name. Yes, it's true. Students indeed get laid in the Harlan Hatcher Graduate Library. From the stairwell to the stacks, from intercourse to giv- ing head, and from gay sex to just heterosexual intercourse, to the elite few, the graduate library is not just a haven for studying, but a sanctuary of sexual passions. Christophe, who had sex in the stairwell at the graduate library in April 2004, said he and his then boyfriend never planned to embark on the intimate experience. But because he had only one year left at the University, he thought why not. "As for the caliber of the intercourse and orgasm, initially I was tense and quite commoved by paranoia, but it quickly shifted to good old car- nal nature," he said. Brenda Johnson, associate University librarian said, she believes sex in the alleged erotic library does not occur on a regular basis. "Sure, it's probably happened in the past, but it may be as much of an urban legend as a reality. So, we don't believe it is a problem," she said. But urban legend it is not. With study cubicles lined across the walls and countless corridors between bookshelves, students who have had sex in the graduate library say it's ripe for the taking. They add that it's their most memorable extra- curricular activity at the University. Some even said they had planned on doing it since they first heard about the tradition, now fully satisfied with PEEPING THOM/Daily Two students. Doing it. their accomplishment. But how good is it? An LSA sophomore named Amanda, who ended up having sex in the library with her boy- friend, said they had nowhere else to be intimate because both had roommates at tlb time. "It wasn't that good because it's hard to find a comfortable position and you have to be really quiet. I think half the lure is the opportunity to get caught," she said. But former Daily Sports writer Josh Holmon who had sex in the Vietnamese section of the North Stacks said, "It was fantastic." "Quiet, but good," said an LSA senior who went by the alias Horatio. And according to the students, it's not very hard to do either. "Just close the blinds of a little study room and put a jacket on the window of the door or be less discrete and do it in the isle, he said. "No one cares, and no one is sitting there waiting for someone to have sex." A former University student who wished to go See EROTIC LIBRARY, page 7 Daily succumbs to evil erms Not-So-Random wants Aggro-Crag By Doug Womert Daily Hot Stuff *21 staffers report stomach flu-like symptoms after party By Jamaster Anne VanderMey Lover A seemingly innocuous visit to a typ- ical college house party last Saturday landed an Art and Design sophomore in the emergency room and left an LSA senior and aspiring medical student clinging to life on an intravenous drip. The culprit - not GHB, not Spanish Fly, not even alcohol poisoning - but something altogether more insidious: an unidentified ailment that is behind an epidemic threatening to create an evolutionary bottleneck among jour- nalists on campus, excluding those who aspire to careers in broadcasting. The toll of stricken Michigan Daily staffers has climbed to a sobering 21 - an ironic commentary on the wages of sin. Departing Managing Editor Alison Go created a Facebook group titled "1355 Wilmot Court Got Me Sick" to commiserate with each other over their shared suffering. Not even the Politburo of the Daily was insulated from the ravages of one of nature's cruelest and most ingenious population control mechanisms: Edi- tor in Chief-elect Donn M. Fresard, departing Editorial Page Editor Suhael of her condition, not a disorienting diz- ziness but a strange identification with the voluptuous Kim Novak's character in the 1958 Hitchcock classic. Even the University has recognized the gravity of the situation, e-mail- ing affected students and requesting that they complete a six-page survey, the "Michigan Gastrointestinal Illness Complaint Interview Form" The afflicted Daily employees (used in a loose sense that includes persons paid vastly under minimum wage) all have one thing in common - they all attended Go's party at her Wilmot Court house. Departing Managing News Editor Farayha Arrine could not attend the party because she had a prior commit- ment - the Grauman's. Chinese The- atre premiere of "Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World," in which Arrine stars as the coy and beautiful love interest of neurotic funnyman Albert Brooks, who sadly passed away one week ago, according to Wikipedia. Partygoers described the house that night as squalid and hot. Incoming ME Ashley Dinges recalled, and Go confirmed, that the floor of Go's bathroom was soiled with (presumably) human feces, fueling speculation that E. coli was the villain. Go undermined these hypotheses when she noted that she herself had used the same facilities that night and had not exhibited the afflicted individu- als' symptoms, which seem to be asso- ciated with the stomach flu - stomach pains, high fever and vomiting. This last manifestation was given poi- COURTESY OF JESS EVANS Two "broz" prepare to contract bird flu over a friendly game of Beirut. decided to treat his driver to a repeat performance. The bag was selected by departing EIC Jason Z. Pesick, who overruled initial selections of first paper grocery bags, then plastic ones. "I think this is sturdier," he said. "Plastic has the additional advantage of lacking pores," commented an exotic and handsome bystander, whose enig- matic aura was augmented by his deci- sion to remain anonymous, in reference to the merits of plastic over paper. Editorial reservist Pesick was called to active duty after the sudden onset of Fresard's illness. Pesick recalled that on arriving at the Student Publications Building, his successor as the most widely reviled journalist on campus had undergone a Kafkaesque metamorpho- sis - not because Fresard genuinely the plague," added Momin, who also recovered within 24 hours. "Dr." Momin was not the only mem- ber of the editorial page staff to con- tract the mysterious illness. The lovely incoming Co-EPE Emily Beam also fell ill after attending Go's bash. "It felt like little animals were nib- bling away at my stomach" Beam said. As of press time, the Daily had not yet determined whether Beam had transmitted the disease to her boyfriend and co-EPE Christopher Zbrozek. Departing Statement Editor Doug Wernert, every bit as reflective as his picture in the weekly magazine would seem to indicate, speculated that the inclusion of Detroit backup center Dale Davis on the Pistons' injury list during their 106-102 overtime victory against Not-So-Random: Hello? The Michigan Daily: Hi, may I speak with Pete Vanderkaay, please? NSR: Yes, this is him TMD: Hi, Pete, I'm calling from The Michigan Daily and you've been selected to do the Nor-So-Random Student Inter- view. Are you up for it? NSR: I think so. TMD: Cool. Do you even know what the Random Student Interview is? NSR: Yes. TMD: OK, good. See, the whole point of us calling you Pete, is we wanted some- body who everyone on campus knew and who everyone liked. NSR: Oh, thank you. TMD: Unfortunately, Chad Henne was not available, so you were our second choice. I'm kidding of course. NSR: Hahaha. TMD: So how's it going? NSR: It's going all right. TMD: So where's the gold medal? I gotta know. NSR: It's in my room. TMD: Did you like shine it up? NSR: No, it's actually in a sock in my desk. TMD: You put it in a sock? NSR: Yeah. TMD: Why? Isn't that a little ... don't you want to show that thing off? NSR: No, I don't usually take it out much, but the case I got for it kind of scratches it up, so I went with the sock as a backup. TMD: Does anybody compare you to WWE wrestler Kurt Angle who won a gold medal in 1996? NSR: No, I can't say I've had that com- Norris? NSR: Chuck Norris is a pretty sweet actor. I'm a big fan of his TV show "Walk- er, Texas Ranger." TMD: We all are, Pete. Trust me. Do you think you could take him in a fight? NSR: Doubtful. TMD: What does he have that makes him so good? NSR: The roundhouse kick. TMD: And he works out on the Total Gym. Have you seen that? NSR: I wouldn't want to mess with that. TMD: Definitely not. If you weren't a swimmer, Pete, what do you think you would be doing? NSR: I probably wouldn't be doing any- thing. I'm not that great at land sports. TMD: What if we incorporate your swimming and had you like wrestle an alli- gator. Would you be good at that? NSR: Haha, I'm also doubtful about that. That might be more of a job for Chuck Norris. - TMD: When you were young, did you ever watch GUTS or Double Dare? NSR: Yeah. TMD: Did you ever want to be on those shows? NSR: Yeah, I always wanted a piece of the Aggro-Crag. TMD: Yes,the Aggro-Crag. What about the Super Aggro-Crag or the Mega-Crag? NSR: Yes, those too. TMD: That would be a cool thing to have. So say you had the Aggro-Crag and a gold medal. Would you put the Aggro-Crag in a really big sock or would you just put it in a nicer place? NSR: I think if I had the Aggro-Crag, I'd probably flaunt it a lot more. TMD: Were you a fan of Mo, the female announcer?