ARTS
RAQUEL LANERI
The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition - Fall 2004 - 5D
Guys: four fashion faux pas to avoid
September 11, 2003
By Ellen McGarrity
Daily Staff Writer
Say good-bye
November 11, 2003 -
erusing the pages of Nylon Maga-
zine, the "indie Vogue'" I stumbled
upon "Tracking a Trend," an article
about the sweatsuit's rise up the fashion
ladder. Immediately, I felt my heart sink.
Am I the only person left in the world still
desperately clinging to the notion of Holly-
wood glamour? Who feels a sense of nos-
talgia for the days of Audrey Hepburn and
Grace Kelly?
Not that I expect stars to dress in chic
black dresses and long white gloves all the
time. The casual look has the capacity to
exude glamour as well - Gwyneth Pal-
trow looks simply elegant in bootcut jeans
and a fitted, button-down shirt, while in the
'60s, Mick Jagger personified glam with
his tight, striped pants and tiny T-shirts. But
no one - no one - looks glamorous or
cutting-edge in a sweatsuit. It is one trend
celebrities have embraced that I absolutely
cannot forgive.
Why the aversion to sweatsuits? Well,
it's not so much an aversion; I admire peo-
ple who go out in public with track pants
and no makeup. My life would be a lot
easier, or at least I would be on time for
class, if I didn't blow dry my hair or
change my outfit several times in the
morning.
to Hollywood glamour
Ijust have a problem with people who
straighten their hair with an iron, paint
their faces with an array of colors and take
the time to put on matching jewelry (oh,
and let's not forget the obligatory designer
bag), only to put on sweatpants! I mean,
why bother?
I blame J-Lo. Sure, hip-hop and rap
celebrities were sporting tracksuits long
before J-Lo, but she made the look "glam-
orous." Wearing them to flaunt her shapely
figure, she's inspired rich, snooty high
schoolers and East Hampton mothers to
consume as many different colors of Juicy
Couture outfits as possible. I also hold her
indirectly responsible (on account of all the
attention her derriere attracts) for those
atrocious sweatpants with the Greek letters
on the butt that litter our campus.
J-Lo is a celebrity, and let's face it,
celebrities are paid to look extraordinary
at all times. Why else would People
come out with an annual "best-dressed"
list? Do people really watch the Oscars
to find out who wins best actress? Peo-
ple do not want to emulate celebrities'
styles as much as they want to admire
them. I buy Vogue because I want to
look at beautiful, interesting clothes that
I will never own, not so I can see J-Lo in
an all-pink velour sweatsuit.
Speaking of pink, one should never wear
one color from head to toe. Black can slide
for formal occasions, but pink? Never.
Also, I thought velour was cool when we
were in middle school. I even remember a
fashion magazine explicitly cautioning me
to stay away from velour - it's unflatter-
ing, clings to all the wrong places and just
looks tacky. What happened?
I looked up how much a standard,
plain velour Juicy outfit costs on the
Internet. $209. $209 just to be comfort-
able? And to look like a big pink blob? I
don't think so.
Maybe J-Lo is on to something with her
"glamour for the masses" ideology - that
we don't need award shows and movie pre-
mieres to look like a star. Hell, we can go
to the supermarket looking like one.
Maybe she's the visionary for some huge
fashion revolution, and, in 10 years, I will
reflect back on her and her pink velour out-
fits with fondness. But for the time being,
as long as I never see Gwyneth Paltrow in
a Juicy outfit, I will keep clinging to my
romantic notions of what Hollywood style
should be.
- Raquel does look good in pink Contact
her at rlaneri@umich.edu
Hey, fellas, are any of you disappointed in what God
gave you? Its okay. Girls are forgiving - most of the time.
But we absolutely won't tolerate sloppy threads. Mother
Nature cannot be tampered with, but the right clothes can
really "show me what you're working with." How you
dress says a lot, especially on a large college campus
where the majority of girls have no idea who you are.
Whether you're on a fraternity's dance floor, walking
across the Diag or chugging a beer at Rick's, a girl's first
impression of you includes what you're wearing - and,
sorry to say, we will judge you on it. The wrong duds can
eliminate you faster than you'd like us to forget the Ashton
Kutcher craze. While I can't vouch for every girl out there,
let's just say you've been warned.
The Dry-clean only Fleece Is that what all
North Face and Patagonia fleeces say on their tag?
Because you guys sure act like it. So many of my
guy friends have their signature fleece (which is
kind of cute), but then they wear it every single time
I see them. While most college guys are more wash-
er-challenged than average, you don't have to be
pathetic enough to not throw it in the load once a
week. Got that? No girl wants to snuggle with you
and your sweat-into-all-week fleece (and yes, we can
still smell that it's dirty even if you've just sprayed
cologne). Even if it is convenient and doubles as a
block against the Michigan cold, a little variety is
always appreciated. Try a sweater, button-down polo
or long sleeve T-shirt.
Brandon Walsh Hair This hard-bodied boy may
have been the heartthrob of "90210," but NEWS-
FLASH, it is not the '90s anymore. Brandon's hair
seemed to have super glue holding it up a full two
inches during all 10 years the show aired. And Dylan's
hair wasn't far behind. Guys, if you're gonna use gel,
use it responsibly. Follow the bottle and use only a
dime-sized amount, guiding it through your hair gently
so it stays in place. And please, don't make only the
front strands flip up. A little flip is tolerable, but don't
make your hair defy gravity - even if Brenda and
Kelly did appreciate it.
24/7 Hat Hair I know
you all love your sports
teams, but do you guys
have to wear a hat every
single moment of the
day? To me, a hat says,
"I'm hiding something."
Girls can't see your love-
ly locks and can't see
your eyes either. Girls
don't want a sweaty
Tigers bill ramming into
their foreheads. Hats are
especially not recom-
TONY DING/Daily mended when taking a
I'm too sexy for my hat. girl out to dinner.
The Tuck We are not on the set of "Leave It to
Beaver." Please, pretty please, leave your cotton
polos, button-downs and T-shirts out of your pants
(we'll get there later even without your shirt tails
leading the way). And try this flattering trick: Leave
the top and bottom two buttons undone. This leaves
us with a glimpse of the muscle-hugging white tee
you have on under it and creates a nice color con-
trast on top.