ARTS RAQUEL LANERI The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition - Fall 2004 - 5D Guys: four fashion faux pas to avoid September 11, 2003 By Ellen McGarrity Daily Staff Writer Say good-bye November 11, 2003 - erusing the pages of Nylon Maga- zine, the "indie Vogue'" I stumbled upon "Tracking a Trend," an article about the sweatsuit's rise up the fashion ladder. Immediately, I felt my heart sink. Am I the only person left in the world still desperately clinging to the notion of Holly- wood glamour? Who feels a sense of nos- talgia for the days of Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly? Not that I expect stars to dress in chic black dresses and long white gloves all the time. The casual look has the capacity to exude glamour as well - Gwyneth Pal- trow looks simply elegant in bootcut jeans and a fitted, button-down shirt, while in the '60s, Mick Jagger personified glam with his tight, striped pants and tiny T-shirts. But no one - no one - looks glamorous or cutting-edge in a sweatsuit. It is one trend celebrities have embraced that I absolutely cannot forgive. Why the aversion to sweatsuits? Well, it's not so much an aversion; I admire peo- ple who go out in public with track pants and no makeup. My life would be a lot easier, or at least I would be on time for class, if I didn't blow dry my hair or change my outfit several times in the morning. to Hollywood glamour Ijust have a problem with people who straighten their hair with an iron, paint their faces with an array of colors and take the time to put on matching jewelry (oh, and let's not forget the obligatory designer bag), only to put on sweatpants! I mean, why bother? I blame J-Lo. Sure, hip-hop and rap celebrities were sporting tracksuits long before J-Lo, but she made the look "glam- orous." Wearing them to flaunt her shapely figure, she's inspired rich, snooty high schoolers and East Hampton mothers to consume as many different colors of Juicy Couture outfits as possible. I also hold her indirectly responsible (on account of all the attention her derriere attracts) for those atrocious sweatpants with the Greek letters on the butt that litter our campus. J-Lo is a celebrity, and let's face it, celebrities are paid to look extraordinary at all times. Why else would People come out with an annual "best-dressed" list? Do people really watch the Oscars to find out who wins best actress? Peo- ple do not want to emulate celebrities' styles as much as they want to admire them. I buy Vogue because I want to look at beautiful, interesting clothes that I will never own, not so I can see J-Lo in an all-pink velour sweatsuit. Speaking of pink, one should never wear one color from head to toe. Black can slide for formal occasions, but pink? Never. Also, I thought velour was cool when we were in middle school. I even remember a fashion magazine explicitly cautioning me to stay away from velour - it's unflatter- ing, clings to all the wrong places and just looks tacky. What happened? I looked up how much a standard, plain velour Juicy outfit costs on the Internet. $209. $209 just to be comfort- able? And to look like a big pink blob? I don't think so. Maybe J-Lo is on to something with her "glamour for the masses" ideology - that we don't need award shows and movie pre- mieres to look like a star. Hell, we can go to the supermarket looking like one. Maybe she's the visionary for some huge fashion revolution, and, in 10 years, I will reflect back on her and her pink velour out- fits with fondness. But for the time being, as long as I never see Gwyneth Paltrow in a Juicy outfit, I will keep clinging to my romantic notions of what Hollywood style should be. - Raquel does look good in pink Contact her at rlaneri@umich.edu Hey, fellas, are any of you disappointed in what God gave you? Its okay. Girls are forgiving - most of the time. But we absolutely won't tolerate sloppy threads. Mother Nature cannot be tampered with, but the right clothes can really "show me what you're working with." How you dress says a lot, especially on a large college campus where the majority of girls have no idea who you are. Whether you're on a fraternity's dance floor, walking across the Diag or chugging a beer at Rick's, a girl's first impression of you includes what you're wearing - and, sorry to say, we will judge you on it. The wrong duds can eliminate you faster than you'd like us to forget the Ashton Kutcher craze. While I can't vouch for every girl out there, let's just say you've been warned. The Dry-clean only Fleece Is that what all North Face and Patagonia fleeces say on their tag? Because you guys sure act like it. So many of my guy friends have their signature fleece (which is kind of cute), but then they wear it every single time I see them. While most college guys are more wash- er-challenged than average, you don't have to be pathetic enough to not throw it in the load once a week. Got that? No girl wants to snuggle with you and your sweat-into-all-week fleece (and yes, we can still smell that it's dirty even if you've just sprayed cologne). Even if it is convenient and doubles as a block against the Michigan cold, a little variety is always appreciated. Try a sweater, button-down polo or long sleeve T-shirt. Brandon Walsh Hair This hard-bodied boy may have been the heartthrob of "90210," but NEWS- FLASH, it is not the '90s anymore. Brandon's hair seemed to have super glue holding it up a full two inches during all 10 years the show aired. And Dylan's hair wasn't far behind. Guys, if you're gonna use gel, use it responsibly. Follow the bottle and use only a dime-sized amount, guiding it through your hair gently so it stays in place. And please, don't make only the front strands flip up. A little flip is tolerable, but don't make your hair defy gravity - even if Brenda and Kelly did appreciate it. 24/7 Hat Hair I know you all love your sports teams, but do you guys have to wear a hat every single moment of the day? To me, a hat says, "I'm hiding something." Girls can't see your love- ly locks and can't see your eyes either. Girls don't want a sweaty Tigers bill ramming into their foreheads. Hats are especially not recom- TONY DING/Daily mended when taking a I'm too sexy for my hat. girl out to dinner. The Tuck We are not on the set of "Leave It to Beaver." Please, pretty please, leave your cotton polos, button-downs and T-shirts out of your pants (we'll get there later even without your shirt tails leading the way). And try this flattering trick: Leave the top and bottom two buttons undone. This leaves us with a glimpse of the muscle-hugging white tee you have on under it and creates a nice color con- trast on top.