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The Michigan Dal,
thecapriciouslifeIwith Adam Burns
GOING FOR A SWIM
Ladies night can make the 14th fun
My friend and mentor Johnny
Lee once overheard a per-
son say seven times in the
same sentence that they were going
to the Fishbowl. Seven times! They
were obviously excited to show off
their campus lingo because one sim-
ply does not mention something seven
times in a sentence if they are not
excited. I'm an English major. I know
the rules. What was truly astounding
about the statement was that the per-
son was actually excited about going
to the Fishbowl, and that is not some-
thing to be excited about.
Supposedly, the Fishbowl is a place
of huge glass windows that give it its
fish bowl appearance which also hous-
es a seemingly endless array of com-
puters. A visit to the site, however, will
reveal that the glass windows, sadly,
are only on one side of the lab. This
makes it more of a fish tank than a fish
bowl. The visit will also reveal that the
computers do indeed end. Trying to
get an open computer at the Fishbowl
can be very complicated in that it's all
based on luck.
Most students don't understand the
importance of luck and think that it
takes a special skill to secure a com-
puter. Therefore, they use a surefire
technique to make sure that they get
the first available computer.
Some students chose to stake out a
specific computer. It may mean pitch-
ing a tent, phoning out for supplies or
marking their territory like a dog, but
once they are waiting for that com-
puter, they are not leaving. If President
Bush called and requested their servic-
es in the interest of national security,
they would certainly accept - but only
if the work could be done online and
could wait until they got the computer
they were waiting for. These people are
typically very angry. I'm not sure why
this is, but I have a very strong feeling
that it has something to do with people
like me that usurp the computers they
are waiting for.
I'm one that likes to randomly wan-
der throughout the Fishbowl, knowing
divine intervention or stealing one from
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someone who is waiting is my best shot
at getting a computer. There have been
many times when I swooped in and
swiped a computer from someone who
was waiting for it. In my defense, I did
not realize they were waiting because
they had been pretending to read a
book for the past hour, which appar-
ently makes them look less conspicu-
ous for the crime they feel they are
committing: waiting for a computer to
open up.
The drawback to roving around the
Fishbowl is that you all too often see that
familiar blue login screen from across
the way and zoom to it, kicking over
several backpacks and people waiting
for the printer in the process - only to
see it adorned with an out-of-order sign.
Sometimes, the sign is not yet up, so sev-
eral idiots try desperately to login, only
to have the computer deny them each
time. This occurs much to the delight of
those seated at computers nearby, who
bear a look of "I have a computer and
you don't." Their condescension does
not help matters when you rise from the
chair, already defeated, and see a lucky
student back across the way secure the
computer you had been waiting for.
Roaming around the Fishbowl is also a
great strategy because it gives me ample
chance to glare at each and every one of
the people who are playing games and
talking on the Instant Messenger. I want
nothing more than to scream at some-
one to stop playing Texas Hold 'Em so
that I can get on the computer they are
using and start playing online euchre.
The crucial issue with the conges-
tion of the Fishbowl is printing. When
I learned that the new printer I pur-
chased held approximately a thimble's
worth of ink, I knew that I was going
to have to use my ITCS-allotted 400
pages to print. I've headed out to the
Fishbowl ten minutes before class with
the intention of printing the assign-
ment and turning it in. This, of course,
never works. Not only do I have to go
through the trouble of locating a com-
puter, I have to make sure that I'm
printing to the Angell Hall printer and
not to the magical Zilch printer, which
apparently holds less than a thimble of
ink and cannot be used except in emer-
gencies. I've probably spent a length of
time equal to half my junior year wait-
ing for papers that were never coming
because I sent them to the Zilch printer.
The other half was spent trying to get
another computer, since people always
took over mine as I waited for hours by
the printer.
With all the problems that ensue, it
may be obvious that we should all fre-
quent the Union or the UGLI or wherev-
er the cool kids go for their computing
needs. But it's obvious to me that we
should keep heading to Angell Hall,
just so we can say Fishbowl.
Adam will be spending his Valen-
tine's Day trying to fix a paper jam on
printer four at the Fishbowl. Thank him
for his efforts at burnsaj@umich.edu.
By Bernie Nguyen
Daily Books Editor
Valentine's Day presents a conun-
drum for those who are single women.
With every gift shop, TV show and
radio station promoting the glories
of couple-hood, what's left for unat-
tached women?
Girls' Night Out is the solution to
a dreary Valentine's Day that would
otherwise be spent goofing off and
studying.
There is no better way to defy the
culture that sends out such negative
messages for singles on a day that
- even though is meant to com-
memorate the bloody death of Saint
Valentine in 269 A.D. - celebrates
the joys of having a mate.
So the ladies are gathered, the boys
are nowhere to be found, "Indepen-
dent Woman" by Destiny's Child is
playing in the background and now
it's time to have some fun. It's imper-
ative to do something that everyone
- whether single or taken - enjoys.
Dinner with the girls
The standard staple of most Valen-
tine's evening plans, dinner out with
a bunch of your friends is a sure-fire
way to have a great time. Plenty of
restaurants on campus have great
atmospheres suitable for a fun, fancy-
free meal.
Instead of just going out to dinner,
spice things up a little bit. Go to a
tapas restaurant and share your meal
with the girls or go to a different res-
taurants for each part of the meal.
Though the pricier places should
probably be avoided since they take
Valentine's Day reservations, more
casual restaurants such as Cottage
Inn, Pizza House, and Good Time
Charley's most likely will be recep-
tive to larger parties without reser-
vations.
If dinner out doesn't work for
everyone, cook at home. Fondue is
always a popular choice or have each
girl bring their favorite dish and be
ready to pig out.
Seeing a movie
Just because there's no one to make
out with in the back of the theater
doesn't mean you can't see a good
romantic film. The best thing about
a movie is that there are two theaters
right on campus, you won't have to
worry about reservations and you
have several film options to choose
from.
If neither of these options sound
appealing (or if you want to avoid the
sight of cuddly couples altogether), a
private party is the way to go. There
are numerous ways to have a great
time without ever leaving the comfort
of your own home.
If you choose to stay in, watch a
marathon of movies with a favorite
actress or watch an entire season of
"Sex and the City" and talk about
boys all night. Either way, as long
as the gossip is flowing, the night
promises to be fun for all.
Slumber Party
ARE YOU FROM JAMAICA?
BECAUSE JAMAICAN US GO CRAZY!
WEEKEND MAGAZINE
This flashback to the middle school
parties of our girlhood is a fantastic
way to strengthen friendships, revisit
your childhood and have a fabulous
time in the process.
Cute pajamas, junk food and pizza,
scary movies, home makeovers and
truth or dare - keep the tradition
alive!
Dessert Party
Choose a theme and a place. Deck
it out with nice dishes and silverware,
candles and music, and then invite all
your girlfriends to bring over a des-
sert dish and have a sugary version
of potluck. Cheesecake, cookies,
brownies - is there any better way
to celebrate being single than with
chocolate and your best friends? If
you're looking for an excuse to dress
up and feel wonderful, this is the way
to do it.
Sex Toy Party
For those of us looking for meth-
ods of gratification other than simply
chocolate, a sex toy party can provide
enough scandalous fun to keep an
girl happy even (and especially) if sh
is single.
The Safe Sex Store on South Uni
versity Avenue has arrangement
that can be made for a sex toy part
that is a much more titillating ver
sion of your average Tupperwar
bash. There's no better way to be
happy and proud single woman thar
to be comfortably satisfied in you
own sexuality.
All of the above suggestions can
and should be, tweaked and com
bined to fit the personalities of th
girls present.
Don't hesitate to combine desser
with a movie or to theme your slum
ber party so that everyone arrives in
a bikini.
The point of a Girls' Night Out is to
induce happiness and pride in a life
style that may not presently include a
significant other. Valentine's Day can
be just as happy, and sometimes more
so, when you spend it with your bes
girlfriends.
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